1. Home
  2. Journal

Suzy McHale’s Journal: 2024

Personal interests: I burned out on my obsessive focus on the Russia-Ukraine war and lost interest. It was a mental relief to not visit all the related toxic sites with their unhinged commenters. I similarly stopped updating my RuSpace subsite in September (18/9 entry) as I also wanted nothing to do with the topic anymore. My much more pleasanter interest became Apple computers: I had owned an iPad and iPhone for years but this year I transitioned from a Windows desktop to my first-ever MacBook Air! (14/10 entry.) Not before some dithering, though – and the Windows PC bought for me on 25/5 would eventually be sold as I found the desktop tower too big and heavy.

Family events: a year of upheaval, stress and change. My sister’s husband (an Army chaplain) was posted to Wagga Wagga, so both moved there (6/1 entry). My elderly parents declined rapidly througout the year both physically and mentally, and I segued into a carer’s role, for which I was utterly unprepared (my sister undertook the massive and complicated task of organizing help and government support agencies related to aging). This would preoccupy me for the rest of the year and be the main topic of my Journal entries.

January

Monday 1/1: New Year; monarchist Maria

First day! Sunny and calm; perfect weather. But rain forecast to spoil this from tomorrow. So far this has been akin to a year without a summer.

Disappointed to read these two Tweets from Director of the Information and Press Department at the Russian Ministry of Foreign Affairs, Maria Zakharova/Мария Захарова: “The murders of the most beautiful Tsar Nicholas II and his entire family of Russia, relatives of Queen Victoria of Great Britain and, through the late Tsarina, also, by the most mightiest Prince Philip, consort of the late, most mightiest, Queen Elizabeth II of Great Britain, took place at Ipatiev House, Yekaterinburg, Russia on 16–17 July 1918. Someone reminded me this morning, of this most foul and most terrible event in Russian and world history committed by the Bolsheviks – may this terrible event never ever be forgotten. Let there be no doubt, if any prevails, that I, personally @Maria Zakharova hold these Bolsheviks responsible for what they did to my reasonably close ancestral DNA ancestors in this regard. I will fight to the death, anyone attempting to justify the murders of parts of my distant Russian family. Be in no doubt about this.” Sorry, will have to (verbally) fight her about this – royalty are a parasite on society generally, and as expressed before, I utterly loathe them (some recent relevant posts: 21/2/2023, 16/3/2023, 11/7/2023 entries). Edit: she deleted her post for some reason, but at least I recorded the text. Also it appears to be a “Parody/Fan” account?

Tuesday 2/1: Cherryh frustrations

Weather is becoming warm, humid and unsettled again. I have been hit by my afternoon lethargy, so what little energy I had has evaporated for the day.

The novels of one of my favorite sci-fi authors, C. J. Cherryh (some previous relevant entries: 1/11/2023, 11/11/2023, 8/12/2023) are impossible to find in Australian bookstores; they are not stocked, frustratingly. She is an older and (unfortunately) now-obscure author, but I am really wanting physical copies of her Alliance-Union novels (the Company Wars series, which focus on humans and settlement of nearby star systems). They are prohibitively expensive to order online, as they would be imported from the USA, and most are now out of print. There are no second-hand bookstores that stock them, either (and most such stores have long since closed, anyway, here).

Wednesday 3/1: Nasty weather; Cherryh novel bought

A big storm yesterday afternoon and evening, and more heavy tropical-style rain and storms today. If it never rained again I would be happy; this is the sort of nasty humid wet weather I hate.

Took the bus to Chadstone Shopping Centre as I do most weeks, and spent too much at Uniqlo.

Very hard to find any sites that do not agitate and irritate me on the Internet now.

With some trepidation I ordered C. J. Cherryh’s Devil to the Belt online (2/1 entry); only secondhand, not in new condition and still nearly $50, frustratingly. These Alliance-Union novels were an influence on The Expanse novels (11/11/2023 entry), and are far superior, in my view. (I ended up returning the box set of the first 3 novels – 24/11 entry – as I realized again how clumsy the writing is in them in comparison, as well as that art book.)

Thursday 4/1: Wanting rest and solitude

At last, a calm day, though overcast until the afternoon. A couple of similar days to follow, but back to the tropical unpleasantness later on Sunday.

Feeling tired and irritated. Tired of dealing with irascible elderly parents, of the constant cleaning and accumulating clutter in a deteriorating old and unclean house, of the world generally. I get no pleasure from anything; I have not gone out on dedicated exercise walks for weeks as I only found them agitating, and being anywhere near other people irritating. I wish I could live in a small house or apartment by myself and just rest and get adequate sleep. That is all I fantasize about now.

Friday 5/1: Sun at last; another forgotten story title; Russian Orcs

Praise the Sun! Such a nice change to go out into the backyard in the morning and see a clear starry sky, rather than overcast gloom.

Another unsolved “What’s that book?” mystery (previous still-unsolved book title entries: 31/3/2021; 20/1/2023). This was a short story published in an Australian women’s magazine (Women’s Day or Women’s Weekly – which were decent magazines before they became tabloid trash in the 1990s) in the 1970s. A woman living in the Australian bush finds a white colt foal and keeps it in her stable. As the foal matures the woman realizes there is something unusual about it: it is sprouting wings! She names the colt “Zephyr” and realizes she has to keep it hidden from others. When a bushfire threatens her property she is forced to let the colt free and find its own path to safety; it spreads its wings and flies off into the sky. The details are now only vaguely-remembered, but the name Zephyr has stuck in my memory.

“The Three Stigmata of J.R.R. Tolkien,” John Michael Greer’s (previously: 18/8/2023) latest entry at Ecosophia, on (among other topics) the simplistic correlation of Russia by the West with Tolkien’s evil Sauron and Orcs in The Lord of the Rings, and the assumption by the Western forces that the Russian military would quickly break and flee before the forces of the “heroic” Ukrainians and the wonder weapons supplied by the West. A thankfully more-balanced view rather than a rabid Russophobic rant. His reply to one comment (“JMG, I appreciate your thoughts about the Russia-Ukraine war, and I can tell you don’t approve of American involvement, but what do you suggest we (the West) do about it instead? Say ‘it’s nothing to do with us,’ turn our backs and let them slug it out to its inevitable conclusion (Russia wins)? We tried that before when Hitler invaded Austria, then Czechoslovakia, then Poland. World War 2 started when it became clear that he would just keep invading until he was stopped. In the present conflict, Poland, Latvia and Lithuania can see that they are next after Ukraine. If that’s your proposed plan, well fair enough, but with all due respect it doesn’t sound like a very good one.”): “Toxic Plants, before we have that discussion, may I recommend that you look into the history of NATO expansion since the fall of the Soviet Union, the plans drawn up by think tanks closely associated with the US government for dismembering and disarming Russia, and the history of Ukraine’s treatment of its large Russian-speaking minority? The situation is much less one-sided than you appear to think.”

I still, of course, “Stand with Russia” but (caveats follow) dislike the conservative religious “family values” path its government seems to be taking, as well as President Putin’s bid for re-election (11/12/2023 entry) and the malign influence of the Orthodox Church (25/12/2023 entry). There is also the bizarrely anachronistic (from a Western viewpoint) talk of “denazification” of Ukraine (relevant article: “The Russian ‘denazification’ PR disaster: How, why and what to do,” by Ramin Mazaheri for the Saker blog, 16/3/2022 – “Practically nobody west of the Oder River understood what Moscow meant by “denazification”, and they still don’t after a month of Russian explanations.”). Not to mention use of the description “Satanic” – from another Saker article (“Putin’s September 30, 2022, speech – a commented reading”): “Let me repeat that the dictatorship of the Western elites targets all societies, including the citizens of Western countries themselves. This is a challenge to all. This complete renunciation of what it means to be human, the overthrow of faith and traditional values, and the suppression of freedom are coming to resemble a “religion in reverse” – pure Satanism. Exposing false messiahs, Jesus Christ said in the Sermon on the Mount: “By their fruits ye shall know them.” These poisonous fruits are already obvious to people, and not only in our country but also in all countries, including many people in the West itself.”

Saturday 6/1: Sister arrived at destination; Roskosmos’s year in space

Weather heating up. Got a lot of washing done (including my wool-filled quilt, only washed once a year) which was the “highlight” of the day :-S. As usual, my meager energy level crashed in the afternoon and I am now wiped.

My sister and her husband arrived in Wagga Wagga (previously: 30/12/2023 entry) and will take up residence in their (Army-provided) house next week. One of the photos she sent me was a nice image of an albino peacock at a local zoo.

Roskosmos provided a summary of Russian manned cosmonautics in 2023. In a sad contrast to the space programs of China, NASA and U.S. commercial spaceflight (mainly SpaceX), a very limited year for Russia, just ferrying crews up to the ISS and back, and a few hopeful plans released for a future independent Russian Orbital Station and new spaceship (which the focus on the Ukraine war may delay). Relations with the West for spaceflight remain extremely hostile otherwise, again due to their stupidly irrational support for that cursed blue-and-yellow flag.

Sunday 7/1: More tropical weather; ROS doubts

“Storms, flash flooding likely across Victoria, with highest rain totals expected in north,” ABC News, 6/1; “‘Incredible’ rain, storms to batter Victoria, prompting flash-flood warnings,” The Age, 6/1. “Bureau forecaster Michael Efron said the moisture in the air was ‘incredible’ and there would be significant storms. ‘The amount of moisture across the state … that’s what you would normally see in somewhere like Queensland,’ he said. ‘The conditions are ripe for some really significant thunderstorms through western parts on Sunday, and then for the Melbourne area early hours on Monday.’” More stormy tropical weather forecast for today and tomorrow. A very warm night – mid-20s – though I managed to sleep. If this is what the tropical latitudes are like most of the time, I would not want to live there; the humidity saps my meager energy and I can barely function.

Via Закрытый космос/Closed Space (whose Telegram account I have quoted from previously – 6/10/2023 entry), a post requoting another TG account with less-than-enthusiastic opinions of the proposed Russian Orbital Station (computer-translated here to English; read with a sardonically despairing tone):

RKK Energiya (the developer and beneficiary of the current version of the new Russian orbital station) is bringing to the attention of the public how “brilliant” (RKK Energiya’s definition) it is that they came up with the hub module. It has 6 docking points, a minimum of service systems, and is convenient for repairs. Happiness, not a module. Thanks to such an “ingenious” module, the ROS will last 50 years! Wow! Wow? What can I say?

  1. It’s bad manners to call yourself “brilliant.” It is worth waiting for such assessments from others.
  2. In my opinion, focusing attention on a particular issue – the design solution for the “simplest” station module, is an obvious substitution. For we are being led away in particular when no one has given answers or even discussed the main questions: the strategy for the development of Russian manned space exploration, and what kind of new national station is needed for it (yes, is it necessary?).
  3. This substitution is all the more unacceptable when, as a great success, they tell us that the new station will last for 50 years! Those. Today we must make a decision that will determine our main vector in manned space for half a century in the future, which, by the way, was, is and will be for budget money. And so we don’t discuss all this, but rather discuss the “genius” of the station’s node module?!
  4. Cherry for the shot. Why such a ROS is not “good” for the country and even for the industry I wrote here quoted below. I remain with this opinion.

After Roscosmos informed the Russian and world public that the new Russian space station – which does not yet have its own name (but it’s time, brother, it’s time), and is known by the abbreviation ROS – by replacing the outdated orbital ones modules will be able to operate in orbit for as long as 50 years.

Wow, half a century, a record! and this (as if to someone) wow! But the most advanced part of the public had a question: And how, if necessary, which will definitely happen in 50 years, will change the central block of the station (“core”)? After all, the ROS is proposed to be built according to the “star” scheme. Such maliciously inquisitive experts have already received an answer from RKK Energiya, the ideologist and developer of ROS. And the answer, in my opinion, is obvious – known from children’s construction sets. When the time comes, the new “core” will be launched into orbit, docked to one of the existing ROS modules, and then the orbital modules will be redocked to it from the “old core” – one after another. Whether with the help of a manipulator, a space tug, or an orbital ship, it doesn’t matter. Thus, the ROS will be rebuilt on the “new core”. What can I say?

  1. I’ve seen a lot of things throughout my life, but this?! I think that in our country there is no enterprise, except RKK Energiya, that is … one! project … would provide for 50 years!! go ahead with government orders! With volumes of more than a hundred billion rubles annually! New and replacement modules, cargo and manned ships – all this is developed, produced, and modernized by RKK Energiya. It remains to say: “Brilliant, Watson.”
  2. Bitter cherry for the shot. How did it happen that during the discussion of the goals of the new Russian orbital station (from which its tasks would then flow, and from them its orbit and architecture) from the advanced – which has no analogues, the project was visited (and therefore relatively small, cheap to create and operation) of a station surrounded by a swarm of satellites that solve specific problems, incl. tasks dangerous to humans, for example, the same testing of elements of a “nuclear tug” or biological experiments …. Is there not a trace left of all this?!

But in the end, everything shrank into an unambitious and even inertial project: a modernized version of the Soviet Mir station or a replica of the current Chinese Tiangong station (made according to the same “star” design)? To a project that:

The national development project turned into a corporate project of inertia. But at the same time, for this inertial project, the company interested in it is already demanding 610 billion rubles, of which 150 billion is for the next three years. If we add here the expenses of the Russian budget for participation in the ISS project (at least until 2030) – by the way, this money also goes to the income of RKK Energiya – it turns out that Russia has no money left for any projects in Deep Space. Siluanov’s wallet is not made of rubber. Including, there is none left for the announced lunar project of Russia together with China, so that later in the BRICS+ format, and then as the Path of Humanity. (That’s why RKK Energiya does not advocate for this project – its corporate shirt is closer to the body than the national or universal one). This is the result. And what is the point of 50-year records in orbit and the financial well-being of RKK Energiya?!

As I lamented yesterday (6/1 entry), the current Russian space program is a sorry shadow of what it was during the Soviet era. Quite a few of their website news posts are uninspiring, such as diversifying to not-very-interesting side projects, and obscure experiments the cosmonauts in orbit on the ISS are performing. Yet again (24/10/2022, 17/8/2023 entries) I will link to that 1986 National Geographic article, “Soviets in space: are they ahead?.” Compare that to now. As I also noted, China’s space program has, sadly, replaced Russia’s in the Western public consciousness and media. Example article from last year: “China’s Bid to Win the New Space Race,” Wired.com, 12/4/2023 – actually an extract from a book that had a disparaging chapter on Russia’s space program (which I posted briefly about on my Russian space news page), and a less-than-enthusiastic review at The Space Review.

Monday 8/1: Record rainfall; retrograde religion; rejecting smartphones

Big dump of rain (via a tropical warm air mass), and rain all day. Yuck. “El Niño doesn’t automatically mean it won’t rain. Here’s why it’s been so wet and stormy for Australia’s eastern states,” ABC News, 7/1, provides some reasons why the promised hot dry summer hasn’t eventuated here.

A comment link I was looking for and found in my Apple Notes yesterday. A scathing comment at Lemmygrad (a Left/Communist-friendly social site, and thankfully not Russophobic unlike Reddit) regarding the malign influence of the Orthodox Church in Russia by Shrike502:

It seems that we operate from the same basis, however we have arrived at different conclusions. I’ll try to be constructive.

the reality is that a large part of the global population clings strongly to some type of theology.

That is a deprecation imposed on the people by the current class system. Not necessarily consciously, but certainly in order to maintain power of the bourgeoisie. Realistically, what is the difference between religion and, say, liberalism? Especially the more esoteric branches, like libertarianism or “objectivism”. They are ideologies, based on idealist philosophy, that serve to explain why the exploitation and social stratification are either good or inescapable. Why bother struggling to overcome the capitalist domination when there’s a kingdom of heaven waiting beyond the mortal coil? Why bother analysing class contradictions, when the Lord says be kind and have faith, for His ways are unknowable? I’m using vaguely Christian terminology here on purpose. It is our duty as communists to shed away the blinds, be they pseudo-atheist liberalism or religion.

Rather than trying to suppress religious practice, a better approach would be to effectively strip these institutions of their power while giving them the means to continue operating solely for religious practice and as community hubs, which is one of their main practical benefits to society.

Funnily enough, that’s what USSR did. I’m sure you’ve heard the endless whining about “godless Bolsheviks slaughtering poor innocent monks boo hoo”. However: it was the Soviets that have reinstated the position of patriarch of the Russian orthodox church. That’s right, godless commies have returned the position of the head of the biggest religion in former empire. You see, before that, church was controlled by the Synod – which was a government body. Soviet leadership has introduced the separation of church and state, so the church received its own leadership. In fact, the patriarch has endorsed the Revolution and deposing of Nicholas II, proclaiming it to be the will of the people.

But. Where did it lead? Oh that’s right, the moment the church smelled a weakness in the socialist state, it pounced and began shitting up people’s minds. Not only did it not wither away, it was one of the core vectors of anti-communism after USSR collapsed. 1996, the corpse of the Union was still warm, and the church was already installing “memorials to victims of repression” near Ekaterinburg. I’m sure you’ve seen the photos, looks like a weeping mask.

And now? Now the church is a big proponent of reaction. Shitting up school programs. Opening memorials in honour of monarchy, that go out of their way to paint USSR with as black of a paint as possible, with emotional manipulation galore. “Documentaries” on evil commies in Solovki? Church-endorsed. Petitioning police to launch an investigation into the “murder” of the royal family, to check if it was a “Jewish ritual”? Church-endorsed. Generally professing to the masses a plethora of anti-scientific, anti-materialist crap? That’s basically their main job.

Now, I don’t disagree that these issues stem from the political and economic basis of society (feudalism and capitalism), but that’s the thing – religion is perpetuated by these systems because it serves to strengthen and justify them. You can’t “cleanse religion from capitalist influence”, because it is inherent in the core philosophy. Jan Hus tried. See how that went.

Now you might say that everything I’ve said applies mostly to the big, established, organised religions, not faith on a personal level. But why won’t it? Why would “neopaganism” be somehow different from Protestantism, from Islam? If you believe in magic, even on a personal level, then these beliefs will inevitably clash with the materialism required from developed ML theory. And if you see religious groups as a pathway to belonging, to being part of a community – then keep in mind, that such communities will be thr vectors from which reaction spreads – because they will be more important to their members than class organisation, than socialist organisation.

Call me a class reductionist, call me a positivist, I don’t care. We’ve been too lenient on anti-scientific rubbish for too long.

I still prefer paganism to the mainstream religions, though – the former is more tolerant and does not proselytize. I do think that Communism and (private) paganism/folk beliefs and rituals can co-exist. (Previously: 22/1/2023, 10/12/2023 entries – my opinion of the Orthodox Church is decidedly hostile again.)

Via Hacker News, “I Was Addicted to My Smartphone, So I Switched to a Flip Phone for a Month,” NYT, 6/1/2024. Seems to have been a few articles about this topic in the last year or so – another: “Life Really Is Better Without the Internet,” The Atlantic, 27/11/2023. I spend a lot of time on the Internet myself, but mainly on my desktop PC; I don’t usually have my iPhone 11 on for very long during the day. I have no social media apps installed, and don’t visit such sites on my iPhone or iPad as a rule. I mainly use the browser, read ebooks or take notes in Apple iCloud Notes, as well as phone calls and messages, and photos.

There’s a mention in the first article of one I linked to in my 21/12/2022 entry about a teenage Luddite club in New York City. As I remarked then, there’s something oddly cozy and comforting about the photos of the teens sitting in the Autumnal environment of the park.

Tuesday 9/1: Sunny again; soothing poolrooms; sister moving into new home

After the awful pouring rain of yesterday, back to fine sunny weather today; I could even see some stars in a clear sky early this morning.

“Jared Pike: A Descent into the Dream Pools,” Marcel Mensah for Loner, 4/9/2022. I mentioned my like of poolrooms renders back in my 30/3/2022 entry; this article gives an analysis of them. They are dreamlike enclosed spaces of endless maze-like tiled corridors leading into and through spaces featuring still blue swimming pools, and are calming to look at. Two dedicated subReddits are Liminal pools and Pool rooms.

My sister and her husband are moving into their (Army-provided) house today in Wagga Wagga (previously: 6/1 entry).

Wednesday 10/1: Comfort shopping; spoke to sister

Warm and sunny; a bit humid. Took the bus to Chadstone Shopping Centre this morning. Helping keep Uniqlo in business.

Spoke to my sister on the landline phone (9/1 entry). She and her husband are unpacking and settling in, which will take a few days (or weeks). It is a relief to be able to have a normal conversation with another person – unlike trying to speak to my parents, which is increasingly akin to an intermittent radio connection.

Thursday 11/1: Ukie flag curse; tennis troubles upcoming again

A nicely snarky remark from Закрытый космос/Closed Space regarding the failed Peregrine Mission One unmanned Moon landing: “Crypt in orbit: On the troubled American Peregrine spacecraft, which cannot see the Moon, there is a sign with the Ukrainian flag and the outlines of the territory of the former Ukraine. So the cursing of the mission by the Navajo Indian tribe for the incidental launch of the ashes of 268 people into space was not enough for the authors of the launch?”

My hatred of that blighted place with the blue-and-yellow flag continues unabated; just the mere mention of its name triggers rage. I still feel the same way as the commenter I quoted back in my 21/12/2022 entry. Addendum: and the sentiment expressed in the article linked in my 13/6/2023 entry, “To Hell with Ukraine.”

“Last year, she beat the world No. 1. But there’s only one win Svitolina cares about,” The Age, 9/1. As with last year (17/1/2023, 26/1/2023, 30/1/2023 entries), support for Ukraine regrettably continues at the upcoming Australian Open. “Well aware of Australia’s support for Ukraine, both in aid and defence assistance, she hopes to again use Melbourne as a platform for her cause. She’s certain it will be well received by the crowds.” Not by me, it isn’t! The mixing of politics and sport is only approved in Ukraine’s case, it seems. I hope Elina Svitolina is eliminated from the tournament early, preferably to a Russian player for extra schadenfreude.

Friday 12/1: Hot

Hot; just over 30°C, so I am listless and exhausted. Also a bit humid again, and it has been so more than usual this season – “Simmering waters leading to oppressive humidity over eastern Australia, ABC News, 12/1.

Saturday 13/1: Cooler; more pounds to Ukraine

Cooler today, but some rain, unfortunately. Did not sleep very well due to the humidity and heat; had a mild headache overnight.

“British PM Rishi Sunak visits Ukraine to give aid and reassurances of West’s support against Russia,” ABC News, 13/1 (and at BBC News). “British Prime Minister Rishi Sunak has unveiled a new military funding package worth 2.5 billion pounds ($4.7 billion) for Ukraine aimed at reassuring the country that the West is still providing support nearly 23 months after Russia’s invasion.” The astonishing stupidity of sending yet more money (badly needed for UK domestic spending) into the black hole that is Ukraine is beyond comprehension. The West seems stubbornly fixated on propping up Ukraine no matter what the cost to their own economies.

Sunday 14/1: Monarchy manipulations

Privileged parasites (previously: 1/1 entry): “Mary and Frederik’s proclamation will be a no-frills affair. It’s all part of their clever plan for a Danish ‘bicycle monarchy’,” ABC News, 14/1. “It’s all part of a centuries-long effort to keep the Danish monarchy going.” I loathe this cynical manipulation of public opinion, and is yet another reason for the abolition of monarchies generally. They are still unfairly privileged by birth, no matter how “normal” they attempt to appear to appeal to the public. And the real power behind the throne is the royal household, who produce the propaganda and machinations to beguile the public.

Monday 15/1: Still like Cats

Warming up again. At least there is no awful rain like last Monday (8/1 entry).

Last year (20/5/2023 entry) I stated an unpopular opinion in that I liked the musical movie Cats (2019). And I still do! Once you immerse yourself in its whimsical strangeness it is rather enjoyable; an escape into a self-contained dreamlike world, away from the dreary unpleasantness of current events. I wish now that I had seen the original production when it first came to Melbourne back in 1987, but was not interested then. My sister did go to see it, I vaguely recall. It is not playing here now, and does not look like it will be.

Tuesday 16/1: Night storm

As Mum (somewhat surprisingly remarked), Thor was certainly throwing his hammer around last night! In more mundane terms, an intense and violent storm cell passed over the south-east suburbs, from north to south, bringing heavy rain and thunder and lightning from around 1 a.m. to 2 a.m.. The tropical weather has, yet again, made an unwelcome return, and more of the same is forecast for today.

Wednesday 17/1: And more tropical rain; in a funk; Jeffersonian dead

A warm night (low 20s) followed by another tropical deluge from around 8 a.m. this morning. Relevant ABC News article: “Mid-summer soaking continues as ‘life threatening flash flooding’ possible from Wednesday storms.” “The prevailing pattern of summer storms is materialising as tropical moisture engulfs the entire eastern seaboard down to southern Tasmania and follows substantial falls already this week […] Rain this month has been even more impressive in Victoria and the ACT considering January is one of the drier months of the year – Melbourne’s total of 83mm makes it the city’s wettest start to a year since 1996.”

Recent post from Jack Baty that resonated with me:

I’ve lost interest in everything

Please allow me to gripe for a moment.

Over the past month or so, I’ve noticed that my reactions to things are generally, “Meh”.

I used to eagerly fire up my RSS reader to see what fun, cool things I could learn about. Lately, I just scroll aimlessly through my feeds, skim a couple of posts, shrug, and move on. Nothing is interesting enough to stop me in my tracks and send me on an adventure. That used to happen at least once or twice a day.

I roll my eyes at each new “crisis” on social media. Not because I don’t care about things, but I’m weary of people posting their (typically uninformed) takes on every little thing.

I haven’t picked up a camera in weeks. My photos are boring. And I’m finding other people’s photos boring as well, and that never happens.

Finding a show or movie to watch is an exercise in time wasting and scrolling and watching trailers. I’ll find something, watch ten minutes of it, and quit. Same thing with books, and I love books.

The only reason I’m still blogging every day is for lack of anything better to do. I switch blogging platforms all the time, but it’s just a distraction with no real goal.

Winter doesn’t bother me. The short days are fine with me. I can’t blame the weather. I’m just in a funk and I need to pull out of it because this isn’t much fun.

(He is now fine, as he updated.) I’ve been feeling that way for years, though – I think it is anhedonia and long-term depression, with added new stress from dealing with ageing parents and consequent mental and physical exhaustion and burnout.

Oh, I just learned from a forum thread that the “Jeffersonian” (Karl Leffler) (some previous mentions: 14/10/2023, 22/9/2023, 26/8/2023, 16/8/2023, 14/1/2022 entries) is dead :'-(. The 23/11/2023 post:

Revisiting this zombie thread again, for anyone who knew Karl: I don’t know the details, but Karl died just three days after I posted my last followup (above) in May of ’22. Here’s the death announcement from the Gilley’s Family Cremation website: “Karl Edward Leffler, 54, of Haines City, passed away 5/26/2022. He is survived by his sister of Washington State.” Karl was a somewhat quirky recluse, but a staunch supporter of the 2A, firearms heritage/history and conservative/libertarian values in general. I’m presuming he chose the place and the time of his passing. Some of the details of his last days in Florida were capture in video form. See these links if interested:

It’s interesting that his funding campaigns are still running, and still get donations. Those need to be closed out and the money given to his next of kin (his sister). I’ll bet that won’t happen. I was thinking about him today on Thanksgiving, because he’s probably the kind of person I would have invited over to share a meal.

That is … devastating. I enjoyed his website and communicated with him a few times, and after he stopped posting due to his real-life difficulties, I hoped he was on a long break and would return. But, given his extreme distress and ready access to guns … I conclude the same as the commenter above. Thankfully, I archived most of his site (see my Links page).

Thursday 18/1: Finger cut; missing the Jeffersonian

Cooler today, with a fresh breeze. Sunny at first, but some afternoon showers. I sliced my left middle finger when cutting a carrot this morning, and though it was a shallow cut it still bled a lot. The plastic wound spray bandage is very useful, but I will keep a Band-Aid on for a couple of days as extra protection.

The late Karl Leffler’s (17/1 entry) last blog entry: “Thursday, 19 May 2022: The World Sucks. That’s enough. Goodbye.” He died (deliberately?) 7 days later on 26/5/2022. I wish he could have found a way out of his predicament (unemployment and homelessness); certainly found help. I did not agree with all his political beliefs, but felt he was basically a decent person (as much as one can ascertain from afar). A waste of a life, a sad waste.

Friday 19/1: Stallion stand-off; not-quite-right nostalgia

Another rainy morning, but cool, not humid at least. “The weather hangover that is delivering a sodden summer,” The Age, 18/1 – “El Nino Australia: How did the BoM get it wrong over summer?” in case you were wondering.

“Photographer captures brumby stallion fight in Kosciuszko National Park, calls it ‘wow moment’,” ABC News, 18/1. A striking photo of two stallions, a black and a bay, having a disagreement (stallions tend to try to avoid serious fights due to the risk of injury). Sadly, overshadowed by the long-running controversy over culling the brumby population due to being an invasive species (previously: 9/5/2020 entry). My chidlhood love of the classic Silver Brumby novels has colored my view towards the horses, and I still feel that way unapologetically. The comments in the r/Australia Reddit post about the article though, are predictably hateful towards the horses, given the purist environmental ideology young people have received in the last few decades.

A post from r/movies: “Films set in the 70s and 80s never feel ‘lived in’, everything is too brand new. I always felt like modern films set in the 70s or 80s had this artificial look to them, and I realized it’s because everything is too brand new. A film set on modern times will have a house with furniture from various decades, the town will have cars from the 2000s and 90s. ’Cause that’s how real life is, we don’t throw away and replace all of our stuff every few years. I was watching Love & Death, set in 1978, and everyone has a 70s car, every house has 70s appliances, nothing is dirty or used. No one kept their 50s car? No one kept their old 60s fridge? Even blue collar workers have a brand new, shining clean 70s truck? Hell just watch a movie that’s actually from the 70s. Taxi Driver has a bunch of 50s and 60s cars in it, there’s old furniture in the houses. Dunno, feels like it’s something that’s overlooked and would help ground these films better.” My own similar impression is that the sets of such currently-made films set in those previous eras seem a little too self-consciously contrived and perfect. It’s a similar impression for me with the current website trend for retro-90s-2000s Geocities-style-design sites, as seen on Neocities; they seem too contrived in contrast to the original sites from that era which were genuinely innocent and naïve. The “feel” or atmosphere of a particular cultural era can never be authencially recaptured after it has passed.

In a similar nostalgic post, 1980s Teenagers and Their Bedroom Walls, Flashbak, 31/12/2017. Something I can certainly relate to! I have a few photos of my teenage bedroom in my Gallery.

Saturday 20/1: Tennis tantrum

“Don’t mention the war: Tennis star slams lack of interest in Ukraine plight,” The Age, 19/1. “Lesia Tsurenko, who was bundled out by Belarusian world No.2 and defending Open champion Aryna Sabalenka 6-0, 6-0, said tennis fans now get annoyed if she posts about the war on social media. ‘People don’t want to talk about war, people don’t want to hear bad news,’ the 34-year-old said.” Yes, add me to the that list; am sick of hearing about that blighted place and seeing its grifter conman president begging for yet more money from gullible countries. Sick of the incessant pro-Ukrainian propaganda in the Australian mainstream media (even reporting of the current Israeli-Palestinian conflict here is less biased). Good riddance to her.

Sunday 21/1: Anti-Russian spaceflight Reddit; more teenage bedroom photos; graffiti nostalgia

From an Ask Me Anything thread on r/space, demonstrating the prejudiced stupidity of most there regarding Russian spaceflight.

throwthisTFaway01: Ask him about the russians, they’re pretty darn good at going to space but seem pretty terrible at everything else. Why could that be?

danielravennest (“I worked on the Space Station program at Boeing” – Dani Eder; also at Wikibooks): Graft and corruption. And they are not that good in going to space any more. Several of their recent ISS trips have sprung leaks or misbehaved. Russia is a “kleptocracy” – everybody steals from those below them. Hence why the tires literally fell off the trucks at the start of the Ukraine invasion – the maintenance budget was skimmed off. That’s how Putin has assets worth billions on a $140,000 official salary.

Russia’s space program is persisting despite its problems, and it has helped kept the ISS (and other countries) flying into space.

I found some more photos of my teenage bedroom (19/1 entry) and added them to my Gallery (only low-resolution images for my online site here).

Had one of my resurgent interests in 1980s graffiti and the related hip-hop culture in New York City, linked to that now-iconic graffiti art book I mentioned back in my 11/8/2023 entry, Martha Cooper’s Subway Art. As I noted then, I do not feel the hostility towards illegal graffiti that I used to. It is true unregulated art, unlike the authority-approved street murals (the latter can be visually spectacular, but are excluded for the reason they are officially commissioned. A relevant essay: “Graffiti and Gentrification in Brooklyn,” by Zach Gottehrer Cohen, 21/12/2018. And a succinct quote from a PDF essay linked from there: “The graffiti that originally gave Brooklyn its character is rooted in self-expression, rebellion, and a democratization of the public space. Murals are rooted in corporatism, pretatory development, and privatization. […] graffiti ‘ups’ are derived from a democratic, organic use of the space, and developer ‘ups’ are highly designed, commissioned, and artifical.”) Came across a webpage, Kings of New York, by a photographer, Mikey Colon. There is a 1983 documentary on YouTube, Style Wars. One comment from below there: “This is NY to me and always will be. It’s had its soul smoothed and polished and ripped out with gentrification. And the leaders are still obsessed with walls.” As I also noted, the culture of that era has gone and can not be authentically recaptured (eras and cultures evolve and change organically).

Monday 22/1: Digital currency doubts; another odd Redditor

Cashless concerns (previously: 30/12/2023 entry): “From stall to supermarket, India’s QR codes show the future of payments,” The Age, 21/1. India seems to be fairly advanced in its adoption of digital currency and payments, but “The system is one pillar of what India calls its digital public infrastructure, along with a vast personal identification scheme (most of its 1.4 billion people are registered) and a nationwide digital data exchange.” As usual, digital adoption comes at a privacy cost. “Concerns also linger about customer protections, privacy and data breaches.” Some dissenting comments under the article: “This is truly terrifying. Allowing government to control and monitor every single cent you spend? What happens if the tech collapses? What happens if the government doesn’t like your political opinions and shuts down your bank account? How do you pay for things? Cash is king.” “Happy to be behind, it’s generally the young that don’t understand the political, personal or financial consequences of being on trend. Systems that have worked for millennia are generally robust.”

Another odd Reddit user account (previous one BrazenlyOzen in my 21/12/2023 entry): some bizarre posts by a Fun-Fix6487 – “my friend was thrown in prison for living on his land in UK;” “I’m not sure if this is emotional neglect – but my mother won’t let me exist when I’m at home.” These posts are so long and detailed that their authenticity seems dubious; who has the energy to put that much into forum posts? And the linked scenarios (a “friend” being harrassed for living off-grid; a dysfunctional family) are just bizarre; exaggerated to the point of unbelievability. Still, it makes for oddly riveting reading.

Tuesday 23/1: Ukrainian bad sports

The Ukrainian players continue to make the Australian Open tennis egregious with their anti-Russia whinging, as is the norm now anytime that blighted place is involved, and the mainstream media are blatantly open in their support. “Ukrainian Marta Kostyuk rages over ‘pro-murder’ post by US Open,” News.com.au, 22/1. “Kostyuk has been an outspoken critic over the ongoing war and Russian invasion within her home country and on Sunday night she took aim at an upload from the official US Open account which has since been deleted. Russian and Belarusian players at the Australian Open are playing as neutral athletes with their flags being replaced by dark blue squares. After dispatching Russian Maria Timofeeva 6-2, 6-1, the US Open posted an image of Kostyuk with the scorecard displaying a Russian flag instead of the neutral flag. The upload left Kostyuk seeing red and once again calling out why athletes from these countries are being allowed to play on the tour. ‘Today, after my victory over the athlete from the aggressor country, the Russian flag was published on the official resource of one of the biggest tennis tournaments in the world,’ Kostyuk wrote. ‘The sports world continues to promote a murderous country and a country that uses its athletes as part of its propaganda. I call on media representatives, officials and the sports community to stop using the tennis court to promote “Russian peace”.’”

Another typically biased article in today’s print edition of the Herald-Sun (I could not find it online, so I tried out my iPad’s scan-to-text in its Notes app, which was a bit awkward, but it worked).

ROCKET FOR RUSSIANS

Ukraine’s ambassador to Australia has called for Russian and Belarusian players to be banned from major sports tournaments such as the Australian Open as the war against his homeland rages on. Vasyl Myroshnychenko said the unprecedented success of Ukraine players at Melbourne Park this year – Dayana Yastremska on Monday defeated Belarusian Victoria Azarenka to make the quarter-finals – gave hope to a country devastated since Russia’s invasion almost two years ago. “Seeing our athletes perform well gives us some comfort amid what we have to go through, mpecially now it is winter in Ukraine and Russia is hammering us with missiles and drones,” he said. “Having someone represent our country, speak on behalf of the country and being kind of the advocates for Ukraine means quite a lot.”

Y’astremska became the second Ukraine women to march into the quarters after knocking Azarenka out of the tour-nament, then snubbed the two time AO winner. And she made no apology for refusing to shake hands with the Belarusian after a straight-sets victory on centre court and spoke of the demons she experienced playing tennis while her country suffered.

“It’s tough emotionally to play but the worst thing is that you feel like you are already accepting what is happening,” she said. “People are starting to forget about what is going on … it’s tough to play but after two years you get to manage maybe all the emotions and everything going on inside.”

The ambassador applauded the behaviour of Ukraine players, including Marta Kostyuk, who also qualified for the quarter-finals and used her success as a political platform. Kostyuk took aim at a now deleted social media post by the US Open that this week displayed a Russian flag after she beat Russia’s Maria Timofeeva at the Open. “The sports world continues to promote a murderous country and a country that uses its athletes as part of its propaganda,” Kostyuk said.

Russian and Belarusian players are allowed to compete at Melbourne Park – as well as Wimbledon and the French and US Opens – but the names and flags of their nations have been removed from scoreboards and programs.

Mr Myroshnychenko told the Herald Sun Russian and Belarusian players should be sidelined from grand slams while the war against Ukraine continued. “I don’t believe Russian athletes should even have the right to participate in these tournaments,” he said. “And if a decision is made to allow them, then it’s important that they are nor branded and they perform under the neutral flag and this policy is being enforced.”

Yastremska told the Herald Sun she believed that making history by winning at Melbourne Park would bring the people of Ukraine joy at a traumatic time. “They are going to be proud of me and I’m happy to make them proud,” she said. “I try to do my best as I can to help Ukraine and for sure I’m going to help as much as I can.”

Wednesday 24/1: Heat headache; mitering a bedsheet; Whiplash movie

Warm and unsettled night; did not sleep well (parents getting up during the night at odd hours) and had a headache. A brief thunderstorm this morning, but heated up again.

Decided to look up how to miter bedsheet corners! A trivial thing, but it is nice to know.

Happened to watch most of a movie, Whiplash, last week when unable to sleep during the evening like I usually do. “The film follows the ambitious music student and aspiring jazz drummer Andrew Neiman (Teller), who is pushed to his limit by his abusive instructor Terence Fletcher (Simmons) at the fictitious Shaffer Conservatory in New York City.” Who would have thought that a movie about a seemingly innocuous subject and profession, jazz drumming, could be so brutal?! The instructor was using the old-fashioned (by modern standards) method of forcing the best performance out of his students with extremely harsh treatment (verbal and sometimes physical). (This was long an accepted practice in disciplines such as gymnastics and ballet – “no pain, no gain” – but is now seen as abusive. I know I would wither under such treatment, being highly sensitive.) The movie was surprisingly compelling, so I would recommend it.

Thursday 25/1: Ice giants true colors; COVID 4-year anniversary; Reddit decadal nostalgic posts

Via r/space: the true colors of Uranus and Neptune (as human vision sees them); much more muted than older photos previously depicted. Still beautiful aquamarine-blues, though!

“COVID-19 was detected in Australia four years ago today,” ABC News, 25/1. And it almost seems a lifetime ago now, given the other traumatic events that have transpired since (mainly the insane cancelling and hatred of Russia by the West after the former’s justified Special Military Operation against Ukraine). As I have previously mentioned (7/4/2022; 4/2/2023 entries), I feel a peculiar nostalgia for the lockdowns period now; at least the Coronavirus was an impartial foe. I still wear a cloth mask when going to shopping centers (and a few other people do), but most of the hygiene measures such as hand sanitizer dispensers have been quietly removed, unfortunately.

A big nostalgia post in r/writing where the user was writing a “Story about middle school aged kids in the mid 90s. What do I need to get right?” Two of the most upvoted comments were by VGalt23 (archived) and bailout911 (archived). Again there are memories of being able to wander unsupervised in one’s neighborhood (I noted my surprise at this recurring anecdote in my 10/12/2023 entry). Similar questions from earlier posts: “People who were kids during the 60s, 70s, 80s how was it like?” “People who actually grew up in the 90s (in their teens or 20s) what was it like?”

Some r/Melbourne nostalgia photos: “Found these pics of the West Gate Bridge/Freeway and toll plaza in an old family photo album. Looks to be early 1980s.” I can remember driving over this with my parents and sister when going out to the Ballarat region on daytrips in that period – fond memories, now.

Friday 26/1: Australia Day apathy; sister here; dysthymia

Australia Day public holiday, not that I care. The same tiresome debate ensues every year. I am indifferent to it all.

Sister and her husband arrived here, driving down from Wagga Wagga, staying in a hotel for the weekend.

“That lingering ‘meh’ feeling? It could be persistent depressive disorder,” The Age, 24/1. This also describes how I am feeling (17/1 entry); dysthymia seems very similar to anhedonia – “ongoing, low-level sadness, flatness or emotional numbness.” And I do not want to go on anti-depressants, some of which have side-effects such as weight gain.

Saturday 27/1: People and Blogs – Ran Prieur interview; no ambition

An online person whom I have been following for a couple of years, Ran Prieur (first mentioned in my 24/10/2019 entry; last mentioned in my 16/12/2023 entry) has an interview up with another blogger whom I have been visiting for a few months, Manual Moreale, as part of the latter’s “People and Blogs” series: P&B: Ran Prieur. Some interesting detail (for me) about how he creates his site – refreshingly “old-school” and minimalistic (no overcomplicated software stack and process):

Manu: A question for the techie readers: can you run us through your tech stack?

Ran: My original web host was DR2, a tiny company that later got bought by Mesopia, which got bought by Netbunch, which suspiciously lost my site and all backups around 2006. I recovered it from my own old backups and the web archive, and switched to a Hong Kong company called ICDsoft, where I’ve been ever since for both domain registration and hosting.

From the beginning, I’ve used simple hand-coded html and css. It took me a few weeks to build the site, and now it’s just a matter of copying and pasting text and a few tags. I like to have my hands right on the actual stuff, and I’m trying to hold onto the golden age of web 1.0, when a non-programmer could get under the hood, and when sites had to be compact for fast loading. I try to keep my home page under 40kB, and I don’t run any scripts, except one that a reader contributed to do an automatic archive, because I only archive about half my stuff.

Via a Blue Dwarf post, “I have no ambition.” “I want quiet days, I want to pass through this life with as little fuss as possible. It may be a waste. But how can ambition, and consequent struggle, be better than being content?” Which, in some respects, mirrors my outlook now. I have no ambition to be anything, no career aspirations (too late at my age, anyhow). No desire to return to study. I have, in effect, given up on my life and just want to quietly exist with minimal effort until I pass from this world.

Sunday 28/1: Russia in a religious retrograde; homeless need cash

I previously (8/1 entry) remarked on my strong dislike of the conservative religious (Orthodox) direction in which Russian authorities and society are heading. This approving post by Andrei Martyanov, “Watch To The End,” is an example of this (and a main reason I am finding his blog increasingly intolerable – add the often-mysogynistic, anti-feminist commenters to that). “It is Russia now, who dramatically limits Middle Asia immigration to Russia, while for people with the real Christian root the doors are opening wider. The Ark … and the last bastion of Western Civilization. Remember? Moscow is the Third Rome. Increasingly looks like the old prophesy from 16th century: Two Romes fell, a third stands, and there will not be a fourth one.” Comments like this under the linked YouTube video are disturbing: “‘I would like to compliment your family: 1. Dad is the embodiment of masculinity. 2. Mom is the embodiment of femininity and motherhood. 3. Properly raised children. Boys open and hold doors to let girls through – real gentlemen! (@user-zv5kg7xo4w) ‘This is what Traditional Values mean! People are drawn to their nature, to raise children in a family and instill in them family values!’ (@my_green_corner)”

The OC recently stated that “Abortion is murder – Russian Orthodox Church,” RT, 29/12, and it is clear the archaic institution wants to ban the procedure, and relegate women to the low status of breeders (as I noted in my 25/12/2023 entry, essentially turn The Handmaid’s Tale nightmare society into reality). “Putin reveals his ideal for Russian families,” RT, 26/1. More pushing for women to “breed,” from the Russian President himself. It’s a slippery slope towards rescinding hard-won women’s rights that were gained under Communism, and a betrayal of such values.

In my 17/6/2018 entry I wrote that “I am reading some of my old posts that are hostile to the Russian Orthodox Church back in 2006 or so, and feel rather embarassed now about my rudeness (including that towards the Tsars).” Well, I have done a 180° reversal on that opinion! (See 30/9/2006 entry as an example of my previous and now current hostility.) Along with my political inclinations returning to the Left ( 18/12/2022, 31/12/2022 entries).

Cashless concerns (previously: 22/1 entry): “In an increasingly cashless society, some people without housing are being left behind,” ABC News, 27/1. Homeless people often do not have access to bank accounts and some rely on cash donations, and the push towards digital payments makes surviving on cash increasingly difficult. “‘A lot of us like me haven’t got bank cards or EFTPOS cards to use – making us really restricted from buying what we want and need.’”

Monday 29/1: Blackbird-bashing

Weather heating up; a nice clear morning at least. Unfortunately, this year looks to be another wet one: “Modelling indicates wet La Niña could be back in Australia for the fourth time in five years,” ABC News, 29/1.

Blackbirds are an introduced species in Australia, but have a lovely song. This letter in today’s The Age irked me:

Don’t sing for blackbirds

The blackbird is another feral pest which will displace native species (“⁣Miner menace forcing out native birds⁣”, 25/1). Their nests are often accessible from the ground, making it easy to remove eggs, encouraging further (futile) breeding attempts. When they give up, remove the nest.

– Chris Hopkins, New Gisborne

I have a childhood (1970s) memory of lying in my parents’ bed and hearing a blackbird’s melodic song outside in what seemed like the mysterious early hour of the morning. There are some in my immediate neighborhood, and it is nice to hear them (also a reminder of Europe and the northern forests there). I get irritated with the native-only environmentalist fanatics (19/1 entry).

Tuesday 30/1: MH17 revisited

“Tony Abbott and Angus Houston discussed possibility of sending troops to Ukraine in wake of MH17 disaster,” ABC News, 29/1. From a TV series about the former Liberal government. (Previously: 22/7/2014, 13/10/2014, 9/2/2023 entries.) Australia has long been implacably biased against Russia and the MH17 shootdown only exacerbated this hostility – and there are doubts as to the legality and veracity of the accusations against them. (Some links: John Helmer’s MH17-tagged blog entries, Russia Today MH17-tagged pages; Foreign Ministry Statement on the District Court of The Hague’s verdict on the MH17 criminal case, 17/11/2022.) And this anecdote is still cringeworthy:

Abbott later made global headlines when he threatened to “shirtfront” Russian President Vladimir Putin at the G20 leaders’ meeting in Brisbane in November 2014.

“Saying you’re going to shirtfront the president of Russia does sound a little childish, really,” Turnbull says.

“It’s not the language that people expect prime ministers and presidents to be saying but I think it played to his strengths of being strong and muscular and all of that.”

“I think he’d give Putin a good fight for his money,” Warren Truss says.

And, as I noted then, President Putin has a black belt in judo, so Tony Abbott (who trained in boxing) would face a formidable fight! (Though it would be an interesting match!) And Australia has, unfortunately, become involved with that blighted blue-and-yellow-flagged place and ended up sending troops there anyway (under the guise of “training assistance.”)

Wednesday 31/1: More on Russian regression

Another post at Lemmygrad on the concerning trend of Russia regressing into a conservative theocracy (previously: 8/1, 28/1 entries): “How Russia became far right? Over 100 years ago, Russia became core of USSR and the pioneer of international struggle for workers’ liberation, poverty lifting, enlightenment, scientific progress and propagation of socialism and communism. Now – in my humble and maybe biased by liberal propaganda view – Russia is one of the most reactionary, conservative, backward-looking, clerical country. Please excuse me posting some liberal, imperialist shit here, but seems that Kremlin officially admits going far-right: ‘The Kremlin Finally Puts Together an Ideology.’” From that linked article: “Putin and his regime have failed to develop a coherent ideology. Putin’s political managers offer a mixed bag of contemporary slogans and quotations from past thinkers and call it a piece of scholarship. The one difference from scientific communism is that the course quotes conservative and religious thinkers instead of Karl Marx and Vladimir Lenin.” At the moment, a return to Communism in Russia is a faint hope, especially with the malign influence of the conservative Orthodox Church exerting a stranglehold (I regard the OC as akin to a recurrent cancer).

I have the same impression comrade and I deeply regret this drift to the right. It destroyed one of the noblest endeavours in human history (the USSR), but maybe far more damage has been done by slandering and depreciating the idea of communism and by giving the fuel to liberal and right-wing propaganda. Short-term, pragmatic benefits of the right drift ended with long-term disaster. This is how right-wingers and liberals think. I hope that I do not sound as an ultra, I just admire ideas of the original Bolsheviks and wish to preserve them uncompromised. (@lemat_87)

The situation with Russia is a lot more complicated than the liberal western media makes it seem. There is only one word which fully encapsulates the mess that is today’s Russia and that is: contractions. There are a lot of contradictions in Russia’s culture, its economic system, its government, etc. It has very pronounced reactionary elements, which you have mentioned and which other comrades have explained quite well, but it also has remnants of the old Soviet culture and system.

Because just as Marx said socialist societies would be imprinted for a while with characteristics of the old bourgeois society, so a bourgeois society that is built on the destruction of socialism will retain some imprints. The peculiar thing in Russia’s case as opposed to other eastern European former socialist states which have liberalized more thoroughly, in Russia restoration of the bourgeois system was never fully completed, and in my opinion cannot be completed under present circumstances even though the liberals (including Putin) who have ruled Russia since the 1990s have tried very hard to do so.

Russia is stuck for now in a sort of limbo of an unfinished counter-revolution, partly because of the internal dynamics of Russian society itself and partly due to the renewed hostility of the West toward Russia since around 2008 which has frozen the liberalization process. (@cfgaussian)

I’m not aware how true this is for Russia, but Orthodox Christianity has been entrenched in Russia for centuries. 70 years of communism was not enough to dislodge it. This plays a major role in the way the political winds are blowing to the right, not just in Russia, but all across Eastern Europe. Orthodox Christian churches are very prone to fascist rhetoric and extremely conservative. From the medieval ages, Orthodox churches have managed to weave themselves together with national/cultural identity in their areas, to such a degree, that they are considered one and the same nowadays. In most Eastern European countries, you will find Orthodox high-ranking priests behind far right parties, conservative movements and racist/anti-immigrant actions.

There’s a lot of diffusion of ideology happenning across all Orthodox churches, so I assume this due to what’s going on where I leave.

Orthodoxy is also very prone to conspiracy theories, especially those coming from the right in the West. Such as Harry Potter is a real witch handbook, Pokemon are evil, hollow earth and lizardpeople conspiracies, etc. Anything that reinforces the belief that the devil is alive and actively seeking to control the world. (@OrnluWolfjarl)

February

Thursday 1/2: Haircut; Australians supporting the USSR; Lenin’s centenary; Putin’s secret playground

Had a haircut today; just a trim to my just-below-the-chin length. Weather has been fine and sunny all week so far – a rare experience this summer – with a hot mid-30s day forecast for Sunday.

A nostalgic and rather quirky photo via a r/Australia post (I also posted it to Lemmygrad): “PERTH, AUSTRALIA. 1943-04-03. THE RUSSIAN FLOAT PASSING THE SALUTING BASE IN THE GRAND PARADE OF ALLIED NATIONS AT THE PAGEANT OF FREEDOM AT GLOUCESTER PARK, ORGANISED BY THE WESTERN AUSTRALIAN SPORTSMEN’S COUNCIL AND THE WAR LOAN COMMITTEE TO FURTHER THE THIRD LIBERTY LOAN CAMPAIGN.” One of the float banners reads: “Soviet Union – Land of Opportunity.” Obviously acceptable in Australia before the unfortunate start of the Cold War. I noted in my 8/1/2023 entry that my maternal grandfather was a staunch working class Left-wing Communist, which is awesome, in my view! I really wish now I could have asked him about his beliefs, but he died in 1982 when I was 11, and I was far too young to think to ask such things, sadly.

“One Hundred Years after Lenin: The Necessity for a Leninist Global Strategy,” Dayan Jayatilleka (previous author mention: 22/12/2022 entry) for Russia in Global Affairs, 22/1. Pertinent to yesterday’s post (31/1 entry) on the trend towards backwards, isolationist conservativism currently active in Russia: “A related problem is the partiality in Russia for the conservative, right-wing and even far-right forces in the West, and an aversion to the left. This is not in consonance with realism. In the crucial struggle in support of Palestine and against the Western support for Israel, the vanguard role has been played by forces of a left orientation, ranging from Latin American ‘Pink Tide’ governments and South Africa’s ANC administration to the progressive wing of the US Democrats and UK Labour. The truth of the matter is that it is the left-oriented governments, movements and personalities, who are more inclined towards a multipolar world, than are the forces of the global Right for which contemporary Russia seems to have a preference. In short there is a contradiction between Russia’s strategic goal of global change to a multipolar world, and Russia’s preferred political allies.” Russia’s current stance of isolating itself from the West is also self-defeating: “However radical or ‘totalitarian’ Soviet Russia was, it succeeded in striking a powerful chord within western societies as well as those of the global East and South. That is because Russia stood for ideas of a universal sort. […] It is not only that the West has changed but that Russia has too, and by becoming less universalist, more ‘culturalist’, it has also become more involuted. Therefore, it does not concertedly project its ideas at a planetary level, and there is hardly any solidarity with Russia either, unlike in the Soviet years. There are no tunnels of support and sympathy snaking behind enemy lines. Leninist ‘internationalism’ can counter this isolation/self-isolation syndrome.”

“Did Somebody Say Imperialism?: Ukraine Between Analogies,” Salvage, 22/4/2022. A lengthy essay – a critique of both Russia’s actions and those of the West regarding Ukraine (imperialism from both sides) – with more pertinent quotes below:

Meanwhile in Russia, a fascist – Aleksandr Dugin – long had the ear of Vladimir Putin. Neo-Nazi militias fight now on both sides in Donbas; the first separatist Governor in Donetsk, Pavel Gubarev, was once a member of the Russian National Unity paramilitaries whose logo is a thinly disguised swastika. The ethnic supremacist politics of pan-Slavism, national Bolshevism and Orthodox theocracy compete among the separatists, where one group fights under the flag of Nicholas II, Russia’s last Tsar. The lesson here is that East/West binaries obscure a common trend towards identitarian atavism amid the experience of social crisis. Indeed, pro-Russianism in Donbas is so thoroughly the mirror of Western Ukrainian nationalism that in 2015 Donetsk’s then separatist leader, Alexander Zakharchenko, praised the anti-Russian Right Sector for “beating up gays.” The Communist Party, barred from Kyiv’s Presidential elections in 2019, was already struck off the rolls in the Donetsk “People’s Republic” in 2014.

If Russia’s friends in the West were once Communists, after the End of all that History the constellation is thoroughly changed. The alternative to technocratic neoliberalism in crisis that aligns with Russian klepto-capitalism returns to the hoary old politics of racial communities and speaks a language of civilisational supremacy in the mode of violent, exclusionary post-imperial sentimentality. The Western left, which distrusts pilfered money from corrupt privatisations laundered clean in nearby property markets, only seem like Putin’s natural bedfellows through an over-historical imagination. In the present, Putin assembles a coalition of admirers among rightwing Evangelicals, white nationalists, and Fox News hosts in the United States, behind a war on LGBT rights with Russian conferences and money to back it. The Russian President attacks the European Union for being too soft on the people it has drowned in the Mediterranean: for failing to defend Christendom from the migrant hordes. The claim that Europe is run by gays and Muslims functions like all the West’s lurid stories about mistresses and second families among Putin’s circle to suggest that the rival civilisation in this inter-imperialist clash is debauched, degenerate and dying. […]

In 1994, male life expectancy in Russia was fifty-eight. Russia’s politics reflect the demolition of social solidarities; of hopes in stable futures; of structures of expectation and support and care. Nationalism is a fortress of pessimism, where the future looks like a frightening trajectory unless it can revert to the past and where every new and more expansive community feels like a threat. This stuff prospers amid the experience of being battered.

“Putin’s secret sprawling hideaway near Finnish border revealed,” The Age, 31/1. As the article was sourced from The Telegraph (a trashy tabloid rag that is extremely Russophobic), its credibility is doubtful.

Friday 2/2: Ukraine still absorbing billions; Bill Dietrich in Barcelona; the attrition of relatives

Took the bus to Chadstone Shopping Centre this morning; spent too much (retail therapy).

“European Union agrees to 50 billion euro aid package for Ukraine despite Hungary’s veto threat,” ABC News, 1/2. The stubborness of the West regarding sending billions to Ukraine is baffling. The EU contines to throw good money after bad. Perhaps they do not want to lose face by admitting the funding might be misguided :-S, or the sunk cost fallacy.

“Army Taipan helicopters stripped, but Ukraine undeterred,” The Australian, 28/1. Ukrainians here are having a sook about these now-disused helicopters not being donated to them. The arrogant entitlement of the diaspora here is extremely offensive, and Australia should ideally stop all support in that conflict.

One of the personal websites that I visit regularly is Bill Dietrich’s; he has kept an online diary of his visits to, and residential life in Barcelona, Spain since 2013 (he is married to Dora and is currently residing there). In his 2013 Diary, he writes in his 30/5/2013 entry that “But I must say this (today and previous days) is a reminder of why I like being single. Everything today was three times more difficult because I wasn’t by myself. Missed train, a lot more stuff to carry, more expenses, harder to navigate through towns and museums, harder to make decisions, more stress. Minor things such as no chance to read my book or listen to MP3’s, because I was with someone. Sounds harsh, I guess, and I do like Dora a lot, but there it is.” So he must have changed his mind since then! His diary is another of the “slice of life” (5/9/2023 entry) ones I find oddly interesting (and not agitating) to read. Others are Ran Prieur’s (27/1) and Swankivy’s (30/12/2023). They are near my age (born 1970) or older (Bill Dietrich born in 1958; Swankivy/Julie Sondra Decker born in 1978; Ran Prieur in 1967).

We are all at the age when we are losing parents and siblings, sadly (most recently, Bill lost his brother on 8/1/2023; Julie lost her mother on 5/7/2023). I have long regarded elder relatives – those whom we look up to as the adults when we are children – as a sort of buffer or shield against the world outside. Their loss over one’s life reduces that buffer until there is only oneself (and perhaps siblings and cousins of the same generation), and thus no one to look up to anymore for support and guidance.

Coincidentally, a recent post at r/RedditForGrownups: “Elders – So today is the one year mark of the passing of my last family elder, my mother. All other family members older than me are now gone. So today I was reflecting on all this and realized that I am now the elder. This thought has helped me in some small way accepting her passing with a look to the future helping others the way my elders helped all of us.”

Saturday 3/2: More ominous Orthodoxy

Again relating to the malign influence of the Orthodox Church in Russia (previously: 31/1 entry), a Substack newsletter I had bookmarked a couple of years ago is Fr. Joe’s Newsletter – Moving to Russia. “Friar Joe left his home in the American midwest and now lives on a small farm in the Russian countryside with his wife and eight children.” They are one of many conservative American religious families relocating to Russia in search of supposed “traditonal values” and lifestyle. In reality these are the backwards religious and political views (anti-science, pro-monarchist, anti-feminist and so on) that Communism fought to overcome (and, ultimately and unfortunately did not). I am not going to read through the hundreds of posts there (my head would explode with rage long before I finished!).

One recent post: “Why Russians Hate the Idea of the Separation of Church and State,” 29/1.

These two entities cannot be truly separated in Orthodox countries because in many cases it was the Church which first formed the national consciousness of the nation itself, or preserved it during times of occupation. As President Putin himself has said, it is not possible to imagine Russia without the Orthodox Church.

Moreover, Russians remember what happened when Russian revolutionaries implemented Communism, a foreign ideology (invented by German and English thinkers) which, first and foremost, tried to sever the ancient relationship between Church and State.

Communism, really foreign to the Russian context, was physically imported into Russia, when the German Empire, during WWI, secretly returned Lenin to Russia so he could spread the plague of revolution, something more effective and deadly than any biological weapon.

The Russia-hating revolutionaries tried to separate the Church from the State because they knew that they would thereby destroy both. And because they knew they could never corrupt the State without first attacking its moral foundation.

No! The Church and Tsars long held the common people in abject poverty and ignorance, and the new ideal of Communism liberated the people from these parasites, bringing education and progress.

An earlier article from 30/9/2022: “How the Russian Church Positively Influences the Russian Government.” This post presents the OC’s influence in Russian politics in a positive light, but induces only alarm in me. “These are not men who merely opine from the pulpit, hoping that their listeners will vote for better congressmen. These are men who speak directly to the Russian legislature (Duma), encouraging them to enact better laws. They regularly write proposed new laws, sending them to the Duma, always working to make Russia a better place for traditional Christian families. And the wonderful, stunning thing in Russia is that the government frequently listens to them.” Any body espousing “tradtional family values” ultimately means “putting women in their place” – barefoot and pregnant, and in the kitchen. Anti-feminist, in other words.

“In reality, the Patriarch has more power than most ministers and governors. To begin with, the President can neither nominate, appoint, nor fire a Patriarch, whereas in Russia, both ministers and governors serve at the pleasure of the President. Even the President has to consider the wishes of the Patriarch, because publicly disagreeing with him could be politically lethal. The Patriarch operates at the very top of Russian political power, often in a ceremonial function, and is imbued with the respect society has for religious authority.” And that is deeply disturbing, and bodes ill for Russia’s future.

I made a comment on a previously-linked Lemmygrad post on this topic: “I hate that the Orthodox Church has regained much influence in the government (it is like a recurrent cancer that can’t be eradicated), and is indoctrinating a new generation in backwards, ignorant anti-science, conservative nonsense. I despair for those young Russians growing up now who have not experienced Communist education, and have little hope of a new Revolution. There also seems to be a few conservative religious American families moving to Russia for the supposed ‘traditional values’ – such as in this Substack by Friar Joe (and I can’t read through all his nonsense without exploding in rage) – and he exemplifies this awful ignorance.”

Sunday 4/2: Hot; a journalist’s journey down the Volga River

Mum is 86.

Today is forecast to climb into the mid-30s or so – the first actually hot day for this summer. It gets hard to endure when one is in a poorly-insulated old house. I have very little energy today.

“Behind the New Iron Curtain,” Marzio G. Mian for Harper’s, January 2024. “Russia has become, to observers in the West, a distant, mysterious, and hostile land once again. It seems implausible, in the age of social media, that so little should be known about the country that has shattered the international order, but the shadows surrounding Russia have only grown since the days of the Soviet Union. Of course, it is one thing to observe the country from the outside; it is another to try to understand how Russians experience the war and react to sanctions from within, and what they hope the future holds. If Russia seems to have become another planet, it is largely because its regime has also waged war on foreign journalists, preventing them from straying beyond established perimeters. Over the summer, hoping to do precisely that, I spent a month traveling down the Volga River.” The author takes a journey through Russia in July 2023 down the Volga River to meet various Russian people and see how they are experiencing the war.

Monday 5/2: Dignified dying

A warm uncomfortable night after a 38°C day yesterday, but a change gradually filtered through overnight and today is much cooler, with a little rain. Still exhausted; don’t cope with such heat well.

More altercations with elderly declining parents this morning. I am just not coping.

A question in r/AskOldPeople: “Are you in favor of legalizing assisted euthanasia?” I most assuredly am, and for anyone who requests it. A couple of recent relevant articles in The Australian: “Calls for dementia patient access to voluntary assisted dying scheme,” 5/1; “Why can’t we decide when it’s time to go?” 1/2. “Dementia is the worst disease known to man. It is the worst journey in the world. It is a progressive terminal illness that has no cure. It lasts from five to 15 years, gradually stripping away all those assets that make us human, and it is often accompanied by unrecognised significant physical suffering. […] When it can be borne no longer, aged-care placement becomes unavoidable. This institutional care is barely adequate, and sometimes quite inadequate. It comes at great financial cost to families and to the community at large.” And, as there are chronic staff shortages for aged care workers (a thankless, highly stressful job – there is a similar situation with prison guard/correctional officer staff shortages), who will look after these elderly if their family are unable and unwilling to?

Tuesday 6/2: Monarch malignancy

Privileged parasites (previously: 14/1 entry): The reigning UK royal leech apparently has some type of cancer, so the servile tabloids will be covering his travails in tiresome detail. I won’t even pretend to care; he will get prompt and the most advanced treatment, unlike many of his impoverished subjects who might have to wait years on the country’s overstretched National Health Service. Relevant post at r/AbolishTheMonarchy. Some tart comments: “The real cancer is the royals themselves.” “Is the tumor okay? Any chance Charlie can be removed safely?” “It’s not the person but the institution we wish ill upon. If the person is inseparable from the institution … well that’s what this sub is against writ large.” “Loving the shared feelings of the monarchy from people here. A lovely refreshing change from the flag shagging patriots.” “Since my last comment got removed, may he suffer the same as those his bourgeoisie autocracy oppress!, and may the same come to the other rich parasites.” I’m certainly not the only one who is “sorry, not sorry.”

Wednesday 7/2: Cheque cancellation concerns; Ukraine still trying to snag our helicopters

Cashless concerns: “Good riddance to cheques, but don’t ditch cash just yet,” The Age, 6/1. I disagree that the phasing out of cheques (spelled “checks” in the USA) is a positive move; it means that another non-digital payment option has been removed. From the comments: “Cheques may be inconvenient to bankers but they are safe for people transferring money to others.” (Jenni) “Not only are personal cheques being phased out; even bank cheques are not accepted. Bank cheques are safer to use than EFTPOS as there is less chance of being scammed or redirected.” (aro)

“Last-ditch offer to divert Taipan helicopters from being scrapped to help Ukraine,” ABC News, 7/2. “Army veterans and engineers who once worked on Australia’s now-grounded fleet of Taipan helicopters are volunteering to rebuild the aircraft so they can be sent to Ukraine rather than be buried in an expensive disposal process. […] Now a group of former soldiers and technicians with expertise operating the MRH-90 have offered their services on a volunteer basis to reassemble any remaining aircraft that still have the parts needed to return to the air. ‘Former ADF personnel would love to, most likely enjoy, spending time working on aircraft that would benefit another country against Russia,’ says former Australian soldier Chris Moore.” The grifters are still trying to snag the unwanted helicopters, and there seem to be a lot of deluded Australian defence personnel willing to aid them. Australia should not be involved in this conflict at all; it is irrelevant to us and the government has completely destroyed what was an important relationship with Russia.

Thursday 8/2: No right to refuse cash; marketing conflicts

Took the bus to Chadstone SC this morning. Some lovely mild sunny weather since the awful hot spike last Sunday (4/2 entry); some more 30°C+ hot days forecast from next Sunday to Tuesday.

Cashless concerns: Via a r/Australia Reddit post:

Cash remains king after Katter forces cafe to take $50

His Majesty may be on the Australian dollar but cash was anything but king as Bob Katter had his tender rejected at federal parliament’s cafe.

The Queensland firebrand was outraged his crisp $50 note wasn’t accepted when he tried to order fish, rice and vegetables.

Staff offered to give Mr Katter his fish for free, but he remained hungry for justice.

Speaker Milton Dick jumped in to support the lower house larrikin, urging staff to take the cash.

Mr Katter railed against the prospect of a cashless society.

“If you have a cashless society the banks control your life … you can’t buy a loaf of bread without permission from the banks,” he told Sky News on Wednesday.

Cash was also crucial when the power cut out in natural disasters, he added.

“You don’t realise until you’re caught,” he said.

Hundreds of comments in that thread which I won’t bother reading through (that politician is disliked there as he is something of a right-wing crank), but many have the usual opinion towards those preferring cash as being out-of-date and old-fashioned. Sick of this attitude. Some in favor of cash: “There’s been a few prominent cases of people being debanked because of their politics in Western countries in recent years. And if you think it’s only crazy right-wingers and it will never happen to anyone campaigning for something you believe in but the government of the day hates … I doubt it. Here’s the CBC describing what Canada did to protesters. And maybe environmentalists, BLM, pro-Palestine activists or other progressive causes won’t be targeted if a different government is elected … maybe ….” (Higher_Living) “Cash is financial freedom where you don’t need to rely on a third party in order to complete the transaction. Being reliant on cards means that they can up the surcharges to whatever they want and you have no choice. A cashless society will be a surcharged society.” (Auscicada270) “Yes, this is why I still support cash. Not all of us out here are using cash for nefarious purposes (which is what the media likes to insinuate). Some of us want to use cash so our spending habits are not tracked by all the 3rd parties our banks/CC/fintech companies sell our data to.” (TheLGMac)

“Words that kill: How Western spin doctors dehumanize select peoples to justify war,” RT, 6/2. On the “marketing” propaganda of various conflicts by authorities in the West to their citizens. Some countries are demonized; others are not.

Examining the language around the conflict in Ukraine provides a good idea about how a bias is instilled in the viewer and the reader. Despite the complex and long-running issues that contributed to the Russian intervention in 2022, the Western media opts for a shamelessly one-sided narrative, intentionally apportioning exclusive culpability to Russia. The dehumanization of living and dead Russians seems to be a keystone of this tactic alongside selective revisions of history. The indefensible failure of a media that touts itself as the champion of equality and freedom to tackle the essentially xenophobic impulse that forms the core of this strategy, speaks volumes.

Anyone watching the ebb and flow of Western coverage of the Ukrainian conflict will notice the emergence of a centrally formed, “fact-light” narrative that suggests Ukrainians are utterly blameless, in a conflict which did not, in fact, begin on February 24, 2022, but with a CIA-back coup in Kiev in 2014, powered by ultra-nationalists and the far right. Its roots stretch even deeper, decades back, to the attempts at the destabilization of the Ukrainian SSR by Western intelligence agencies.

Of course, the Western viewer is conveniently spared such details. The skill of deceit by omission of fact has been well honed by the likes of the BBC and CNN. Additionally, the Western media has also been adept at memory-holing Kiev’s crimes against its own people in the aftermath of the 2014 Maidan coup. There is no space to report the gross corruption, the punitive neo-Nazi battalions unleashed on the Donbass region, or the murder, abduction and rape deployed against the Russian-speaking populations who refused to accept the illegitimate mandate of the post-Maidan government.

Friday 9/2: Earthquake! Legal tender rights; more Russian religious retrogradism; still reading Bill in Barcelona

To Chadstone SC again, and spent too much at Uniqlo again (sigh). Just barely managed to catch the bus on the way back with a few seconds to spare. I am literally unable to run now without my legs collapsing due to underweight-related muscle wastage, so I can only walk very quickly (and nearly collapse with exhaustion).

Another earthquake early this morning … which I unfortunately did not feel as I was asleep. “Geoscience Australia reported the quake’s epicentre was near the South Gippsland town of Leongatha, about 135 kilometres south-east of Melbourne. Initial estimates measured the quake as a magnitude 4.3, with a depth of seven kilometres.” (Previously: 22/10/2023 entry.)

Cashless concerns: Again via r/Australia, “Legal tender rights for Australians in the headlines again following Bob Katter’s café cash snub,” ABC News, 8/2. Clarifications on these rights: “while it is legal for a business to refuse banknotes and coins, if they do not accept your cash you could take them to court – and win.” (Previously: 8/2 entry.)

Another example of retrograde Russian thinking (31/1, 3/2 entries) is exemplified by the so-called World Russian People’s Council/Всемирный Русский Народный Собор, an organization headed by Orthodox Church figures and that promotes “traditional conservative values” (an ominous “red flag”). A speech by a woman from the Union of Orthodox Women – “Нина Жукова: Не зная своего прошлого нельзя построить образ будущего/Nina Zhukova: Without knowing your past, you cannot build an image of the future” – exemplifies the threat from such an organization – some pertinent extracts (bolded):

[…] Our Russian culture has occupied a worthy place in the world for many centuries. This is the culture of a people with an open soul, with the Orthodox faith, and rich spiritual traditions. Our native culture entered our lives as soon as we were born. It is in the affectionate words of a mother’s lullaby, and in nursery rhymes and jokes, which grandmothers always kept in an inexhaustible supply.

Culture is not only nearby and around, it lives inside us. It is in our names, songs and fairy tales, legends and traditions, sayings and proverbs, in customs and rituals, traditions of folk life, riddles and games, in our favorite books, films, paintings.

Culture is our precious asset. It unites and brings Russians closer to other peoples of multinational Russia and at the same time distinguishes them from the rest of the world. Our culture has its own language (until 1990 it was spoken by 350 million people in the world), its own “voice”, its own unique features and signs. In the world heritage, the richest Russian culture (until the end of the 20th century and the monstrous perversions in the minds of the so-called “elite” in recent years, after the start of the Northern Military District) was a bright and noticeable phenomenon. Over the course of many centuries, it has absorbed the highest, most interesting and beautiful things in a person and has become, as it were, a mirror of the Russian soul, a repository of all the best that is in our people.

The great Russian culture grew on the foundation of the Gospel. Many classics of Russian literature, famous composers and painters turned to the Gospel in their work and were inspired by this greatest Book. […]

After 1991, a lot has changed in our culture. These changes for the worse will have to be corrected not only by people of my generation, but also by our children and grandchildren. People born during Soviet times have preserved historical memory. We have not forgotten how our grandfathers went through the thorny path after October 1917, when Russian culture was crucified, but was resurrected after some time. After the revolution, the question of the life and death of Russian culture was by no means rhetorical, because too much of the priceless heritage of our past was crossed out, irretrievably lost, or even mercilessly destroyed.

The Russia of noble estates, merchant mansions, churches of God and bell ringing is a thing of the past. A total revaluation of values began. Having come to power, the builders of the “bright future” first abandoned the spiritual heritage of the previous era and tried to consign it to oblivion in a directive manner. The people were lined up and an atheistic ideology was imposed on them Alternately, they were awakened from centuries of imposed ignorance, but it was not possible to wipe out the indestructible and eternal from the face of the earth. Culture did not die and was resurrected even in the grip of the new regime. […]

“Everything returns to normal,” says the Bible. And today, no matter how hard it is for our country and for all of us, the Orthodox women of our Union are firmly confident: Russia will recover from the shocks, will rise up, and the guarantee of this is our Orthodox faith and multinational culture. Many of us have preserved a sacred feeling – love for the Motherland. We have more than enough reasons to be proud of our culture, our spiritual values, and the skills of our craftsmen. The culture that gave the world Rublev and Pushkin, Tchaikovsky and Ilyin does not need artificial exaltation. And it does not lose at all next to the foreign artistic heritage.

Living conditions changed along with the regimes, and the trials that the country and people went through did not spare the culture. And we must not forget that there were times when, by someone’s evil will, beautiful churches were blown up, icons were burned, and wonderful creations of human hands were destroyed. How to measure the damage done to our national heritage? It is impossible to evaluate this, but the names of the “creators” of these acts must be named. There should be no Yeltsin centers in Russia! […]

I urge the conference participants to think about what we need to do collectively to “get back to square one.” Our conversation should be not only about culture as a creative tradition, but also about the culture of education and upbringing, about the culture of family and marriage.

The time to throw stones is over. And if we want to survive as a civilization, the time has come to collect stones, stones of a single culture and spirituality, and therefore a single state, Fatherland, Motherland. “Today we need unanimity, which is impossible without awareness of personal responsibility for the fate of the Motherland” (His Holiness Patriarch Kirill of Moscow and All Russia).

And so forth – ugh. They essentially want to impose the Russian version of The Handmaid’s Tale, where feminism is repressed and women subjugated.

Still reading through Bill Dietrich’s Barcelona diaries (2/2 entry). Not sure I would cope with living in such a city (and am unlikely to go anywhere in my current situation), though it looks generally interesting to visit! (Though the culture, like some other non-Western ones, seems to operate on a principle of organized chaos.) His accounts of visiting various sights is rather fatiguing just to read! I don’t have much interest in visiting the usual “tourist traps” in foreign places; I would just like to hang out and wander and observe (“people-watch”). Other European cities that appeal are Paris and Venice. One aspect of these ancient cities I like are the old (sometimes centuries-old!) apartment buildings and narrow winding streets (a random example photo of Barri Gotic from Bill’s diary); there is something mysterious and maze-like about them.

Saturday 10/2: Website suspended? That interview

For some unknown reason my host has taken my website offline (I am sub-hosted). I am posting to my alternative Neocities site which is a backup (though the free tier is more limited than the hosting here, but I can’t afford the ongoing costs of paid hosting, and a lot of hosting companies seem very dubious). Some people self-host their own sites via their home server setup, but that is not something I would feel confident to do (not without help) as it is technically complex.

I am well aware of “The Interview,” which has the mainstream media and Ukraine-supporting governments furious; I dislike watching videos so probably won’t view it, but there is a transcript, “Interview to Tucker Carlson,” at the President of Russia website.

Sunday 11/2: Main website still down

Weather heating up; hot and sunny until this Wednesday. Very tired from the usual chores.

My web host (who has long hosted my site on a subdomain, for which I am grateful) knows of my website’s odd suspension and will look into it. Makes me realize that my site is essentially a main hobby for me; it gives me focus and something to do and continually tweak.

One of the people I follow, Grey Lehey, recently experienced an ocular migraine. They are alarming if you are unaware of what they are. In my 23/11/2019 entry I mentioned that I’d had my first retinal migraine so far (also known as a scintillating scotoma), on Thursday 17/1/2019.

Monday 12/2: Heatwave; self-hosting fantasy

Hot for the next day or two; over 35°C here already. A difficult period, though at least it is not humid.

Still idly fantasizing about self-hosting my site, but this requires a fair bit of technical expertise, and a computer programmed to act as a server, connected to the router. A Raspberry Pi can be used – for my small, obscure simple static site it would probably be adequate. The upside is that you are not beholden to the expensive ongoing costs of a paid host (paying for an Internet Service Provider and one’s own domain name are pricy enough). The Cheapskate’s Guide has some articles on the topic, some being “How to Host Your Own Website at Home for $2 a Year” and “In July the Cheapskate’s Guide Experienced the Self-Hoster’s Worst Nightmare” (a power failure taking the home server offline while the owner was on vacation). I guess one can’t expect to have 100% uptime; there will be intervals when the server and hosted site are offline due to various issues. Another website that is self-hosted (and solar-powered) is LOW←TECH MAGAZINE.

Tuesday 13/2: Website back online! Very hot

Yay, my website (domain name) is restored! I have missed it very much. Some glitch on HostGator’s part (going by the many negative comments, they don’t have a good reputation). My host will move to a virtual Linux web host soon, which I prefer.

Hot and windy today, with dire warnings of a “catastrophic fire danger” in some areas of Victoria. Difficult weather to function in (though humidity and rain are worse).

Wednesday 14/2: Weather apocalypse; another book purge

“Fire crews battle to contain bushfires in Victoria’s west amid extensive power outage across the state,” ABC News, 14/2; “Tens of thousands still without power after wild weather hits Victoria,” The Age, 14/2. “The state government has warned it could take weeks to fully restore the network as Victorian Energy Minister Lily D’Ambrosio described it as ‘one of the largest outage events in the state’s history.’” The cool change came through with a vengeance yesterday afternoon, with the most severe storm I can remember in years. A narrow but intense cloud band of storm cells swept across Melbourne from the north-west, and rain fell heavily at a 90° angle. Thousands of homes lost power – somehow, and luckily, my parents’ home (and therefore them and myself) did not, though homes in the nearby suburbs did. The lights did flicker a few times. Rain came into the west-facing kitchen via a leaky roof (old and deteriorating house), so I had to hastily mop up water flooding onto the benchtop.

I didn’t sleep well (or at all) due to being unsettled from yesterday’s weather drama. Today is much cooler at least, with a moderate wind. A lot of damage in the suburbs to clean up, though – and I wish councils would not plant large trees near powerlines as much damage and power outages are due to falling branches and trees.

Felt the urge to purge (donate) the Baen Books sci-fi novels I had bought over the last couple of years. They were not that well-written and do not have re-read value. A lot of the fantasy and sci-fi novels I enjoyed a few years ago hold no interest for me now; I just don’t want to look at them again. I feel mentally dull and creatively dead.

Thursday 15/2: Shopping and purging

To Chadstone SC for some retail therapy (Uniqlo). Purged some more books (14/2 entry). My last project is abandoned; lost interest and motivation altogether.

Friday 16/2: Powerlines in peril; comfort toy craze

Calm and sunny weather, in the mid-20s; a pleasant contrast to the awfulness of Tuesday (14/2 entry). Very tired in the afternoon as usual; lay down for around an hour but this did not help; I can’t relax with others (parents) around.

“Here’s why Victoria’s powerlines toppled over in a severe thunderstorm this week,” ABC News, 15/2. A powerful convective downburst from the passing thunderstorm was the cause. These towers were built to an older and less rigorous standard (which did not account for such violent downbursts) than newer ones. Towers in urban areas are climbed and inspected every 6 years, but only every 9 years in more remote regions. Why not put powerlines underground? The cost would be huge, and inspecting and servicing underground lines is also more difficult (drones are used to flyover and inspect above-ground lines).

“Plush sandwiches and tiny ‘boyfriends’: The toys young women are obsessed with,” The Age, 12/2. I’m not the only one wasting money on tchotchkes!

Saturday 17/2: Navalny no more; space nukes nonsense

Pleasant and sunny again today, but some more hot weather forecast for later next week. Hopefully it won’t be as extreme as experienced last Tuesday(14/2 entry).

Russia is in the headlines again in the West, for all the wrong reasons, as is usual now.

“Russian foreign ministry comments on Western reactions to Navalny’s death,” RT, 16/2 (previous Navalny mention: 13/4/2023 entry). Of course it’s Putin’s fault (somehow!), to go by the Western media’s predictable headlines (and watching and reading them is intolerable as usual). “Within just two hours, Western politicians and media were able to ‘obtain the results of a forensic examination that had not yet been carried out, conduct an investigation, blame Moscow and render a verdict,’ the Russian Foreign Ministry noted, suggesting that the reactions must have been prepared ahead of time and according to a ‘blame Russia no matter what’ template.”

“Planetary Scare: Russian Doomsday Space Weapon Steals Headlines of Avdeevka Collapse,” Simplicius The Thinker, 16/2; “Kremlin responds to claims Russia planning nukes in space,” RT, 15/2. Some nonsensical scaremongering about a Russian nuclear anti-satellite system supposedly planned for deployment, from “anonymous sources.” Very conveniently timed – “Kremlin spokesman Dmitrii Peskov suggested that the administration of US President Joe Biden is using the issue to force a vote to approve Ukraine aid.”

Sunday 18/2: Noodling; gaming boy still at it; some dreams

Fine and sunny. Very tired; did little today. Browsing my usual Internet websites (aside from the people I visit – 2/2 entry) is a dismal exercise; no comfort to be found as the news is gloom and doom. Managed to lie down for a while, but can’t properly rest with parents nearby.

Still hear gaming boy next door sometimes (7/7/2023 entry; house south of my parents’ home). Assuming that is what he’s doing, I am curious as to what online game he is playing; can’t make out what he is saying when he is speaking.

A dream scene from yesterday evening, a recurring image: I was in a car being driven up a mountain that looked over a vast landscape in all directions (memory of driving up Mt. Dandenong ). City was to the west. Low-level clouds; bright sunshine above. Some sort of park was located on the summit within a forest, with snow.

Another dream from a few weeks ago, 23/1: I was walking down Lahona Avenue towards my house (west down the hill). Front yards and footpaths were wet and muddy. An annoying Labrador kept following me and pushing its wet nose against my legs.

Monday 19/2: Apartment dream; Putin did it; icon irrationality

Had a nice dream last night that I was living in my own flat/apartment, the interior walls painted a nice dark red-wine color (influenced by this photo browsed yesterday while reading Bill Dietrich’s Barcelona diary – 9/2 entry). I daydream obsessively of simply having my own flat (I have never lived independently yet), of being by myself and being able to sleep properly and relax, and not clean up after others.

“Anthony Albanese blames Vladimir Putin for Alexei Navalny’s death,” ABC News, 18/2. “Prime Minister Anthony Albanese says Russian President Vladimir Putin is responsible for Alexei Navalny’s death. ‘This has been an appalling atrocity,’ he said of the Russian opposition leader who was found dead in prison on Friday. ‘This is a brave man who stood up for democratic values and human rights in Russia in his country. His treatment is just beyond the pale and we hold Vladimir Putin responsible for that,’ Mr Albanese said.” Right! So that’s decided then, without judge and jury :-S.

“The Spiritual Beat in Wartime Donbass,” Pepe Escobar at Global South, 14/2. A tour of the besieged Donbass region, marred for me by the revival of the Orthodox Church’s malign hold over the population. “A small shrine is set up in the corner of a small, cramped room, decorated with icons. Candles are lit, and three soldiers hold the red flag with the icon of Jesus in the center. After prayers and a small homily, Father Igor blesses each soldier. […] There are between 28 and 30 Orthodox Christian battalions fighting in Donbass. That’s the power of Orthodox Christianity. To see them at work is to understand the essentials: how the Russian soul is capable of any sacrifice to protect the core values of its civilization. […] Back from Mariupol I was confronted with one of the most extraordinary stories woven with the fabric of magic under war. In a nondescript parking lot, suddenly I’m face to the face with The Icon. The icon – of Mary Mother of God – was gifted to the whole of Donbass by veterans of the Zsloha Spetsnaz, when they came in the summer of 2014. The legend goes that the icon started to spontaneously generate myrrh: as it felt the pain suffered by the local people, it started to cry. During the storming of Azovstal, the icon suddenly made an appearance, out of nowhere, brought in by a pious soul. Two hours later, the legend goes, the DPR, Russian and Chechen forces found their breakthrough.” This mystical nonsense would have been unthinkable in the Communist era, but since the collapse of the USSR such irrationality has resurged (9/2 entry).

The website has a few of these bizarre “Russia as spiritual savior” type of articles, which sours it for me. A dissenting commenter on another video (Pepe Escobar talks with nutty far-right Russian philosopher Aleksandr Dugan): “I disagree with this reactionary view of European Civilization. In reality it was a three legged stool of royalty, religion, and the establishment who validated each other and crushed all dissent. Not only did they rob the commoners, they crushed and stole from any nation weaker than themselves. As for the Americans, they carried out a genocide of the Natives, stole their land, and then made a million movies boasting about how they killed off the ‘savages.’ These are the ‘Traditional Values’ Dugan wants us to return to. No thanks.” (Another article on Dugin: “Aleksandr Dugin’s absurd mysticism,” Critical Stack, 6/12/2023.)

Tuesday 20/2: Heating up

Weather heating up from today; into the mid-30s tomorrow and Thursday.

Haven’t been out on an exercise walk for months. Just feel an aversion to it now. Too tired from daily chores and dealing with elderly parents in any case.

Wednesday 21/2: Ageing aggravations

Hot and unsettled weather again – a repeat of last week.

One thing that I find irritating when visiting an ageing-related website (such as this Australian one) are the glossy stock photos that are often used, depicting happy healthy seniors in various locations. Nothing like the grim and painful reality of being old for many.

Dad had another “brain glitch” where he woke up and was about to head out the door and drive to work (at Moorabbin Airport) – though he has been retired since the early 1990s. Fortunately I caught him in time (and spoke harshly). I utterly hate and resent dealing with this – the concept of “positive ageing” seems like a sorry joke.

Thursday 22/2: Hot again; replaced tap washer; Ran with Covid

A hellishly hot (high 30s) and windy day, similar to that of last week (14/2 entry). Very difficult to function in such weather.

Went to Chadstone SC by bus, though I wasn’t intending to this week. Managed not to spend too much. Bought some various cheap utility storage items at Daiso (which has innumerable useful gadgets that you never realized you needed!).

Dad replaced a washer on the hot water bathroom sink tap yet again – a few months after he last did this. The taps of that sink get a lot of use, so the washers degrade quicker. But such maintenance tasks are generally getting too much for him, given his age-related cognitive decline – a recent post at r/AgingParents, “Senior father can’t really complete simple tasks anymore, but still thinks he’s a master craftsman” – is somewhat similar: “In their younger years, my father was decent at home repairs and DIY projects, though recently he struggles to complete simple tasks correctly.” Dad is in a similar mental decline with using a computer (25/10/2023 entry).

Ran Prieur (previously: 27/1, 2/2 entries) said in his 21/2/2024 entry that “This week I have my second round of Covid. It started out exactly like a cold. Then on the third day, when I felt worse instead of better, I got suspicious and took a test. Overall it’s milder than my first time, but this time it’s given me a cough, and I know the lungs are where Covid gets you.” The pandemic virus is still very active, despite its fading from the media headlines, and still very nasty to catch. I have had 5 Covid vaccines/boosters and still wear a mask (a lightweight cloth one) when in public spaces (mainly shopping centers), and I don’t care if others are disapproving. I have no patience for the nonsensical “anti-vaxx” conspiracy theories that have proliferated since the pandemic.

Friday 23/2: Showie documentary

Much cooler today, with a refreshing southerly breeze, after a change came through from around 6 p.m. yesterday. Feeling a bit grumpy and out-of-sorts this morning, though at least I was spared a headache.

Watched an SBS documentary last night, The Carnival, featuring a travelling sideshow “showie” family, the Bells, filmed over 7 years. A fascinating portrayal of a very different and older lifestyle compared to that which most in the cities and suburbs live. It is certainly not an easy life, and disruptions in recent years have induced extra hardships: “Life as a ‘showie’ – ‘carnie’ is an Americanism – can be tough, but recent years have seen the Bells face unprecedented challenges: the Black Summer bush fires, the COVID pandemic and attendant lockdown and travel restrictions.” Also, younger people are less interested in such “old-fashioned” entertainment (circuses as well) compared to that found on the Internet. (An older article featuring the same family: “‘Don’t call us Carnies’: What life is like behind the scenes at the Royal Easter Show,” ABC News, 23/4/2019.)

Their itinerant life is in direct contrast to mine, having lived in the same house and suburb all my life so far, and am very little travelled (twice to England in the 1970s with parents and sister, a week in New Zealand in 1987, and that is it to date).

Saturday 24/2: Cats dream

Calm sunny weather, mid-20s today. But another hot ordeal forecast for next Wednesday.

Weary from the usual chores, but mentally feeling a little better than yesterday; accomplished a few small tasks.

A dream of two nights ago (22/2), more of a half-remembered scene: I was in a house, that seemed to belong to my sister. On a bookshelf I found a booklet for the Cats musical; I rolled it up and put it in my handbag to take home. Yes, I still unironically like the 2019 movie and musical (15/1 entry)! It is pure escapism and completely different from the toxic hostility that has marred one of my other interests (Russian spaceflight, and space in general) due to recent events in the last few years.

Sunday 25/2: A daily marathon; evaporating parents; blocked on X; Swankivy missed blog entry

Exhausted to the point of collapse from the usual chores (changed and washed parents’s bedsheets; washed towels). I am usually up around 3:30 a.m. to get everything done, and this routine feels like running a marathon every day. It’s a self-imposed routine (not forced upon me) as elderly parents are no longer capable of doing many tasks that they were able to a few years ago. I’m of the mentality “if you want something done properly, do it yourself” as I don’t trust others to do things the way I like. So I am unable to truly rest or sleep, and can only fantasize about such.

The parents who I knew years ago – whom I grew up with – have essentially died, evaporated into nothing (18/9/2023 entry). The mental and physical changes and deterioration have been insidious (though accelerating in perhaps the last 4 years), but comparing them now to what they were is a dismaying realization and shock. I can’t talk to them normally anymore; their behavior is increasingly erratic. There is no one nearby to help.

A person whose account I follwed on X/Twitter blocked me, presumably because “I stand with Russia” (but with some caveats – 5/1 entry) A bit hurtful (they are one of the people whose sites I have visited for years), but unfortunately to be expected, given the extreme vitriol around the now-3-year conflict.

Swankivy (previously: 2/2 entry) did not post her weekly “The State of the Swankivy” on her blogs last week, which was unusual as she has normally been (enviably!) regular about this for years, but she did this week. I admire her self-discipline in posting regularly, including her weekly Negative One webcomic strip (“UPDATED EVERY FRIDAY SINCE MAY 20, 2005!”).

Monday 26/2: Headache; purging

Had a mild but still debilitating headache overnight and into this morning. Mostly gone now. A little drizzle this morning, but cleared up to a fine day. Next two days are forecast to be another heatwave ordeal, though.

Still gradually doing some more possessions purging. Over the years I seem to accumulate masses of what I think of as “bits, bobs and baubles” – just random little found or bought things that end up stuffed into various containers and places.

Tuesday 27/2: Southland would-be jumper; no makeup

Clear and sunny morning; something that initially cheers me up a little, before interactions with parents spoil my mood. No headache today, at least.

A huge traffic holdup on the way to Southland SC due to a person threatening to jump from the enclosed bridge over Nepean Highway (though I think it is a last-resort “cry for help” – if they really wanted to suicide they would have done so). A suicide attempt, but still a major annoyance to others nonetheless, as insensitive as that sounds (yes, I am irritated at the major disruption; I have been low on empathy for a long time). Because of this reason the incident won’t be reported as such in the news, if it rates a mention – there is a r/Melbourne thread about it. There was a previous (fatal) suicide at Southland on 1/7/2020.

I don’t wear makeup now (eyeliner, eyeshadow, foundation, lipstick and so on); I stopped years ago. I hate the feel of it on my face, and removing it every day turned into a tiresome chore. The only skin products I use are sunscreen and lip gloss/moisturizer. I similarly don’t wear jewellry aside from earrings, and these only because I had my ears pierced as a teenager and maintain the piercings out of habit.

Wednesday 28/2: A fatal jump

Took the bus to Chadstone SC this morning; bought a couple of purple tops. Weather is set to be very hot; overcast and oppressive cloud cover in the morning and early afternoon.

A sad ending to yesterday’s incident at Southland (27/2 entry): my parents asked the staff of the coffee shop that they frequent about the outcome, and those involved were two 15-year-old girls; one jumped off the bridge; the other was held back (perhaps the one whom I saw with one leg over the balcony around 9:00 a.m.). The incident was not resolved until around 2 p.m..

Thursday 29/2: Creepy ArtStation account; liminal forest spaces

A cool change drifted in overnight, and there was a refreshing breeze this morning.

Another ArtStation account with atmospherically creepy paintings (previously: 8/7/2022 entry) is by Yuri Hill. Unfortunately he is from “Kyiv, Ukraine,” but I will ignore that.

A r/LiminalSpace post featuring a curiously appealing deserted forested area and river, similar to the Magpie Forest photographed by Ran Prieur (12/2/2023 entry). A post in r/Druidism, “The mirror of the Otherworld,” of a forest lake has a similar appeal; peaceful and still with no other humans around.

March

Friday 1/3: Yet another purge

Took several kilos’ worth of books down to a charity shop in Bentleigh; only an approximately 20-minute walk but exhausting when carrying all that in a backpack (seeing as I can’t drive). Even a few books can get very heavy. Also a bit more decluttering of stationery and such (into the recycle or general rubbish bins). Am very tired now, though that sort of purging is satisfying. Still a lot more to do, but in small stages as it is otherwise overwhelming (and my parents have a huge amount of their own clutter, essentially hoarding, which I can’t cope with).

Saturday 2/3: Alluring aloneness

“Home alone and happy, thanks very much,” The Age, 29/2. On living alone becoming more socially acceptable. “More people are living on their own now than at any other time in human history and, significantly, many by choice. Until quite recently, it wasn’t done to live by oneself, or not if it could be avoided.” I certainly would be content to live alone, in my own flat (assuming a secure income, which I do not have in reality); it is a wistful fantasy of mine. I have never done so to date, and now utterly loathe being around others.

Sunday 3/3: Disengaging; countries of influence

Mostly cool and cloudy. Managed to lie down in the afternoon for around an hour today; reluctant to get up again. Very tired as usual.

I don’t care anymore – certainly not about world events or causes. Lost interest in most of what engaged me a few years ago (and donated the relevant books I bought over the last year or so). I made some of my social media accounts private, though I won’t delete them so as to preserve my namespace there.

A thought I had this morning: the three countries that have been of most relevance to me in my real life are Australia, the UK and the USA. Australia: my homeland, where I grew up and still live. The UK: land of my ancestors, the only other country I have visited. The USA: a big influence on Australian culture generally via its media; familiar through this medium, though I have never visited there.

Monday 4/3: Gas again; book purge continued; afterlife wish

A nice sunny day; mid-20s, but getting hot again from tomorrow and on Saturday.

Had another agonizing bout of trapped gas abdominal pain yesterday evening, for about an hour (previously: 11/11/2023 entry). The relief when it dissipates is huge; it seems to be as severe as kidney stones or appendicitis (neither of which I have yet experienced, and hopefully won’t).

Took a few more books for donation; nearly cleaned out now. I have abruptly lost interest in my former creative projects, spaceflight, the now-tiresome Ukraine war and similar things; they are just poisoned with the polarized politics infecting the Internet generally.

Ran Prieur linked in his 16/2/2024 blog entry to a recent r/AskReddit post, “If you could choose what happens after you die, how would you want the afterlife to be like?” (which has been asked before). I expressed my own wish in my 1/10/2022 entry.

Tuesday 5/3: More purging

Weather heating up. Slightly headachy overnight and into this morning.

Yet more book purging; all my sci-fi novels have been donated (including the Cherryh ones bought earlier), so am tired from carrying another heavy load (also exhausted from trying to maneuver a balky shopping trolley with heavy groceries at Southland this morning). Abruptly lost interest, and I never look at the physical copies anyway. Just so much dead weight (and just a few books can add up in weight).

Wednesday 6/3: Ailing parents

A bad evening and night due to Mum having another poop episode (previously: 15/7/2023 entry), and Dad getting some sort of throat infection and cold (hopefully not Covid again). Am exhausted and not coping with increasingly infirm parents; no one nearby to physically help me, as I have my own health problems. Our old house is deteriorating also, overflowing with possessions and junk, and is a biohazard. I spend each night and day in near-constant anxiety, and sleep poorly and erratically.

Took the bus to Chadstone SC this morning.

Thursday 7/3: Phone plan price increase

Got an email from my mobile phone provider concerning the annual price increase of my plan, a frustratingly predictable occurence, especially as I do not have a regular (employment) income. All providers (and Internet Service Providers, and utilities generally) put their prices up every year. I should “shop around” for a (supposedly) better provider and plan, but do not have the mental energy to do so; I am barely functioning due to burnout and exhaustion. And the various plans are confusing and there is always some limitation or hidden catch on the supposed bargain ones. The barrage of bills and charges for essential services is an extremely stressful feature of the “user pays” society we live in.

Friday 8/3: Horrid heatwave; timeshare trap

A nasty late-summer heatwave is forecast for the next three days, with temperatures around 38°C before cooling down on Tuesday. Going to be very difficult to endure.

My sister and her husband (26/1 entry) are driving down from Wagga Wagga to stay in Melbourne for the weekend; will meet them at Southland SC tomorrow.

Another worry is that Dad apparently has a timeshare with Kyneton Bushland Resort, and I don’t know where the documentation (contract, etc.) for it is – timeshares are essentially a scam and a trap, and are notoriously hard to exit, from what a brief Internet search suggests. I could only find an email from last year with an annual fee for $625. As my parents are no longer capable of travelling and driving such long distances, that money is being drained from his account (and I would not want a timeshare in any case). I ended up yelling at him, but Dad is frustratingly dismissive of my concerns (he does not know where any information about the timeshare is). I am stuck as for what to do or whom to ask, and this is another exhausting worry on top of everything else.

Saturday 9/3: Hot; sister here; tall trees

The hellish heatwave has begun, so a very uncomfortable three days or so until next Tuesday.

My sister and her husband arrived in Melbourne yesterday for a short stay. I was able to talk to her and vent a bit at Southland SC this morning, about the timeshare issue (3/8 entry) and difficulties with parents generally. I dislike burdening her as she can’t do everything and has her own life and concerns, but it was still a small relief to be able to talk normally with another person.

I wandered around Southland as I usually do, but mentally and physically crash, so I am almost a zombie, just walking and staring dully.

A pleasant link. “The Extraordinary Lives Of Coast Redwoods,” Daniel Lewis for Noema Magazine, 29/2. A marvellously evocative essay on the magnificent and ancient trees.

Sunday 10/3: Hot; timeshare fretting

Hot overnight – mid-20s – and to the high 30s today. Feeling exhausted, no energy; no air conditioning in my bedroom does not help. Only good aspect of this weather is that washing can be quickly line-dried.

I am now fretting about the Kyneton Bushland Resort timeshare that Dad has (9/3 entry). Some articles from The Age on what a scam the schemes are:

Found a May 2018 newsletter lying in the garage, and there was this nasty surprise in one section:

Fee collection

The Board has instructed management to continue to take a firm position in the collection of annual fees.

Those few members who simply refuse to pay and fall into the category of forfeiture will be placed into the hands of Slater Byrne Recoveries in the second half of the financial year. We believe it is very unfair on the financial membership to carry the burden of non-payers. All good companies work hard on debt collection which is in the interests of all shareholders. The fees applied by Slater Byrne Recoveries (40% of the outstanding debt) will be passed onto the defaulting member in accordance with the Kyneton Bushland Resort Constitution.

So if one is unable to pay, the situation escalates to the unpleasant involvement of debt collectors.

Monday 11/3: Still hot; Romanovs deserved their ending

A hot and difficult night in my stuffy bedroom, exacerbated by my perhaps-inevitable headache and fractious interactions with elderly parents. Feel despairing and alone.

Privileged parasites (previously: 6/2 entry). A post at Lemmygrad: “AITA for being insistent on ‘killing the Romanovs’?” No, I feel the same way, that the Romanovs deserved regicide, as do monarchies generally (see the extract in my 21/2/2023 entry).

AITA for hating the fact that they were shot instead of getting guillotine in the middle of Red Square?
(Kirbywithwhip1987)

NTA. As others are saying, the Romanovs deserved it – but also – the very system of monarchy as it existed in Europe, meant that the existence of the Romanovs was a constant threat which could result in the loss of lives of millions, and a reversion to the old order (of serfdom and aristocracy). So long as the royal family existed, other European monarchs and domestic monarchists would seek to return them to power.

Libs can cry and whine about the Romanovs or (to a lesser extent) Bourbons all they like – frankly, I wish those people could experience the same things those living under their boots in the “good old days” did. Their executions were absolutely necessary – and it’s incredibly interesting that people latch on to them as the ones to cry about, when millions of peasants, over many generations, had suffered their families’ rule – and when there is no shortage of royalty and nobility in history, outright exterminating each others’ entire family lineages, killing off rival claimants, etc. …. I’d go so far as to say that regicide and fratricide is a natural part of the system of monarchy throughout history.
(SadArtemis)

You could have been a bit more diplomatic with a friend. Dishonest a bit but it would have been a chance to swerve and say that if you were their friend it wouldn’t likely get to that point, that you’d convince them to abdicate or that if you were their friend you’d likely have similar class interests and not want to shoot them so it’s a moot point. Pivot then to how much you value them as a friend but they should really read up more on the truth of the matter and that particularly ugly royal family. But it’s not always easy to keep one’s cool and be collected in the moment with the perfect things to say.

Still you should apologize and try to explain a bit. Reframe it and explain how awful the Romanovs were as people and how you don’t see them as being like that at all.

Romanovs did deserve it though and not the asshole for holding that point of view.
(darkcalling)

Tuesday 12/3: Heatwave passed

Warm overnight, but the heatwave has passed, and the weather has mercifully cooled down over the day and been mostly overcast. Did not have a headache when awakening.

Wednesday 13/3: Mobile dropout; blue & yellow flag place still grifting

Some rain this morning, and much cooler. Took the bus to Chadstone SC. Feeling mentally dull and anxious over the timeshare issue (10/3 entry).

Vodafone mobile coverage dropped out from around 10 a.m. this morning, which was disconcerting. According to the Scheduled network maintenance and upgrades page it may have been a planned upgrade (reference: C998616). (There is also a Vodafone status at Downdetector.)

“Australia’s ‘slipping’ support for Ukraine in spotlight,” ABC News, 13/3. Never had my support, and should never have had the Australian Government’s support. “Australia has committed approximately $960 million in support to Ukraine, including $780 million in military support and $75 million in emergency humanitarian assistance, to help meet the urgent needs of the Ukrainian people since the war began.” Ukraine is a bottomless money pit, and is still shamelessly begging for yet more funding and equipment.

Thursday 14/3: A fall; airplane crash dream; bluebell woods painting

More parental dramas: Mum fell when getting out of bed this morning; no injuries fortunately, but another clean-up on the carpet. I am exhausted and cannot cope with this.

Another airplane crash dream (previously: 6/6/2023 entry): as is usual in these, I was standing in the backyard looking at various aircraft circling in the sky (in reality, my suburb is under a flight path from Moorabbin Airport, so light aircraft overfly frequently). One – some sort of cargo aircraft – was evidently in trouble and began descending overhead. In the dream I could see Port Phillip Bay, and the aircraft managed to ditch there rather than crash into the suburbs.

Saw a greetings card in a newsagent with a nice pointillist painting on it of bluebell woods by Susan Entwhistle (her website has, extremely annoyingly, used Javascript to disable the right-click-to-save option, so I went around that, and linked to an archived image of the painting). The woods in the painting are dreamlike, a liminal space.

Friday 15/3: The Wood Beyond the Worlds

Following from yesterday’s bluebell painting, two more similar liminal images I came across: Dawn Patrol by Stephen Hanson, and an AI-generated image post, The Wood Between Worlds at r/Midjourney (found while doing an image search for that phrase, a place in one of the Narnia novels, The Magician’s Nephew). A still and quiet forest outside of time and space, similar to that of the Magpie Forest photo by Ran Prieur (12/2/2023 entry).

As he rose to his feet he noticed that he was neither dripping nor panting for breath as anyone would expect after being under water. His clothes were perfectly dry. He was standing by the edge of a small pool – not more than ten feet from side to side in a wood. The trees grew close together and were so leafy that he could get no glimpse of the sky. All the light was green light that came through the leaves: but there must have been a very strong sun overhead, for this green daylight was bright and warm. It was the quietest wood you could possibly imagine. There were no birds, no insects, no animals, and no wind. You could almost feel the trees growing. The pool he had just got out of was not the only pool. There were dozens of others – a pool every few yards as far as his eyes could reach. You could almost feel the trees drinking the water up with their roots. This wood was very much alive. When he tried to describe it afterwards Digory always said, “It was a rich place.”

I want to sit for a long time in such a place, far away from this chaotic and noisy world, and just rest and sleep.

Saturday 16/3: Wearisome day

A wearisome day of chores and altercations with parents. Weather is warming up to the high 20s, but not a heatwave like that of last week (12/3 entry).

Sunday 17/3: Tired and isolated; Jeffersonian death confirmation

A warm day, but not meltingly hot. Tired again from chores. Dug up a dying shrub in a pot and cut it up to put in the green recycling bin; even this tired me out. The garden is extremely overgrown and neglected; no one has the energy now to tackle it. Managed to lie down for over half-an-hour, but can’t rest for long with parents around; am anxious about what dramas from them I may have to endure (and clean up) next.

Came across this article during a quick Google search: “When Hikikomori Age: Japan’s ‘8050 Problem’,” New Thinking, 22/10/2022. “However, the aging of hikikomori is becoming a social problem because the burden of care within the family starts to shift from the parent taking care of the child to the child having to take on the nursing care of an elderly parent. With the child often out of work for years, if not decades, these families are often under financial strain. In some cases, the stress caused by the change in relationship can result in domestic violence, or in the worst cases murder. In others, the family is pushed into poverty, leading to lonely deaths of both parent and child at home.” I am in a somewhat similar situation, and things are deteriorating.

A short (and sad) confirmation on Karl Leffler’s/the Jeffersonian’s cause of death (previously: 17/1 entry) from a forum post: “I knew Karl from shooting matches at Loan Oak and Clark Rifles. I followed his blog about his quest to be a ‘Rifleman.’ He was quirky but a genuine person no pretense. He did sadly, commit suicide. His ashes were spread at Clark. Rest in Peace Karl.”

Monday 18/3: Migraine; decluttering dream; dream of flooding

Had a mild headache overnight, then this morning felt vertigo on arising, then nausea and a headache. Three episodes so far of retching (nothing in stomach to bring up). Unable to do most of my usual chores; could barely function. I think it might be my occasional migraine, which I have not had for a few years, but don’t know yet. I did try a Covid-19 Antigen test kit that Dad had, but it thankfully came up negative for the virus.

My symptoms slowly decreased during the day, but I still feel debilitated. (My previous migraine episode was mentioned in my 24/8/2022 entry.)

Watched some of a reality/lifestyle TV program yesterday evening, Space Invaders, where participants have their homes decluttered and renovated. This is a wistful dream for me and my parents!

In a dream last night, the sea (from Port Phillip Bay) had flooded the land around it, right up to my suburb! The water was slowly creeping up and innundating the land.

Tuesday 19/3: Putin returns; ambassador hissy fit

Hot (around 30°C; not as bad as last week’s 12/3 heatwave) and windy, with a violent cool change forecast later this afternoon.

I am mostly recovered from yesterday’s debilitating migraine (18/3 entry). 100% functional for me, though, is the approximate equivalent for 80-85% for people in normal good health (kind of analogous to an iPhone’s battery charging to 100% but its health having degraded to 85%).

Sigh – a brief politics mention. “Your guide to Russia’s 2024 Presidential Election,” RT, 15/3; “Putin’s dream, Russian unity, conflict with NATO: Key takeaways from victory speech,” RT, 18/3. To no-one’s surprise, President Putin won the Russian elections and will be in power until 2030 (when he presently intends to run again). Of course, the Western mainstream media are presenting the elections as “rigged,” fraudulent, a sham, and so forth, with much media attention focused on various anti-Putin protests. My own reaction is mixed: as I noted in my 11/12/2023 entry, Putin is becoming ossified in his position and is dangerously close to thinking of himself as indispensible (as much as I can ascertain, not knowing him personally or being an expert on Russia). In my view he should have nominated a younger successor and gracefully stepped aside.

Disappointingly, the one Communist party candidate, Nikolay Kharitonov, did not win (and, in the current time, did not stand a chance of success). A post at Lemmygrad on the topic.

Anyway, i think this election isn’t really representative of the support that the KPRF actually has, as i said these were unusual circumstances what with the conflict sparking a patriotic wave and people wanting to show support for the commander in chief or at the very least keep the country stable until the war is won.

Imo regional elections in non-presidential election years are more indicative of the actual level of support that each party enjoys. And in those the KPRF tends to do quite well actually. Clearly Putin is incredibly popular, but that is not always the case for his party as a whole and other candidates that they run in lower level elections do lose to communists sometimes. (@cfgaussian)

My initial thoughts: this is an impressive result if not exactly what we communists would prefer, but it was to be expected that Putin would win, and do so convincingly with even more votes than he got in any previous elections due to the “rally around the flag” effect during a war and things generally going very well for Russia at the moment, both domestically in terms of the economy and geopolitically.

For us as communists we can at least be glad that the Communist Party came in second again, though we would much prefer to see a result like that of 2018 (or better) where the lead over the third place is more convincing. Still it is more than what communist parties get in almost any western country, and at an unusually high voter turnout of around 75% this still means that between 3 and 4 million people voted for communists.

Putin was never going to be defeated but this shows that communists in Russia need to step up their game if they want to continue to have political leverage to use in advancing working class interests. Putin will most likely leave the political scene come the end of this next six year term he just won, and it is necessary that by then the communists will have built up their strength, organizing and winning the trust of the people by fighting for their interests.

Participating in bourgeois electoralism is of course not the most productive avenue for communists to advance our goals but as Lenin explained it should also not be entirely excluded as a method of struggle in the right circumstances. The situation in Russia is currently one in which i believe those circumstances exist, unlike in the West where this is generally a rather pointless endeavor at the moment and our efforts are better spent elsewhere. (@cfgaussian)

The Ukrainian ambassador to Australia is having a major hysterical tantrum about a Four Corners documentary that actually presented the Russian side of the conflict (an amazing move for the ABC channel, which is normally extremely biased towards Ukraine, like the rest of the mainstream media here); I have not watched it. His Tweet:

The program aired last night on Four Corners, Ukraine’s War: The Other Side, was the journalistic equivalent of a bowl of vomit. It unquestioningly repeated and aired countless blatant lies, historical distortions, racist claims and propaganda narratives emanating from the Kremlin. Inasmuch, it completely served the interests of Russia’s dictator, Putin.

It also minimised and denigrated the deaths of thousands of innocent Ukrainian men, women and children who have been killed by Russian soldiers in an illegal and brutal invasion strongly condemned by Australia and the majority of countries through the UNGA resolution in March 2022.

The Australian Broadcasting Corporation should be ashamed that it put such total garbage to air.

Through the Minister for Communications, I will ask for a meeting with the Managing Director of the ABC and the Executive Producer of Four Corners to understand what process led to the airing of this pro-Putin and pro-violence propaganda piece by Australia’s national broadcaster. I will share with them the facts that the program totally disregarded.

A case of projection and hypocrisy. There has been no end of Russophobic, pro-Ukrainian “propaganda pieces” in Australian mainstream media.

Wednesday 20/3: Weary

Cooler today, with a strong southerly wind. Took the bus to Chadstone SC for my usual retail therapy. Feeling very tired now, especially with the unending stress of having to interact with irascible elderly parents who can’t be reasoned with at times.

Thursday 21/3: Marauding moths; returning to John Hughes; more documentary controversy

My parents’ house has an ongoing clothes moth infestation, a result of ancient worn and dirty carpet (a biohazard), and accumulated clutter (beds and furniture are decades old and … not clean). It’s a frustrating ongoing battle against the pests. What is really needed is a complete renovation, with the old carpet removed and house renewed (ideally, demolished and a new modern one built!), and perhaps polished wooden floors without carpet (rugs can be placed where desired). I hate carpet now; it is high-maintenance and a chore to clean, and a health hazard.

I actually finished a novel! This was No One by John Hughes (the Australian author now unfortunately notorious for alleged plagarism, and what seems to be a bit of a witch hunt against him – 26/2/2023; 15/3/2023 entries), and am reading The Dogs again. I find both novels oddly compelling despite my initial reaction in those earlier entries. Are they great literature? I don’t feel confident enough in my judgement to state one way or the other. Did I enjoy No One? Again, hard to say – it is not an easy read like genre fiction would be, but I kept reading nonetheless. The “Australianness” of the novel is also a factor; though set in Sydney rather than my home city of Melbourne, there is still enough familiarity to relate to the setting.

I will link again to the article “Where have all the adventurous readers gone?” Terri-ann White of Upswell Publishing for Seesaw Magazine, 3/9/2021, on the merits of reading difficult and culturally-relevant literature, as opposed to the dominant few popular genre authors dominating bookstores internationally with easy-to-read, entertaining but ultimately mediocre stories (the literary equivalent of junk food). I am sometimes in the mood for more challenging books, and am increasingly reluctant to waste my life reading crap. And I don’t believe that reading anything is better than nothing at all; one could say that eating junk food is preferable to starving to death, but a prolonged diet of junk is still nutritionally deficient.

Sigh … to continue yesterday’s media outrage over the Four Corners documentary (19/3 entry), an opinion piece complaining that “The ABC’s Four Corners is spreading Russian propaganda,” The Age, 20/3. Just one documentary showing Russia’s point of view (compared to the innumerable Ukrainian propaganda documentaries screened here) and Ukraine shills howl in outrage. Screw them.

Friday 22/3: Heat hopefully over; sister arriving next Friday; Soyuz MS-25 launch abort

Some pleasant mostly sunny days forecast, with cold mornings and days into the mid-20s; pre-Autumn weather. The worst of the hot weather is hopefully over.

My sister will stay here from next Friday (Good Friday) to Sunday; not very long, though (travel here from Wagga Wagga and back by train, a long journey).

The Soyuz rocket and Soyuz MS-25 launch of the next crew to the ISS was aborted 20 seconds before launch due to an umbilical mast not retracting. The crew disembarked, and the next launch attempt will be on 23/3.

Saturday 23/3: Tired and stressed

Yet another altercation with parents this morning over a purchase they made. Soured my initial reasonably good mood for the day. I wish for solitude.

Sunday 24/3: Quiet

Day became pleasantly sunny in the afternoon. I managed to lie down for a while and almost went to sleep, but as usual can’t fully relax with parents around.

Soyuz MS-25 launched successfully today, to dock on 25/3.

Monday 25/3: Another liminal wood

Found an image of another forest region which I find appealing (ignoring the unfortunate focus of the image – Ukrainian anti-aircraft gunners in the Donetsk region), in the manner of previous liminal forest photos (29/2; 15/3 entries): a steppe biome of low open deciduous woodlands and shrubs in a grey-brown wintery desaturated landscape – I can’t seem to find an exact listing of the tree species, frustratingly, though the woody trees look like hazel.

Tuesday 26/3: Sore feet; mentally imploding

Another pleasant late Summer day after a gloomy overcast morning.

The soles of my feet hurt, to the point where I have difficulty walking. Don’t know why; perhaps some vitamin deficiency.

Via Ran Prieur’s 29/2 blog entry (previously: 15/3 entry), a call to “Bring Back the Nervous Breakdown,” The Atlantic, March 2021. Breakdowns used to be an accepted reason for a mental and physical time out (“It provided sanction for a pause and reset that could put you back on track”), but not any more, it seems (“But in a society reflexively suspicious of rest, getting a restorative break tends to require a formal mental-health diagnosis. Otherwise, you risk getting called a slacker”). I was diagnosed with a NB in Year 12 at school way back in 1988, when I felt overwhelmed with the demands of my last year and just mentally shut down, refusing to leave my bedroom (11/8/2023 entry). Kind of analogous to a star imploding as it undergoes a supernova. Also relevant is this r/AgingParents post mentioned in my 24/8/2023 entry, “Yesterday I hit ‘the wall’” – I am very close to that now; I certainly wanted to during last Monday’s debilitating migraine (18/3 entry).

Wednesday 27/3: Creeping Russia conservatism

Took the bus to Chadstone SC this morning for my usual retail therapy.

Another article mentioning nutty Russian nationalist Aleksandr Dugin (19/2 entry): “Moscow Dispatch: The Rise of Right-Wing Radicalism in Russia,” Yaroslav Lebedev for Covert Action Magazine, 2/4/2020. “Many of these right-wing elements and their antecedents, like the National Alliance of Russian Solidarists (NTS) and factions of the Russian Orthodox Church, had been nurtured by western secret services and related rightist, fascist, and neo-Nazi movements during the period after World War II. These right-wing movements are today attempting to push Vladimir Putin’s government to the right and are preparing to take over if the current Russian administration becomes weaker.” The malign influence of the Orthodox Church is evident (the World Russian People’s Council was mentioned in my 19/2 entry).

“Demographics is Russia’s ‘Achilles heel’ – Kremlin,” RT, 26/3. Another worrisome call for women to essentially return to their traditional role as “breeders.” (3/2 entry.) “‘At the same time, it is possible and necessary to promote large families,’ said Peskov, himself a father of six. ‘Having many children should become fashionable. That’s why traditional values are so important to us … it is a matter of life and death for our country with its vast territory.’”

Thursday 28/3: Clearing (some) clutter

A gloomy overcast day, fineing up by the afternoon. Worst of summer heat is over, hopefully.

Dad has been laboriously clearing out some of his accumulated clutter in my sister’s old bedroom so she can stay/sleep in there while she is here over the weekend. Trying to tidy all this is utterly exhausting (and his garage is in even worse condition with piles of clutter everywhere). I made up her old bed, and even that has wiped me out.

Dad's clutter in my sister's old bedroom Dad's clutter in my sister's old bedroom

Friday 29/3: Quiet day; odd Redditor again

Good Friday; no shops open. A fine, sunny almost-Autumn day; perfect weather. I just wish I could get some enjoyment out of it.

Another lengthy and ranty post by Reddit user Fun-Fix6487 (22/1 entry): “does anyone suffer abuse from family or partner or friends while on carnivore diet?” (The diet mentioned is one of those bizarre fad ones, this involves eating only meat and fat – ugh! Obviously not healthy in the long term.)

Saturday 30/3: 91; sister here

Another fine sunny day. Dad is 91 years old today. My sister arrived here yesterday evening after a 4½-hour train ride from Wagga Wagga.

I had a mild but still debilitating headache overnight into this morning; it has mostly gone now.

Sunday 31/3: Sister departs

A foggy morning then the sun suddenly appeared around 12 p.m., thankfully. Unfortunately rain is forecast for tomorrow and for a few days. I would be happy to never see rain again.

Two chores I utterly hate: cooking and gardening. I hate the tedious process of following recipes, so I avoid this and just microwave veggies. Gardening is supposedly theraputic but for me is yet another tedious chore, with much sweeping and tidying up assorted messes. I would be happy to live in a flat/apartment with no garden or backyard.

My sister departed today; another 4½-hour journey, not arriving at Wagga Wagga until after midnight. Australia’s railway network is an embarrassment compared to those of Europe, Japan and China – the prospect of high-speed rail here seems to be forever mired in the planning stage.

Nice to see and talk with her in person; unlike me, she has succeeded in “adulting.”

April

Monday 1/4: Sister back at her home

Weather started off warm, but clouded over from lunchtime and became unsettled, with heavy rain forecast.

My sister arrived back at her home in Wagga Wagga with no problems, aside from the train being a ½-hour late. She did not get back until after 1 a.m. (I got an iMessage from her around 1:30 a.m.!). Still, train travel is preferable to car or aircraft; much less hassle (no Customs, check-in, etc.).

Tuesday 2/4: Rain dump; Berger Russian spaceflight-bashing

A massive rain dump overnight and into this morning; the sort of weather I hate and which makes me anxious due to living in a deteriorating and leaky old house (more rain leaked down from the inside of the kitchen window again, though not as badly as the rain storm on 14/2). I would be happy if I never experienced rain again.

“Russia has a plan to “restore” its dominant position in the global launch market,” Eric Berger for Ars Technica, 2/4. Russophobe Eric Berger (previously: 6/10/2023 entry) posts his occasional and obligatorily derisive Russia spaceflight-bashing article.

Wednesday 3/4: Weekly retail therapy

To Chadstone SC this morning by bus. Still some showers around, but not intense like those of Monday (1/4 entry). Noticeably cooler; Autumn is now officially here. Leaves on deciduous street trees are turning reds and golds.

Thursday 4/4: Finished Wasted; castigated councilor; ranting Rafferty

A sunny day at last, but with a chill in the morning air. Unfortunately more rain due from the weekend onwards.

I read and finished Madness by Marya Hornbacher. Like her first biography, Wasted (23/5/2022 entry), it is a compelling read – an almost hallucinatory journey through her damaged self, in this book her bipolar disorder. A hugely destructive ordeal that she somehow survives and learns to manage (though it is not curable).

“Ukrainians target Australian politician over Moscow trip,” RT, 3/4. A Western Australian councilor got castigated for daring to visit Russia to observe the recent Presidential election, and making a positive comment about it: “[…] their democracy is more transparent and more certainly more professionally run, the logistics and management of their election process leads anything I’ve seen, certainly in the West.” The Australian Ukrainian community whingers erupted in predictable outrage (reported by ABC News with their usual Russophobic bias). One RT article commenter:

Such is the prevailing anti-Russia/anti-Russian groupthink in Australia, there is widespread desire to “destroy” McRae for his act of political heresy. Broader discrimination targeting Russians (to “punish” Russia) is also openly practiced (and in many cases, such as Russian athletes, is government policy).

Decades of Cold War conditioning has hardwired prejudice in many, beliefs that are reinforced by (hate-promoting) Australian MSM narratives (that are aimed at satisfying their bigotries [confirmation bias]). Indeed, Australia largely operates in an echo chamber.

Russia is to be always considered an enemy. This prejudice is not restricted to the general population. It is practiced by state authorities (the most prominent case being the persecution of Simeon Boikov). The disgraceful actions of the Australian authorities relating to the Russian embassy is another example.

Indeed Australian judicial institutions also openly/blatantly engage in geopolitically influenced actions. In the process they have clarified their bigotry and lack of credibility. (AC3369)

A screenshot example (184 KB) of one of the bizarre commenters on a pro-Russian blog, Andrei Martyanov’s. This particular Disqus account of Patrick O’Raffety seems to be either on drugs, or a bot or troll, as they constantly use offensive racist and sexist terms in every post. No way of reporting them, and the blog owner does not moderate comments. They give the impression of being mentally ill. This is a reason I am finding these few blogs increasingly unbearable; they seem to attract all the unhinged personalities.

Friday 5/4: Clothing purging; blogger disagreement

Fine and sunny. Am mentally and physically exhausted from another clothing purge, which took up most of the day. Any clothes that have not been worn in a long time go out; one must be ruthless.

A spat between two pro-Russian bloggers and their respective followers: Andrei Martyanov (“I Didn’t Want To Do It ….”) and Simplicius the Thinker (addressed in the post “SITREP 4/3/24: Zelensky Steps Closer to Mobilization Plunge Amid Dire Warnings,” a long scroll down the page). I read both, but am not an expert so I can’t judge as to their accuracy. The Russophobic mainstream media is a hostile enough foe, however, without infighting between those on the other side, so I hope the issue will be resolved.

Saturday 6/4: Daylight Savings ends

Had a headache overnight and into this morning, so another struggle to get the usual chores done.

Daylight Savings ends tonight, so an extra hour in bed, thankfully.

Sunday 7/4: A little more rested; finished The Dogs; unapologetic for liking Cats

An hour’s extra sleep makes a difference! Woke up naturally (no alarm) and have a rare feeling of being rested, no headache, and in a reasonable mood (at least before interactions with parents :-(). Wish Daylight Savings could be abolished altogether.

Showers forecast for every day this coming week, unfortunately. I utterly hate rain (and wind, and storms); it makes doing any activity outside (including waiting for public transport) much more difficult and unpleasant, and can’t hang out laundry.

I finally finished The Dogs by John Hughes (21/3 entry). And I still feel the way I felt on my last read attempt (15/3/2023 entry); it felt more of a chore to plow through rather than an enjoyable or insightful read. This quote from The Monthly article seems relevant: “In a need, almost a desperation, to be in the exalted company of literary history, Hughes’s method made his books take on an almost algorithmic quality. The components of The Dogs, when laid out, resemble the product that a machine-learning program, trained on the Western canon, might make in trying to win a literary award. Lachlan Brown is among those who felt the resonance: ‘AI models in the future might look like this. A mishmash of older forms and structures that boil down to a particular recipe with a contemporary spice, or a contemporary flavor. In that way, it may be a prototypical AI generated novel.’”

Two musicals-relevant subReddit posts: “I unironically love Shrek The Musical: […] I honestly don’t understand the hate behind it. I would call it a guilty pleasure but you shouldn’t feel guilty about liking stuff like this.” I feel the same way about Cats (the musical and movie – 15/1 entry). “‘Basic’ and ‘fake’ theatre fans: There is no such thing as a fake theatre fan. If you like something, you are a fan of that thing. If someone likes only one musical or performance, then good for them. They don’t have to be fully immersed into the whole theatre spiel. […] Don’t make fun of people for either A) liking only one musical or B) only liking popular musicals.”

Monday 8/4: Putin dream guest appearance; musical theater superfans

Rain overnight, but it cleared for the morning and most of the afternoon. More on the way, unfortunately.

President Putin appeared in a dream last night! (Previously: 11/10/2022 entry.) Nothing dramatic; I was behind a shop counter in the distorted dream version of Southland that is a recurring dreamscape, and saw Putin standing in the distance. He was in his earlier occupation as a KGB agent. I felt nervous and did not want him to notice me, so I tried to look inconspicuous. That was the only scene I remember.

I learned that there are musical theater superfans, those who are obsessed with one musical, so I am validated! There is even a documentary, Repeat Attenders, about them. Two The Guardian articles that came up with a quick search: “Think you love musicals? Meet the fan who has seen Les Mis 977 times,” 10/6/2020; and “‘I’ve seen it 703 times!’: Cats superfans on the show’s magical appeal – and the new movie,” 25/7/2019. It is a form of escapism from the relentlessly gloomy barrage that comprises most news now.

Tuesday 9/4: Watched Repeat Attenders

Unpleasantly cold and rainy overnight and into this morning; heavy showers which moderated by lunchtime. No more hot weather for a few months, most likely.

I watched the Repeat Attenders documentary (8/4 entry), which I surprisingly found quite absorbing and I finished it. The “superfans” interviewed were presented sympathetically, in their own words (the one disturbing person was a man who had been imprisoned for stalking a female musical performer). Two of the notable fans were a German woman who was obsessed with Starlight Express (she cosplayed as one of the characters, Pearl), and an American female Cats fan with an enviably huge memorabilia collection (admittedly mostly taking over her garage and house).

A recent r/Broadway post about the documentary. Also a more general article from The Age on the increasing popularity of musicals here: “Why musicals are booming – and upping security,” 1/9/2023.

Wednesday 10/4: Weekly Chadstone visit

To Chadstone SC by bus for my almost-weekly retail therapy. The shopping center is practically a small town now, and is far too big to walk around in the limited (around 1 hour on a 2-hour Myki fare charge) visit, so I have to rush to my planned shops then back to the bus terminal.

A rather dull, overcast and drizzly day. Lay down for over ½hour in the afternoon; wish I could rest for much longer.

Thursday 11/4: Night wanderings

Near day’s end and my meager energy levels have evaporated, as usual.

Parents – mainly Mum – are increasingly having some symptoms of “sundowning,” aging-related restlessness and confusion at night. It is more disruption to my already-inadequate sleep, and more anxiety for me.

An article on an obsessive fan, related to an upcoming TV episode of SBS Insight: “My husband was obsessed with a Hollywood actor. It broke us,” 1/4 (Archive.org link as article removed from the site for some reason). I have never been an obsessive fan of anything that I can recall, though I have had moderate enthusiasm for various interests over the years. Unfortunately I can’t seem to persist with any.

Friday 12/4: Old house dream

Autumn weather has definitely arrived; cool and rainy. Wish I could see the leaves of the deciduous trees in the USA and Europe turn gold and red, where they are native to the ecosystems there.

Feeling irritable and cranky for the usual reasons (difficult aging parents). Had a dream last night of visiting a very old, dilapidated house in even worse condition than my parents’ house: a two-storey white weatherboard in the suburbs near Port Phillip Bay (where I used to ride my bicycle down to Beach Road), on a forested block of land. Inside the walls were covered with cobwebs and the rooms were very dark and dingy.

Browsing my usual websites, but (as I griped in my 18/2 entry), little comfort to be found anywhere. Social media is unbearable, full of virtual screaming and ranting.

Saturday 13/4: Dreams of sleep and MacBooks

Overcast morning, but the sun came out somewhat reluctantly this afternoon.

A little verse and wish that popped into my head:

I just want to collapse in a heap
And then to be taken away
So I can rest and sleep.
To stay in bed for days
Or even for weeks.

Out of (wishful) curiosity, I had a look at the most expensive Apple MacBook Pro currently available in Australia. The maxed-out selection of a Space Black 16‑inch MacBook Pro totalled A$11,699.00!

I wonder if anyone has bought that configuration, and what it feels like to use?

Sunday 14/4: Dad unwell

An overcast but fine day; very still.

Dad not feeling well in the afternoon; vague tiredness and some vertigo. I am constantly anxious each day as to what might go wrong with my parents or our living situation generally; things are very precarious (as Dad’s episode with COVID-19 demonstrated – 1/12/2022 entry). I can’t drive still, so if anything else happens to Dad healthwise, we are stuck at home. I wish we had help.

Monday 15/4: Back to normal (for now)

A calm, sunny Autumn day; just perfect for once. Dad seems back to mostly normal; perhaps yesterday’s episode (14/4 entry) was a symptom of Long COVID. He gets tired very easily (not surprisingly anyway as he is 91). Said he thought he was back in the RAF. Things feel so precarious; what will go wrong next? A constant anxiety from day to day.

Michele rang on our landline number; we spoke briefly but it was nice to talk to her.

Tuesday 16/4: Another random headache

Another fine still day. Had a headache overnight and up to around lunchtime; could feel the ominous twinges of the oncoming headache yesterday evening. Not quite a migraine but debilitating still. Off-the-shelf painkillers (ibuprofen, paracetamol) don’t seem to help much.

Wednesday 17/4: To Chadstone SC

To Chadstone SC by bus for my usual Uniqlo retail therapy.

Still felt vaguely headachey all night, but it seems to have dissipated now … until the next time. Feeling dull and uninspired; no joy in website browsing.

Thursday 18/4: Dull day

A dull, overcast cold day, which affects my mood. Yet another blow-up with parents. Tired of dealing with this every day.

Friday 19/4: Oversensitive mouse; gaming disinterest; sailing log

Another partly overcast, cold day. A bit of rain overnight.

Still feeling irritable and uninspired. At least I am exchanging emails with my sister and my aunt (Dad’s sister) more often, so I have some others to converse with.

My computer mouse (a Logitech Optical Gaming Mouse G300) which I’ve used for quite a few years, seems irritatingly oversensitive recently; I have tried tweaking various settings but to no avail. Installing the driver did not help either.

Speaking of mice, I saw a real one, very small, scurry across the brick paving outside the back door yesterday. There are mice around here (not inside that I know of); this is where a stray cat would be useful!

I sometimes feel like I am the only person online who has absolutely no interest in computer gaming (or any sort of games); it seems to be a major obsession with most these days, particularly younger people who have grown up with the increasingly ubiquitous activity.

One of the people online whose websites I visit most days, Bill Dietrich (previously: 2/2 entry) has a section on his years spent on a sailboat after retirement. I have little interest in sailing myself (and certainly no funds or skills to!) but am reading through in a haphazard manner. Living on a sailboat seems to be a lot of hard work and expense.

My late uncle (Mum’s brother) did have a yacht for several years in the 1980s, the Warrain, which he built himself from a fiberglass mould and fitted out in Gran’s front yard. My family and I did go out on Port Phillip Bay for a sail a couple of times, but that was all (see my Photo Gallery).

Saturday 20/4: Chores

Partly cloudy but otherwise fine, if rather cold. To Southland SC this morning with parents, as we do most mornings.

Spent most of the day doing chores as usual, so am exhausted by the afternoon.

Sunday 21/4: No RSS by choice; demographic panic; more $ into a black hole

One web feature I have never used, or felt the need for, are RSS feeds. I never really understood the concept, and though I do now, still have no desire to use them. I would rather just visit the websites I follow. My own website obviously does not have one; I would have to code an RSS page manually and, to quote Ran Prieur, “Doing it myself would be too much work.” RSS is more suited to static site generators and content-managed blogs that can be set up to produce a RSS feed automatically. (Related if somewhat exaggerated rant from Keenan: “RSS readers make me want to jump into a vat of acid!” 2/2/2024. And in this I obviously disagree with Kev Quirk: “Please Add RSS Support To Your Site,” 27/8/2019 and Paolo Amoroso, “Why your blog still needs RSS,” 20/8/2022.)

“Researchers raise alarm over Russian demographics,” RT, 19/4. Again with the demographic panic. Not exclusive to Russia, but the push towards conservative “traditional family values” bodes ill for women there (27/3 entry). Governments will have to come to the realization that having the economy linked to population growth is a dead-end.

“US House approves Ukraine aid bill,” RT, 20/4. And yet more good money thrown after bad. Unbelievable. Billions that should have been spent on domestic issues.

Monday 22/4: Sunny at least

A lovely calm sunny day after a chilly morning. Did chores. To Southland SC this morning with parents.

Tuesday 23/4: Off-colour; Paul Lutus

Sunny and mild again, but rain due from tonight, unfortunately. To Southland SC this morning with parents. A blow-up again with them afterwards. I felt vaguely headachey and off overnight, with some trapped gas this morning, so that soured my mood also.

Another of the online people whose websites I visit regularly (2/2 entry) is Paul Lutus. He is something of a polymath, with an impressive array of skills (mostly programming- and science-related). He also spent many years sailing. A quick Google search shows he was born on 16 May 1945 (current age is 78 years), Cambridge, Massachusetts, United States. He comes across as a bit prickly and no-nonsense, but at least he subscribes to the old-style Internet ethos (“A Note about Freeware”). I have been visiting his website since the 2000s, when some of that old Internet still remained, before the plague of social media and corporate advertising became dominant. There is an interview with him, The Original Remote Developer, on 4/10/2021.

Wednesday 24/4: To Chadstone; Super Fans

Had a headache overnight and into this morning; not quite a migraine but still severe. It mostly cleared up after breakfast. Weather turned nasty with gusty rain squalls and cold southerly wind.

To Chadstone SC by bus for my weekly retail therapy; bought some thermal undershirts at Uniqlo.

“My idol has her ‘own’ room in our house. My wife is okay with it,” SBS Insight, 24/4. The SBS “Super Fans” episode screened (previously: 11/4 entry). No particular surprised, just that such fans get meaning in their lives from the person they fixate on. Also some spend thousands of dollars on memorabillia!

Thursday 25/4: Irrelevant public holiday; Australia should not stand with Ukraine; recruitment troubles; commodifying everything; Internet gripes

Anzac Day public holiday; meaningless to me, and I detest the mawkish, almost cult-like sentiment around the war memorial day now. The holiday is also an annoying disruption to one’s daily routine.

I did not have a headache on awakening (24/4 entry), and what a difference that makes.

The Australian Defence Force website has a section with news articles related to its operations supporting Ukraine after searching. Operation Kudu: “Operation Kudu is the Australian Defence Force commitment to the training of armed forces of Ukraine recruits in the United Kingdom. Operation Kudu is working alongside partner nations as part of the United Kingdom (UK) led training program to build additional capacity for Ukraine to defend their homeland. The operation will focus on basic infantry tactics for urban and wooded environments.” I have no doubt that some of the Western so-called “trainers” and “advisers” are actually fighting alongside Ukrainian soldiers against Russia in the combat zone. I am, as I have always been, furious that Australia is supporting that worthless place; we should have remained neutral towards the conflict and not antagonized Russia, a far more relevant world power. Sadly, the hostility between Russia and Australia is now so vitriolic that it might take decades to repair (if ever).

“A $50k bonus, cheap uni, extra healthcare: the 4400 Navy jobs no one wants,” The Age, 25/4. “The real takeaway to anyone listening, though, was the major staffing problems facing our defence forces. It’s a problem that is going to weigh heavily on the government’s ambitions – in areas from security to energy transition to aged care – while also putting huge question marks over the opposition’s own plans.” Because they are highly stressful jobs; the military involves loss of personal autonomy as payment for all the advertised “perks” – military personnel have to go to wherever their service deploys them (many countries to which they might be sent are objectively awful places). Few would want to undertake an occupations such as aged care – no matter how highly paid – as it is an unrelentingly awful job. Another undesirable job is that of a prison guard – highly stressful, and is physically dangerous as it involves interacting with extremely unpleasant people.

“Minimalism as a product,” Simone Silvestroni’s blog, 30/3/2024. I emphatically agree with his sentiment regarding the relentless commodification of everything that seems to be unfortunately endemic in American culture (one of its negative aspects). “When I have an exchange with someone living in the US, and I feel like the other person is not trying to sell me something, or subtly talking about money, their career, or ways to build up wealth, I’m positively surprised. I assume it’s not a malicious behaviour, surely many Americans do that without realising. However, I think that the trend must come from an ingrained cultural root. Supposedly, the entire Western civilisation is to blame, I just happen to have noticed this behaviour from a specific geographic area. For sure I’ve grown tired of listening to rich privileged people who can’t see how transparent is their push to commercialise and make money off anything.”

A relatable rant at r/TrueUnpopularOpinion: “The internet has gotten far worse over the last decade.” My own gripes relate to the ever-more-odious and complex security requirements for accounts. “Not every single app needs two-factor authentication mentioned every 48 hours you don’t sign in. Who the f*ck is going to hack into my Hotel Employee Rewards account? At least give us the option and let us check a box that we understand that it puts our account at a higher security risk.” Passwords alone no longer suffice for many; there is also 2-factor-authentication the poster mentioned – 2fa – as well, and newer annoyances like passkeys (11/11/2023 entry). I am also sick of the frequent and seemingly-endless updates for devices and programs; many people would have several devices (laptops, desktop PCs, mobile phones, etc.) which make the update process extremely tiresome.

Friday 26/4: Dull; irritable

A grey and overcast cold day. To Southland SC this morning with parents.

Felt irritable and unfocused today, as I do some days. Little to get enthused about when browsing websites; almost nothing brings me enjoyment now. I visit various forums frequently, but most are a source of agitation (particularly Reddit!), and I rarely post comments anywhere. I do want to virtually scream at some comments that annoy me (mainly on Reddit again, such as its members’ almost uniform support for a certain obnoxious place with a blue-and-yellow flag), but it is perhaps best to mostly adhere to the saying, “if you can’t say anything nice, say nothing at all.” Getting into virtual arguments is a pointless endeavour.

Saturday 27/4: Finished The Night Circus

No headache on awakening. A couple of fine days, but rain due on Monday, sadly. To Southland SC this morning with parents. Spent most of the day doing chores, so am tired as usual. Cut the tip of my right index/pointer finger when opening the aluminium foil seal of a can, so that will be a nuisance for a week or so until it heals, as it is a much-used body part site.

I finished a novel, The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern. I did enjoy it; the image of a magical circus existing within our mundane reality, the evocative imagery (colors of white, black and red were a theme throughout) and the tension as to whether the main characters would survive and keep it going. I also liked that it was mostly set in the late 1800s/early 1900s, when my grandmothers were young. There are critiques that the plot is all style and no substance, but that did not bother me.

I have never been to a circus; I would rather like to go, to a traditional one (though without the exotic tamed animals acts). They are scarce in Australia now, though.

Sunday 28/4: More funding wasted on Ukraine; managing aged parents

Unfortunately, news to infuriate me – yet more Australian taxpayers’ dollars funneled into that worthless blue-and-yellow-flagged place: “Australia to provide $100 million in funding and supplies to Ukraine,” ABC News, 27/4; “Australia pledges $100 million in additional military aid to Ukraine,” SBS News, 28/4. “The fresh defence package brings Australia’s total assistance for Ukraine to more than $1 billion.” Is there any Australian politician with the courage to speak out against this wasteful extravagance?

The official Australia Government Defence media release: “Australia continues to stand with Ukraine.” I most emphatically stand with Russia, and I hope the conflict gets resolved on Russia’s terms, and that the West is utterly humiliated. Deputy Prime Minister Richard Marles Tweeted: “More than two years since Russia’s full scale invasion, Ukraine and its people inspire us all. Australia continues to stand with Ukraine which is why we have announced a new $100m military support package providing short range air defence systems, drones and other equipment.” Well, I am certainly not “inspired” – more incited to furious anger and hatred.

“How to care for your ageing parents,” The Age, 27/4. Something I can unfortunately relate to, though I do it with a lot less grace and patience, it being a role I am ill-suited to and untrained for.

Monday 29/4: Repressive religious refugees in Russia; car-free motility

An overcast, gloomy day with a sprinkle of rain. To Southland SC this morning with parents.

“About The Ark …” Andrei Martyanov’s Blog, 26/4. Another odious entry, this on a disturbing topic I have noted before (3/2, 19/2 entry): Americans seeking to emmigrate to Russia to join religious communities and live so-called conservative traditional family values, where women are relegated to their supposedly traditional family role as breeders. There are also racist overtones in that they are “white” Europeans supposedly being outnumbered by immigrants from other countries and cultures (the “Great Replacement conspiracy theory). “Do not idealize Russia, she has problems but those problems, like Middle Asia migration, are being solved. These people are Christians, their kids will become American Russians in no time, they will pick up language with a lighting speed. This is happening more and more …. Yes, the future for European stock children (and their parents) is in Russia, maybe Hungary if Hungary understands that she will need to join eventually BRICS emerging security configuration to repel inevitable attempts on her sovereignity by kinetic means of NATO/EU. The floodgates are opening as I predicted years ago – the creek will become a river. These people are welcomed in Russia with open arms. Children – they are the true treasure in every respect. They are national wealth.” Many of the unmoderated comments are blatantly racist and sexist.

Description below the YouTube video he linked: “Meet Jozef, Ann, and their 6 children (the 7th is coming soon)@homeinrussia. This is an American expat family in Russia They left their country to escape the controversial ideology that exists in the U.S. today. Jozef and Ann are traditional Catholics. Unfortunately, the new agenda in the West no longer aligns with their faith, ‘We won’t teach our children that they can be gay, we won’t teach our children that it’s okay to have a marriage between two men or two women. We won’t do that!’ The final straw for the move was a new American law, stating that ‘if your five-year-old boy says that he wants to be a girl, then they can just take the boy away from the parents without permission and take them to the hospital and chop them up’ They chose Russia because family values are the foundation of the country here. In America, the family was often criticized for having so many children. Now they have six, with a seventh on the way. In Russia, it’s the opposite, ‘Russians treat children like gold bars. I have not seen this in any other country.’ Jozef is an IT program manager. He is actively looking for a job at a Russian company now. But the main goal of this big, close-knit family is to obtain Russian citizenship and become full-fledged citizens of their new homeland, Russia, ‘We want to become Russian citizens as soon as possible.’” They resemble recruits for some sinister cult, and I wonder if the woman is truly content in her subservient role; I can only think of The Stepford Wives or The Handmaid’s Tale. A modern equivalent is the “Tradwife.”

“‘Just didn’t add up’: Could you survive without a car?,” The Age, 24/4. Only if you live in an urban area with easy access to public transport, and perhaps have a bicycle for shorter journeys. I have never owned a car, but still rely on other car owners (mainly parents – well, only Dad now and he won’t be able to drive for much longer due to age-related cognitive decline) for most transport.

Tuesday 30/4: Other lives

Another dull, overcast, cold day with a sprinkle of rain. To Southland as usual.

Some events from people’s blogs I regularly visit online (2/2 entry): Ran Prieur is currently vacationing in Hawaii (29 April entry), lucky him! Bill Dietrich posted a few photos of his new Barcelona apartment’s renovation (29/4/2024 entry) where he and his wife will move (and I fantasize of having my own apartment!). Greg Lehey recently bought a new Burmese kitten, Mona, who looks adorable. I noted in my 7/8/2023 entry that I live vicariously through other peoples’ lives via their online writings.

May

Wednesday 1/5: Tsar tyranny

A lovely sunny fine day, though with a chilly morning. The weather really affects my mood; sunshine cheers me up a bit. Unfortunately this was spoiled by the by-now-usual altercations with parents. To Chadstone SC by bus for my weekly retail therapy.

My cut index finger (27/4 entry) is slowly healing, perhaps slower than it otherwise would as I have to keep it covered with waterproof bandaids due to the cut being on the tip and easily reopened again.

An anti-monarchist comment by steven t johnson from the Moon of Alabama blog:

A shameless Canadian archly asks who murdered the Romanov family? The Bolsheviks of course …. Good for them! Dead kings are blood that waters the tree of liberty. Monarchs and their stooges say their blood is better than mine. I say no. But when their tyranny topples, their depraved lies must be refuted by pouring out this allegedly superior blood so that all can see the lie. No monarch who claims to have abandoned their libel on the rest of humanity can be trusted to deny their right to lord it over the rest of us if the balance of forces shifts in their favor (as in, White armies approaching.) But apparently a Canadian reveres foreign monarchs as much as they revere Charles III. Just as Edmund Burke valued the king of France above any other form of human, so too does the Canadian. But the servile are eager to be indignant on the behalf of their masters. What’s next, outrage when people kill billionaires?

It’s not clear if Vladimir Abashkin is the physicist posing as a historian, but the lack of a citation (the [2] does not give a traceable reference, thus cannot serve as a citation, just the illusion of one) suggests that this is once again propaganda. In any event the figures given for those victims of the Tsars fortunate to get trials is typically misleading, as it omits not just the cannon fodder casually sacrificed in the Tsar’s wars, but those who didn’t get the figleaf of a trial. Such as for instance, the victims of the Black Hundreds, those bold fighters against “Freemasonry.” Even then it is likely enough the figure is more or less imaginary anyhow. See for instance Stolypin’s necktie. Stolypin’s neckties alone in just a few years after the revolution of 1905 numbered in the thousands.

Any genuinely interest in the issue of violence in revolutions might profit from Arno Mayer’s The Furies, a comparative study of the French and Russian revolutions. Some people say Mayer is a Marxist (he certainly is no Communist) but it’s the kind of “Marxist” who spends a lot of time thinking with ideas from the likes of Hannah Arendt and Carl Schmitt, and never uses ideas from Robespierre, Marat, St. Just, Hebert or Babeuf, much less the likes of Lenin and Trotsky.

The site linked in that comment has a page on The Nature and Structure of Tsarism:

Firstly, Tsarism had an oppressive nature, it was an autocratic system where the origin of sovereignty laid with a single person. This drastically affected the freedom and political landscape of Russia in comparison to the majority of the world towards the close of the 19th century and the commencement of the 20th. This despotism and arbitrariness was claimed to have “suffocated” industrial workers of St Petersburg by 1905 as they wrote a petition titled “sovereign” to the tsar with a list of demands and complaints about the tsarist regime. Secondly the use of the bureaucracy as the local face of the government led to an underlying loathing of the tsarist regime. This accompanied with food shortages and bureaucrats officiousness led to a revolutionary situation as many peasants and industrial workers became more inclined to accept and support left wing extremist propaganda. Thirdly the hereditary and elitist aspects of tsarism made no room for the concept of merit and achievement frustrating the driving force behind Russia, mainly the proletariat and peasants who lived in a cycle of poverty as a result of the backward system of promotion prior to 1905.

Russia’s political system at the turn of the 20th century was one of the most backward in Europe. It was one of the few remaining autocracies: all political power and sovereignty was vested in a hereditary monarch, the tsar. The tsar was bound by only two restrictions: adherence to the Russian Orthodox Church and the laws of succession. In all other matters, the tsar and his will were considered supreme. Unlike most other nations, Russia had no constitution, no elected representative assembly, no democratic processes within the national government, no high court or court of appeal that could examine or restrain the tsar’s laws. Tsarist government was essentially government by decree: the tsar issued declarations or proclamations and his ministers, governors and bureaucrats implemented them. The old tsarist structure had contributed to revolutionary situation as it had revealed Russia’s shortcomings to the developing world.

For Russia to advance, it was necessary to purge the Tsar, his family and associates. Unfortunately the Tsar is still revered by some and has been a subject of historical revisionism after the collapse of Communism (31/1, 1/2 entries).

Thursday 2/5: Haircut

Headache overnight and into this morning. A gloomy overcast start, but sun came out around lunchtime. Another altercation with parents (incontinence issues). Cannot cope with them.

Me after a visit to a hairdresser at Southland SC, 2/5/2024

Got my hair cut ($28!) at Southland SC. Feels much better.

Friday 3/5: Sister here

Chilly morning; mostly fine day. Took the bus to Chadstone SC again. My sister and her husband have driven here to Melbourne for the weekend; arrived today, drive back to Wagga Wagga on Sunday.

Saturday 4/5: Apartment dream

A chilly, foggy start to the morning. Very difficult to function when the cold temperatures set in.

Saw my sister today.

A favorite fantasy now is a simple (but currently unobtainable) one of having my own apartment (and no garden!), my own space. Just being able to wake up when I want, to go about my day in a relaxed manner, not having to clean up after others and cope with aging, difficult parents, to be able to properly rest and sleep. I don’t know where it would be located.

Sunday 5/5: Heatwave hell; malignant monarchy; heathen hate group

A post from r/Thailand, “This hot weather has been really rough!” There is currently a heatwave in South-East Asia and it looks absolutely hellish; even people native to the region are suffering. I don’t know why people (mainly Westerners) voluntarily go to such places to live – heat and humidity combined are my idea of torture. In my 20/10/2023 entry I mentioned An Animist’s Ramblings Substack; in “Seasonal Rhapsody - Part I: Water” he details the rainy season in Thailand. Again, given my intense hatred of rain, this would be hell for me.

As I am a monarchism-hater (1/1, 14/1, 6/2, 11/3, 1/5 entries), Thailand is also infamous for its odious lèse-majesté law which criminalizes any criticism of their monarchy. It is very embedded in the culture, and attempts to change this, such as in the recent elections (“Thailand’s Move Forward Party set to be disbanded over concerns lese-majeste policy threatened monarchy,” ABC News, 13/3) are thwarted, frustratingly. Perhaps only a violent (preferably Communist) revolution will change things.

An unfortunate irony regarding paganism is that conservatism has crept into some elements of those beliefs also, in the form of white supremacism. One of the most obnoxious is the Asatru Folk Assembly (“Asatru [Icelandic: Ásatrú] is a religion which involves the worship of ancient Germanic and Scandinavian Viking spirits and gods.”) Sadly, this awful ideology has tarnished an otherwise tolerant belief system. Another irony is that the ASA espouses “traditional” roles for women, in the same manner that the Orthodox Church does (29/4 entry). A random extract from one of their newsletters:

The entire season we call spring is in reality the death of winter and the birth of summer. It’s the time to honor our women for what makes them truly feminine. Our women nurture, they create new life, they keep our homes from becoming houses, they stand side by side with their men, and they honor each other in their respective roles.

The greatest gift this season gives my family is the opportunity to acknowledge what true femininity is. The way we honor women this month ignores modern perversions and embraces true femininity. We honor mothers, sisters, and daughters for the way they add warmth and light to our world and for how they bring purity and joy to our lives. Because of this, my daughters will not grow up trying to outdo men and face a silly gender war as they are taught to love who they are and the beauty our women create. There is no antagonism between the sexes when both are allowed to fill the natural roles that breed healthy and happy lives.

In sentiment, hardly any different to that of established religions, and just as oppressive. And a blatantly supremacist paragraph from the AFA “Declaration of Purpose”:

II. The preservation of the Ethnic European Folk and their continued evolution: If the Ethnic European Folk cease to exist Asatru would likewise no longer exist. Let us be clear: by Ethnic European Folk we mean white people. It is our collective will that we not only survive, but thrive, and continue our evolution in the direction of the Infinite. All native religions spring from the unique collective soul of a particular race. Religions are not arbitrary or accidental; body, mind and spirit are all shaped by the evolutionary history of the group and are thus interrelated. Asatru is not just what we believe, it is what we are. Therefore, the survival and welfare of the Ethnic European Folk as a cultural and biological group is a religious imperative for the AFA.

Ugh. Skin color is superficial. “There is broad consensus across the biological and social sciences that race is a social construct, not an accurate representation of human genetic variation. Humans are remarkably genetically similar, sharing approximately 99.6%-99.9% of their genetic code with one another.” (Wikipedia: Race and human genetic variation.) People also tend to conflate “race” with culture – but people of any skin color who grow up and live in the same culture will share the social traits of that culture.

Monday 6/5: House dream

A lovely sunny mild day, with a few of such days forecast for this week – a nice change from the awful rainy weather of a few months ago (such as in my entry). Very tired as usual from chores and altercations with parents.

A dream of houses last night: I was looking inside a big box-shaped house in a forested area, one with a familiar interior that I have visited in previous dreams. It is two-storied with bedrooms on the upper floor.

Tuesday 7/5: Fed up

Another day spoiled by a blow-up with Dad. Interacting with parents is extremely stressful; I only feel some inner calm when I am by myself.

The soles of my feet hurt when I walk; as do some of my toes. I can barely walk very far now without this soreness.

Wednesday 8/5: Storm over (for now); President Putin inauguration; perusing Peru

Yesterday’s altercation with Dad nearly came to physical blows; patched over again later … until the next time. Am under a lot of stress, with declining parents and a deteriorating old house that is being buried under clutter and mess inside, and a very-neglected and overgrown garden that no one has the energy any more to maintain.

“NSW weather stuck in a rain streak and what’s behind the weather pattern,” ABC News, 7/5. Melbourne fortunately is out of the path of the heavy rain in the current system – the region further north along the east coast (NSW and Queensland) gets particularly bad wet weather and storms.

“Russia’s Vladimir Putin sworn in for fifth presidential term as Australia boycotts ceremony,” ABC News, 7/5. Putin is now officially President again, for better or worse. The Australian government continues to be rude and insulting by not attending his inauguration.

Have been reading Bill Dietrich’s two trips to Lima, Peru (2017, 2021-2022), the homeland of his wife (previously: 19/4 entry). An interesting city, if very different in many respects to Melbourne (comparison page). I like reading about the apartment his wife and sisters own there (some photos in the 3/10/2017 entry, and it looks in better condition than the old weatherboard house I live in with my parents), and the minutae of their daily life. The climate seems to be similar to Melbourne’s, in that there are many grey overcast days (though the city is at a higher latitude in the Southern Hemisphere). “Be prepared for gray skies: This is a heads up for those who suffer from seasonal mood swings in drab weather – don’t assume this coastal Latin American capital is the land of sunshine. For every month of the year outside of Peru’s summer season (January to March), the skies over Lima are consistently gray. This can be a huge disappointment for unsuspecting visitors – and can wear down even those prepared for this quirk of the Lima weather. Keep this in mind when planning the timing of a trip to Lima. On the plus side, the Peruvian capital is dry nearly all year round and you can stay active on the malecón (waterfront esplanade) to keep your energy levels and mood up.”

Thursday 9/5: Garden maintenance possibility

Another still, overcast day but some rain due tonight and tomorrow. To Southland SC with parents this morning.

Dad is looking at hiring a person to tackle the overgrown garden; someone came today to assess it. Hopefully this massive task will get done.

Friday 10/5: Flu vax; expats’ views of Australia

Rain overnight and into this morning. Got my annual influenza vaccination at the local chemist today.

I’m always curious as to how foreign visitors and expats view Australia (outsiders can provide a more objective insight into a culture than those of that culture), and the r/expats forum has a recent post, “What are the pros and cons of living in Australia?” Some quotes:

Pros:

Cons:

(SoybeanCola1933)

And a longer series of comments from a now-deleted user (I added some remarks):

I’m 30 and moved to Aus from the UK six years ago now. I also lived in the US for a year in my twenties.

Overall the experience has been … good. The quality of life in Australia is very high, and I think it would be an amazing place to live your middle years. However, I think it can be a little boring and if I had my time again I’m not sure I would choose to spend my 20s in Australia. I lived in London in the UK and it’s pretty incomparable.

Good things about Australia (noting that my partner and I live in Melbourne):

The bad things about Australia include:

Overall I haven’t regretted it but I think we will definitely move back to Europe or the US at some point just due to the isolation.

Saturday 11/5: Headache; shed dream

Had a headache overnight and into this morning; perhaps brought on by yesterday’s ’flu vax (10/5 entry). Barely had the energy to struggle through my routine chores.

A dream last night: another recurring scene of being in Dad’s shed, but it extended back perhaps a hundred meters or so, and there was a shop like a newsagent at the far end.

Sunday 12/5: Irksome day

Day started off fine – a lovely sunny day – but ruined by an altercation with parents, then having to do a system restore on my PC after a program got messed up, then digging out a new mouse to replace the janky one (19/4 entry). I bought both a few years ago and had the second one in storage. See how it goes.

Monday 13/5: New mouse & keyboard

Did not wake up with a headache, as I did not yesterday – makes a difference in my mood and how I function (at least until my parents awaken). A fine sunny day.

Replace the janky G300 mouse (19/4 entry) with another one I’d bought a few years ago as a spare (Logitech G402), and that one works normally – makes a big difference! Perhaps the laser pointer in the old one was malfunctioning; it had become incredibly frustrating to use. Both were/are gaming mice; overkill for my modest PC use (I don’t game) but I like the colored RGB lighting. I also had a spare of the keyboard (Logitech G213), so I discarded the old and somewhat battered one for that (I deposited both unwanted items at the Highett Officeworks electronics recycle center). The keyboard is also a gaming one; I bought it as I like the backlit RGB lighting effect (useful in a dimly-lit room). I am very cramped for space, though; can barely move the mouse around on my small desk. I would really like to downsize my desktop PC setup (or perhaps replace with a laptop?).

Tuesday 14/5: Garden cleanup begun

The garden maintenance people are here (a man and his assistant) to begin the massive task of tidying up the jungle that our garden has become. It will take a few sessions to do most of it.

Wednesday 15/5: Garden cleanup to continue; home malfunctions

The garden cleanup – of our backyard – was partially done yesterday; a few tree shrubs removed and much overgrown grass. Makes a difference already! There are some piles of branches and debris to be removed later on. The man and his female assistant (a young horticulture studies student) are from a garden maintenance franchise. They will return Saturday to continue the cleanup (backyard only at this stage), weather-dependent.

The toilet was partially clogging again this morning – some vigorous plunging by me seemed to clear it for now – and the toaster tripped the circuit breaker in the outside switchboard fuse box, so another toaster had to be bought.

I fantasize constantly now about having my own new apartment, or for this house to be demolished and rebuilt to modern standards. Just to live in real comfort!

Thursday 16/5: Nausea; anti-monarchist martyr; life in Lima

Felt a little bit off-color yesterday evening, then had some nausea and dry-heaves around 10 p.m. – what I normally get as part of a migraine, yet I did not have a headache. I did feel not-quite-right, or vaguely not well, though. Don’t know what it was or what triggered it.

I seem to have spent much of the day walking around in the process of doing chores, and am exhausted. I wonder how many kilometers I cover inadvertently?

Another victim of the evil institution that is monarchy, and in this case Thailand’s odious lese-majeste law (5/5 entry): “Netiporn ‘Bung’ Sanesangkhom dies in prison after months-long hunger strike in Thai prison,” ABC News, 15/5. A true martyr.

“What’s it like living in Lima, Peru? First observations from an Englishman,” r/PERU, (and a follow-up). Developed an interest in the place due to Bill Dietrich’s accounts of his visits there (8/5 entry), so this is an expat’s account of life there from 5 years ago. (I have had an interest in Incan history for some years, incidentally.)

Friday 17/5: Dull

Cold dull day with afternoon rain. Nothing of interest to comment on; just trudging through chores.

Saturday 18/5: Latest headache; horrible housing standards; more backyard-clearing

A bad headache developed overnight and into this morning; not quite a migraine but still debilitating as usual. Painkillers (paracetamol, ibuprofen) barely seem to mute these headaches.

Weather was fine today but with a cold wind, and I can’t seem to get warm in this poorly-insulated old house. A recent r/Melbourne post laments: “Housing, apart from being ridiculously expensive, is also ridiculously cold in Melbourne. How is this considered high-quality living city? Especially in a country so vulnerable to climate change, why is not anyone legislating building standards? In what universe is this acceptable ? There’s not even double glazing let alone proper thermal insulation.”

The garden maintenance people came again to do some more clearing; one more visit after that.

Sunday 19/5: Backyard progress

A cold windy day with a leaden grey sky threatening rain. At least I did not have a headache upon waking.

Below, backyard progress photos. The maintenance gardeners are only doing part of the backyard up to the collapsing pergola structure and overgrown wisteria (which badly needs removing as it has become an invasive weed, but that will be another later job, hopefully); even this has cost a fair bit! Still, it looks better already. Just wish we could afford for the garden to be re-landscaped as well! A low-maintenance garden with minimal vegetation. The wood paling side fences are also literally collapsing – they were built in the 1970s – yet more expense, unaffordable at the moment. As with cooking, I utterly hate gardening – both activities are just chores to me and are certainly not relaxing but are instead tiring and never-ending. I would be happy to live in an apartment without a garden.

Backyard before clearing Backyard before clearing Backyard before clearing

Overgrown and neglected backyard before clearing, 9 May 2024.

Backyard after clearing Backyard after clearing Backyard after clearing

Backyard after (partial) clearing, 19 May 2024.

Monday 20/5: More garden clearing; Lima views

Rain overnight; a cold and damp day. Gardeners are here again for some more clearing.

“Notes on Peru,” Matt Lakeman, 27/6/2021. Some interesting tidbits that aren’t the usual “ordinary travel blogging observations.”

“Latin America and Peru,” Amarynth at Global South, 18/5. A history of foreign powers meddling in the country’s internal affairs as they seek access to resources – and China is ultimately no more a benevolent partner than the USA (though the website tends to look at China in an overly-positive light). Both have ulterior motives. Internal corruption in politics seems to be also a chronic problem.

Was having a look around the Lima region via Google Maps and Streetview (and whatever the negative sentiments around Google, these sites are a marvellous way of visiting places that you may never get to in reality). Some random scenes: A view of Lima (Jorge Luis, October 2020) from the high mountains to the north of the city – a peculiar dusty brown barren landscape like the surface of the Moon, yet still an exhilarating sight. Lomas de Amancaes (José Pariona, September 2014): some actual blue sky and greenery, from more treeless mountains. And another extensive soaring Lima vista from the nearby mountains by Ricardo A., February 2017; with what looks like the Pacific Ocean to the west. Poverty – in the form of shanty towns surrounding the main city – is evident; these structures almost seem organic outgrowths of the landscape. (Melbourne certainly has lower socioeconomic areas, but not to such an obvious degree.)

Tuesday 21/5: Backyard mostly cleared

The gardeners came for a final clearing yesterday, and our backyard looks much better! (19/5 entry). Wish we could afford to have it landscaped as well, but there are too many other ongoing expenses.

Wednesday 22/5: Toy store dream; computer window shopping

A fine but chilly day. Can’t seem to get warm. Only a heater can get me warm; clothing has little effect no matter how many layers I pile on.

A dream last night – another recurring image – of visiting a toy shop in East Bentleigh (in reality, there isn’t one, but I think it is a distorted memory of a craft shop that used to be on Centre Road up to the 1980s), with a lot of people inside. I was looking for some toy eggs, a replica of a dozen in a carton, for Easter.

Am trying to find the age of my current desktop PC – a “Dad-build” acquired from him after my previous one malfunctioned (23/5/2023 entry). I opened the Command Prompt and typed systeminfo.exe, and some of the pertinent information displayed is:

System Manufacturer: Gigabyte Technology Co., Ltd.
System Model: Z68AP-D3
System Type: x64-based PC
Processor(s): 1 Processor(s) Installed.
[01]: Intel64 Family 6 Model 42 Stepping 7 GenuineIntel ~3601 Mhz
BIOS Version: Award Software International, Inc. FB, 12/10/2011

The BIOS dates from 2011, so the basic hardware is nearly 13 years old! And it is showing its age; it is still chugging along, but with some effort, and it is only a matter of time before it fails, also. I have been browsing various Australian computer websites (window-shopping) to see what is available (and affordable – preferably under $1000), but am paralysed by the huge amount of models and choices. What I do want: at least 16 GB RAM (only 8 GB RAM on my current PC), at least a 512 TB SSD for the operating system drive (I store my personal data on a second internal hard disk drive). I would also want an internal DVD player, though new PCs do not have these anymore. Also, plenty of USB ports! I do not game, so I don’t need a high-performance model (though the pretty RGB illuminated cases do appeal!). The range of processsor models is utterly confusing, and does one choose the AMD or Intel brands? And what type of PC – the classic desktop tower, or a compact box, or a mini-PC? Perhaps even a laptop instead, though these are comparatively more expensive and more limited. (I am very pressed for space in my bedroom.) Then should one look at a new PC, or perhaps the refurbished models? I really need some expert advice, but I do not know anyone (Dad can no longer cope with computers – and certainly could not build one now – due to age-related cognitive decline, sadly).

Thursday 23/5: LAN nostalgia; desktop PCs still relevant

“A nostalgic look back at when the Internet still felt joyful,” CNN, 14/3 (and related Hacker News post), and from ArsTechnica, “‘Just a bunch of idiots having fun’ – a photo history of the LAN party,” 21/11/2022. I never was involved in these – I had no like-minded friends and was not yet into computers anyway – but LAN parties do look like fun back then in the 1990s, when computers and the Internet were still a novelty with so much promise. And I love the image of participants lugging their heavy desktop PC towers and CRT monitors to such meetings! Some comments from HN:

The early days of the internet was essentially a self-selecting group of individuals, the chances for finding like-minded folks were that much higher. Just the excitement at being online at all is no longer an interesting experience to anyone – it was back then to much of this much smaller group. A shared exciting experience attracting like-minded people.

Now the entire planet is almost online, the distinction between a human and someone who uses the internet largely doesn’t exist anymore – it’s no longer a subset and has all the vagaries of real life, with its good, bad and in-between actors. Another example of this is that in the early 90s we didn’t care about identity fraud online nearly as much – today it’s a much bigger problem that many people have experienced.

Given that, is it any surprise people are now perhaps as guarded as they are in the “real world”? Back then the line between the offline world and the online one was much clearer, today it’s more and more a core feature of humanity’s daily existence, good and bad. My thoughts anyway. (giobox)

Recently I’ve tended to look at mid-2000s Web 2.0 as a source of nostalgia. It was back in the day when twttr felt like people were optimistic about building a new community for the future and the possibilities were still unexplored. Poring through all the dense skeumorphic design trends of the era is like unearthing a time capsule. (nonbirithm)

Continuing yesterday’s dithering about a potential new PC (21/5 entry), a couple of pertinent articles: “Why you should buy a desktop PC in 2022,” The Age, 1/4/2022; “5 reasons to buy a desktop PC instead of a laptop,” PC World, 4/4/2022. Desktop PCs are still usable and relevant, despite predictions of the form factor being outdated; they are more versatile and various parts and peripherals can be upgraded.

Friday 24/5: Dull

A dull overcast chilly day. Another blow-up this morning with parents. Feel weary and flat.

Saturday 25/5: New desktop PC forthcoming

Chilly but sunny today after morning fog. Another blow-up with parents … then apologies later and I seem to be getting a new desktop PC?!. Won’t go into details yet but it is being built for me at PLE Computers (Moorabbin store) and collected late next week. Hope I made the right decision (other choices were as described in my 22/5 entry). Am emotionally spent for today.

Sunday 26/5: … or not?; 2 years Jeffersonian R.I.P.

Chilly foggy morning, then a lovely clear sunny day. Decided to hold off on getting the new PC as I am still undecided, and still dithering.

A sad anniversary: today marks 2 years since Karl Leffler/“The Jeffersonian” (16/1 entry) took his own life.

Monday 27/5: Partly-blocked toilet; new PC to come

Another lovely sunny Autumn day after a chilly morning. More altercations with elderly parents, who are difficult to talk to and interact with.

Toilet is backing up again after flushing; it has been doing this when the washing machine empties. Can’t seem to properly clear it (blockage seems to be further down the sewer), so am stressed and frustrated. Dad can’t get hold of a plumber at the moment; not until tomorrow. Wish we could live in a modern house where everything functions normally.

The new desktop PC has been bought, for better or worse (25/5 entry).

Tuesday 28/5: Toilet drain unblocked

Dad had to call a plumber to resolve the partially-blocked toilet (27/5 entry); seems that the culprits were tree roots (in two places; the camilia tree next to the house rear and what I think is a night-blooming jasmine as it has yellowish flowers). So the plumber (Glenn of Blockage King) had to remove the toilet and send a probe through its drain pipe to have a look. He blasted through the drains with a hose funneling water at 5000 psi and cleared the roots; the trees will have to be removed sometime. The toilet drains normally now; a big relief! The plumber was friendly and helpful; I though of his company as he lives up the opposite hill from us and I noticed the name on the utes when I used to walk past there sometimes.

The toilet itself is a few decades old and there is a crack near one of the ceramic base screws, so I guess it will need replacing also, one day.

Wednesday 29/5: Migraine

An awful migraine developed overnight and into this morning; a splitting headache with two bouts of dry retching. Felt a little oversensitive to light. The migraine gradually abated from the morning and had mostly gone by lunchtime.

Thursday 30/5: Windy

No headache today; makes a big difference! But Mum had one in the morning (she is also prone to them).

Weather is cloudy, very windy, unsettled and discomforting; a change with rain is approaching.

Friday 31/5: Settling in to new PC

Collected my new PC from PLE Computers in Moorabbin (Dad drove me there and back), and am in the process of setting up and settling in. I have Windows 11 Pro installed (yes, there are annoyances, but I will stick with Windows as I am used to it; I have used Windows since I began using a PC). I am still frazzled and exhausted (it’s the virtual equivalent of moving house), so details to come about the PC in a future entry.

June

Saturday 1/6: Still setting up new PC; still no timeshare resolution; Starbreaker on People and Blogs

Still settling into my new PC.

The Kyneton Bushland Resort timeshare problem/entrapment (8/3; 13/3 entries) still has not been sorted out by Dad. He can barely cope with bills and daily tasks now, especially anything that involves using online services (as nearly everything does now). Stressed and anxious; don’t know what to do.

Via Kev Quirk’s Notes page: “The hikikomori in Asia who withdraw from society: A life within four walls,” 25/5. An article profiling some “shut-ins” in various Asian countries, but it notes that the condition occurs in other cultures too. Though this has been the case long before the COVID pandemic restrictions, and not only occuring in young people now. A particular paragraph that echoes my situation: “A recent government survey found that Japan has nearly 1.5 million hikikomori – and unlike Hong Kong’s teenage hikikomori, Japan’s recluses span a much broader age range, said Sekimizu. Some elderly parents in their 80s are reportedly having to support hikikomori children in their 50s, he said.” (Previously: 17/3 entry.)

Manuel Moreale has a long interview with Matthew Greybosch on his latest People and Blogs project. They are two of the various personal websites that I visit most days.

Sunday 2/6: PC specs; why retire to Thailand?

New PC specifications:

PLE Vital Business Custom Built PC (30 May 2024)

CPU
Intel Core i5 14400 Raptor Lake 10 Core 16 Thread Up to 4.7GHz
Motherboard
MSI PRO H610M-G WiFi DDR4 LGA1700 mATX Desktop Motherboard
Memory
GeIL 32GB Kit (2x16GB) DDR4 Orion RGB C16 3000MHz – Grey
Graphics Card
Integrated – Onboard
OS Drive
Kingston NV2 PCIe Gen4 NVMe M.2 SSD – 1TB
Power Supply
EVGA 500 GD 500W Gold ATX PSU
Case
Fractal Design Core 1100 Micro Tower Case – Black
CPU Cooler
None/included
Operating System
Microsoft Windows 11 Professional OEM 64-Bit DVD
Optical Drive
LG GH24NSD1 24x Black SATA DVD Writer OEM

Whether that was a good choice, I am not technically experienced enough to know. I didn’t want to ask in a PC building forum as I would get a lot of conficting advice on what to choose. I already was in utter confusion about what to go with (traditional desktop tower? Laptop? Mini-PC? I went with the familiar desktop tower, but still wonder if the others would have been a better choice, considering my cramped living conditions. I would have buyer’s regret whatever I chose, though). I went with the more affordable option – PLE Vital Business Custom Built PC – then selected or swapped some of the available components choices.

And – it is heretical to say! – I do like Windows 11 so far (despite its intrusive annoyances!); it is much smoother and unsurprisingly feels more modern.

A Whirlpool forum thread: Retire in Thailand. I am baffled as to why so many Westerners want to retire there, given that the standard of living is much lower (more obvious disparity between poverty and wealth) and the culture can be odious in some respects (such as the awful lese-majeste law – 16/5 entry). Also endemic government corruption (bribery is normal) and hellish weather (high humidity and heat). Some responses point out these and other downsides to the overly-idealistic original poster.

Monday 3/6: Dull

A dull overcast cold day. Fairly quiet; no dramas (so far).

Tuesday 4/6: Sleeper won’t awaken

Another dull overcast day. Feeling anxious and irritable.

“My Win 11 PC won’t wake up from sleep using the keyboard or mouse,” Microsoft Community post. One irritation I am having is the seemingly intractable and perennial problem of Windows PCs not being able to awaken from sleep mode. I have tried tweaking various settings, including those in the BIOS, but nothing is working so far. I will have to give up for now and just turn the computer off instead. It is annoying as Apple devices (iPhone and iPad) seem to sleep with no issues.

One of the online people whose sites I frequent, Greg Lehey (previously: 30/4 entry) documents his wrangling with technology in a lot of detail (under the technology checkbox at the top of each diary month). He uses, and has been involved with, the FreeBSD operating system, a UNIX-derived variant that is open-source and very different from Windows. I certainly don’t understand the more esoteric programming entries, but I still like to follow them anyway.

Wednesday 5/6: Buried in stuff

Another dull cold day, though no rain at least. Feeling overwhelmed and stressed from the clutter building up in our house – Dad is a real hoarder now and has a huge amount of stuff (clothes, electronic gadgets, DVDs and CDs, etc.) in every possible space here. He gets very defensive and angry if confronted about it (he is becoming irrational and argumentative as old age increasingly affects him). The old weatherboard house is filthy and a biohazard, and is turning into a hovel. At times I almost want it to burn down with everything inside it; that is how despairing I feel.

Thursday 6/6: Urge to purge (and reinstall)

Another dull cold day, but a little wan sunshine came through, at least.

Feeling a twitchy urge to reinstall Windows on my new PC (already!) just to have a clean install with no cruft. I have an included installation OEM DVD, but still feel uncertain about whether to or not. (This is where Apple products are better-integrated.)

Friday 7/6: PC reset

I compromised (6/6 entry) by doing a reset, effectively taking the PC back to where it was when I collected it last Friday (31/5 entry). Seemed to work OK; just had to reinstall various programs.

Saturday 8/6: Sister here (briefly); disengaged; misguided bloggers

A dull grey cold day. Some drizzle around. Had a headache overnight; only a mild one, thankfully.

My sister and her husband drove down to Melbourne for the long weekend (previously: 4/5 entry). They left Wagga Wagga around 3 in the morning! Takes nearly 5 hours to drive down to Melbourne.

I feel disengaged and I just don’t care about world events and crisis. None of them affect me directly, and I use up much mental energy just coping with my everyday life.

People and bloggers who turn out to support a certain despised blue-and-yellow-flagged place are an instant turn-off for me. A couple of random, recently-found examples: Numeric Citizen Blog – “I support Ukraine 🇺🇦 in its fight against Russia, the aggressor.” (JF Martin, via People and Blogs) and Rubenerd (Ruben Schade). This seems to be the unthinking, unquestioning reaction to the war that incessant pro-Ukrainian propaganda has engendered amongst the progressive Left in the West.

Sunday 9/6: Another reset!

Drizzly and dreary grey cold weather.

Decided to do another reset (previously: 7/6 entry) as I was not happy with the G-Hub bloatware being installed, and uninstalling can still leave remnants on the operating system in various places with such programs. So, being obsessive-compulsive about such things, I did, and it went smoothly – though having to install various programs again is a bit of a pain, but I have accounts for the Firefox browser and Google, so signing in to these syncs my settings. I also have portable versions of many programs such as VS Code,kept on my backup hard drive, so I can just resume using these right away once set up.

Found out I do not need to install the Logitech G-Hub bloatware to get backlighting working on my keyboard, as per this comment:

I didn’t download anything. The paperwork that comes with the keyboard are non-existing/worthless. When you reboot your computer the keyboard is dark. Pushing the key for the back light does nothing. I played around and here’s how to do it. Give your machine time to complete loading everything. Push and while holding the back light key push the 0 key. The lights will come on. To cycle or change the colors hold the back light down and keep pushing the 0 key to change colors. While holding the back light key down and pushing the numbers 1 through 9 you will get different effects. I played around for less than 2 minutes and figured out this work around as Logitech’s website isn’t any help. You don’t need the gaming software if all you want is a fully even lit board. Enjoy

Monday 10/6: Sister departed; irrelevant holiday; PC does hibernate

Fine today but chilly, and more rain due from tonight. My sister and her husband departed to their home in Wagga Wagga this morning; a nearly 5-hour drive.

King’s Birthday public holiday; irrelevant to me, as the monarchy is to Australia generally. The only good king is a dead king.

Found out this morning that my PC does hibernate – I shut down last night, lifted the mouse this morning and the PC powered back on! (For a full shutdown, press the SHIFT key when clicking on the Shut down option in the Start menu.)

Tuesday 11/6: Wet and windy; new UPS; foolish Finland

Gale-force winds developed overnight, followed by rain and cold – my most-hated weather. This was coincidentally posted at r/RedditForGrownups a few days ago: “The wind – I’m almost 35 and the last year or two I have become increasingly intolerant of the wind, specifically when it’s gusting. I enjoy a nice breeze as much as the next person but gusty wind makes me irrationally irritable. Just me or is this a thing? For me it is the increased threat of power failures (as noted by some commenters), and general uneasiness that the wind incites.

I felt compelled to buy a basic UPS unit (PowerShield Defender LCD 650VA UPS), which I had been considering for some time. Fitting it into my very crowded bedroom was a challenge, but it is operating now, so will have to see how it goes, as I have not used one before. Have had random brownouts and blackouts over the years, and am paranoid about my new PC being affected.

The full Windows shutdown I tried yesterday (10/6 entry) did not seem to work; perhaps I did not do it correctly? Another method that did work:

Use command line:

  1. Open the command prompt by simply typing cmd and hitting Enter.
  2. Type shutdown /s /t 0 in the window that appears, followed by Enter.
  3. Alternatively, type shutdown /s /f /t 0. This command instructs Windows to shut down immediately and forcibly close any open applications.

“The Finns are the happiest people on the planet. Here’s why they’re not smiling,” The Age, 11/6. By one of the pro-Ukrainian propaganda columnists for that paper. Perhaps if Finland had not provoked Russia by joining NATO and thus revoking their neutral status, they might not feel so threatened. To paraphrase a saying, if you keep poking at a bear, don’t act surprised when it eventually retailiates. (As much as I otherwise like Finland, I disagree with their current stance towards Russia.)

Wednesday 12/6: Undecided on UPS

Cold, windy and rainy; very unpleasant weather has set in.

I might return that UPS I bought yesterday (11/6 entry); there is a 3-day period for change-of-mind returns. I was uncertain whether to buy it, but it is heavy, the LED screen is very bright and it is another complex electronic gadget to maintain. I also don’t want to install the monitoring software that can be downloaded for it (needs a USB connection to communicate with the device; yet another USB port used) If I return it, I will just make do with the surge-protection powerboard I already use.

The command line prompt mentioned yesterday does not fully shutdown the PC either! As I found out when lifting my mouse.

Thursday 13/6: Returned UPS; Evangelion enthusiasm still there

Miserable rain and cold, but the wind eased, at least. Very dull and leaden sky; it invokes a vague feeling of uneasy gloom in me, as though something bad is soon to happen.

Decided to return the UPS I bought (12/6 entry); I am still undecided whether to get one, but did not like that one due to the reasons I gave. They are also quite heavy; that one was around 5 kg.

My favorite anime and manga is still Neon Genesis Evangelion (previously: 11/10/2007, 31/10/2008, 4/10/2013, 19/3/2015, 16/8/2016 entries). Unfortunately I gave away the manga volumes I had a few years ago, so I will perhaps rebuy them. It is the only such anime-manga I have watched and read; I don’t much care for anything else. It is an odd sort of comfort reading and viewing for me; the mystery (and curious cosiness) of the self-contained world that is revealed as Shinji is summoned to Tokyo-3 by his father. The fandom is rather irritating though, and I am only interested in the original 1995 TV episodes; I am a “purist” in that respect. I have not watched the rebuilds so far. I think now that my favorite character would be Shinji’s father Gendo Ikari; being older I find mature characters more interesting than the rather irritating teenagers whom the majority of the fandom are fixated upon. He is more nuanced and complex than he initially appears.

A continuing frustration is that it is nearly impossible to find any NGE merchandise here in Australia; if any is imported into shops it sells out quickly, and is heniously expensive to order from overseas (Japan, mainly).

One of my regular personal sites I visit, Gwern Branwen at Gwern.net, has a Neon Genesis Evangelion source anthology page.

Friday 14/6: Another blow-up

A dreary dull day starting with a damp foggy morning, and the forecast for next week looks as dismal. Another blow-up with parents before lunchtime. Utterly weary of interacting with them.

Saturday 15/6: Japanese cellphones

Some welcome blue sky and sunshine today, though still cold.

A 1995 book I read some years ago is Wrong about Japan by Australian author Peter Carey. It is a curious short semi-fictional book about the author’s visit to Japan with his son. A description of a cell phone of then that intrigued me: “Only when he’d left did we discover what his gift was: a wafer-thin iridescent orange object which, when opened, revealed itself to be a phone with a skittishly active little screen.” That led me down a rabbit-hole of reading about Japanese mobile phone culture. This Sabukaru article, “The Mysteries of Japan-Only Phones,” (via an r/Japan post) gives an overview of their unique features.

Despite what I said in my 24/11/2022 entry, I am still interested in Japan (a long-term interest re-emerging), albeit the modern side of it (pop culture, etc.), and I am partly the equivalent to a hikikomori (previously: 1/6 entry).

Sunday 16/6: Cold houses; Evangelion reflecting reality; gone Golden Fleece

Cold morning, cold house; some sunshine later on. “Australian houses are so cold,” r/Australia: another post on this vexed topic (previously: 21/6/2023, 4/7/2023, 18/5 entries), which is certainly an unwanted feature of my parents’ old weatherboard home.

“Evangelion, alienation, and Japan’s 1990s economic crisis,” Anime Feminist, 15/5/2024. The series reflects the despair and dysfunction of Japanese society at that time, and which is still applicable today (and to much of the rest of the world). Its dysfunction is perhaps a reason I find it appealing and relatable. “Along with spiritual loss and melancholy, the youth of Japan were thrust into the midst of an employment ice age. The lie of guaranteed lifetime employment forced the youth to succumb to social retreat, resulting in the rise of the hikikomori, as well as NEETs, freeters, and jouhatsu participants. The phenomenon spelled out moral decay for Japan as the youth lost faith in the job market, the government, and the adults who failed to properly guide them through life.”

Some Australian nostalgia: “How Golden Fleece, Australia’s first oil company and biggest restaurant chain, vanished overnight,” ABC News, 16/6. Part of my childhood, on family daytrips to the countryside surrounding Melbourne in the 1970s and early 1980s (previously: 13/9/2023 entry). Wonder if children today will experience such, given the increasing cost of living that includes expensive petrol.

Monday 17/6: Future Japan nostalgia

Slightly milder today with some sunshine, but rain due from late tomorrow.

Added an article from Wired Magazine in 2001: “Is Japan Still The Future?.” Very nostalgic now; written when the Internet and mobile phones were still relatively new and novel. A vivid description of a phone from William Gibson’s contribution:

Dining late, in a plastic-draped gypsy noodle stall in Shinjuku, the classic cliché better-than-Blade Runner Tokyo street set, I scope my neighbor’s phone as he checks his text messages. Wafer-thin, Kandy Kolor pearlescent white, complexly curvilinear, totally ephemeral looking, its screen seethes with a miniature version of Shinjuku’s neon light show. He’s got the rosary-like anticancer charm attached; most people here do, believing it deflects microwaves, grounding them away from the brain. It looks great, in terms of a novelist’s need for props, but it may not actually be that next-generation in terms of what I’m used to back home.

A r/vintagemobilephones post, my japanese phone collection. A marvellous array of styles and colors! Smartphones now are rather bland rectangular objects; the older Japanese mobiles in the photos have more of a tactile and visual appeal. (Previously: 15/6 entry.)

Tuesday 18/6: Tired

A very cold morning (around 4°C) followed by a partly cloudy and not much warmer day; rain to come from tomorrow. Tired from walking down to Bentleigh and back. Seem to have spent the whole day pacing around doing various chores. Nothing of particular interest to comment on.

Wednesday 19/6: Bouncing; no more direct debit

Some chilly single-digit mornings this week. Makes arising very difficult in a poorly-insulated house that gets very cold. We have a gas heater in the loungeroom that is the only source of heat (aside from small portable space heaters – I use one of these in my bedroom and being in here would be unbearable without it).

Lost interest in Japan abruptly, as I have with previous brief infatuations; I seem to bounce from one to another. Bought all five volumes in the Neon Genesis Evangelion series yesterday, but the physical copies were tremendously heavy (around 4 kg or so) and I have no space for them, so I returned them (except for one edition as the bookseller did not have enough cash on hand this morning to refund it, so I will try again tomorrow). (Also too expensive.) My interest has faded again anyway. I should not buy when obsessed with something. So now I am unfocused again. My behavior is similar to those with bipolar disorder who overspend when in a manic episode.

Changed my Vodafone mobile account to manual payments for each month, rather than the direct debit I had set. The main concern with direct debit is that if I am incapacitated and can’t deposit the required amount each month, the DD would continue automatically deducting payments until my account was depleted. So a little inconvenience, but better that than the risk of losing everything in my account.

Thursday 20/6: Unfair hate for Cats; cluelessly judgmental

Another chilly single-digit-degree night, and a calm still day.

Returned the last NGE book (19/6 entry) with no issues.

An unfairly downvoted r/Musicals post that I agree with: “NGL, I think most the hate for Cats is completely performative.” A lot of people reflexively hate it because it is fashionable to do so (and the unfair hate for the 2019 movie version is even worse). (Previously: 7/4 entry.)

First of all, I am talking about the stage musical – not the movie. Though I have my own issues with the hate the movies gets, mainly how everyone is so focused on how bad the CGI is when that is genuinely the least of that movie’s problems. The movie is unwatchable but it has nothing to do with the CGI.

No, I think the hate for the musical is complete BS. Y’all just hate it cause you think you are supposed to. Like y’all are theater kids, one of the weirdest and cringiest groups of people (I say with affection as a theater kid myself), and Cats is where you draw the line?!!!

I have seen you guys hype up some of the worst musicals I have ever seen, but Cats is cringy and unwatchable? I guarantee if you go in without any negative bias – you will have a good freaking time watching that musical! Nearly every song is a bop, the dancing is so fun and pretty, and the characters all have such good interactions with each other – there is always something happening in the ensemble.

Cats is who we are as theater kids, and we need to start embracing it!!!

Edit: I guess I have to add this because people seem to not understand. I am not talking about simply not liking the show. I’m talking about the visceral hate people have for the show. How a single mention of the show is met with disgust. The hate for this show is unhinged. You can’t even say you like it without being so severely judge. If i’m going to tell someone I like this show, I better have a twelve page dissertation prepared. I surround myself with theater people, not once has anyone responded normally to me liking this show.

Judgmental posts such as this on r/AgingParents infuriate me:

Some of ya’ll are dicks to your parents. There. I said it. It’s typically never the ones who are worried about it or feel guilty. But guys, come on. Can we just respond to old people with a little more grace, patience and love? Is it really so bad to pick up a phone or go to lunch? To not yell at them? For god’s sake, don’t act like a dick to your parents because people on the internet say it’s ok. They don’t have to live with your guilt. Just wanted to shake things up a little on here!

Perhaps u/Alfiechild is trolling, but they have no damn right to judge if they are not in that situation. For myself, I am exhausted and burned-out, and unable to show “grace, patience and love.” I have drifted into a position that I have no training or aptitude for, have no one nearby to help, and am overwhelmed and barely functioning. Anyone sanctimoniously lecturing about how I “should” behave damn well deserves a verbal reaming.

Friday 21/6: A bastardization of Cats

I detest “reinterpretations” of original creative work (movies, novels, musicals, etc.) and Cats now has its own bastardized version, as reviewed in The New York Times, “Review: A 10th Life for Those Jellicle ‘Cats,’ Now in Drag,” 20/6. The reviewer makes it clear he dislikes the original musical (another tiresomely obligate hater – 20/6 entry): “That’s how ‘Cats: The Jellicle Ball’ begins, and it’s basically what the Perelman Performing Arts Center’s drag remake of the Broadway behemoth does to the drab original. It sets the joy free. Whether upper- or lowercase, cats never previously offered me much pleasure. The underlying T. S. Eliot poems, ad libbed for his godchildren, are agreeable piffle, hardly up there with ‘Prufrock’ as fodder for the ages. The musical, instead of honoring the material’s delicacy, stomped all over it, leaving heavy mud prints. Andrew Lloyd Webber’s score, and especially the rigged-up story and original staging by Trevor Nunn, tried so hard to make big statements from little ditties and kitties that it wound up a perfect example of camp.” The reimagined version is barely recognizable: “We could be talking about a Tinder date gone wrong. Or, in this case, a lyric from Cats, reimagined by a cohort of just-crazy-enough theater makers through the lens of queer ballroom culture. But pull those claws out of your armrest: This Cats has no cats. […] Rauch, Levingston and the team are flipping the script, turning the long-running hit, whose original production ran for 7,485 performances and grossed $1.3 billion, into an immersive metaphorical experience that celebrates Black and Brown voices through the chosen family of houses, ‘runway-ready choreography,’ and trans empowerment.” (“How a queer ballroom makeover gets ‘Cats’ off its paws & onto its feet.”) So what is the point of it? Just make an original production and be done with it, rather than desecrate the original.

Saturday 22/6: Others also bounce

Gloomy and grey and vaguely menacing cold weather. Took the bus to Chadstone SC this morning; have not been for a few weeks.

Came across this blog post by Jan-Lukas Else, “My fluctuating interests,” which echoes what I experience (19/6 entry):

It seems like my interests fluctuate a lot. I have a topic that interests me, do a lot of research, learn many new things, get excited. And then suddenly another topic pops up, which at the same time reduces my interest in the previous topics.

Am I just curious and my curiosity is simply sated after a while?

At the same time, I always feel the need to delve deep into research when something interests me. I am then almost obsessed with this topic. Occasionally, it doesn’t even leave me alone.

For example: In last month’s review, I wrote that I was researching a new bike. I wanted to finish my research and not buy a new bike, as I already have two.

But apparently that wasn’t the reality after all: I kept researching, and one morning I couldn’t even go back to sleep because I was thinking about it so much. And now I’ve actually ordered a new bike. But that’s not all, suddenly I’m also watching a lot of bike content on YouTube.

This is how it goes with many of my interests: For a while I’m obsessed with the topic, then again I’m not that interested in it anymore. The time span can range from a few hours to several months.

Other topics that come to mind: Cellular networks and cell phone plans, IndieWeb, open source, privacy, Linux, finance, stocks. Some interests, such as programming or blogging, remain the same over time, but with different intensity or focus: I used to be truly interested in app development, but now I’m more interested in backend topics.

But is that a good quality, or rather a weakness?

I don’t see it as a weakness. After all, the change in my interests is also a sign that I’m evolving, that I’m broadening my horizons. With every new topic that I research, my general knowledge increases. Some people delve deeper into a particular topic, where they become real experts, while I broaden my topics and pick up new subjects that I am at least somewhat familiar with.

And that I generally deal with topics in depth? I now admit that I am a nerd.

Sunday 23/6: Rare sunshine

A chilly morning followed by a now-rare fine (but still cold) day. A lovely clear blue sky. Would have gone for a walk normally, but have not done so for months; I have lost the will and energy to.

Monday 24/6: To Chadstone again; iPad’s enduring appeal

Cold morning, partly-cloudy day with a moderate wind. Took the bus to Chadstone SC again this morning to return some of what I bought at Uniqlo and instead bought some beanies and neck gaiters.

A post about the enduring appeal of the iPad by Beardy Guy Musings.

For me it goes back to Apple’s first iPad and the Keyboard Dock. It was, and is, that the iPad starts as a hand held tablet. I love that form factor. A slab of thin glass and aluminum that is the computer. To this day I still marvel at the simplicity of it. The iPhone never hit me the same way and in fact I didn’t get my first iPhone until 2012. I always felt the screen was too small and still do. It has it’s place and its uses but for me that’s when I’m out on a walk or engaged in other outdoor activity. But that’s a very specific role.

Transformer

Going back to Steve Jobs’ positioning of the iPad during his keynote introduction of it, it’s the device in the middle. The iPad, with its larger screen, felt like a real computer without the attached baggage of a keyboard getting in the way. The iPad as a transformer, a modular computer that fits into my environment in ways other computers cannot.

Right now I have it attached to stand that’s connected to the shelf next to my futon. I have a similar stand attached to my desk. This allows the iPad to be elevated and moved around to a variety of angles and heights. I’ve got it elevated to eye level, 16″ above my lap where I’ve got a keyboard/trackpad. The stand has a magnetic attachement for the iPad so I can pull the iPad off easily to move, hand hold it or pop it into the Magic Keyboard. It is the hub of any configuration. The only limit is my imagination and willingness to experiment … well, that and available accessories. I have imagined so many more than currently exist. More than anything I want exactly what Microsoft is offering with the new Surface: a thin keyboard/trackpad combo that connects via Bluetooth. If the Logitech Combo Touch had Bluetooth it would be that.

Touch and multitasking

Interacting via touch has never gotten old. Instantly natural and magical. Like something that shouldn’t be possible but is. That’s the delight. It’s magic paper. That’s the connection you describe. Multitasking via touch gestures continues to be a delightful experience and is central to productivity and enjoyment in my use of the iPad.

I like mine (5/11/2023 entry) as I can just grab it, log in and it just works. I can lie in bed late at night and browse the Internet on it fairly comfortably. I don’t usually use an external keyboard or other accessories (which defeat the purpose of the iPad, in my view – might as well use a laptop instead!).

Tuesday 25/6: Not a proper blog

Via a Hacker News post: “Microfeatures I love in blogs and personal websites.” A lot of feedback from HN commenters about the post. My own Journal does not meet the modern definition of a “proper” weblog (i.e. separate post for each entry; topic tagging); it’s more like the paper Journals I used to keep – a massive word-dump – and is probably difficult to navigate (though one can just use the Find in page utility that most browsers now have to search for particular words). I do have a Table of Contents at the top of each page (one year to a page, so a very big TOC!), and am debating (again) whether to make each entry’s heading linkable also. RSS feeds seem to be a big obssession; I have never used them and certainly have no wish to create one for my Journal (21/4 entry).

Some of the personal blogs the HN commenters self-link to are (in my opinion) utterly boring programming-related blogs.

Wednesday 26/6: Barefoot dream

Fine but cold and windy. Had a recurring dream last night that I was at Patterson railway station, about to depart for the city, but was barefoot! I felt uncomfortable and vulnerable, but was going barefoot nonetheless.

Thursday 27/6: Gran’s home dream

Fine day but with a cold wind. A day when I feel dull and flat.

A recurring dream last night of visiting my deceased maternal grandmother’s now-demolished (in 1997) home (formerly at 14 Bridge Street, Elsternwick). A place I miss very much.

Friday 28/6: More Russian regression

“Russia preparing to ban ‘extremist’ child-free ideology,” RT, 27/6. Another dismaying symptom of Russia’s backwards regression into a conservative religious theocracy (previously: 9/2, 29/4 entries). “Russian lawmakers have prepared a draft bill that would ban child-free ideology in the country, Deputy Justice Minister Vsevolod Vukolov has said. The active promotion of childlessness has become increasingly common over the past decade, and is an ‘extremist ideology’ that Russia should resist, Vukolov argued on Thursday in a speech at the St. Petersburg International Legal Forum.” The minister responsible seems like an eccentric crank, but if that awful legislation is passed, it is another betrayal of hard-won women’s rights under Communism, and an ominous step towards a Handmaid’s Tale society where women are relegated to servile breeders. And the comments under the article are predictably odious: “Allow men to return to being the CEO of the family unit, protect them from the divorce industry, outright ban divorce which can de facto be done by giving men custody of children in divorce. Statistics show it is better for the children. Women have become mad cows. Maybe even implement Islamic-style marriage since they are the only societies that seem to have positive population growth.” (biubiu2u)

Saturday 29/6: Train and trees dreams

Very windy overnight, then a cold front moved through with a lot of unpleasant rain.

Dreams last night:

Sunday 30/6: Dull day

Cold, wet, miserable weather. Feel irritable and agitated.

July

Monday 1/7: I don’t care

Cold and dreary, but some sunshine at least. Took the bus to Chadstone SC this morning for my usual retail therapy.

I will reiterate how much I do not care about what is happening in the world (previously: 3/3, 8/6 entries) – war, politics, environment, etc. – as I have my own more exhausting personal concerns (ageing and declining parents, my dismal future). Reading one of the random bloggers whom I have found via various links, Beardy Guy Musings, he is very agitated about U.S. politics (the prospect of Donald Trump being re-elected), “Climate Emergency, The current atrocities being committed by the US and Israel.” I am not criticizing his concerns, but for myself I just have no mental or physical energy to care about that which does not immediately effect me (i.e. prioritizing my concerns).

Tuesday 2/7: Greg’s house-building hassles

A chilly day – some single-digit mornings forecast for the next few days (below 5°C) but no rain, at least.

Have been reading through Greg Lehey’s (previously: 4/6 entry) process of having his current home built: from November 2013 under the Stones Road house checkbox; committed to on 17/12/2013 and finally moved into (after many delays and tribulations!) in May 2015. He also hosted Richard Stallman in September 2010!

Wednesday 3/7: Frosty start

The coldest day of this year so far: around 0°C! Unbearable in a poorly-insulated old house; only the gas heater in the living room warms some of the place up. The day was sunny and clear, but not much warmer.

Thursday 4/7: Cold

Cold again. Cannot get warm. As I have poor circulation – Reynaud syndrome – the cold is even more unbearable. My hands in particular get corpse-cold; if they could stay warm things would be a little less unpleasant.

“Retrofitting the classic Aussie home,” ABC News, 7/4. A timely article on making the inadequately-insulated older Australian houses a bit more cold-resistant. I do have bubble-wrap on my windows, but haven’t noticed much difference so far.

Friday 5/7: Vicarious trauma

Not quite so cold today, but gloomy and overcast. Tense and snappy altercations with parents. They are just so difficult to interact with now.

Dream scene: the neighbours behind us (to the west, in a unit built behind the original house) spoke to me and asked me about something (can’t remember what now), so they walked around the block to my parents’ house and knocked on the door. They were let inside.

“How doomscrolling can lead to ‘vicarious trauma’ and post-traumatic stress disorder symptoms, ABC News, 5/7. I still find watching any footage of the September 11 World Trade Center attacks (as mentioned in the article) quite upsetting – I can’t watch any documentaries – so I guess that fits the definition of “vicarious trauma” even though I was nowhere near the event.

Saturday 6/7: Annoying Apple upselling

Chilly and still weather again. The sun managed to struggle through the clouds in the afternoon. Unfortunately a wet winter and spring are now forecast. Had enough of that miserable rainy weather last year!

Feeling agitated and unhappy. Went into the Southland Apple store this morning to see what the trade-in value of my ageing iPhone 11 was ($220). The sales assistant kept trying to push a phone-and-mobile carrier bundled plan at me, though ($1000 off a new phone, but locked into paying Vodafone $75/month for 24 months – more than what I pay now, which is already almost unaffordable). No thanks! It’s obviously a tactic aimed at increasing continuing sales (focus on services rather than hardware) but it is annoying and very unwelcome. Many employees probably don’t like it either, but it is the unfortunate trend of most technology businesses now: ensnare customers into endless subscriptions for software and so on. I felt very out-of-sorts for the rest of the day, though. Just wish there were a new iPhone under $1000; the prices for the current ones are just ridiculous and the upcoming iPhone 16 will be even more ($1500 upwards, I reckon). Apple still make the nicest mobile phones, but they are premium products now.

Sunday 7/7: Wishing for wildness

A fine, sunny calm day after a chilly start. Managed to walk to the nearby shops and back. Days like this evoke a nostalgia for the people and places of my past, from decades ago now (1970s-1980s): of a social culture that no longer exists, of relatives who have long since passed from this life. Of leisurely afternoons spent at my maternal grandmother’s old home, sitting in front of the open fireplace in her dining room, just talking about things.

“Yearning For Wildness,” John Beckett, 6/9/2023. On the paradox of both wanting the comforts of civilization, but still feeling a primal urge to walk through a forest. Real wilderness can be untidy and uncomfortable

The paths through the woods in the local greenbelt parks are nice. But it’s hard to feel like you’re experiencing the wild when you’ve got the sounds of an expressway overloading you. I can’t see it, but I can’t help but hear it.

Something else I hear are my ancestors. They think I don’t know how good I have it. For them, “the wild” was a daily reality. Not just the randomness of life, but storms, animals, diseases, other humans – all those things that could come crashing down on you at any minute and injure or kill you, your family, your whole community. I benefit from the work they did to build the fences that keep wild things safely on the other side.

I’m thankful for their work. I’m glad I live in an era of antibiotics, vaccines, and general anesthesia, in a place that hasn’t seen war on its home soil in my lifetime, in a time that has the internet, intercontinental air travel, and air conditioning.

And I still yearn for wildness.

Monday 8/7: Fine weather gone

Not so cold this morning, but overcast with rain due later this evening, and forecast for much of this week. Felt irritable and tense all day.

Tuesday 9/7: Rain; Apple packaging care; life in Thailand vs. the West

Rain began last night and has fallen steadily for most of the day. Awful weather, though at least it is not windy as well.

Interesting article found via one of the Apple-related subReddits (can’t find its link now): “Unboxing the delightful UX of Apple’s boxes,” Fastcompany.com, 3/7/2023. Explains the amount of work behind a seemingly innocuous product, but the thoughtfulness in the packaging does add to the pleasurable experience of buying an Apple product.

Another much-responded to post from r/Thailand (previously: 5/5 entry): “Is life in Thailand better than the west?” Depends – one top-ranking comment: “if you are making western salary living in Thailand, sure life would be way better. Now, try making local salary and living in Thailand, probably wouldn’t be much better than the west.” (Optimus0315). I would much prefer the West, as extreme poverty is very much more evident in Thailand, to an extent not seen in Australia, for example. Corruption is also endemic in the government (a recent relevant ABC News article, “Conspiracy theorists often talk about the ‘deep state’. This is what one might actually look like,” 22/6), and there is the odious lese-majeste law that jails anyone for criticizing the monarchy there.

Wednesday 10/7: Website suspended again

Cold, overcast, dreary but no rain today at least. Took the bus to Chadstone SC this morning.

Suddenly unable to log in to or view my website today; page gets redirected to https://suzymchale.com/cgi-sys/suspendedpage.cgi. I had this issue back on 10/2.

Thursday 11/7: Dad acting oddly again

Another distressing episode with Dad this morning, where he is very fatigued and a bit disorientated, but acts exasperatingly flippant when asked what is wrong, and denies anything is (previously: 3/7/2023, 14/4 entries). His gait is terrible now (as it has been for a couple of years or more): shuffling and stumbling. I get very distressed and angry, and can’t cope; he is the only one who can drive and without him we are isolated. Parents and house are inexorably declining, and there is no one nearby to help.

Friday 12/7: More $ wasted on Ukraine; suspiciously-timed spy revelation

Dad seems to be back to normal today (at least, what passes for normal now – as with Mum, the person whom he used to be is evaporating) (11/7 entry). Still very cantankerous and snaps at me with the least provocation. Both are so difficult to deal with now.

I have mostly avoided mentioning the war, but this latest development is utterly infuriating: “Australia promises record military aid for Ukraine as NATO calls out China as an ‘enabler’ of Russia’s invasion,” ABC News, 11/7. The grifter conman masquerading as a president cons Australia into handing yet another huge amount of taxpayers’ money. “Australia is promising $250 million worth of military aid for Ukraine, the largest single package it has provided for the country’s defence against Russia to date. […] Australia will provide guided and air defence missiles, anti-tank weapons and ammunition. A ‘small number’ of Australian personnel will join a NATO command for Ukraine.” Which means that Australian military personnel will essentially be in combat against Russia, alongside the other Western “advisors.” I despair at this stubbornly irrational support for a worthless place.

In suspiciously convenient timing, “Two Australians charged with spying offences for allegedly conspiring to share ADF secrets with Russia,” ABC News, 12/7. “Two Russian-born Australians have been charged with spying offences, the first time the new laws have been used. The couple allegedly conspired to send sensitive Australian Defence Force material to Russian authorities.” @aussiecossack said in a now-deleted X post: “Regarding today’s Russian spy scandal even the Australian Federal Police admit that the ‘classified information’ was NOT actually passed onto the Russian Government. In other words the Russian Government had nothing to do with this!” Given my sympathies, I am sorry they were caught.

Saturday 13/7: A memory of Himalaya mountains

As an antidote to the miserable barrage of news of wars, etc., I spent my online time mostly bouncing around (previously: 19/6, 22/6 entries) between various Buddhism and Hinduism sites (looking at images of Buddha is calming), and looking at photos of the Himalaya mountains. I have a persistant memory from my family’s second holiday in England in 1978: of looking out the airliner’s window we were flying on at the snow-covered Himalaya mountain range far below, and the captain saying over the intercom that Mount Everest was in the distance. The sun was to the east, so the mountains were illuminated from my line of sight under a bright blue sky. An etheral, dreamlike image and memory now.

Photo taken from airliner of Himalaya mountain range

A photo found somewhere online of the Himalaya mountain range taken from an airliner; it is something like my memory of this, but mountains were further down and all snow-covered in the latter. (And a similar photo by Anwesha Patra.)

Random article found when browsing for the above topic: “The Himalaya’s hidden ‘paradise valleys’,” BBC News, 31/8/2022. “An integral belief in the Nyingma school of Tibetan Buddhism, established in the 8th Century and the oldest of the four different schools, a beyul is a place where the physical and spiritual worlds overlap. Specifically, they are hidden paradise valleys whose location will only be revealed at very specific moments in time when the world is under enormous stress and in danger of destruction through war, famine or plague. At such times, it’s believed, a beyul becomes a refuge in an unstable world where everything lives in harmony.”

A marvellous description of the Himalaya as viewed from the foothills far away:

I stayed with a wonderful Nepalese family on the outskirts of Kathmandu, enrolled in a school for foreigners, and made inquiries about meeting Buddhist teachers. I’m embarrassed to admit that for the first few weeks in Nepal I didn’t see the Himalayas at all. Focused exclusively on the foothills, I kept thinking to myself, “What’s all the fuss? These look rather like the mountains we have back home in Vermont.” Then one day, while walking home after school, I looked high up in the sky and realized for the first time that those white things way up there that I had previously thought were clouds were actually the snow-covered peaks of the mountains themselves!

That’s how high they are!

I had one of those “Aha!” moments as I stared up at them, stupefied. So these were the mountains the wise masters lived in! And these would be what I would have to climb if I wanted to meet them. How would I, of zero climbing experience, ever make it up there? (Jane Dobisz, One Hundred Days of Solitude)

Mum remarked rather unusually a few years ago that she would like to go to Nepal just to see that otherworldly view of the Himalaya from the foothills. I would rather like to see that too! (I have no desire to climb mountains, though.)

Sunday 14/7: Negative One 1000th issue

Wet, cold, miserable weather today, and more predicted for the rest of this week at least.

Dad has some sort of cough and cold or virus, which perhaps is the reason for his tiredness and disorientation on Thursday (11/7 entry).

One of the online people I follow, Swankivy (previously: 25/2 entry), has produced Issue 1000 of her Negative One speculative fiction webcomic! “We made it to one thousand issues. Only took almost twenty years of weekly updates! The comic has never gone on hiatus, missed an issue, or been late. (Though occasionally a tech glitch might have interrupted access here and there if it was out of my hands.) I think we're justified in being pretty proud of that, right?” Begun in 2005. I admire her self-discipline in being so consistent (many online creators whom I used to follow seem to have stopped for one reason or another: burnout perhaps).

Monday 15/7: Apple deity

Miserable weather: rain, wind, cold.

Came across this interesting scientific paper from 2001: “May the Force of the Operating System be with You: Macintosh Devotion as Implicit Religion.” Apple products have long had a cultish-type following, and one could imagine the company’s founder, Steve Jobs, eventually being deified (Apotheosis) – there is already a personality cult around him! I do feel the same way about Apple products that many do: they are beautifully designed and made (9/7 entry) and superior to those of other manufacturers.

Tuesday 16/7: Some AI image generation

Rain and cold again. Dad still has a bad cough; some sort of respiratory infection.

Tried out a randomly-found online AI art generator (Magic Studio); used the prompt “an old man with a long white beard standing in a snowy forest, holding a staff and wearing long blue robes and a hood odin” (thinking of both Odin in his guise as the wandering old man in the northern forests, and of Grandfather Frost – 23/12/2023 entry) and some reasonably decent images were created.

And another with the prompt “the horned god standing in an ancient English woodland with bluebells on the forest floor”:

Wednesday 17/7: Dad dramas

Got a haircut today at a Southland hairdresser; $28.

Dad is still acting erratically (episodes of disorientation, such as yesterday afternoon and evening). He also has some sort of respiratory infection with a bad cough, which doesn’t help. Between his behavior and Mum’s issues (incontinence, developing dementia. etc.), I am not coping at all. Dad is also exasperatingly difficult and flippant when he talks to me - I can’t get through to him – and I am perilously close to physical assault, I get so fed up. His gait is terrible (shuffling and scuffing – can barely walk). I also wonder if he is keeping up with paying bills, as I have seen a couple of overdue bill notices/letters for utilities in the last few months. I am stressed, exhausted and really at my wit’s end – there is no one nearby to ask for aid – and it won’t take much more for things to fall apart.

Thursday 18/7: Finished Swanfolk

I finished the novel Swanfolk by Kristín Ómarsdóttir (29/7/2023; 21/12/2023 entries). A surreal yet oddly compelling read; I may read it again for it to sink in. Certainly not the usual generic fantasy; more of a magical reality.

Friday 19/7: Aged care crisis; healing Icelandic horses

Very windy today; another forecast of unpleasant “fierce wintry weather.”

Via an r/Australia Reddit post, “We have too few aged care workers to care for older Australians. Why? And what can we do about it?” The Conversation, 18/7. Aged care is an unrelentingly stressful, exhausting and messy profession, and no amount of pay is enough to attract many to the sector (comment from the Reddit thread: “Probably because aged care is an awful industry, I did a 2 week stint in an aged care facility during my nursing placement and swore I would never touch aged care again no matter how good the rates are.” EctoplasmicNeko). Some express in the thread “Personally, I’d be looking at euthanasia as a solution when I get to that age. A quick exit looks very appealing when compared to the lonely, potentially abusive twilight existence on offer.” I am in agreement – another hope is that robotic technology and artificial intelligence will develop enough to help care for the elderly rather than overworked and stressed human carers.

Article on a completely different (and more positive) topic, appropriate for this cold weather here: “My Health and Wellness Plan? Icelandic Horses.” Pam Houston for Outside Online, 18/7/2023. “Serious illness gave our writer an urgent need for physical and spiritual rebirth. She found both by bonding with a unique riding breed that seems touched by Viking spirit.”

Saturday 20/7: Website back online; I.T. outage

Windy, gale-force winds still blowing, overnight and into this morning.

My domain name website is back online (10/7 entry).

A massive worldwide I.T. outage yesterday caused by a faulty security update from a company called Crowdstrike which apparently has a lot of major corporate clients. “The scale of the outage – which some experts have called unprecedented – soon became clear as reports came in from almost every conceivable business. Airports were thrown into chaos. Check-outs at supermarkets were down. Government departments, emergency services, universities, law firms, mines, media – no industry seemed to be spared.” A relevant Crowdstrike post on their verified Reddit account.

Sunday 21/7: Walked

Fine and still a bit windy; not warm but not unbearably cold.

Managed to go for a walk, eastwards along some back streets then through King George VI memorial reserve. Too many people around there (children’s football match) which is agitating for me. I have said before (21/8/2022 entry) how much I dislike seeing children made to play organized sport; my preference if I had children would be to let them go off by themselves (ideally to a beach or forest) and spend their own time doing their own unstructured play.

Monday 22/7: Forest fascination; sensory imagery

An r/tolkienfans post that echoed how I feel about forests: “Does anyone else have a certain attachment to temperate forests because of Tolkien?” I do, but not because of reading Lord of the Rings; I wish I had grown up in a Northern Hemisphere country with access to boreal and temperate forests, which change color with the seasons. Australia just has rather ugly eucalyptus forests and such.

“Really amazing prose/sensory imagery and deftly drawn characterization.” From a r/BehindTheBastards review of Small Fry by Lisa Brennan-Jobs, the daughter of Apple CEO Steve Jobs. “Sensory imagery” is the phrase I was looking for, expressing what I like in my reading: lush descriptions of objects and surroundings (such was also a feature of Swanfolk – 18/7 entry). I am reading Small Fry and the author does have a compelling writing style of her somewhat dysfunctional life and fractured relationship with her famous father and (understandably) troubled mother. Some random quotes featuring sensory imagery:

The sun made lace on my legs. The air was wet and thick and pricked my nose with the smell of spicy bay laurel and dirt.

On our street, pepper tree seeds in pink casings dangled down from tree limbs low enough to touch, crackling apart when I rubbed them between my fingers. The leaves, shaped like fish bones, swayed in breezes. Mourning doves made calls like out-of-tune woodwinds. The sidewalk around some tree trunks was cracked and warped.

Was it late? I couldn’t tell. We existed outside regular time. The mornings with him, too, would have a timeless quality, more empty space and white light and silence – unlike the mornings with my mother, when we raced to dress in front of the heaters and ate toast in the car on the way to school, the windshield mostly white, waiting for the heat to work. Here there was no rush, no breathlessness.

“Look at the sky,” my mother said. She was driving us home. “Isn’t it incredible?” Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a stripe of hot-pink clouds running over the telephone wires, and glowing gold leaves on the sycamore trees beside the road.

He was not the father I’d imagined from the skeleton of facts I’d known. Yes, there was an elevator and a piano and an organ, he was rich and famous and handsome, but none of this satisfied completely; it was tempered by an unmistakable emptiness I felt near him, a feeling of a vast loneliness – the stair behind the kitchen with no light, the wind coming through from the rickety balcony. It was supposed to be what I wanted, but it was not possible to enjoy as I’d hoped, as if it were a sumptuous feast frozen solid.

“In ‘Small Fry,’ Steve Jobs Comes Across as a Jerk. His Daughter Forgives Him. Should We?” NYT, 23/8/2017.

Tuesday 23/7: Trolley tiredness

A couple of fine if windy days, today and tomorrow. Can even hang the washing outside on the clothesline.

Am exhausted from pushing a heavy trolley with grocery shopping in Southland SC; going down a slight slope is difficult as it keeps wanting to steer away from me. It is why access to a car is much preferable to public transport in this case; getting the groceries would be far more difficult without a car. There is the option of home delivery, but this incurs a delivery charge as well, and I don’t trust others to choose produce to my satisfaction.

Wednesday 24/7: Dharma disillusionment; timeshare troubles

Gale-force winds again, with rain forecast overnight.

I realized why Buddhism and its related branches stopped appealing to me (13/7 entry): it is too cold and abstract a way of regarding the world. It has the other aspects of organized beliefs that I dislike: rules and hierarchies, and is, unsurprisingly, as subject to corruption as are other religions. (There is an r/exbuddhist subReddit.) I note my intense dislike of any organized activity such as sports (21/7 entry), and that extends to belief systems as well. (I like the idea of being a solitary practitioner, which suits my reclusive personality.)

No progress with the timeshare scam my parents are trapped in (1/6 entry). This year’s payment is now overdue and will be accruing 15% interest per annum. Dad seems frozen with apathy and exhaustion. I am extremely stressed over the issue and do not know where to turn to for help.

Thursday 25/7: Olympics diminished without Russia

Windy with rain overnight and into this morning; finally began clearing late this afternoon.

The 2024 Paris Summer Olympics begin in a couple of days. Of no interest to me due to the shunning of Russia (aside from the insulting requirement to compete as “Individual Neutral Athletes”); the Games are diminished without Russia’s participation, in my (unpopular) view. “Athletes who have publicly supported Moscow’s military operation or are in any way linked to the Russian military are not be allowed to take part in the Games. […] The Paris Summer Olympics is the first event in 40 years to be boycotted by Russia. Previously the USSR snubbed the 1984 Summer Olympics in Los Angeles citing ‘security concerns and chauvinistic sentiments and an anti-Soviet hysteria being whipped up in the United States.’” (“Russian broadcasters to boycott Paris Olympics,” RT, 14/7.)

ABC News still trying to find the flimsiest pretext to disparage Russia: “Russian reality TV chef among those arrested in plots targeting Paris Olympics,” 25/7. “A Russian reality TV chef has been arrested over an alleged plot to ‘destabilise’ the Olympics.” (A derisive eyeroll of exasperation from me.) Some of the Twitter/X comments on the article were quite sarcastic: “It’s always the Russians … who knew borsch was dangerous.” (@FredSims18713) “stop reporting every sliver of vague non-information, ABC … we know your job is to manufacture consent for war in Ukraine but you’re stretching your directive thin.” (@CountryShed) “Again with the anti-Russia propaganda, you really are an unredeemed lackey of the US security state.” (@herniqb) “Ah yes, it’s those damn Russians making the streets of Paris unsafe!” (@Augustus__J).

Also posted on Twitter/X by In Defense of Communism: “🧸 The opening ceremony of the 1980 Moscow #OlympicGames at the Central Lenin Stadium, now known as Luzhniki Stadium. Pure, authentic, non-commercialized. A reminder to help the younger generations learn and prevent the older ones from forgetting.” A nostalgic lookback now, when the then-USSR was feared and respected! I would have been 9 years old.

Friday 26/7: AI assisting the aged

Fine and sunny today, but with an irritatingly strong northerly wind.

My aunt (Dad’s younger and only sister, 6 years younger than him, born in 1939) rang today as she sometimes does; had a nice chat. She lives in Tasmania.

“Robotics in aged care,” Australian Carers’ Guide. Artificial Intelligence and robotics would be very much welcome in aged care, which is a demanding and stressful occupation with a perpetual staffing shortage crisis (19/7 entry). Friendly humanoid robotic assistants would be a great asset! (If they could achieve sentience, I like to imagine that they would be benevolent and protective towards their human charges.)

Relevant Hacker News post: “Tell HN: your next idea should focus on aged care.” A lot of discussion and ideas in the comments. Aged care is not a “glamorous” consideration for many technology startups and entrepreneurs, unfortunately.

Saturday 27/7: Dreary day

Back to cold rainy weather unfortunately. Some chilly mornings (3° or so) forecast for next week, though with fine days.

Managed to lie down for a while this afternoon but as usual can never truly rest when not by myself (which is almost never). Pretty much shut down for the day, mentally and physically.

Sunday 28/7: Teenage party; first Spring blossom sighting; Olympics OC overreaction

More rain and cold; yuck.

Teenage boys next door (south side of my parents’ house) had a party last night; one of their birthdays. Much loud music late into the night with a thumping bass beat. Such is only a rare event, though, so I could tolerate the disruption (and I managed to sleep anyway). They sounded like they were enjoying themselves! (And I wistfully miss being a carefree teenager.)

Had an urge to go for a walk, despite a cold wind and inclement weather: eastwards up to Centenary Park and back, a 50-minute round trip. Too many people around as usual. Have not been that way since last year (last mention: 24/9/2023 entry). Saw my first flowering of pink plum blossom on a street tree, so Spring is not too far away!

I did not watch the Olympics opening ceremony, but reading the hysterical reactions of the Conservative, right-wing, Christian faction online is amusing. “Satanic”! “Degenerate”! Western society is collapsing and morally degraded! I would not like to live in the dull restricted society that Conservatives seem to desire.

I’m loving the pearl clutching over what they think was a take on the Last Supper. Some conservative American called for a boycott because the scene was “a Satanic ritual.”

My amusement over their meltdowns has trumped my concern about their apparent lack of exposure to any kind of art, culture or history beyond what’s shown at their suburban Missouri multiplex. (lunch22)

People who are not familiar with a wide range of art and history or who are surrounded by Christian art may see that, but I believe the Olympic producers over a bunch of Americans who have never even heard of Dionysus. (lunch22)

You may have heard of Dionysus, but if you're not familiar with Bacchanalian rituals what sense does it make (tryphenasparks)

The Festival of Dionysus was a major origin point for all sorts of theatre and culture so it’s not like if you’re familiar with cultural history at all Dionysus is some obscure figure. (onepingonlyvasily)

You can tell it’s pearl clutching because of the absolute absurdity of how far they are reaching. Literally crying over three singular points of a five hour program amd they scream persecution:

Transgender last supper mockery = single frame homage for unity to an artistic depiction from hundreds of years ago on a fresco that isn’t accurate in the slightest.

Golden calf idol worship = head of a bull (one of mascots) near the Olympic rings

Pale horse and rider from the rapture = metal horse sculpture galloping over water.

The tears are delicious. geoffreyisagiraffe

Monday 29/7: Dreary, drizzly

A drizzly, dreary grey day; depressing weather that affects my mood. Would be nice to be able to awaken and not dread what might go wrong that day (with parents). My sister rang today; had a brief chat with her (she and her husband intend to visit next weekend).

Little comfort to be found on the regular websites I visit.

Tuesday 30/7: Foggy start; new iPhone!

A foggy, damp start to the morning (very heavy fog) but it eventually cleared into a nice sunny (but still cold) day.

Someone was gifted with a new iPhone! A green iPhone 15 with 256 GB storage – a big upgrade from the iPhone 11 (11/11/2021 entry), bought from JB HiFi (the price was reduced a little, probably in anticipation of the upcoming release of the iPhone 16 in September). The iPhone 11 served me well, but was showing its age, and the 64 GB storage is inadequate now. I intend to trade it in at the Apple Store in Southland for a gift card, which I will then use to purchase AppleCare+. Transferring my data from the old to the new phone was effortless; I used the Quick Start option. I also opted to use an eSim rather than the physical one. I also (rather reluctantly) enabled 2-factor authentification (which I had been delaying); I dislike having to grab another device to authorize a sign-in.

I figured the iPhone 16 will be even more expensive when it is released, and the trade-in value of my iPhone (around $200) will also drop again. So after much dithering I decided upon the iPhone 15 (the higher-end models of this are even more expensive and not affordable at all).

Wednesday 31/7: Cold; sleepless; old iPhone gone

Some cold foggy mornings for the next few days; 3°C or so. Had a mild headache overnight and did not sleep at all; could not turn my thoughts off.

Took my iPhone 11 in to the Apple Store at Southland SC and traded it in for a gift card with no problems. $205 value; I then bought 2 years of AppleCare+ for $229 (paid cash with the difference).

August

Thursday 1/8: Chilly start again; sister’s birthday

Another chilly start to the morning: only 2°C outside around 4 a.m.! Makes arising in a cold house very difficult (at least I got some sleep tonight). A fine and sunny day at least, though still not warm.

My sister’s 52nd birthday today! We are both middle-aged, something I have yet to come to terms with.

Friday 2/8: To Chadstone; Siri activated

Another chilly morning then fine day, with a little wind. Unfortunately to be spoilt with forecast rain from tomorrow.

Took the bus to Chadstone SC this morning.

Finally got around to activating Siri on my iPhone (it has so many features that I have yet to utilize!). Chose the female Australian voice; I prefer a female synthetic voice to male as it is pleasanter (born out by research: “U.S. Consumers Do Express a Preference for Female Gendered Voice Assistants According to New Research,” Voicebot.ai, 23/11/2019). She is a bit tricky to get requests to her to work properly!

Saturday 3/8: Sister here; gymnastics not great now; more bouncing

My sister and her husband arrived in Melbourne from Wagga Wagga yesterday after a 6-hour drive due to heavy traffic in Melbourne (previous visit: 8/6 entry); I saw them today.

“The Simone Biles experience is the hottest ticket at the Paris Olympics, and has now transcended sport,” ABC News, 2/8. The hyperbole and adulation around the latest star gymnast is getting absurd. “It does Simone Biles an injustice to speak of her as just an athlete, even one in the very upper echelons of greatness. To treat her as simply a fantastic gymnast, surely the best there has ever been, somehow misses the mark. No judge’s score can define her, no amount of gold medals feels adequate in contextualising her. At this point, Biles is a cultural icon. She is a trailblazer and a phenomenon. She is a force of nature both at home in her native United States and all across the world.” 8-| Yes, she is talented, but I would argue she is mostly power with little grace; acrobatic rather than artistic. And still no competition for the gymnasts of the Soviet era. As I said earlier (25/7 entry), without Russian participation, competition is diminished, as are the Games generally. Also, in my opinion, gymnastics now is a travesty of what it used to be in earlier decades (1970s-1990s). Training in those days could be harsh, but it taught gymnasts self-discipline and to push beyond their limits. I do think the backlash against this is revisionist and ridiculously hypersensitive (as is so much now).

I wish I had undertaken gymnastics when young; I doubt I would have reached competition level, but I would love to have learned to do backflips, walkovers and so on. I do love the sparkly shiny leotards they wear!

Two books about gymnastics I found riveting: Little Girls in Pretty Boxes: The Making and Breaking of Elite Gymnasts and Figure Skaters by Joan Ryan (1995) and Chalked Up by 1980s American gymnast Jennifer Sey. The trials and ordeals the gymnasts undergo make for oddly compelling reading.

My 2005 Journal has a lot of entries mentioning gymnastics then (do a browser search on the single page).

r/Schizoid post of relevance to my bouncing between interests (19/6, 22/6 entries): “Are you able to stick to your hobbies and interests? I personally have a pretty chaotic relationship with my hobbies and interests. I have a few hobbies, and quite the variety of different interests, but I often just suddenly lose complete interest and motivation to engage in them for a while. After a period of time has passed however, I usually get very invested again, and the cycle repeats itself. I’m either obsessed with my hobbies and interests, or I completely lack any motivation and energy, and avoid them like the plague. There’s no inbetween.”

Sunday 4/8: Sister departed; another walk

A fine sunny day after a chilly night.

My sister and her husband called in this morning before they departed for Wagga Wagga later in the day. A pleasant visit.

Like last week (28/7 entry), I went for a walk to Centenary Park and back. Fairly pleasant, though too many people around as usual and the park was crowded.

Monday 5/8: Dad’s almost-fall; Sweet Valley High author passed away; initial thoughts on Gone With The Wind

Dad almost had a bad fall when entering the front door this morning: he misjudged placing a foot onto the front step, overbalanced and topped backwards – fortunately, I was right behind him and managed to push him forward and stop his fall. Otherwise he would likely have ended up in the hospital emergency department. Of course he dismissed my concerns and made light of it, but both he and Mum are very unsteady on their feet (Mum uses a walking cane; Dad won’t), and the old house is very unsafe for elderly and disabled people (steep steps at both front and back doors, for one thing).

A sad r/Books obituary: “Francine Pascal, creator of beloved Sweet Valley High books, dies at 92.” She was the author of the iconic 1980s teenage book series, which I loved as a teenager, even if the main characters, the Wakefield twins Jessica and Elizabeth, made my unattractive self feel even more so, in contrast to their model-quality Californian blonde looks:

Both girls had the same shoulder-length, sun-streaked blond hair, the same sparkling blue-green eyes, the same perfect skin. Even the tiny dimple in Elizabeth’s left cheek was duplicated in her younger sister’s – younger by four minutes. Both girls were five feet six on the button and generously blessed with spectacular, all-American good looks. Both wore exactly the same size clothes, but they refused to dress alike, except for the exquisite identical lavalieres they wore on gold chains around their necks. The lavalieres had been presents from their parents on their sixteenth birthday.

The only way you could tell them apart was by the tiny beauty mark on Elizabeth’s right shoulder. Their friends might notice that Elizabeth wore a watch and that Jessica did not. Time was never a problem for Jessica. She always felt that things didn’t really start until she got there. And if she was late, let ’em wait. Otherwise, there was virtually no way to distinguish between the beautiful Wakefield twins. But beneath the skin, there was a world of difference. A wicked gleam of mischief lurked in the aquamarine depths of Jessica’s eyes, while Elizabeth’s reflected only sincerity.

I have started to read Gone With The Wind, the now-controversial American classic novel by Margaret Mitchell. I don’t know if I will manage to finish it, but I read with very mixed feelings. The descriptions of landscapes and characters are quite evocative and vivid, but overshadowing that is the unspeakably awful institution of African slavery. The way the Black slaves are casually referred to in derogatory terms; that they are bought and sold and generally regarded as “livestock.” Then slavery was just normalized for many; an unbelievable attitude now. Just in the first few chapters I could quote reams of such odious remarks. (The novel is online in full at, oddly, an Australian website.)

From an article linked from the Wikipedia page:

The black characters in GWTW are walking stereotypes of slaves and maids. Black dramatist Carlton Moss compared it with The Birth of a Nation, noting that GWTW was just a quieter vilification of African-Americans: a “rear attack” compared with Birth’s direct approach. A “weapon of terror against black America,” added the Chicago Defender.

There were demonstrations against the film in some cities, and Hattie McDaniel, who won an Oscar for her performance, couldn’t even attend the Atlanta premiere with other celebrities because of segregation laws.

The film’s portrayal of African-Americans still troubles – partly, says Esquire’s Stephen Marche, because they’re still evident today.

“There are good blacks and insolent blacks. There are house blacks and there are field blacks. Whenever African-American characters are articulate, it is always meant as a comic surprise,” he writes. “These are still the prejudices that bedevil representations of African-Americans on screen.”

The Civil War provides the backdrop for the novel, another interest for me (29/10/2021 Journal).

Tuesday 6/8: Adulting is tiring

A fine, sunny day with a light wind.

Am utterly exhausted from “adulting” – making a little progress on the Kyneton Bushland Resort timeshare problem (1/6 entry). Don’t want to say too much yet, but having to deal with all the paperwork involved just wipes me out. How do “normal” people manage to cope with the seemingly huge amount of mundane-but-necessary tasks required to function in this society?

Those creative projects I was immersed in a few years ago are completely dead. I have no urge to create anything; again, I have no energy, mental or physical. I just iterate through my endless chores each day and collapse into bed at night (not that I am able to sleep much or well). I just exist and get little enjoyment out of life. At least I am not homeless (yet).

Wednesday 7/8: Earthquake; timeshare listed for resale; a walk

My parents’ Kyneton Bushland Resort timeshare (6/8 entry) has been listed for resale: “KBR 071: One floating 2 bedroom share. Included is 1 week to use at KBR or bank. This week expires July 2025. $650.00.” Now the wait begins in hope that it will be sold.

An earthquake early this morning, but I did not feel it! I was already up and about, so perhaps I was too distracted to notice. Many on the relevant r/Melbourne post did, though. (Previous quake that I did feel: 3/7/2023 entry.)

Went for a walk after my lunch: down to South Road, up over the footbridge near Holmesglen Institute of TAFE then homewards along back streets. Haven’t done that since last year, I think. Sunny and mild with a light wind.

Melbourne CBD from footbridge Selfie of Suzy on the bridge Liquidambar street tree, Mawby Road

Taken during my walk: view of a distant Melbourne CBD from the South Road footbridge, looking north-west (the iPhone 15 camera has a 2× zoom, unlike my previous iPhone 11); selfie on the bridge; an old and large liquidambar street tree.

Thursday 8/8: Domain name renewed; Buddhists behaving badly

Very windy today; almost gale-force. Had a headache yesterday afternoon and into the night, as well as feeling suddenly fatigued; wonder if my walk before brought that on.

Renewed my domain name for another couple of years; something I very much want to keep.

“Misbehaving monks are trashing Buddhism’s reputation in Thailand,” ABC News, 8/8. “In Thailand, where more than 90 per cent of people are Buddhists and monks are still treated with special reverence, Buddhism remains one of the key pillars of society. But some fear that pillar is cracking under the weight of mounting scandals involving some of the nation’s estimated 280,000 holy men.” Corruption in organized religion affects every denomination, and Buddhism is no exception due to fallible human nature. So no surprises to read this, though still disappointing.

Friday 9/8: To Chadstone; still underweight

A pleasant sunny day. Took the bus to Chadstone SC and spent too much money at Uniqlo. Did vacuuming and other chores at home; am utterly exhausted now to the point of collapse.

I am still around 40-41 kg. Underweight, deliberately so (I have not menstruated since 22 September 2015), so I guess I have a whole lot of health issues now, my chronic fatigue being one. (I am probably closest to orthorexic; very fussy about what I eat.) I am unwilling to change as I want to fit into the small-size clothes I have bought. I have been very close to overweight before that year, and I felt unattractive, bloated and awful. I have not been to a doctor for a few years as trying to get an appointment is an ordeal in itself, and they would only tell me things that I already know but am not prepared to follow.

Saturday 10/8: Sunny and calm; Spring approaches

Fine and sunny and still; cold but not unbearably so overnight. Hopefully the worst of winter has passed? Pink plum blossom is blooming everywhere on the street trees, and the birds are beginning to sing in the early morning (asserting their territory for the coming mating season is the prosaic explanation). The natural world continues reassuringly, indifferent to the travails of human society.

Occasionally I feel a calm contentment, an all-too-rare sensation that soon passes. Sunny afternoons like today’s can incite this feeling; far removed from the shrill hysterics of the various crises relayed through the Internet.

Sunday 11/8: Sunny again; last thoughts before dying

Another beautiful calm sunny day! If only every day could be like this; such weather lifts my mood a little.

Went for a walk after lunch: westwards down to Patterson Station and home along backstreets. Perfect weather for walking, but I feel quite fatigued now.

An r/AskReddit post: “Who will be the last one on your mind when you leave this world?” For me, my maternal grandmother, whom I miss every day (died in 2000, aged 102), but of course all my relatives, with the hope that those deceased would be there to meet me.

Monday 12/8: Dad glitches again; bags out and in; another online McHale

Fine, sunny, more windy than yesterday. Up to 20°C today!

Dad had another “brain glitch” this morning (disorientation, forgetting an everyday task): he could not remember how he normally made his breakfast (microwaved instant oats with milk), so I had to do that for him. These episodes are happening repeatedly; another sign old age is now affecting him increasingly badly.

Took the bus to Chadstone SC again to return a small bag I bought (not quite big enough for my iPhone and wallet), then bought a different one at Uniqlo. Donated several no-longer-used handbags to a charity shop (another purge). Perhaps no surprises to know that handbags are one of my material obsessions! (Clothes and computers being others.) Trite, but a small source of enjoyment.

Via A Blog Directory, came across a website by someone with my surname: Curtis McHale. A bit disconcerting to see others with my surname as it is not that common a surname! He seems to be an self-promotional entrepreneurial presence, though, so I probably won’t go further.

Tuesday 13/8: Digital driver’s license activated

Fine, sunny and windy again; a repeat of yesterday. Unfortunately rain is due later in the week to spoil things.

I signed up for a digital driver’s license, so I can now display mine on my iPhone! I had some trouble initially signing up to the VicRoads website as the form refused to accept my license card number, so after enquiring via the site’s contact form, the Customer Services staff created an account for me. I downloaded the app to my phone, added a digital license and now I can display mine!

A remaining annoyance is that the Myki public transport ticketing system supports an Android digital card but Apple iOS does not, and is not likely to. “There is a mobile Myki version for Android devices, but not for iPhones, despite the government allocating $1m in 2019 to work on an Apple version and other improvements. At the recent state election campaign the public transport minister, Ben Carroll, said it had been difficult to integrate Myki with iPhones.” (Guardian, 10/1/2023.)

A couple of Russia-related links. “Orthodox Church explains nuclear missile blessing rules,” RT, 11/8. On the curious dictomy of Orthodox priest blessing a lethal nuclear weapon.

“Russians snub Olympics closing ceremony, RT, 11/8. The few Russian athletes who competed (and, with deliberate insult by the International Olympic Commission, were required to use a blank flag to do so) did not attend the closing ceremony.

Wednesday 14/8: Collected a parcel; front yard chicken; set up second user account on laptop

Still mild and sunny, but rain is due later, and for the next few days.

Collected a parcel for a missed delivery for myself at a nearby Post Office (it required a signature and I was not home). Walking home I noticed one of the houses had a chicken in their front yard! (Presumably there were some more, but I only spotted one). It was a light reddish-brown and white in appearance with a red comb.

Spent the afternoon setting up an additional user account on Dad’s somewhat-crappy ASUS E510 laptop (bought by him a couple of years ago, but he is increasingly unable and unwilling to use computers anymore due to cognitive decline). Fairly painless thanks to online user accounts and cross-device syncing (Microsoft OneDrive and Mozilla Firefox accounts). Still feel tired and brain-wiped afterwards, though.

Thursday 15/8: WiFi issue solution

Quiet day. Weather clouding over, with rain due.

I have two WiFi adapters for my PC; my connection is notably faster with both enabled (one is 5 GHz; the other is 2.5 GHz). For some reason (perhaps due to Windows 11 Patch Tuesday yesterday, 23H2 for my PC), one was disabled and pages were slower to download and render. The solution (so far) is to open Device Manager → Network adapters → (Two WiFi’s displayed) → Power Managment → Uncheck “Allow the computer to turn off this device to save power” for both.

Friday 16/8: WiFi issue again; mixed feelings regarding Israel–Hamas war

The forecast rain arrived this afternoon, so unpleasant weather for the next few days.

The dual WiFi issue was not resolved when I started my PC this morning, though both bands are selected now when I turned it on again later (15/8 entry). A “How to Configure a Dual Band Modem?” post on the Windows Eleven Forum discusses the issue. Both bands are automatically set to “No Preference,” but this can be overridden in the dropdown menu for the Network adapters in the Device Manager.. “Dual band devices will get connected to whichever band the router decides is best even if the device has Windows OS.” So I will leave the issue for now.

I have not commented on the Israel–Hamas war as I feel generally neutral regarding the heated topic. Israel is in some respects in a similar position to Russia, but Israel has not been “cancelled” by the Western world (though it has come in for heavy criticism). Western reporting on the I-H war is not extremely biased towards one side or the other. I linked to an article in my 8/1/2023 entry how the USSR was against anti-Semitism. Many emigrees to Israel are from Russia (and the former USSR). Some of the Bolsheviks who initiated the Russian Revolution were Jewish. So the current Communist/Left hate for Israel seems odd (though Israel is aligned with the West which is a complicating factor). Pro-Russia blogs are infested with rabidly anti-Semitic commenters. So, unlike the Russian-Ukrainian war (where I stand with Russia) the issue is vexed with no easy answers. I might continue my muddled thoughts on this in a future entry as I am now too tired to write much.

Quick link to an r/Jewish post I came across while browsing that subReddit: “Does seeing the communist symbol (hammer and sickle) give you a vibe of antisemitism? “Almost like how a swastika does so (obviously not the same level). I kinda of do now because of the celebrations of people having this symbol praising the October 7th massacre. Especially at DSA rally’s or on the internet like on dating apps I see it often in someone’s profile. Whenever I see it I think right away think the person is likely an antisemite albeit not the Nazism type, but the new pernicious type. I never really had a negative thought of this symbol pre October 7th. It’s after I don’t hold that symbol exactly in neutral territory anymore.” The answers are dismayingly in the affirmative.

Saturday 17/8: Timeshare sold! But landline phone disconnected

A bit of good news: the Kyneton Bushland Resort timeshare has been sold! Not for a big amount, but that burden has finally been removed. (Previously: 7/8 entry.)

But a new frustration: our landline was for some reason been disconnected, since yesterday as far as could be ascertained. The NBN broadband connection was otherwise functioning normally, but landline calls could not be received. I mobile-phoned the ISP, TPG, which I was dreading considering the drawn-out process endured last year (24/10/2023 to 10/11/2023 entries) just getting our old number ported. The Filipino(?) lady who answered was friendly and helpful; she reset our line from her end (I turned our modem router off for 30 minutes, then on again), and the landline phone had a dial tone again! Both inward and outward calls now (hopefully) work X=.

Dad would have dealt with this issue up to a few years ago, but he is now sadly cognitively unable to, as with so much else due to aging.

Sunday 18/8: Would-be Finnish hermit; lifestyle community scam

A sunny but cool day, after an overcast morning. I went for a walk eastwards up to Centenary Park and back (previously: 4/8 entry). Too many people around as usual, but otherwise reasonably pleasant (though tiring).

A question on r/Finland: “Can i live a hermit life in Finland? Me and a friend of mine are looking for european countries where we could buy like 1 or 2 hectares of Forest with maybe a small river or lake where we can build small Cabins Or Huts and Just ‘vanish’ in a sense. Can you do that in Finland? If yes where do you Buy such forests? And what would we also have to do like become a citizen? And lastly, do we have to pay annual taxes on the property or is the price + maybe some initial Taxation of a few percent enough and after that no more ‘bills’?” The responders are quick to give him a reality check (though the idea has a romantic appeal): “You can do this in theory but in my experience of living like this the idea is a lot nicer than in practice.” (SufficientlyInfo)

A scam very similar to a timeshare: “Lifestyle Communities promise retirees affordable, resort-style living. But some say they’re a ‘financial prison’,” ABC News, 15/7; “From gated villages across Australia, retirees are sharing their financial horror stories about the land lease industry,” 29/7. The lesson is, avoid any such schemes like the plague as they are designed to be very difficult to exit (exorbitant “exit fees” are the trap here).

Monday 19/8: To Chadstone SC; Israel should not support Ukraine

A foggy cold morning, but sun broke through later. I caught the bus to Chadstone SC this morning.

Continuing the topic of Israel in my 16/8 entry, I am baffled by Israel’s support for Ukraine (though not outright hostility?). Ukraine sided with the Nazis during World War 2 and thousands of Jewish people were murdered in concentration camps in the region. (The notorious novel by Helen Demidenko/Darville/Dale, The Hand that Signed the Paper, addressed this topic.)

Very tired and cranky this afternoon (altercations with parents), so I have no energy to write much.

Tuesday 20/8: Apple still different, with caveats; no concept of freeloading amongst hunter-gatherers

Not too cold, but rain came from late morning, some light but steady falls.

Via an r/Apple post, “Is this the slow decline of the Apple “cult”? “People who don’t like Apple products would call us part of a ‘cult,’ and while I think that’s an unfairly dismissive way to put it, I do think there’s something to this idea that Apple fans like Apple differently than most people like most companies. As a simple example, I know the CEO of Apple and I could name several of their executives.” But Apple’s huge growth and focus on shareholder profits means it is no longer the “scrappy underdog,” and various decisions around its software updates and push towards paid services have soured their image in recent years. However the products are still superior to those of other companies (albeit very expensive) and beautifully designed, so users still remain loyal despite various irritations.

Ran Prieur (previously: 30/4 entry) has a post up for 19/8: “This is a post from April 1, 2020: A nice trick for understanding economics is to factor out money. An economy is just a bunch of people doing stuff that keeps the system going. The strength of an economy is the overlap between what’s necessary to keep it going, and what people want to do anyway. By this definition, a weak economy has to threaten people with hunger and homelessness to get them to do their jobs, and at the other extreme, Utopia doesn’t even have the concept of freeloading. This has actually been done. The Cambridge Encyclopedia of Hunters and Gatherers mentions tribes where some people do no productive work their whole lives, and nobody cares. Obviously not every tribe has done it, but even if it’s just one, that tells us that it’s possible.” I think this is the passage he refers to:

Distribution

A third fact about hunter-gatherer economies also runs counter to the notion of economic man central to modern economic theory: no necessary connection exists between production by individuals and distribution to individuals. Economists argue that sharing has an economically rational basis (Frank 1994). The person we share our catch with today may feed us tomorrow when our luck or skill fails. In this view, sharing is a kind of insurance policy that rationally spreads the risk of not having anything to eat. Sharing in hunter-gatherer cultures, however, is much more profound than this. In many cultures at least, there is no connection between who produces and who receives the economic output. According to Woodburn (1982), for example, some members of the Hadza do virtually no work their entire lives. Many Hadza men gamble with spear points, and many are reluctant to hunt for fear of damaging their gambling “chips,” yet these men continue to get their full share of the game animals killed. Although “freeloading” is always a potential problem in all cultures, disdain for those not engaged in productive activity is evidently a culturally specific emotion.

Distribution of meat among the Ju/’hoansi is a serious social event. Great care must be taken that the distribution is done exactly right. Lee (1993:50) writes: “Distribution is done with great care, according to a set of rules, arranging and rearranging the pieces for up to an hour so that each recipient will get the right proportion. Successful distributions are remembered with pleasure for weeks aferwards, while improper meat distributions can be the cause of bitter wrangling among close relatives.” By contrast, the market system, by basing distribution on the isolated productivity of each individual, denies the social nature of production and at the same time fragments the social bonds that help hold other societies together. (John Gowdy, “Hunter-gatherers and the mythology of the market”)

Wednesday 21/8: Russian dystopian regression continues

“Russia opens up residency to foreigners ‘who share traditional values’,” RT, 19/8. Ugh – again with the odious and repressive conservative “traditional values” which Russia is regressing back into, with the approval of the malignant Orthodox Church (previously: 28/6 entry). No way would I emmigrate there if I had the means to; even without that issue, the culture shock and language barrier would be discouraging, and homesickness would be intense. Andrei Martyanov and his unhinged commenters are, of course, approving: “Back With Ark And Saving Civilization ….,” Reminiscence of the Future …, 19/8.

Also, an ominous development: “It was also announced in June that the Russian government was drafting legislation banning the promotion of ‘child-free ideology,’ particularly among young women. The steps are intended to address Russia’s decreasing population and low birth rates.” A Handmaid’s Tale dystopia in the making. The misogyny evident in the comments there and on Martyanov’s blog are disturbing.

Thursday 22/8: A sobering reminder

I recalled a poignant photo I posted back in my 16/8/2017 entry, of an elderly grandmother protectively herding her grandchildren as they were headed towards the crematoria in 1944. I do not consider myself anti-semitic, and disagree with the pro-Palestinian stance taken by much of the Left. The horrors of the Holocaust have made Israelis determined to not have to endure that again, and to zealously guard their safe space in their ancient lands.

A poster in r/Judaism asks, “Communism and Judaism? I want to start it off with the disclaimer I am in no way pushing any conspiracies I only have genuine questions. I merely wonder about the very real and heavy affinity between Ashkenazi Jews and socialism during the 20th century. I’m aware of an affinity for scientific materialist ideas within many Jewish thinkers but I’m super curious if there’s any books etc. about it. I’ve heard a lot about ‘oppression under the tsar’ but that connection rarely makes sense to me based on the fact a lot of the leading figures were and not just participants in the party. This is also not just a Soviet phenomenon, it’s present in the English, Italian, French, Spanish and other European socialist movements.” Most answers are unfortunately anti-Communist and negative. One user does reply: “As a Soviet Jew 🙂, I can relate to the proverb ‘fight fire with fire.’ When faced with oppression and the denial of basic rights, people often turn to radical ideas for solutions. This wasn’t only the case for Jews under the Czar but also for Soviet refuseniks who later immigrated to Israel. Many sought to sever ties with their past, Hebraizing their names and avoiding speaking Russian with their children.” (shaulreznik)

Referring back to my 16/8 entry, I came across this review of a documentary, “French TV documentary: Shoah by Shooting – SS Death Squads in Ukraine,” World Socialist Web Site, 22/4/2014 (from the articles tagged “Anti-Semitism and the Holocaust”):

At this point the documentary adopts a pronounced anti-communist stance. In fact, it was the October Revolution of 1917 and the victory of the Bolsheviks in the civil war in 1921 that brought an end to the anti-Semitism of the Czarist regime and the mass murder of Jews. Tens of thousands of Jews had been killed during the civil war in Ukraine by both the White enemies of the Bolsheviks and the regime of Symon Petliura.

The Soviet government, led by Lenin and Trotsky, fiercely opposed anti-Semitism. The incitement of anti-Semitism by the Stalinist bureaucracy, which began particularly during the Moscow trials in the 1930s and culminated in the anti-Semitic purges of the late 1940s and early 1950s, was one of the most egregious expressions of the counterrevolutionary nature of Stalinism. […]

Since the collapse of the Soviet Union and the independence of Ukraine, a systematic rehabilitation of Ukrainian anti-Semites and Nazi collaborators has taken place. President Viktor Yushchenko, who came to power in 2004 in the Western-backed “Orange Revolution,” made the glorification of Symon Petliura and Stepan Bandera, head of the fascist Organization of Ukrainian Nationalists during the Second World War, official government policy. He authorized public monuments for both men.

The Fatherland Party of the new Ukrainian prime minister Arseniy Yatsenyuk, and the far-right Svoboda party, which has several ministers in the coup government, both revere right-wing Ukrainian nationalists and fascists.

Berlin and Washington support this policy and are working directly with fascist forces to prepare for war against Russia and impose massive attacks on the Ukrainian working class. The documentary on the Holocaust in Ukraine is an important reminder of the monstrous deeds of German imperialism, which has now returned to the scene of its former crimes.

Friday 23/8: Formatted wrong disk drive!

Did a silly thing when formatting some old hard disk drives for recycling: I was not paying attention and managed to format my main internal HDD with all my personal and saved files on it! Fortunately, an inconvenience rather than a disaster thanks to my several backup external drives (I backup to a different one each day); I plugged in the most recent one and spent around 3 hours copying 260,327 items back to the drive. I do not have a sophisticated setup such as a RAID; I just do each manually. Tedious and inefficient, but certainly better than no backup.

Saturday 24/8: Drives recycled

Very windy overnight with some rain; the Spring unsettled weather has arrived. Sunny today, but rain and storms forecast for tomorrow, unfortunately.

Dropped off the old hard disk drives (23/8 entry) at Officeworks. They get quite heavy and are just dead weight, so I wanted to get rid of them (all had developed errors, as happens with drives over time). Want to get rid of a couple of old desktop PCs that Dad is hoarding (amidst all his other clutter) but this is difficult as a car is required to take them to a drop-off recycle point.

Sunday 25/8: Street tree blossoms blooming; built-in iPhone plant identifier

Fine this morning, but gale-force gusty winds have developed around midday, with the threat of stormy weather imminent. I went for a walk down to Patterson Station and back. The white-blossomed Pyrus calleryana (Callery Pear) street trees are in bloom; the pink-blossomed Prunus cerasifera ‘nigra’ (Purple-leaved Cherry Plums) are now replacing their flowers with red leaves. Sadly the wind will blow off much of the blossom in the next few days (as often seems to happen this time of year).

The iPhone has a useful way to identify an unknown plant:

  1. Open the Photos app on your iPhone and select a picture with a clearly defined subject, such as a flower or animal.
  2. Check the info (“i”/ⓘ) icon at the bottom of the screen. If it has a little star over it, tap it – this indicates there’s a Visual Lookup you can examine.
  3. Tap the little icon in the center of the photo to bring up the Lookup search results.

(“How to Identify Plants and Flowers Using Your iPhone Camera,” MacRumors)

Not sure if this will work in the upcoming iOS 18 update, though.

Monday 26/8: Storm bypass; Steve Jobs AI-generated art; Victoria’s many volcanoes

The scary stormy weather forecast for yesterday afternoon and evening thankfully passed my area by.

More AI-generated art fun with Magic Studio (previously: 16/7 entry). Apple CEO Steve Jobs had an interest in Zen Buddhism (“Steve Jobs and the Rediscovery of Zen,” Nippon.com, 22/11/2016), so I ran a couple of prompts, refreshing the generated images and saving the ones I liked (though, as is typical for AI art, a few were generated with extra limbs or oddly-proportioned ones!). A couple I liked: “Steve Jobs as a Buddhist deity;” “Steve Jobs as a Zen Buddhist monk, holding one apple.”

Way back in my 18/3/2009 entry I linked to an article about the many extinct volcanoes around Victoria. An ABC News article from yesterday: “South-east Australia’s volcanoes are practically extinct, but more will burst forth in the future.” The ones my family used to visit during country daytrips out of Melbourne were Mt. Buninyong and Mt. Franklin (13/9/2023 entry for a photo).

Tuesday 27/8: Another Wiccan

Very windy today again; gale-force winds, which I hate.

Found out that a relative is also interested in Wicca and related subjects! Won’t say too much for privacy reasons, but that is cool to know!

Wednesday 28/8: Wild wind

The gale-force winds continued overnight and into this morning, and more to come this week. As always, “falling trees” and branches wreak a lot of damage, especially to power lines, causing outages. Councils should remove any trees near powerlines; am sick of having this threat to the power supply every time there are storms.

Thursday 29/8: Winds abate (for now); HCC renewal form sent; Zen appeal; simple is refreshing

The near-hurricane-strength wind eased yesterday evening, but this is only a reprieve: These winter gales are going to continue, we’ll see another weather system move across Victoria during the early hours of Friday – fortunately not quite as strong.’”

r/Melbourne subReddit post: “Does anyone else find the wind really unsettling?” I am certainly not the only one!

I renewed my Health Care Card online, so now the nervous wait begins to have my claim hopefully approved before my current card’s expiry date. Last year (6/10/2023 entry) I had to visit the Services Australia office in person to enquire about the overdue renewal of then, which expedited the process. Welfare services are always under-resourced and overwhelmed with demand, frustratingly.

Bouncing (22/6 entry). Despite what I wrote in my 24/7 entry, I still feel an interest in, and pull towards, Zen Buddhism (previously: 26/10/2019, 20/4/2020 entries). And Steve Jobs had an interest in Zen (26/8 entry). (I guess I could describe myself as “spiritually homeless” – not committed to, and not willing to commit to, any particular belief.)

Sometime I use plain old Notepad (the updated Windows 11 version, with tabs, spellcheck, drag’n’drop – at last! – and default save as UTF-8) as my HTML editor, and, while obviously limited compared to VSCode, it is a refreshingly simple break (VSCode is very “heavy” and resource-intensive). For search in files I use grepWinPortable; WinSCP for FTP uploading, and my Firefox browser to view my static site directly. (A useful Notepad tip is that pressing the F5 key prints the time and date.)

Friday 30/8: More gales; iCloud log-in error

Gale-force winds overnight and into this morning, with some heavy rain. That cold front has passed, with a sunny day following (though still with a brisk breeze), but another gale-force front is forecast to sweep through overnight.

The browser-accessed iCloud.com website on my PC is being very glitchy today; I can’t log in. The log-in prompt flashes up then vanishes, and the message “Connection Error – iCloud encountered an error while trying to connect to the server” appears. The System status page says that “Cloud Web Apps (iCloud.com) – Resolved Issue 08/28/2024, 6:29 AM – 7:55 AM Some users were affected. Users were unable to use this service.” Perhaps the different time zone means the error is still propagating through the system here?

I have been using Firefox (latest version), my main browser. I tried with the Chrome browser and could log in as normal! So perhaps it is a Firefox-specific issue? I tried clearing history and cookies, but no luck yet.

Update: I found this Reddit r/Firefox post, cleared history and cookies, and I could log in again! I had this issue before; seems to be a Firefox-specific glitch?

Before refreshing Firefox do what I suggest first. I tried to login to iCloud.com, and in the middle of the login page a window appeared then disappeared. Instead of clearing your whole cache/cookie, Or worst refreshing Firefox […]. I just I cleared cookies for Apple.com and iCloud.com. To do that:

  1. go to apple.com and in the address bar you will see at the left side a padlock icon, click on it.
  2. Then click on “Clear cookies and site data ….”

Saturday 31/8: A bit less windy

Still a cold wind today, but not as strong as the last few days.

A quiet day, which sometimes is all I want (no elderly parents dramas).

September

Sunday 1/9: And more gales; monastery marathon; Japan stuck? Australia ♥ Apple

Strong winds overnight, with a dire warning of “Destructive winds with peak gusts of up to 130km/h […] possible from Sunday evening at coastal locations from the South Australian border to Bellarine Peninsula, southeastern Melbourne suburbs, and Mornington Peninsula to Wilsons Promontory.” Hopefully we won’t lose power X= (wish we could afford a generator!).

“Life in a Korean Monastery, Jisu Sunim,” Buddhism Now, 13/2/2013. Not an easy stay, to put it mildly! A particularly gruelling exercise during one stay: “The majority agreed to meditate all through the night for three months without lying down! The routine was simply to alternate sitting for fifty minutes with walking for ten minutes, and only leaving the Zen room for the meals or when going to the toilet. Apart from that, the whole time was to be spent sitting on the cushion.” Though “The Korean Zen monastic life is hard physically and mentally, but it is valuable to those who are really prepared to get to know their own true nature, and to be free from all kinds of bondage.”

Via Hacker News: “Japan was the future but it’s stuck in the past,” BBC News, 21/1/2013. Commented on at r/JapanNews, with nothing complimentary said about BBC News (“It’s a horribly-researched piece by hack ‘journalist’ [I use that term loosely] that has no clue what he’s talking about”); seems a typically vapid “clickbait” headline.

“Inside Australia’s love affair with the iPhone,” The Age, 31/8. “Yet for me, fairly or unfairly, iPhone always felt like home. And that’s exactly how Apple wants it.” I am certainly one of them!

Monday 2/9: Hurricane blast; two tech bloggers

An extremely windy night; hurricane-strength winds blasted through from 2 a.m.; the worst I have experienced yet, in recent memory. Still windy in the late morning, but not quite as fierce, and this will abate throughout today. There are patches of dark rainclouds with nasty squalls under them, though, scudding overhead. A lot of damage inflicted around Victoria. “The BOM on Sunday likened the strength of the winds to a category two or three cyclone.” There is a live blog at the ABC website; Victoria and Tasmania are the worst-affected.

In the 1980s, when I was part of the Bentleigh Baptist Church Youth Group, we watched a movie one night: Places in the Heart, starring Sally Field. It has a particularly intense and memorable hurricane scene which I still recall now! I think of that when there are strong winds like this morning. It is a sampler of what various U.S. states must endure with their hurricanes (mainly in Florida) and tornadoes.

A personal blog: Jason Journals by Jason McFadden – “Gen X, Texan, Husband, Dad, Geek, Blogger, Believer.” Has quite a few interesting opinions; some include “I’m A Computer Guy Among Other Things” – “So am I an Apple fanboy, a PC nerd, or a Google geek? Am I an Android or iPhone guy? I’m a mixed bag; just a computer guy.” My PC is my main computer, and I have an Apple iPad and iPhone as my portable devices; I would still love to learn the full Apple Mac operating system with one of their laptops, though (my remaining dream).

Another tech blogger whom I visit frequently is Jack Baty. He spends a lot of time “flip-flopping” between various note-taking programs – I am reminded of this 2014 blog post, “On Trying New Writing Things Forever,” in which one becomes obsessed with tinkering with programs rather than use them for their actual purpose! And, yes, I am like that also! It’s a form of procrastination, and there is a certain satisfaction in it.

Tuesday 3/9: Calm relief; other non-gamers; Windows vs. Mac

Sunny and calm today, in blessed contrast to the last week (25/8 entry onwards), though there is much damage to repair and clean-up needed around Victoria and Tasmania. More winds expected in a few days, but forecast to (hopefully) not be as intense as yesterday’s gales.

Via a Loren’s Blog, “Confessions of a Non-Gamer,” Lou Plummer, 2/8. I am not the only one who is disinterested in gaming! (Previously: 19/4 entry.)

“Benefits of Windows Over Mac,” Barry Sampson, 16/5. His personal observations of using and switching between both very different operating systems. From his comment at Mastodon: “We’re all in on the Apple ecosystem. Me, wife and daughter have iPhones and iPads, we have Apple TVs, and an Apple One subscription. And we’re happy with the that. It’s just the Mac that I’m wondering if I really need.” For myself, I have an iPad and iPhone but use Windows 11 on my desktop PC (I can log into my iCloud via the website interface on the PC). I would certainly like to try out the full version of the macOS (iOS is a cut-down version for the iPad and iPhone). “All of my clients are Windows/Microsoft users (with the exception of the occasional Mac using freelancer). I think it’s beneficial to match the client’s environment and to experience things in a similar way to them. It better matches my family’s preferences which is iOS + Windows. We bought our daughter a MacBook Air but she didn’t like it, so we replaced it with a Surface Laptop Go which she absolutely loves! My wife has just never really liked or got on with Macs.”

Wednesday 4/9: Wind returns; to Chadstone SC

The strong gusty winds are back, unfortunately – though described as “damaging” rather than the much worse “destructive” that we endured on Monday (2/9 entry).

I took the bus to Chadstone SC this morning, and did my usual retail therapy at Uniqlo.

Thursday 5/9: Those interfering Russians again

Windy, stormy (some thunder this morning), unsettled weather.

“US Justice Department reveals legal action against RT;” “Biden to take ‘law enforcement action’ against RT,” RT, 4/9 – and ABC News’s typically-biased (anti-Russia) article on the same action: “US accuses Russian state media of working to influence 2024 presidential election,” 5/9. Western mainstream media dredging up this dubious allegation as a distraction – the hypocrisy of their accusations is astonishing!

“Dear CNN,” RT’s press office responded following Wednesday’s article. “We certainly have a response. Actually, we have several, but we couldn’t decide on one (we even thought of running an office poll), so here they are:

  1. Ha!
  2. Hahahaha!
  3. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
  4. 2016 called and it wants its clichés back
  5. Three things are certain in life: death, taxes and RT’s interference in the US elections
  6. We gotta earn our Kremlin paycheck somehow
  7. Somewhere, Secretary Clinton is sad that it’s not because of her

SINCERELY,

RT Press Office”

Friday 6/9: A delightful movie; where would I go? Technology hysterics

“Damaging winds” yet again. Almost daily now! I took the bus to Chadstone SC again this morning.

My Health Care Card has been approved and renewed! (29/8 entry.) Very quickly this time, in comparison to last year (6/10/2023 entry).

I watched La La Land last night (screened on SBS TV movies channel). Surprisingly delightful; I remained awake all the way through! No tired cynicism, but engaging main characters and lovely views of Los Angeles and bright colors for the film palette (no dreary desaturation as too many movies have now – “Colors: Where did they go? An investigation,” Vox, 11/1/2022).

r/AskReddit post (one of many on that topic): “If you had to move to another country where would you go?” If I were able and had to move, I would go to either England or the USA (Pacific Northwest/West Coast). England is the home of my father and his ancestors, and I visited there twice when little (1975, 1978). The USA is familiar from popular culture and media here, though actually visiting there would still be a culture shock. Both countries have English as their main language and, despite their various social problems, are still decent places to live compared with many dysfunctional countries around the world.

“iPad kids speak up,” Vox, 5/9. On the ridiculous hysterical scaremongering and hype over technology’s effects on young people now by clueless technologically-illiterate politicians and so-called “experts.” “Research on the impact of screens on young people’s development is mixed, and there’s an ongoing debate about whether smartphones and social media actually affect kids. So, as of now, there’s no hard evidence that being online is bad for young people’s mental health. And, of course, a phone or iPad cannot literally rot someone’s brain. In talking with kids and experts, though, I’ve come away with the impression that young people also worry about the impact of technology on their lives. Their concerns, however, are more nuanced than some doomer headlines might suggest. And sometimes they have more perspective than adults do when it comes to what a healthy relationship with technology looks like – and how theirs will evolve in the future.”

Saturday 7/9: Crashed

A sunny, partly-cloudy day with a light breeze; another respite after the awful weather from Monday (2/9 entry).

Very tired now from doing the usual chores; I felt my meager energy levels (physical and mental) “crash” this morning when at Southland SC.

Sunday 8/9: Vintage Apple iMac ad

Parents being difficult again. I had my already-fitful sleep disrupted due to Mum’s “sundowning.” I am not coping and they really need assisted living.

“Today in Apple history: First colorful iMac destroys the ‘beige box’ status quo,” Cult of Mac, 6/5. I saved this old Apple computer ad from 1999 (166 KB), in a page from The Age’s Good Weekend Magazine, for the much-loved colorful iMacs:

Just imagine how productive you’d be with this tasteful combination. An iMac (any flavour you like – blueberry, grape, tangerine, lime or strawberry) and an HP 880c colour printer – any flavour you choose. All for just $2,695 or less than $25 per week if you ‘Flexirent.’

Your iMac comes with a 333MHz PowerPC processor, a massive 6GB hard drive, 24x-speed CD-ROM drive and one click connection to the Internet.

Plus you get an HP 880c, one of the smartest colour inkjet printers money can buy. You can print to card, envelopes, banners or almost any paper you choose.

Suddenly work has an exciting new flavour!

Dad bought the strawberry iMac; he still has it, but buried in the hoarder’s junkyard that his garage has become. Actually it was a all-white eMac that he bought off a Church friend to replace the strawberry iMac, whose screen had malfunctioned – see 1/11 entry. I really loved the design of that model – the lovely transclucent colors in contrast to the dreary utilitarian beige boxes that were Windows PCs.

My one Apple dislike: its support of that cursed blue-and-yellow-flag place, an example being this Tweet from 9/3/2022: Tim Cook pays homage to Ukraine with a blue sweater and yellow Apple Watch band. #AppleEvent” Companies should remain neutral with such issues.

Monday 9/9: Sleepless; 2000s websites nostalgia

A disrupted night. Mum was feeling off-color yesterday; she seems to have a head cold. She awoke and went to get her bath at 1 a.m. (she had been given one by Dad earlier in the evening as usual). I got to her just in time before she filled the tub. Had to change her underwear for incontinence. I had little sleep at all (and I already get only fitful sleep). I am utterly exhausted, despairing and badly need outside help. We are in a state of slow collapse with both parents in decline.

“Remembering the early 00s teen website scene,” Local Ghost, 23/12/2022. “I remember reading some older teenagers’ blogs, especially those in the States, and thinking how extremely cool they seemed. Driving! Relationships! Life that didn’t revolve around exams! The homepage would always be the blog (splash screens were passé by this point), but there would always be a page about the site’s owner, then a page of things for the visitor such as downloadable graphics, Photoshop brushes or HTML snippets to use on your own site.” I began using the Internet and computers from 2001, and, though not a teenager then (born 1970, I was one in the 1980s), I still enjoyed visiting many hand-crafted teenage websites that proliferated then! Imaginative and colorful designs.

An example of one I visited then (now inevitably defunct) was Petshopgirlsreviews.com by Rhiannon Phillips, a troubled teenager born in 1984, who did snarky reviews of various websites. She was quite intelligent but troubled, with a history of a broken family. She did not renew her domain name from 2011, and I do not know what became of her.

Tuesday 10/9: Mum in the wars; Apple “It’s Glowtime” event; reduce and simplify

Mum still has a head cold and a bad persistent cough; debilitating in someone her age (born 1938). On top of that, she slipped and fell on an escalator at Southland SC (not the first time she has done that); she was given first aid and was thankfully not badly injured (aside from a nasty shock), but did get a graze on her upper lip and a black eye. (Dad was with her as always; I was elsewhere doing the weekly grocery shopping.) My parents ideally should be in managed care – I am not coping with them and they are deteriorating as they age – but demand for elderly services from the government is so great that it is nearly impossible to get any help.

The always-anticipated Apple Event – this one entitled “It’s Glowtime” – was held at 3:00 a.m. AEST today (I did not watch as I was soon to arise for the day, and had more immediate concerns). The new iPhone 16 series was a main feature. The base iPhone 16 is still $1399 AUD with 128 GB storage, but $1599 for 256 GB. Trade-in value for my current base iPhone 15 is $650, so a 256 GB iPhone 16 would cost $949 – more money than I have, so not an option, and the 15 is still perfectly adequate (aside from not being able to run the Apple Intelligence programming. The colors are nice (pink, ultramarine, white, teal-green and black).

“There are too many Apple products,” MacWorld, 6/9/2023. “As a fan of Apple products, I feel strange saying it, but … we need less Apple, with more meaningful distinctions.” I strongly agree! Apple have undergone “product creep,” where more iterations of models creep in over time, and the line-up now is very confusing.

Wednesday 11/9: Parental problems

Fairly mild temperature this morning, but rain developing later this afternoon, unfortunately.

Another stressful night and early morning with parents; Dad had another “brain glitch” and arose at around 3 a.m. to get ready for the day, until I got up and went off at him. He is being difficult and irascible, and I cannot reason with him in this state. He and Mum are both in decline and I cannot cope with them – I am not a trained nurse or aged care professional.

Thursday 12/9: Overwhelmed

A difficult and stressful day yesterday with Dad (11/9 entry). He was very irascible, petulant and acting oddly – in a similar manner to when he was infected with Covid (1/12/2022 entry). His normal routine was disrupted: he got a shower at around 1:30 in the afternoon rather than later, had an incontinence episode (more washing clothes for me) and went to bed very early at around 7:30. His behaviour was very distressing for Mum and I. He slept a long time and, so far, seems better today, but with both of them I feel I am walking on eggshells around them; it does not take much to incite an argument.

Am just extremely tired; no energy to write anything much.

Friday 13/9: Cosmonaut controversy

I rarely mention the current Russian manned spaceflight program anymore as I have (again) lost enthusiasm and energy for it, and it is dismayingly either ignored or derided in the Western media – the perceived more glamorous and dynamic SpaceX, commercial, NASA and Chinese space programs get all the media attention now. The program is also rather moribund, with few flight opportunities for comsonauts compared to their Western counterparts. Soyuz MS-26 at least successfully launched and docked to the ISS on 11/9 with the ISS-72 crew. Also cosmonaut Andrei Babkin’s recent resignation was controversial and not something he wanted to do – see the articles linked there.

Saturday 14/9: A bad and good day

Rain and cold today – totally yuck weather.

A bad morning: another altercation with Dad over something trivial, then he got angry to the point where he grabbed me by my arm and shoved me. Being old and frail he did no damage, but unpleasant nonetheless, after a particularly difficult week with my parents generally. I feel so hopeless and trapped. There are aged care support numbers that can be rung, but I hate making phone calls to strangers and going through the exhausting process of trying to explain my situation. I am very passive in life generally, and wait for others to initiate actions.

Still the day ended a bit better than expected; won’t go into details yet. I am emotionally and physically exhausted.

Sunday 15/9: An unwelcome cold; basic good enough

The weather is cold and wet and unpleasant – only 13°C forecast for today – and I have a cold, with a scratchy throat and stuffy, runny nose. So I am very uncomfortable and even less barely-functional than usual.

“Three Years With My M1 MacBook Air,” Kev Quirk, 30/7. Many people on various Apple forums scorn the basic MacBook model (8 GB RAM, 256 GB SSD) as inadequate, but Kev points out that his base model has served him well (and Loren Stephens agrees). Being an Apple device it is better-designed and the components and software better-integrated than the equivalent devices from other manufacturers for Windows-based laptops, which are a hodgepodge of parts from various manufacturers.

Related, “Giving Up Device Storage,” Jason McFadden, 16/2. Online storage options mean local storage can be minimized (assuming you can afford ongoing subscriptions for online storage, and have Internet access).

Monday 16/9: Head cold misery; Windows vs. Apple OS

Still have a head cold with an uncomfortably stuffy, runny nose. Very tired from that and doing my usual chores.

Two older blog posts of relevance from Kev Quirk (previously: 15/9 entry): “A Windows User’s First Impressions Of MacOS,” 8/8/2021; “iCreep,” 9/9/2022 – on becoming part of the Apple ecosystem because everything integrates so seamlessly (compared to Android). MacOS can read and copy files from an NTFS-formatted disk, but not write to one. Solution via this r/MacBook Pro Reddit post: format the drive to exFAT (after copying the data on it elsewhere as formatting wipes the disk), then copy the files back. exFAT is both read/write by both operating systems.

Tuesday 17/9: 8050 Problem

A fine sunny day after an overcast morning. I am, as usual, utterly exhausted, both from managing my parents and this lingering cold (stuffy runny nose, mainly). Dad in particular is getting erratic and irrational; I cannot hold a lucid conversation with him for very long, and he is quick to anger at any disagreement.

I keep thinking of the 8050 problem (17/3 entry) for hikikomori and their parents in Japan, and I am in an analogous situation. Another link on the topic: “The 8050-problem becoming increasingly serious and complicated;” “When Hikikomori Age: Japan’s ‘8050 Problem’.” “However, the aging of hikikomori is becoming a social problem because the burden of care within the family starts to shift from the parent taking care of the child to the child having to take on the nursing care of an elderly parent. With the child often out of work for years, if not decades, these families are often under financial strain.”

Wednesday 18/9: Feeling better; RuSpace frozen

Feeling much better today. I “turned the corner” with my head cold yesterday; forced myself to stop using the Sudafed nasal decongestion spray with some of the inevitable rebound effect and now only have some residual nasal stuffiness. Got little sleep due to not being able to turn my brain off overnight, so am feeling hyped up (and my energy levels will crash later in the day).

I have lost interest in Russian spaceflight once again – due to the ongoing hostilities against Russia by the West, and to my own personal circumstances (as a carer for ageing parents), so I simply do not have the energy to maintain it. I have lost interest in spaceflight generally, as well as science fiction.

Thursday 19/9: Another book purge

A cooler day with some light showers and an irritating cold wind. Purged some more books to a local charity shop. A heavy load to carry, so am tired.

Friday 20/9: Apple acolyte initiation

Overcast day with an unpleasant cold wind. The usual altercation with Dad; he is getting very irrational and difficult to talk to or reason with.

Last Saturday (14/9 entry) I became the happy but nervous owner of a MacBook Air M2! Midnight blue, 8 GB RAM and 256 GB storage. Though I would have liked to go with more, the most basic configuration was the limit of affordability for us, hence the relevance of the blog posts I linked to in my 15/9 entry). I will have to be parsimonious with the personal files I put on it – the most minimal but important ones, namely the local copy of my website to edit and some other files I have written or created, as well as my photos, and use external drives to access items I have saved from the Internet over the years (a huge amount, but I could live without most). My website is my main hobby now, which is not a demanding process for the laptop’s configuration.

macOS Sequoia is the latest operating system, which I installed yesterday. Setting up the laptop with my iCloud account was seamless, but learning how to use it is more challenging! I want to try out the full OS version. Don’t know if I could switch full-time. I have been doing short, tentative sessions most days, given my real-world daily chores and meager energy levels. The laptop itself is a beautiful deep blue which I coveted from the moment I saw it (despite the fingerprint issues)! And a beautiful, minimalist creation, art meets technology. I don’t feel that way about other brands, Windows (utilitarian drabness) or Linux (too fragmented, and has an annoying fanbase) – yes, I am getting indoctrinated into the Apple cult (20/8, 26/8, 8/9 entries). I am a fan of Steve Jobs.

A main concern regarding both operating systems are the different file storage formats. Formatting a disk as exFAT enables it to be read and written to by Windows and Apple.

Saturday 21/9: Neo-Luddite hysteria; the teenage nostalgia of authors

“Classroom classics revolution could save our failing society,” The Australian, 21/9. “In America and Australia a shift to banning screens and studying the great books will be the future of education.” While some of the intent is laudable – the classics in literature are that for good reason – I get very irritated with the anti-technology (smartphones, tablets and Internet generally) hysteria. For me, such technology is a marvellous, magical tool – both for itself (such as the beautiful devices Apple creates), and for access to realms of information that compensates for my real-life isolation and restricted existence. (The article is published by a Conservative newspaper, so has a biased slant to that worldview.)

An old article similar in style to the teenage Luddite club in New York City (21/12/2022 entry) is “What Girls Want – A series of vampire novels illuminates the complexities of female adolescent desire,” by Caitlin Flanagan, The Atlantic, December 2008, on the-then Twilight vampire craze around the novels by Stephenie Meyer. The writing has a cozy nostalgia in places that still makes it appealing, as well as the descriptive “sensory imagery” I noted in my 22/7 entry. The writer notes that the authors of the various novels she cites are, unconsciously or not, recreating their own distant childhoods in their stories.

Bella is an old-fashioned heroine: bookish, smart, brave, considerate of others’ emotions, and naturally competent in the domestic arts (she immediately takes over the grocery shopping and cooking in her father’s household, and there are countless, weirdly compelling accounts of her putting dinner together – wrapping two potatoes in foil and popping them into a hot oven, marinating a steak, making a green salad – that are reminiscent of the equally alluring domestic scenes in Rosemary’s Baby). Indeed, the book, which is set in contemporary America and centers on teenage life and culture, carries a strange – and I imagine deeply comforting to its teenage-girl readers – aura of an earlier time in American life and girlhood. The effect is subtle, and probably unintentional on the part of its author, a first-time novelist, who was home with three small boys when she blasted out this marvelous book. Like the Harry Potter series, the Twilight books are ostensibly set in the present, but – in terms of the mores, attitudes, and even the central elements of daily life portrayed within them – clearly evoke the culture of the author’s adolescence. The Harry Potter series, feats of wizardry aside, is grounded in a desperate curiosity about the life of the English public school, which was a constant in the imaginative lives of middle- and working-class children in the Britain of J. K. Rowling’s youth, and was also a central subject of the comics and novels produced for British children. Stephenie Meyer has re-created the sort of middle-class American youth in which it was unheard-of for a nice girl to be a sexual aggressor, and when the only coin of the realm for a boy who wanted to get lucky was romance and a carefully waged campaign intended to convince the girl that he was consumed by love for her.

Twilight is a 498-page novel about teenagers in which a cell phone appears only toward the very end, and as a minor plot contrivance. The kids don’t have iPods; they don’t text-message each other; they don’t have MySpace pages or Facebook accounts. Bella does have a computer on which she dutifully e-mails her mother now and then, but the thing is so slow and dial-up that she almost never uses it, other than on the morning that she decides to punch the word vampire into her wood-burning search engine to learn a thing or two about her squeeze. But the world of the past is alive in other, more significant ways: Bella’s friends, all in search of “boyfriends,” spend weeks thinking about whom they will invite to a Sadie Hawkins dance. After a friend (toward whom Bella has gently been directing one of her own admirers) finally goes on a big “date” (a lost world right there, in a simple word), she phones Bella, breathless: “Mike kissed me! Can you believe it?” It was a scene that could have existed in any of the books I read when I was an adolescent; but in today’s world of Y.A. fiction, it constitutes an almost bizarre moment.

Sunday 22/9: Apple doubts

“First time thoughts and review on MacBook m2 air 8gb (switching from Windows).” A mixed review from another who bought the base-level entry MacBook Air M2. That it is not really fast is to be expected with 8 GB RAM, but is still a decent user experience overall, and build quality is superior. I also note the slight slowness, but in fairness I am comparing it with my desktop PC (2/6 entry), not to mention the dream maxed-out build of the MacBook Pro (13/4 entry). Though I am (inevitably) having some difficulty with getting used to the operating system (Sequoia) and its quirks. Have to admit I am having second thoughts about it as I am so used to Windows.

Monday 23/9: Laptop returned; surge protector tripped

Developed a headache overnight and into this morning, so feeling debilitated. At least the weather will be sunny until Wednesday.

I reluctantly decided to return the MacBook (still within Apple’s 14-day exchange or return period) as I was finding the base model (8 GB RAM, 256 GB SSD storage) inadequate, as was warned on various forum posts. It can’t be upgraded and the low RAM and storage would soon become a bottleneck. I otherwise liked the laptop very much: the build quality, the color. Mac OS was difficult to adjust to compared with Windows, though perhaps I would manage to with more practice. So I gave it a try, but could not justify owning such a limited model. One with at least double the RAM and storage might probably be a better experience, but that is well beyond affordability for my parents. The return at the Apple store went smoothly with no issues.

Something tripped the Clipsal surge protector in the outside switchbox around 1 p.m.. Not anything inside the house as far as I can ascertain, so a brief power surge through the connecting line?

Tuesday 24/9: New Ran Prieur story; using Notepad to write

Fine, sunny and even warm today (22°C or so), but more rain to come later this week, unfortunately. Feeling very tired.

Ran Prieur (previously: 20/8 entry) has a new story started! The Days of Tansy Capstone: a memoir.

I’m actually doing most posts here now in Windows Notepad (29/8 entry); the Windows 11 version has a few more features that make it a bit more usable for simple coding when I only want to type a quick entry. It’s very lightweight compared to dedicated coding editors (VSCode being the main one).

Wednesday 25/9: Tech addiction scaremongering; sandwich carers; MacBook regret

Oddly warmish (13°C or so) overnight, but rain with a cold front has set in, unfortunately. Took the bus to Chadstone SC this morning. A Japanese-owned store similar to Uniqlo is Muji, with similar nice products.

“Is this group missing from our conversations about internet addiction?,” The Age, 24/9. Yes, some older people are adept with using technology, too! The article, though, is focused on the current and nonsensical scaremongering about “technology addiction.” Yes, I am addicted too – I need Internet access like a drug addict! The Internet is my lifeline to the world and to a realm of information. My real life is extremely restricted and dreary: no friends, social life, satisfying career, independence and so on. I have failed at real life (“adulting”) and my current future looks bleak. I like computers and creating my own personal website; a hobby I guess.

Others – like Dad, sadly (22/2 entry) – find technology difficult to comprehend as they age due to cognitive decline. A recent r/AgingParents post: “My mom got a new phone … save me.”

“People caring for both children and elderly parents are on the rise. Here’s why ‘sandwich carers’ are struggling,” ABC News, 25/9. This is one reason I am relieved I did not have children; dealing with elderly parents is difficult and tiring without having to manage children also. The suggestions as to how to cope are well-meaning but I simply can’t implement them in my own life.

Still feeling regretful about the return of the MacBook Air (23/9 entry), but the base version was a subpar experience. If we could have afforded the maxed-out version (Apple M3 chip with 8‑core CPU, 10‑core GPU and 16‑core Neural Engine, 24GB unified memory, 2TB SSD storage at A$3,599.00, or even a 1 TB disk for A$2,999.00), the MacBook Air would have undoubtedly run much better!

Suzy in a Muji store fitting room

Mirror selfie of me in a fitting room in Muji, 25/9/2024. Am around 40 kg here; I look a bit shrinkwrapped!

Thursday 26/9: Tired again

Cool and cloudy with a cold moderate wind; no rain at least, for a couple of days.

Got my hair cut today. Tired from doing chores.

Friday 27/9: Suspicious transaction

A fine sunny day; very nice for a change. An annoying pointless public holiday though, for the AFL Grand Final tomorrow.

Found a suspicious transaction on my debit card via the bank app on my iPhone that I could not recall making (for Rite Aid, Brooklyn, bizarrely – I have never bought anything from there, and a quick web search turned up a big data breach), so I put in a dispute for the transaction and my current card was cancelled. An annoyance (a lot of flicking between apps!) but done now. Convenient that can all be performed from my mobile phone, though! But demonstrates the obvious disadvantage of services being pushed online – security is still breachable.

Saturday 28/9: Glorious sunshine; avoiding current affairs

A lovely sunny day for today, but two more rain bands forecast to cross next week, and this year is set to be Australia’s fifth consecutive wettest year, unfortunately. I loathe and hate rain as it makes doing any activity so much more difficult and unpleasant.

The glorious sunshine makes me wish I could do a normal activity like going to the beach and enjoying the day.

I have been avoiding visiting the Russia-focused blogs and sites that were my usual haunts for a couple of years; the repetitive entries and unhinged, insane comments accompanying them just become wearisome. Utterly fed up with the mentally unstable conspiracy theorists who seem to infest the comments sections. I am avoiding reading about world events generally, and focus more on the personal sites of others.

Sunday 29/9: Rain returns

Windy and unsettled, with the rain forecast for mid-morning duly arriving. The sky is cloudy and threatening, a leaden grey.

I have stopped going for dedicated walks again; too tired and busy.

Daylight Savings begins next week; always an unwelcome imposition for me as I already arise early (3:30 a.m. or so).

Florida and other southern U.S. states were hit last week with a powerful Category 4 hurricane, Helene; a regular occurence in the USA but nonetheless devastating for those affected. Melbourne is mostly spared from such disasters, but we still get violent weather, such as those awful near-hurricane-force winds in early September (2/9 entry).

Monday 30/9: Bank branch visit; retirement villages trap

Calm and sunny again. Tired from doing chores.

Went to one of the few remaining bank branches to ask about the suspicious and disputed transaction on my debit account (27/9 entry). The assistant said the amount (over $130) would likely be refunded, but take up to 45 days due to the checks and investigations neccessary! I desperately hope it will get refunded as it is money I cannot afford to lose.

“Retirement villages accused of gouging older Australians in ‘corporatised elder abuse’,” ABC News, 30/9. A lengthy article demonstrating what a scam and a trap retirement villages are, similar to timeshare scams (17/8, 18/8 entries).

October

Tuesday 1/10: Another altercation

Dad had another distressing “brain glitch” this morning (previously: 11/9 entry), where he forgot how to get his breakfast and was generally disorientated. Then an altercation with parents which added to the morning’s disruption. They are getting worse and more difficult to interact with, and I am extremely stressed and upset. Despairing and feel trapped.

My replacement debit card arrived this morning (30/9 entry) so that is activated and functioning again, at least.

Wednesday 2/10: Another power trip; misplaced Mum; re-assessment forthcoming?

Clipsal surge protector switch in outside switchboard tripped again (23/9 entry) this morning for some reason; I flipped it back on.

I took the bus to Chadstone SC.

Fine and sunny today; Dad seems mostly back to normal (or what is normal for him now). But another drama today: Dad left Mum by herself (as usual) while he went to a shop in Southland SC, came back and she had wandered off. He could not find her and spent 1½ hours looking! Eventually found her. Came home very tired.

Some possible hopeful news is that my sister booked a continence assessment appointment for this Friday or Saturday for my parents, and a re-assessment for next Friday. So perhaps outside help is approaching, slowly?

Thursday 3/10: Southland suicide

Fine and sunny today, but rain and unsettled stormy weather moving in for a few days from tomorrow.

Another suicide at Southland SC this morning, apparently, according to a r/Melbourne post (previously: 28/2 entry). “A man’s body has been discovered in the carpark of a Westfield shopping centre in Melbourne’s southeast. A passer-by found the body at Southland, off Chesterville Road in Cheltenham at 5.30 a.m. on Thursday. The area was cordoned off and a crime scene established. The incident is not being treated as suspicious. The Westfield centre does not open to the public until 9 a.m. It is not known how long the body was in the car park for. Police have urged anyone with information to come forward.” Surpisingly, it also got brief media reports: “Man’s body found in car park of popular Melbourne shopping centre,” The Age. The euphemistic phrase “[…] the death appeared to be non-suspicious” and the suicide hotlines at the end of the article are a giveaway that it was suicide.

Friday 4/10: Windy; Jobs vs. Gates

Very windy and unsettled today; restless and uneasy weather. Feeling correspondingly irritable and agitated.

I bought Walter Isaacson’s Steve Jobs biography (again! Previously: 7/1/2023 entry. Though this time from a bookstore). There is something compelling about Steve Jobs and Apple that Windows and its founder, Bill Gates, lack (despite my using and preferring Windows for a main operating system – though I would still like to try macOS again). A quick Web search brought up a series of answers from Quora (a couple quoted below):

Why do many people love Steve Jobs more than Bill Gates, even though Gates is generally acknowledged to be a nicer person?

This is one of the reasons why I love Quora, because it is clear in reading through the answers that perceptions of Jobs and Gates vary quite a bit based on one’s location. But I think that at least in the US, there are several reasons why Jobs is more of a beloved figure than Gates:

Obviously, perception is not always reality. Jobs certainly had some dark corners of his personality/personal life, and whereas Gates is now giving away billions of dollars trying to find solutions to various societal issues (mostly in the developing world), Jobs notably refused to sign the “Giving Pledge” to give away at least half of his wealth, and was something of a scofflaw and cheap during his life. It may be that by the time Gates passes away, he’s the more beloved figure of the two.

The preference for Steve Jobs over Bill Gates among many people can be attributed to several factors, despite Gates generally being perceived as the nicer person. Here are some key reasons:

In contrast, while Bill Gates is acknowledged for his philanthropy and contributions to global health and education through the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, his public persona has often been more reserved and less flamboyant. Gates’ focus on business strategy and long-term planning contrasts with Jobs’ emphasis on product innovation and design, leading to different public perceptions of their legacies.

I would also add that with the operating systems, Windows is pragmatic and utilitarian, as is the hardware running it (the awful drab “beige boxes” that comprised most PCs in the 1990s), while Apple software and hardware are integrated and beautifully designed.

Saturday 5/10: Sister here; CAPS nurse visit

Rain and cold moved in this afternoon; very unpleasant.

My sister and her husband are visiting for the weekend (drove from Wagga Wagga yesterday; previous visit: 3/8 entry); she came today to help with the nurse who came this afternoon to assess Mum for the Continence Aids Payment Scheme. A very complicated and exhausting process, with various documents we will have to fill out and no certainty Mum will qualify. Both parents are very cranky and unco-operative, Dad especially (age and dementia getting worse). I am exhausted from trying to process it all; without my sister I would not cope.

Daylight Savings begins overnight; as I already arise early (around 3:30 a.m.) it is not something I like!

Sunday 6/10: Some tidying done; bought Small Fry and iJustine autobio; Steve Jobs death anniversary

Heavy rain and a thunderstorm swept through from around 3:30 p.m. yesterday afternoon, much to my dismay (fretting about power outages).

Had a brief energy burst and made a start on tidying up the awful clutter of Dad’s stuff that is occupying what used to be my sister’s bedroom (she needs the bed there when she occasionally comes to stay). Dozens of jumpers and jackets, various disposable bags, and just a huge amount of stuff piling up everywhere. After an hour’s exhausting work – mainly piling jumpers and other stuff into said bags – the bed can actually be seen now. Really need professional declutterers to come in and work on the whole house; just a dream at the moment.

The backyard and front yard are also getting very overgrown again (previously: 21/5 entry), but no one has the energy to tackle them.

I ordered and received two other books online a couple of weeks ago: Small Fry (22/7 entry) and I, Justine: An Analog Memoir by “iJustine” (Justine Ezarik), one of the early online lifecasters (from 2006 onwards) who had a particular focus on Apple products. Her persona is bright and happy, and pleasant to listen to. She has been very successful, and lives in a totally different world to my dull and limited one; another American whose life fascinates me (6/2/2022 entry).

r/Apple post: “Today in History: October 5, Steve Jobs dies at 56.” Typically for Reddit, most of the comments are hateful towards him, given his polarized public image. But he is still much-missed. An article from that time: “Why Steve Jobs’s death feels so sad,” Macworld, 6/10/2011.

Monday 7/10: Sister departs; After Steve bought; Twitter account deactivated

A grey, leaden sky; windy, unsettled with rain due.

Had a coffee (long black, no sugar) with my sister, her husband and parents at Southland SC this morning; enjoyable. Nice to talk to others besides my parents; I am desperate to talk with normally-functioning people. My sister and her husband have now departed – a long 5½ drive to Wagga Wagga! I really appreciate their help – I would be lost without them as I am barely functioning mentally and physically.

Bought After Steve by Tripp Mickle, which I found a surprisingly riveting read (an article by the author: “How Tim Cook Made Apple His Own,” WSJ, 7/8/2020).

I decided to deactivate (and, after 30 days, delete) my current Twitter/X.com account; I am weary of the topics I subscribed to and just want a fresh start. No politics or wars. I won’t link to it though from here (or anywhere). I downloaded an archive of my posts (800+!).

Tuesday 8/10: Sleepless

I literally did not sleep last night – could not turn my brain off from the thoughts racing through my head – and I am feeling the lag from that now. Sometimes I get a late-night energy burst that fades by the next morning. So I am not functioning well today (even less so than usual).

Wednesday 9/10: Still little sleep; lawn mowed

A lovely sunny day, calm and still. Too rare.

Got a bit more sleep yesterday evening, but more insomnia from around 11:00 p.m. onwards, so still fatigued.

Dad hired the gardeners again who came last June (21/5 entry) to mow the lawn that had overgrown again; Dad is now too frail and exhausted to undertake the maintenance and other tasks he once did, sadly.

A month until my 54th birthday!

Thursday 10/10: Sister back again

A pleasant sunny day. My sister travels back here today to stay for a few days; she will be there for my parents’ MyAgedCare re-assessment tomorrow.

Friday 11/10: Assessment done; social media scaremongering

A lady from Aspire4Life came to do the initial assessment for my parents today; my sister and I were in attendence also. Went for a couple of hours; a lot of options and people to contact! Felt a bit bewildered and overwhelmed by all the work needed to get some help. Whether anything comes of this remains to be seen as parents are very reluctant to change or get outside help; we have become very insular and isolated.

“Australia’s push for a teen social media ban is a lonely path. Are we brave or just lost?,” ABC News, 10/10. The supposed evils of social media (and the Internet generally) has been the focus of technologically-illiterate politicians’ hysteria for a while now, and this is the latest attempt to impose censorship. (Previously: 21/9; 25/9 entries.)

Saturday 12/10: Digital purging

A pleasant sunny calm day. Sister is still here, but leaves tomorrow for the long drive back to Wagga Wagga. Seems like she is gone too soon. Still exhausted from yesterday’s assessment (11/10 entry) and the bewildering procedures required to get various kinds of help.

Been doing some culling of the thousands of files on my storage/backup drives; I have accumulated a lot of various files over the years, most of which never get looked at. (Yes, I am something of a r/DataHoarder.) But, as with physical hoarding, I have to be ruthless and purge the items that are likely to never be read (though given my ever-fluctuating interests – 19/6, 22/6 entries – deleting is a bit risky). Also a lot of topics I have lost interest in, so there is little point keeping digital information about them.

Sunday 13/10: Sister departed; sleepless about symbols; the fragility of digital memory; more digital purging; in the bluebell woods

My sister departed this morning around 7:30 a.m. for the long drive back to Wagga Wagga, and she arrived at her home around 1 p.m. (having taken some rest breaks along the way). At least the weather is sunny and pleasant again. Wish she could have stayed longer, but she has her own work committments.

Another sleepless night (previously: 8/10 entry). Spent, believe it or not, dithering over whether to use Unicode symbols (as I have been doing) or convert to basic ASCII substitute symbols for much-used punctuation such as quotes and dashes! Typing ALT codes does interrupt my writing flow a little, though I have memorized my most-frequently used keypad combinations so I am still fairly quick. Unicode is pretty much universal now for Internet documents and webpages, and I do prefer the appearance of curly quotes to straight ones. I do use some character entity references for four-digit codes and less-used ALT codes.

Came across this rather poignant comment by Jason Scott (a “technology archivist”) in r/DataHoarder:

Jason Scott, angel of web death here.

Basically, 100% of my time is spent “saving” or maintaining things of a digital and analog natures. And I’ll tell you, across my many years, I’ve discovered stressing about possibilities will do nothing to change those possibilities and nothing to prevent them.

I gave a talk about copyright and preservation in Australia and a day or two later went to the hospital with a heart attack. Nothing is guaranteed, on a personal or macro level.

Instead, I try to do two things:

  1. Understand, as best I can, the things that matter to me
  2. Enjoy the day I have

The second one should be obvious – every rise of the sun and rise of the moon is a day on earth and you are alive and you have friends and family and enemies and fans, and you should walk through the day enjoying what makes you happy. If some things make you sad, that’s fine, you’ll get past them. And if people make you angry, then poke at that if you want but don’t let it consume you.

The first, I think, is really hard even though it sounds simple. There’s a difference between knowing things that you are doing and depend on, and understanding them. You can know a hard drive is a certain kind of component, but understanding these are precision-but-mass-made pieces of equipment with a thousand things that can go wrong as they spin and thousands of revolutions per minute will make you less freaked out when, and I do mean when, they fail. Understanding how multiple backups work. Understanding how fire and flood and mistakes and accidents can all cost you access to history and materials that matter to you. And understanding, on a greater level, how all this is happening in a very chaotic and very unpredictable world, will make you more active in preparations, but also acceptance.

To this end, I don’t sweat that 2100 will come with very little awareness of me, my life, and anything I’ve touched. They’re not required to remember me and whatever shiny pieces of life I put in my little nest will not necessarily survive past a generation or two.

But that said.

In the 17th century, we know there were coffeehouses on the water in London. They were social and they were transactional, allowing the upper and lower classes to mingle, as discussions about trade and politics raged. We know this from bits and pieces of writing and articles preserved from the time.

We do not know everyone who went, or what they said, but we know it. I can see them in mind. They are alive in my head again. This was 300 years ago.

Maybe someone will remember you. Maybe they won’t. But you were here. And you are here now.

The Internet Archive has also been knocked offline no thanks to some miserable rotten malicious “hackers.” I have a lot of what were intended to be backup links for articles in this Journal (as well as linked Wikipedia articles), and a major incident like this demonstrates the fragility of the whole system. An update at r/DataHoarder Internet Archive return update: ‘… staff is working hard. Estimated timeline: days, not weeks. Thank you for the offers of pizza (we are set).’”

As part of my digital purging (12/10 entry), I deleted the several gigabytes’ worth of Novosti Kosmonavtiki PDF magazines I downloaded (14/3/2022 entry) as I can’t read Russian, had never ended up looking at them and they were just taking up unneeded disk space. I have also lost interest in spaceflight generally – events of the last few years have soured the topic for me – and I want nothing more to do with it.

Came across this lovely evocative short essay by “wertperch”:

It begins with a vivid memory. It was the family tradition to make an excursion after Sunday lunch. This particular day we drove out, stuffed with roast beef and Yorkshire pudding, to some woodland perhaps an hour away. I remember how sunny it was as we found a footpath heading in the right direction. Dad took the lead with the map as we tramped across or around a field trying to avoid the flies and the cowpats, until we got to the fringes of the woods. As the trees thickened into forest my father at last sat down and looked around at the dappled undergrowth, glowing blue with a carpet of bluebells. These little hyacinth-like bulbs threw up their greenery everywhere there was enough sunlight reaching the forest floor. My father was entranced by the glowing blueness, and I soon joined him, sitting on a log or stump and just looking at these bright flowers, seemingly everywhere. On closer inspection I saw where they got their name, blue-violet elongated bells that were so joyful to see. Wikipedia describes them as “arranged in a 1-sided nodding raceme.” I saw perfection of form, a perfection that touched my curious-child core. Close up, each scented flower droops and curls in such a way that I could have explored any of them for hours.

For years I thought this place uniquely magical; I could imagine fairies coming out to dance and flit through them, working mischievous faery magic all through the day. Later I discovered many more places like it, these liminal places not quite woods, not quite gardens, laid out purely for my delight. And as I travelled the country over time i discovered them everywhere, each time being delighted and transported back to that first moment I recognised the world as a magically beautiful place.

I still have the yen to visit them again, I get the call every winter as i wait for the springing of these precious flowers. Even in the US now I feel the call to that primitive me, what, fifty years ago. The me that wants to see again this most precious intersection of tree and flower. It calls to me across the ages and the ocean. It would almost be worthwhile to fly back to England just to experience this beauty, this beautiful magic. I hope it won’t take that much effort; I am still looking in my new home for them. Another thing I thank you for, Dad ♥.

(Previous mentions of bluebells: 14/3, 16/7 entries.)

Monday 14/10: Think of the children! Apple acolyte redux

Fine again and rather warm.

I haven’t missed my previous Twitter/X account at all, so I will let it be deleted (7/10 entry). Have only briefly visited the Russia-related Western blogs I used to frequent a couple of times in the last week and realize I have not missed them either; the comments sections are a toxic waste dump. I am just over that and reading about politics and wars in general; I am disengaged. My own real-world problems with my aging parents consume much of my mental and physical energy, and my interests have shifted.

ABC News social media-tagged articles. All focused on the current “Think of the children!” hysteria from mostly clueless adults (previously: 11/10 entry). A lot of said children must be rolling their eyes in exasperation at the out-of-touch adults and will find ways to circumvent any bans.

An unexpected surprise today (birthday and Christmas present) in the form of a MacBook Air M3, Midnight Blue – double the RAM and storage this time, and noticeably quicker! Yes, I have nervously become an Apple acolyte (14/9 entry) again, this time with more awareness of what to expect. I could not get it out of my head and really missed the laptop (25/9 entry). The Apple representative did price-match, happily, so $200 off the initial price (don’t ask!). (More previous entries: 15/9, 16/9, 20/9, 22/9, 23/9.)

Tuesday 15/10: Learning MacOS; wanting to downsize

The weather is warming up this week; some days forecast to be in the mid-20°Cs! Be difficult to adjust after having been cold for so many months.

Another night of fitful sleep; spent my awake hours browsing the Internet on my iPad. Feeling the effects today (weary, no energy, jetlagged).

Slowly getting familiarised with “My Precious” – my MacBook Air. MacOS is obviously very different in many respects from Windows, and in my current debilitated mental and physical state I am finding it difficult to adjust. But I am even having thoughts of eventually selling the new desktop tower and using the MacBook as my main computer. Main reason is downsizing – the desktop tower is heavy and takes up desk space, and I am no longer in a mindset to endlessly tinker with software and hardware. I have no idea how I would go about selling it, though; seems to be too easy to get scammed now. But I want to minimise and focus on my main computer hobby now, coding this website.

Wednesday 16/10: Writing in TextEdit; overcomplicated SSGs

Weather is warm, a bit humid and unsettled; storms forecast for Friday, unfortunately.

Altercation with parents yet again this morning; the same behaviours over and over again. Extremely stressful for me as I feel like I am walking on eggshells around them.

I am (rather awkwardly!) writing this entry in TextEdit on an old Apple wireless keyboard that Dad bought for some reason years ago (manufactured 2012!). I could not get it to work initially, but found the solution was to turn off Bluetooth on my iPad Gen10, and hold down the keyboard’s power button until the MacBook detected the keyboard. The keyboard can apparently only be used on one device at a time.

I am slowly getting used to the MacOS system and its different way of undertaking various functions, but I feel frustratingly slow and uncoordinated still.

A post by Nicolas Magand on his The Jolly Teapot site: “Why are static site generators so complicated to use?” on the complexity of such programs for the seemingly simple task of producing a HTML page. SSGs are clearly only appealing to the technologically-literate; for ordinary people wanting to create their own simple site, trying to figure out how to use such programs is hugely daunting. This reminds me of a post by John Ankarström, “Writing HTML in HTML.”

Thursday 17/10: Clutter despair; upcoming Mac class

Warm and a bit humid today, with some unpleasant stormy weather forecast from this evening.

The usual difficult day with parents. Dad in particular is quick to anger. I did some vacuuming and the ever-growing clutter makes any attempt at cleaning nearly impossible. The carpet is decades old, unspeakably filthy and infested with clothes moths (which are starting to emerge again). The garage is similarly filled with years’ worth of clutter; piles of unnameable junk everywhere. I get into tearful despair just looking at it. Dad gets very hostile and defensive if I mention arranging some hard rubbish collections and getting a skip to take some of it away.

I booked in for a Get Started: Mac one-hour class next Monday at Apple Southland (11:30-12:30 p.m.) so I will see if that is of some help in getting used to MacOS.

Friday 18/10: Storms and flooding; Japanese clutter

Heavy rain, humidity and flooding today, with storms forecast for this afternoon. Have had water seeping through the weatherboard panels to the left of the back door, and water seeping through a crack in the wooden kitchen window frame, flooding around the sink (previously: 14/2 entry). The house is old and deteriorating, and needs much maintenance and repairs, which Dad would have been capable of up to a few years ago. Ideally, I wish the house could be demolished (it was built in the 1940s, a very basic weatherboard) and a new, modern, comfortable house built, one suitable for elderly people, properly insulated and all-electric (no gas supply). That is just a dream, sadly.

Oh, no, another storm cell is approaching – I am anxiously watching the BOM radar loop for Melbourne, and an ominous blob of heavy rain is approaching. The sky in the west has very dark clouds now, and there are some mutterings of thunder. I turned off my desktop PC (connected to mains power via a surge protector outlet) and am writing on my MacBook – the main advantage of a laptop (assuming it has adequate battery charge!).

“Swankivy” (Julie Sondra Decker), who lives in Tampa, Florida (previously: 14/7 entry), had to evacuate her house last week due to Hurricane Milton, which devastated parts of the state last week, as she described in her blog. Another online person, Dave Rogers, whom I follow at Nice Marmot also endured the hurricane.

An r/Japan post links to a Guardian article, “After Marie Kondo: the return of Japan’s joyful clutter,” 17/10. As part of its Japanese fetish, the West has had an image of Japan homes being elegant minimalist havens, but Japanese people in reality can accumulate clutter in their homes just like people in any culture! Though excessive clutter is certainly not always “joyful,” as I well know (looks at cluttered bedroom)!

Saturday 19/10: Cluttered like me

Weather improving today after the awful torrential rain and humid stormy conditions of yesterday. Could even hang the washing out on the backyard clothesline. A couple of warm days forecast for Monday and Tuesday.

I found the book mentioned in yesterday’s r/Japan post (18/10 entry) (a scanned-in copy). There are a few sample photos in this article. The original book was published in 1993, so most of the appliances and electronics in the rooms are analog (bulky CRT TVs, boxy beige primitive computers (a few Macintoshes!), record players, analog radios and so on – nostalgic for me as these are what I grew up with!

Some of the rooms in the book are even more cluttered than mine, which is reassuring. The glimpses into how others live is ever-fascinating for me.

One feature I would most assuredly not include in a new house is carpet! It attracts dirt and dust, gets worn spots in the most-trafficked areas and is tedious and difficult to keep clean. The carpet in my parents’ house is decades old, unspeakably filthy and infested with clothes moth eggs and who knows what else – a biohazard.

Still typing this in TextEdit and uploading or downloading with FileZilla on my MacBook. I do not have an ergonomic setup for it; just a small cleared space on my old desk and an awkward perch on my chair. My now-old computer desk is set up for separate monitor, keyboard and mouse, and there is no room for a laptop without removing these (see the photo gallery of my workstations).

Sunday 20/10: Monarch not welcome

King Charles III and Queen Camilla are here for a short visit. The mainstream media is predictably fawning over them in a sickeningly obsequious manner, but monarchies are utterly irrelevant to me (previously: 5/5 entry), and these undeservedly privileged freeloaders and grifters should all be exterminated (the French and Russians had the right idea when disposing of theirs, though in modern times they have sadly backslid in their views there).

The Get Started: Mac one-hour class that I booked in for is tomorrow; wonder if it will be helpful?

I did not mention last year that my parents bought me the entry-level MacBook Air from JB HiFi – the same 8 GB RAM/256 GB storage M2 model that was initially bought on 14/9 this year but then ended up returning (20/9, 23/9 entries). So my current 16/512 M3 is the third purchase! This time I really want to keep it; I could not stop thinking about the beautiful midnight-blue device after returning the first two.

Still reading iJustine’s memoirs (16/10 entry); she seems to be very positive and vivacious and living a dream lifestyle (which I can only wistfully envy). She meets the definition of success, having worked hard to get where she is now. Unsurprisingly, she has many detractors but they seem to be an unfortunate inevitability of online fame.

Monday 21/10: Sunny; Mac class

A glorious warm sunny Spring day! In complete contrast to the dismal downpour of last Friday (18/10 entry). Unfortunately spoiled by stressful interactions with parents, as usual.

The Get Started: Mac one-hour class was quite helpful; Mel was very informative and friendly. Despite 9 people being booked, only myself and another lady turned up! Which was rude of the absentees, but meant we had a more personalized session. Mel covered the basics of the desktop and trackpad, and I did learn some tips and commands, though there are a lot to remember! I brought “My Precious” along, which I was nervous of doing (I was driven to Southland with my parents in the early morning, as we usually do, then I stayed back while they returned home as usual, then they came back later to collect me).

Tuesday 22/10: Finished I, Justine; just a computer guy

Very warm today; high 20s to low 30s, the first of this Spring.

Tired from pushing a heavy grocery shopping trolley in Southland; I am finding just walking around a struggle.

I finished I, Justine: An Analog Memoir (6/10, 20/10 entries; quite enjoyed it. Very different time on the Internet then, when so much that is regarded with cynicism now was still exciting and new.

“I’m A Computer Guy Among Other Things,” 5/5/2023. A post by Jason McFadden on identifying oneself with an operating system. “So am I an Apple fanboy, a PC nerd, or a Google geek? Am I an Android or iPhone guy? I’m a mixed bag; just a computer guy. […] But I’ll admit that when I was all-in with Apple, I thought I might be counted as a cool guy among the hip Apple community. No such luck.”

Wednesday 23/10: MacOS discomfort zone; Apple passion

Still struggling with accustoming myself to MacOS (so many keyboard shortcuts and trackpad/Magic Mouse gestures – yes, I bought one – to remember!). It is very hard to escape the “comfort zone” of Windows, which I am very accustomed to. I do like the MacBook Air and want to keep it, but I do not have a comfortable ergonomic setup, which doesn’t help. Also real-world distractions and stresses, and my own general poor condition, mental and physical, make the adjustment even more difficult.

“The Roots of My Passion for Apple,” JF Martin, 5/2/2022. “Why do I like Apple so much, in bad times, in good times, and for so long? Why am I relentlessly defending the company’s choices, popular or unpopular? Why am I such a zealot, an evangelist of this American icon? Why is Apple taking so much space and time in my life? What does this passion for Apple tell me about myself? There has to be a reason for all this, right?” Post from a site by an Apple enthusiast (who unfortunately supports the cursed blue-and-yellow flag place, but I will disregard that). Windows OS does not inspire the same passion that Apple seems to.

Thursday 24/10: Restless night; continence follow-up visit; American life dream; to case or not? Apple moribund?

Dad up too early again; he also got up around three times last night, which disrupted my sleep (he and Mum both have restlessness at night now). Felt very tired this morning and could not complete some of my chores; even more of a struggle than usual to get any of these done.

A nurse, Steve, came today from Bolton-Clarke for a follow-up visit regarding my parents (previously: 5/10 entry); he was of the opinion they were generally coping well for the time being. He was quite friendly and helpful.

“I really wanted the kind of childhood that Hollywood presented to me. I wanted to go walking through malls and checking out my crushes and eating pizza and burgers and sharing milkshakes with my girlfriends.” Quote from an ABC News article about an Australian Indigenous actor. I felt – and still feel! – the same way; American life has been an ongoing fascination for me, in comparison to my dreary one in Australia (6/10 entry).

A r/MacBookAir post about whether or not to use a hardshell case. I have been considering that for my MBA, but the general advice seems to be against it. “I personally would not use a case. These are typically clip-on and may cause stress to the casing, possibly causing damage, especially to the display panel. Today’s MacBooks are very thin and stress to certain parts of the MacBook may cause more damage than if one didn’t use a case.” Advice from Apple Support:

If you use a camera cover, palm rest cover, or keyboard cover with your Mac notebook, remove the cover before closing your display to prevent damage to your display. To enable the thin design of Mac notebook computers, the clearance between the display (screen) and the top case is engineered to tight tolerances. If you use a camera cover, palm rest cover, or keyboard cover with your Mac notebook, remove the cover before closing your display. Leaving any material on your display, keyboard, or palm rest might interfere with the display when it's closed and cause damage to your display.

I do keep mine in a laptop sleeve (blue) when not in use; I am paranoid about damage to it!

Via a Numeric Citizen post, a link to one by Riccardo Mori, “It’s Lowtime – Observations on Apple’s September event,” giving the latter’s more general opinion on where Apple has lost its way under Tim Cook’s direction – “It’s Apple going through the motions.” I don’t disagree.

Friday 25/10: Stringent Steve; harsh horsewoman

An old article, “The Story of Steve Jobs: An Inspiration or a Cautionary Tale?, Wired.com, 23/7/2012. As much as I admire Steve Jobs in many respects, I could not thrive under an abrasive leadership style like his; I am of a highly sensitive nature and would be extremely stressed.

In 1981 I undertook Saturday morning horseriding lessons at the Mossgiel Ridge Riding Academy as a beginner (see photo in my gallery), and ended up leaving after a year or so due to the harsh instructing method of one of the owners, Lex Wynmalen (I think she was German, or from some European country? She had a strong accent). A few years ago I came across an October 2012 thread about her – “Mossgiel Ridge Riding Academy any good?” in the now-offline Vichorse.com forums (link broken as they were not archived), and some of the posters reinforced my impression of her:

She is pretty harsh and relentless with her comments! She really kept on getting stuck into a teenage girl each lesson ( I couldn’t see why she was picked on so much by her AT ALL. She wasn’t an awful rider in the least. And even if she was, there are many ways of helping people to improve their riding. Her way way of verbal abuse wasn’t one of them). I was appalled and left after about the 5th lesson. The girl left the week before me. (SerenityNow)

She is a bit scary but if you can get past that, she is quite knowledgable. (BizzyBel)

I agree … pity she ruins it with her harsh verbal approach to students. (SerenityNow)

she is definitely an instructor for intermediate/experienced rider and she takes pride in her horses. She puts a lot of work in to getting her horses great and suitable school horses, and doesn’t like letting horses walk over the riders, hence the harshness and the reason she is suit to intermediate/experienced riders even though she will take some beginners (not so much these days). her teaching methods are reflected by her nationality not so much her personality. (hpritchard)

A friend had two beginner lessons there last month and won’t go back … apart from the two dressage whips that she struggled with, the instructor yelled at her constantly and told her that she wasn’t ever going to be a decent rider. My friend was left feeling very deflated and it has upset her quite a bit. (RhemyElla)

I also had imposter syndrome while there, which did not help; feeling that I was a fraud and did not belong amongst the “real” horse enthusiast girls.

Saturday 26/10: Mum to the podiatrist; MacBook Air a keeper; election indifference; EU bureaucratic meddling; exFAT folder renaming quirk

Fine and sunny today; a clear sky lifts my mood a little. But had to accompany Mum to a podiatrist appointment (driven to the clinic by Dad, in his now-unsafe manner). Moods and tantrums beforehand. A few years ago they would have undertaken appointments themselves, but now with their mental and physical decline, these are an ordeal; like trying to manage two increasingly recalcitrant children. I awaken each day dreading what might happen with them.

The 14-day evaluation and return period for my MacBook Air ends Monday. Do I want to return it this time (20/10 entry)? No, I still very much want to keep it. I would like 1 TB storage, but that is AU$300 more, and I need that money for 3 years of AppleCare (raiding my meagre savings).

The 2024 U.S. Presidential election is due to be held on 5/11, four days before my 54th birthday. I am rather indifferent as to who wins, as I am indifferent to the rest of the world’s politics and wars generally. The current situation in my own life saps all my meager mental and physical energy.

“Is this the slow decline of the Apple ‘cult’?” Matt Birchler, 15/8/2024. Apple seems to be turning into what the once-upstart company stood against: “Part of this is that Apple is no longer the underdog, they’re the biggest fish in the sea. It’s simply not as fun to root for the most successful consumer company of all time than to root for the upstart that’s trying to disrupt the big guys.”

“The iOS Continental Drift Widens,” John Gruber at Daring Fireball, 6/9. On the odious conditions the meddling European Union bureaucracy has placed on Apple to force the company to “open up” its App Store. “As the DMA applies to Apple in particular, where I think DMA supporters go wrong is that they’re not really DMA supporters, but rather App Store opponents. What they feel strongly about is opposing Apple’s tight control over all third-party software on iOS, including, if not especially, control over payments for apps, games, and digital content accessed through native apps. And so they endorse and support the DMA because the DMA breaks that control.” I disagree with Ricardo Mori’s opinion on this: “I’ve found his position towards the EU and the way EU legislation is affecting Apple operations to be misguided, disingenuous, and borderline offensive.” Apple is a “walled garden” for good reason: to protect against malicious apps being downloaded.

Found a minor but annoying quirk regarding exFAT folder names: was trying to change a folder’s name from upper- to lowercase, but this was refused. Solution is to temporarily name the folder to something else, then rename it back to the wanted lowercase name.

Sunday 27/10: Old Macworld fruity iMac review

My sister is travelling down here again on Wednesday for more parents-related tasks. I made up her old bed in the cluttered spare bedroom, changed my own bedsheets and made my parents’ bed (as usual). And what seems like endless other small chores. I am now, unsurprisingly, utterly exhausted.

Found old editions of Macworld magazine at the Internet Archive; the April 1999 edition features my favorite old iMacs, the “fruit-flavors”! As I recalled in my 8/9 entry, Dad had the strawberry flavor for a while, but unfortunately switched to Windows (I wish now he had stayed with Apple computers). I love these still as they were bright and cheerful, and had “character.” Modern Macs are not quite the same – much more advanced and refined, of course, but a little more soulless, perhaps. (The iMacs were playful; the current Macs more adult.) (I transcribed the article from the Internet Archive text page of the magazine.)

Monday 28/10: No to space; joyful iMacs; the right to air laundry; rsync two folders

“Space is Dead. Why Do We Keep Writing About It?,” Andrew Dana Hudson, 23/10. A provocative and contrarian opinion that space travel as envisioned in science fiction and by futurists will never be a viable reality. Current real-world events and crises preclude space colonization being a priority. “The truth is that for over half a century since the moon landing, we’ve made little progress on the interplanetary manifest destiny I grew up believing in. Today manned spaceflight has little cultural or political momentum.”

“How Technocrats Triumphed at Apple,” NYT, 1/5/2022. Adapted from Trip Mickle’s book about Apple (bought 7/10). This quote echoes what my feelings are regarding the 1999 fruit-colored iMacs (27/10 entry): “Mr. Ive pulled together the entire design team to work on the project and prodded the group to fulfill Mr. Jobs’s request to make a computer that was joyful. They coalesced around the idea that it needed to be like The Jetsons TV cartoon: futuristic but familiar.”

“Apartment dwellers push for the right to air their clean laundry,” The Age, 28/10. I find it hard to believe that the basic right to hang out one’s laundry is banned in some apartment complexes; I would be infuriated. I read it is a trend in the USA, but did not realize that the asinine ban was allowed here too. Airing laundry to dry when weather permits is much better for clothing and the environment.

Finally got rsync, the MacOS equivalent of Windows Command Prompt/Robocopy, to sync two folders! The command, in the Terminal Shell (source folder → destination) – both folders can be dragged-and-dropped into the TS: rsync -ahP /Users/suzannemchale/SuzyDocs/My\ Site /Volumes/Samsung_T5. Using rsync on Mac to Copy Files by duklabs provides a basic guide.

Tuesday 29/10: Dad’s clutter; Apple products event week

Took some photos of the appalling mess of Dad’s hoarding clutter in various places, as seen below. Edited them in MacOS Preview as an experiment; got it done rather laboriously! I am much slower on the MacBook than my desktop PC, but am adjusting to the “Apple way” of doing various tasks.

Dad's clutter in shed, 29/10/2024 Dad's clutter in loungeroom, 29/10/2024 Dad's bedroom clutter, 29/10/2024

Photos of Dad’s hoarding clutter in the shed, around his ancient and biohazardous chair in the loungeroom, and in the third bedroom (what used to be my sister’s room). I literally cannot go into the shed without risking serious injury! Years of stuff piled high; Dad just dumps things on top of each other. Very distressing and frustrating for me, but he gets defensive and hostile if I express this to him.

New Apple products are being released this week, including the new Magic Mouse, whose sole change is a USB-C bottom chargin port to replace the Lightning one. Wouldn’t you know it – I bought the older mouse 2 weeks ago, and the new ones here are released 31/10, 2 days after the 14-day return/exchange window. The new one is $10 more (AU$119). So, annoyingly, I have missed out, though the change is relatively minor. (John Gruber opines, “In Defense, I Swear, of the Magic Mouse’s Charging Port Placement.”

New iMacs have also been released with the M4 chip, in the almost-same lovely colors; wish I could have one of these for a full desktop, but too expensive after the laptop!

Wednesday 30/10: Sister arrives today; new Magic Mouse on order; more on the 5 flavors; Steve eulogy

My sister is driving here to stay until the weekend, leaving just before 12 p.m., for more parents-related matters (previous visit: 10/10 entry). A long drive from Wagga Wagga; nearly 5 hours!

I went into the Southland Apple store to ask about exchanging my Lightning-cable Magic Mouse for the USB-C one being released Friday (29/10 entry), and he gave me a refund, despite being one day over the 14-day return/exchange window! Which was awesome of him. So I immediately ordered the new model online. Possibly a trivial concern, but it is nice to get the latest version.

“The Five Flavors,” 512 Pixels, 23/5/2016. A short article on my favorite iMacs (27/10; 28/10 entries).

“Reflecting on 13 Years Without Steve Jobs,” Parker Ortolani, 6/10. A Steve Jobs eulogy. “I just recently turned 26, which means that Steve’s been gone for half of my life now. Yes, it’s been 13 years. It boggles my mind that it was that long ago. I miss him immensely. Not just because I constantly wonder what life would be like in a world where Steve Jobs was still the curator of our digital lives, but because of what other wisdom he may have been able to bestow upon us. […] I think it’s safe to say that I am not alone in missing Steve. No one ever truly believed that there’d be a figure like him again.” Myself included (6/10 entry).

Thursday 31/10: Sister here; MBA price drop

My sister arrived yesterday around 5 p.m. (30/10 entry), so a just-over-5-hour drive! A relief to have her here, though only for another short stay.

She also, incidentally, has the MacBook Air M1 from 2020, in silver – it does not have the MagSafe port for charging.

Was rather peeved to see that the price for my MacBook Air M3 model has dropped to A$2,099 with the release of the new M4 MacBook Pros today! Oh well, I am past the exchange/return window and I would not want to return it a fourth time and rebuy. (And the base M4 MacBook Pro is A$2,499, which was around the original price of the 16 GB/512 GB SSD MacBook Air M3 ….) Enough! You just can’t win – there will always be the next new model.

November

Friday 1/11: Fruit iMac colors in hex code; eMac in Dad’s shed

One of my happy obsessions are colors! I was looking for the hex codes of the classic fruit-colored iMacs (27/10 entry) and came across this r/VintageApple post, “iMac g3 ‘flavors’.” Used a color picker to get hex codes for the solid colors:

And from the Wikipedia iMac G3 page (slightly different hues):

(These are similar to the colors I use for sections of my website; am considering changing have changed the hues to the iMac ones — can you tell I have a new obsession? :-))

Also this more recent Apple Community post, “Identifying the Color of 24inch Mac Cases”:

Being curious, I just performed a very unscientific test of the iMac case colors as follows:

  1. Went to the online Apple Store and screen captured each of the available iMac colors from the images provided.
  2. Opened each image in the Preview app, and then used the Color Picker to obtain the "Web Safe" color numbers for each.

Here are my results:

Interesting articles: “The History of the Apple Logo,” “Rainbow Apple logo gets a modern overhaul” and “How to type the Apple logo,” Cult of Mac.

Dad at last let me get into the locked back room of his shed, and he does have an old Mac in there – but a white eMac, not the strawberry one he originally had (though he still has the keyboard). He said the screen of the iMac malfunctioned somehow and became unusable, so he had to dispose of it, and bought the eMac off a man at Bentleigh Baptist Church many years ago. It is very big and heavy (23 kg according to the linked Wikipedia article!) so I doubt I could even lift and carry it! So it will have to remain in the backroom (also filled with junk, including two more busted PC towers). I certainly will keep it, though. Changed my mind months later and decided to get rid of it (27/3/2025 entry).

I collected my new USB-C Magic Mouse at the Southland Apple store today 30/10 entry); it seems to work OK, though some were apparently having software-related trouble with it.

Saturday 2/11: More colorful iMacs; new Magic Mouse glitch; my website logo in CSS

Sunny and warm, after a rather chilly start to the day. My sister’s last full day here, unfortunately; she has to depart home to Wagga Wagga tomorrow.

As well as the colorful translucent iMac G3 (1/11 entry), the clamshell iBook G3 laptop is also appealing. They both have curvaceous organic shapes, in contrast to the conventional angular laptop design. “Apple has never stopped selling a ‘consumer laptop,’ if you mean a laptop that’s offered at a lower price than its higher-end professionally focused designs. But have all been defined by their price, and their lower-end features, and not on what the original iBook had in abundance: a sense of fun.” (”20 Macs for 2020: #7 – iBook,” SixColors.com.)

More on the new peripherals issue: “PSA: Apple’s New USB-C Accessories Require macOS Sequoia, Don’t Work Properly With macOS 15.2 Beta,” MacRumors, 31/10.

S

I also managed to create a sort of logo for my website using CSS! Just using the letter “S”. It should display here in the latest browsers; not sure how older ones will interpret it (if at all). I wanted to get a screenshot of it and use this as my site favicon, which I have done. I will probably tweak it a bit more.

Sunday 3/11: Sister departed; how to sell PC?

Windy, unsettled weather; quite warm overnight.

My sister left today for the 5-hour drive home to Wagga Wagga :-(; departing around 7 a.m. and arriving around 12 p.m – a fairly quick run due to the long weekend (public holiday Tuesday for an embarrassingly irrelevant and archaic horse race). We are all upset to see her go – it is such a relief to have another person around, one (from my perspective) whom I can interact with normally!

“How many computers do I need?,” 28/12/2022. Am thinking again of a minimalist computer setup – could I get by with the MacBook Air as my main computer? Assuming I could sell my current desktop PC (2/6 entry), and I have no idea how to go about doing that as selling an item seems fraught with the risk of being scammed. I could only do in-person pickup as I can’t drive.

Monday 4/11: Old PC clutter

Weather is warming up – forecast to reach over 30°C on Wednesday. Felt vaguely headachey overnight and sapped of my already-meager energy today.

We have four old PC towers – two that still work (to some degree) residing in the third bedroom (can’t be upgraded past Windows 10; both over 10 years old) and two more in disrepair in the back room of Dad’s shed (1/11 entry). The sort-of-functional ones get no use as Dad is no longer able to use a computer (cognitive decline). They all need to be got rid of as they are bulky and heavy and only add to the mass of clutter here (add two monitors and two printers crammed into the bedroom also! Oh, and an ancient heavy Toshiba laptop which Dad does turn on occasionally for Internet browsing, but the battery barely lasts an hour). I am not interested in tinkering with old hardware, and really wish to downsize.

Tuesday 5/11: A retrograde race; mean Mynahs; a kind neighbour

Sunny today, after a chilly morning. Warming up next couple of days. Public holiday due to the embarrassingly irrelevant and archaic horse race. I have been visiting many Apple websites and reading relevant literature, so the institute of such an outdated concept as racing animals seems even more bizarre compared to the ever-advancing technological age we now live in.

Two Indian Mynah birds (an introduced pest species in Australia) residing in our backyard attacked and killed one of their own kind this morning; pecked at its eyes and left it dying on our lawn. They are very aggressive birds so I am not inclined to feel sympathy for them. I bagged and binned the body after it had perished. A lesson in the ruthlessness of the natural world, for all that out-of-touch humans like to romanticize it. Nature does not give a damn about us.

Still getting used to my MacBook Air, but the adjustment is difficult; I feel slow and clumsy when doing various tasks. I have “brain fog” anyway, which does not help! I get very fatigued by mid-morning.

Was just chatting to our next-door neighbour, John, about various parent-related concerns; he is very friendly and helpful (he and his wife have lived in the house on the north side of ours since the 1990s). He said to ask them if we are in need of help; I don’t like to impose, but will keep his kind offer in mind!

Wednesday 6/11: Election frenzy; rsync exFAT permissions solution (hopefully)

The U.S. Presidential election is underway, and is probably receiving almost as much coverage in Australia as in the USA. I am neutral as to who wins, but I don’t think that Trump winning will lead to the apocalypse/social collapse/civil war as some of the more extreme hysterics are postulating. The U.S. democratic system is fairly robust and has withstood turmoil before.

Still having problems with rsync to an external exFAT-formatted USB drive (28/10 entry). According to a Stackoverflow post:

rsync can’t use -a when the target is an exFAT drive. It will make the directories and seem to be backing up but no files are actually created. You need to use: rsync -rltDv [SRC] [DESTINATION] where:

    -v, --verbose               increase verbosity
    -r, --recursive             recurse into directories
    -l, --links                 copy symlinks as symlinks
        --devices               preserve device files (super-user only)
        --specials              preserve special files
    -D                          same as --devices --specials
    -t, --times                 preserve times

The reason is because rsync doesn’t handle permissions on exfat. You will see an rsync error (in syslog or if you control-c out): chgrp [file] failed: Function not implemented (38)

Thursday 7/11: Trump triumphs; desiring Designed by Apple; hardshell case for MacBook advised against

First hot day yesterday since earlier this year; up to 33°C. Cooler today. Felt very fatigued all day today; could barely walk around Southland SC. My weight seems to now be a kilo or two below 40 kg.

Well! Looks like Donald Trump will be U.S. President again, and parts of the Internet have gone into meltdown. “Interesting times” ahead for the next four years.

I was looking up the Designed by Apple in California photo-book, released by Apple on 15/11/2016. Of course I, like many, covet it now but it is out of print and reseller prices are stratospheric (into the thousands of dollars on eBay!). Someone has filmed a full read-though on YouTube.

Also from that YouTube channel, Apple Explained, “Why You Shouldn't Put A Case On Your MacBook,” and the article referred to: “Should You Really Put a Hardshell Case on Your MacBook?.” In brief: an emphatic no.

r/MacBookAir post of relevance to me: “Got my first Macbook. Suggestions? from a long-time Windows user.

More rsync tweaking (6/11 entry): tried this version: rsync -hvrltD --modify-window=1 /Users/suzannemchale/SuzyDocs/My\ Site /Volumes/TSB\ USB\ DRV, which seemed to work (?) (copied the files I just modified).

Friday 8/11: Last day of 53; fun retro iMac launch photos

My last day of being 53. A birthday wish: a wish for rest, sleep, and help with my current situation. Still feeling fatigued.

Nice retro post on x.com : “The original iMac went on sale 26 years ago today, at 12:00 AM on August 15, 1998. Below are a few pictures from the midnight launch event!” When buying a iMac was a real fun event. I wish I had one of those fruit-flavored iMacs (the eMac in Dad’s shed – 1/11 entry – is rather duller, and too big and heavy) and the clamshell iBook G3 – the translucent colors are still very appealing to me.

Saturday 9/11: 54 today with mixed emotions; current Apple products no fun? Too many of them

54 today! Fine and sunny, but not too hot.

Been feeling mixed emotions all day, so am a bit agitated. Grateful for what I received, but aware that every birthday with my parents might be the last one. Sad also, for I miss the people and places from when I was younger, whom and which have gone now.

Was thinking of that quote in my 2/11 entry regarding the colorful G3 iMacs and iBook, and the phrase “a sense of fun.” Also the quote in my 28/10 entry: “[…] make a computer that was joyful.” That, in my (amateurish) view, is sorely lacking from Apple products today, as they are marketed. The current range of iMacs are certainly still colorful (thankfully!), but are slim and sober in comparison.

Also thinking of the article linked to in my 10/9 entry about there currently being too many Apple products. Again, in my amateur view, there needs to be a repeat of what Steve Jobs undertook when he returned to Apple: “How Steve Jobs Saved Apple,” Jason Fell, 20/10/2011:

[…] Fresh off a partnership deal with Microsoft that injected Apple with $150 million, one of Jobs’ first goals as CEO was to review the company’s sprawling product line. What he found out was that Apple had been producing multiple versions of the same product to satisfy requests from retailers. For instance, the company was selling a dozen varied versions of the Macintosh computer.

Unable to explain why so many products were necessary, Jobs asked his team of top managers, “Which ones do I tell my friends to buy?” When he didn’t get a simple answer, Jobs got to work reducing the number of Apple products by 70 percent. Among the casualties was the Newton digital personal assistant. Unfortunately, the cut-backs also resulted, in part, in a workforce reduction of about 3,000 employees.

“Deciding what not to do is as important as deciding what to do,” Jobs says in the book. “It’s true for companies, and it’s true for products.”

Moving forward, Jobs’ strategy was to produce only four products: one desktop and one portable device aimed at both consumers and professionals. […]

Sunday 10/11: Tired; overdue for checkups; social media hysteria

Was feeling extremely fatigued late this morning, to the point where I felt I might faint. Lay down for around an hour after lunch, which helped a little, but I really need days or weeks of rest and sleep.

I haven’t been to a doctor for a few years (I think the last visit was mentioned in my 6/1/2020 entry); the dentist since last year (27/11/2023 entry) or an optometrist since 2022 (1/3/2022 entry). I am too exhausted to make the time and effort for such necessary-but-tedious body maintenance appointments.

“YouTube on ban list as all states back teen social media crackdown,” The Age, 8/11. More absurdist “think of the children!” overreaction (14/10 entry) and security theater from the technologically-illiterate elders in the government. A couple of scathing comments:

This is all lunatic rubbish from people without a clue. I might not have got my first Nokia till I was 16 or so, but I was dialling up to electronic bulletin board systems (BBSes) back in 1990 when I was only 13 years old before the worldwide web / Internet as we know it existed. These were just as much a “platform” and “social network” as the Tiktoks and Snapchats of today. Guess what? I turned out completely fine, as did all the other kids I chatted on those with. (peter.larkins)

Glad to read most commenters object to this nanny state overbearing patronizing of young people. NSW destroyed the entertainment industry with the lockouts because of a couple of tragic incidents. I wish we had social media in the 60s when I was growing up. Life would have been hugely better, finding like-minded people. How about cost of living and expensive property, PM Albanses, instead of virtue signalling, especially to the state premiers that run law and order auctions all the time. Easy to attack people who cannot vote you out, i.e. young people. But they will next time. (artusj)

Monday 11/11: Apple’s squircles

A fine, sunny, still day; perfect weather. But I am still fatigued.

Interesting Apple design article: “The secret formula for Apple’s rounded corners, Arun Venkatesan, 12/10/2023. Reminiscent of the care Apple takes with its packaging (9/7 entry). Organic curves are much more friendly and appealing than angular corners.

Another article from that website: “Rediscovering Apple’s 1987 identity guidelines, 28/5/2018. I do wish Apple would bring back its original 6-color apple logo.

Tuesday 12/11: A wish for colorful MacBooks

Weather warmish and becoming unsettled today. Exhausted from the usual altercations with elderly parents.

A post on r/MacBook: “Will keeping the keyboard protection sheet damage my screen?” I don’t think it will – I’ll confess I am still doing this with my MacBook Air too!

And an r/Mac post I emphatically agree with: “I wish the MacBook Air came in these colours” – the rainbow color scheme of the current iMacs. Then I could have a metallic-green MacBook Air! (BasicAppleGuy did a similar April Fools’ Day post for this year.)

Wednesday 13/11: A new low; more MBA color concepts

Stormy and unsettled today; a bit humid. Some heavy rain late this morning. Sky is overcast and feels oppressive, as though a hurricane is approaching.

I have dropped a little below 40 kg in weight, according to my analog scales; close to the archaic unit of 6 stone. Lowest adult weight I have ever been. I observe with a detached morbid fascination; how much longer can my body keep functioning before a system collapse?

More posts on MacBook concept colors! “MacBook Air M3: New Alpine Green Colour Concept Design;” “Did someone say pink MacBook …” I love the dark green; it would complement the current Midnight blue color!

Thursday 14/11: eBay exasperations; Apple no longer innovative?

Bought a set of inexpensive iMac-related pamphlets via a seller on eBay Australia, which went fine (items have been mailed and are enroute). But using eBay itself is an absolutely frustrating experience: I could not initially sign in to my account there. I finally managed to using Chrome, but only after a few attempts. I originally placed the order as a guest due to this sign-in rejection loop I seemed to be stuck in. The seller emailed me, but my reply got rejected due to eBay’s stupidly overzealous email scanning policies! (A sample of this is quoted below.) The rejection email: ׅ“Oops. We weren’t able to send your message to […], because the email address you used to send this message, isn’t linked to your eBay account. To keep eBay safe, we need you to send messages from the registered eBay email address.” Possibly because the one I provided is an alias? I did manage to send a message to the seller, so I hope he realizes it is from me.

Note: Make sure that your message does not contain any contact information and that you do not request contact or other personal information; otherwise as a seller, eBay may charge you a final value fee even if your item is not sold. Please also note our Member-to-member contact policyMember-to-member contact policy.

All messages are received by eBay before being forwarded to the recipient. eBay uses an automated filtering system based on certain criteria for the protection of legitimate interests (to protect against fraudulent or suspicious activity or violations of eBay's User agreementUser Agreement or eBay policieseBay policies). Suspicious messages may be checked manually. In the event of a violation, eBay reserves the right to block the transmission of the message, restrict the purchase and sales functions or suspend your eBay account.

An interesting thread of comments from a post at Slashdot:

Apple’s legacy is the struggle

by King_TJ on Tuesday November 05, 2024 @12:36PM

The challenge with Apple is, they’re a company with a highly driven visionary as the founder/CEO … and a “colorful” enough of a figure so he was ousted from his own company once, allowing everyone to see it decline without him in charge. Then he’s able to eventually regain control and proceeds to wipe the slate of their ENTIRE product line clean, launching fresh new devices/computers and rekindling the excitement around the business.

Now, we’ve just been watching Apple churn through all Mr. Jobs’ remaining/unrealized product concepts and product roadmap until they’re left to come up with new ideas themselves. Guess what? Tim Cook isn’t the man to have any of these ideas. He’s doing what MOST company leaders do; relying on some R&D folks to come up with new products and then pitching them to the general public. They’ve clearly got some good engineering talent who pulled off the M series ARM processors, so they could get away from Intel again. But that was really in the works, in the background, for many years, as an extension of work done for the iPads. Now, it feels like they’re just chasing whatever the latest “tech trends” seem to be (AR, VR, AI). And no surprise? This won’t bring them any record sales or success.

I’d say you’d be hard pressed to show me ANY company that kept up the level of innovation they had under a founder, after he/she passes away or leaves to do other things. It’s a whole different level of commitment to the business when it’s “your baby.”

Predicted when Cook took over

by Tablizer on Tuesday November 05, 2024 @01:10PM

Jobs had a nose for the consumer market and how to apply the cutting edge to it that Cook and team probably cannot match.

Cook has been a good operational steward, but is not an innovator. Jobs had the hands-on experience of trial and error at Apple et. al. that is just hard to find in the wild. (Lisa & Next flopped, but did fuel related products.) I’m sure there are good ideas floating around in Apple labs, but how to bring them to market is the tricky part.

I’d like to see what Jobs would do with VR-assisted eyewear, for example. It just feels like there is a viable product wanting to be freed in there if the right features and UI are selected; perhaps used in conjunction with iPhone/watch. I can picture people pointing in the air on a virtual GUI only they can see. Image recognition would translate hand movements into UI commands. The parts are all there, but nobody knows how to put them together without making a convoluted mess.

That’s the type of thing only Jobs could figure out repeatedly. He’d make it both useful and cool, triggering a new product category in the general industry.

Too bad the stubborn SOB was anti-doctor, may have otherwise lived. Geniuses often have destructive hitches. Sigh.

Re: Predicted when Cook took over

by Tom on Tuesday November 05, 2024 @02:35PM

This so much.

Jobs, for all his flaws, was an innovator in the sense of coming up with new things and new ways to put together old things into something new. Iterative improvement was never his. Turning Apple around with a completely new product line, figuring out the smartphone as the PDA/phone/iPod combo and how to market it to non-techies. These are the things Apple is lacking these days.

I haven’t seen Apple create a new product category since he died.

Re: Predicted when Cook took over

by r0nc0 on Tuesday November 05, 2024 @04:26PM

It’s an interesting thing actually because from inside I think that Apple has done quite a lot to change how it operates as a company in order to prevent dependency on brilliant idealists like Jobs. Most of the things we develop as new features are not top-down ideas by any means – they are proposals or projects from my peers and colleagues who discuss the idea with others and eventually form a team to “look into it.” Some projects are more successful than others obviously; the VR headset was another Newton – fantastic ideas and implementations but it’s like being the only entity in the universe with nobody to talk to. A lot of things came together at once for the iPhone both in terms of society and technology and because of Jobs Apple knocked it out of the park. Jobs kept people focused on what matters and if he’d still been around the VR headset never would have made it out the door. There remains plenty of innovation to be sure; Apple does a shit job of talking about the data security of its products and allows idiots like some of the haters here to talk over them about it. However the feeling of complacency can’t be escaped especially by those that shepherded a successful project once: iPhone, Watch, etc – those folks are sitting fat on their collective RSUs but don’t seem to bothered to take risks. And that about sums it up – Apple has forgotten how to take risks and they’re afraid of making a mistake. It’s a sad thing to see actually.

Friday 15/11: Upcoming heat; low weight; disinterested observing; makes me happy

A fine and calm day today, but forecast to be hot tomorrow (33°C tomorrow) with a warm night also (over 20°C). (Incidentally, the keyboard shortcut for the degree symbol on macOS is Option+Shift+8.)

Weight check again: still a kg or so below 40 kg, but I am not unhappy, despite the debilitating effects – I like being able to fit into smaller-size clothing, as trite as that sounds!

I feel a bit better mentally now that I have not visited the former websites I used to frequent (related to the war in the blighted blue-and-yellow flag place, which I only feel utter loathing for). I have no wish to comment on it anymore and have put it behind me. I similarly have no interest in the Middle East forever-crisis. I am neutral as regards the upcoming President Trump regime; I am observing the hysterics and hyperbole around this with mild bemusement.

My focus/obsession now is with Apple; the company’s products and the cult surrounding it makes me oddly happy. (And, to type the Apple logo symbol on a Mac, hold down the Shift and Option keys simultaneously, then hit the letter K key.)

Saturday 16/11: Hot

Weather heating up today, unpleasant in an uninsulated old house. Tired; used up all my available meager energy for today.

Sunday 17/11: Warm night; more MBA M1 advocacy; my Apple devices screens; clothing color combinations; neumorphism/flat design preferred

Uncomfortably warm overnight; mid-20s. I almost stop functioning in heat, or temperature extremes generally. A relevant thread at the Whirlpool forums: “When days temp over 33 degree.”

Some positive reviews for the base M1 MBA (8 GB RAM/256 GB SSD) at Lee Peterson’s LJPUK website. Many people seem to have a similar opinion (a recent r/MacBookAir post: “ Is it still worth it to buy M1? .” Also see my 15/9 entry.) I recall liking the gold-colored variant, but that color was discontinued in the M2 series. I like the Midnight blue just as much!

The wallpaper I use for my Apple devices is very minimalistic: for the iPhone 15 and iPad 10 I just use the “Colour” option, changing the color each week to match my current clothing color scheme (I mentioned in my 21/9/2023 entry, I cycle through a series of my favorite colors over weeks: green/grey; purple/black; grey/wine/brown; orange/white; blue/grey; pink/grey/black, then back to green). This coming week, green is my main color, so my screens are shades of that color also. Just a small enjoyment I get; I like being color-co-ordinated! I also find photographic-style wallpapers distracting.

I do like the Neumorphism trend in graphical user interfaces. The old skeuomorphism detailed icons look very dated and overly-complex now; I prefer a more minimalist approach. I even prefer flat design, an appearance of which I have used for my website in recent years.

Monday 18/11: Positive technology

Came across this article, “How All Our Tech Heroes Turned into Tech Villains,” GQ, 16/1/2020. The collective hate for the Silicon Valley entrepreneurs is now at hysterical levels, yet would many people rather live without the technology that has arguably made our lives better, on the whole? I would be very isolated and lost without Internet access, and I love my devices (iPhone, iPad, personal computer). I have no desire to undertake a “digital detox.”

Recall the controversial opinion piece, “The Techno-Optimist Manifesto” (30/10/2023 entry). It engendered much derision because of its unfashionably positive view of technology. The “A.I. doomerism” prevalent in the media gets very tiresome and hyperbolic. I would love to see A.I. used in such professions as elder care (26/7 entry).

Tuesday 19/11: Sleepless and irritable; a useful digital document signing tip

Another sleepless night; could not turn my brain off for some reason. Angry altercations with parents this morning. I am exhausted and burned-out.

A very useful Apple devices feature: “Signing and Sending Documents,” Rob’s Tech Talk. No need for a cumbersome printer-scanner; signing documents can be done digitally.

Wednesday 20/11: From hate to love; basalt blue

Two r/Mac posts: “Former Apple-haters – What do you think of Macs now?” (my reply) and “I’ve noticed that people who use Macs often stick with them and keep buying Macs. Why is that?”

“How Apple remade the MacBook Air: ‘It has always been provocative’,” GQ, Robert Leedham for GQ, 13/7/2022. Includes a quote about the color that so captivated me: “That raised backside and tapered playfulness might be gone, but it’s replaced with a couple of extrovert flourishes of its own – including a beguiling new ‘Midnight’ blue colour variant that’s particularly beloved by its makers. ‘So that one came from the volcanic rock Basalt,’ says Evans Hankey. ‘Do you know this rock? My dad was a geologist.’”

Thursday 21/11: Heat again; macOS struggle

A few days of hot weather from today; into the 30s, so I will find it difficult to function.

A r/Mac post I can relate to: “Struggling to fully switch over to MacOS.” “As the title says, I’m struggling to switch over from windows to Mac, it just feels … new, sleek, extremely modern, almost like technology has outgrown me and i’m only 28. I’ve moved all of my accounts over, I don’t even use my old laptop anymore but it’s like i’ve fallen out of love with technology almost? its weird? i’ve stopped coding, stopped doing any form of security research, stopped interacting with 99% of everything on my Mac over past month or two, I pretty much turn it on, go to do something, then lose motivation, spend half an hour to an hour doing menial/trivial nonsense then I switch it off.” That is similar to the feeling I have when using my MacBook Air (23/10 entry), and so I still use the desktop PC most of the time. I still would like to try to sell the latter, but the process of selling looks daunting and difficult (where do I list it? How does one avoid scams? I could only accept an in-person pickup due to my living situation, and it seems unlikely there would be anyone nearby who happened to want a desktop PC).

Friday 22/11: Dad disruptions; dripping tap; Designed by Apple book lookback

A disrupted night; Dad disorientated again from yesterday evening and overnight, with some bowel issues. Cleaning up poop-stained pajama pants did not put me in a good mood for the morning. Parents’ and my situation is untenable, and is deteriorating.

Recall the article linked in my 19/7 entry on aged care workers being in short supply; who can blame them? You could not pay me enough to do that as a career.

The hot water bathroom basin tap has been dripping constantly for a few weeks; Dad had a go at fixing it but it is old and has a difficult-to-seal fixture (?). A plumber is needed but I doubt he will call one.

Took the bus to Chadstone SC this morning. Weather is really heating up this afternoon; tonight and tomorrow will be difficult to endure.

”DESIGNED BY APPLE IN CALIFORNIA,” Basic Apple Guy, 20/11. “My reason for putting together this entry is to share a closer look at a unique product that many people will never have access to. Apple is unlikely ever to produce a book like this again (though they did release that weird Apple Music book), and the few remaining copies are being sold on eBay for thousands of dollars, depending on their size and condition.” (Previously: 7/11 entry.)

Saturday 23/11: Hot and tired; M3 review; an Apple extravagance

Hot overnight and today; am so fatigued I can barely function. Have to really push myself to do my chores. This hot weather really seems to drain me.

“Apple MacBook Air 15-Inch M3 Review,” Paul Thurrott, 25/4. A generally positive review of the MacBook Air M3 (this the larger 15-inch version, but applies to the 13-inch also). “This is hard to describe, but maybe that’s the point: Its seemingly impossible combination of size, thinness, and light weight triggers an emotional and visceral reaction. I review several laptops every year, and have done so for over two decades. And yet the MacBook Air is notable, unique. […] Ultimately, I concluded that this isn’t just about looks, though that obviously plays a role. Instead, it’s a sum of its attributes, the total package.”

“One More Thing: Inside Apple’s Insanely Great (or Just Insane) New Mothership,” Wired.com, 16/5/2017. An overview of Apple Park. In my opinion, it seems a bit of an indulgent extravagance and not in the spirit of the original Apple company. Apple products generally – and regrettably – are becoming more elitist and less about engaging the ordinary user.

Sunday 24/11: A rare moment; Mum getting cataracts; a brief sister visit; spicy pillows; U.S. high school

Parents were in a rare lucid mood last night, saying how much they appreciated everything I do to help. Such moments are very rare now.

Somewhat cooler this morning, but a bit humid with some steady light rain.

Mum is developing cataracts and really needs to get them operated on now as her eyesight is deteriorating (complains of sun-glare; can’t see very far). She is (as with everything now) very resistant to the suggestion of surgery, but will have to be coerced into undertaking it if she does not want to go blind. (Dad also developed cataracts; he had surgeries performed over a decade ago on his left eye on 30/10/2013, then his right eye on 29/11/2013.)

My sister and her husband have briefly driven down and stayed in Melbourne for a couple of days; they visited my parents early this morning.

What the heck is a “spicy pillow”? A cute nickname for swollen lithium batteries (a potentially serious condition), and, yes, there is a subReddit for them! The silly nickname made me smile.

Interesting answers to a r/AskAnAmerican post: “Most accurate US High School Movie/Show?” Hollywood movies are not accurate in this regard: “It’ll be very difficult to find a piece of professionally produced media that accurately portrays contemporary high school life. People who write movies and TV shows base their depiction of high school on their own experiences and on other media depictions of high school they've seen, which means that everything is at least 10 years out of date.” (Brilliant_Towel2727)

Monday 25/11: Humid; no tech utopia; wishing for upgradable MacBooks again; thoughts of a new macOS learner

A few days of humid weather, which I dislike; hard to dry washing if hanging it out on the clothesline. Damp, drizzly, cool but not cold, and generally unpleasant.

Via Hacker News, “the tech utopia fantasy is over,” ava’s blog, 15/11. Yet another negative view of technology, more specifically the Silicon Valley tech giants that are trendy to hate now. “Has the tech world kept up this image, their promise, their goals? No. Even with AI now and the ads released for Gemini, ChatGPT and others, they still bank on the utopian world state they failed to deliver even until now. It’s like we’re made to believe it is always just. out. of. reach. but the next technological advancement will fix it and finally make it real. But they’re lying.”

“Why The mid-2012 Is Still The Best MacBook,” Kit Marsden, 26/11/2021. The current MacBook M-series are unfortunately not upgradeable, so if more RAM or storage is wanted, a new laptop has to be bought (if one can afford it!). This is one of the more negative trends that Apple has adopted. Hopefully the company will rethink this strategy.

Another comment from a new macOS user (of interest is the part about “slow and deliberate” – similar to what I am experiencing) (previously: 21/11 entry):

I’m a 30 year hardcore computer nerd and Windows stan that just moved towards Apple products in a huge way in the last 6 months. Before that I would have considered myself a “beginner” mac user of sorts – but I did have a computer repair business in the past, so I was paid to fix them when they broke – I just wasn’t a “power user” of OS X. I can fly through Windows, and still feel slow on a Mac.

The short answer is yes to all, but I’ll add some nuance where I think it may be important to you.

  1. MacOS has window snapping, but it sucks compared to Windows 11. There are good 3rd party utilities to make it better. I’m using “swish” on my laptop, and people also love “rectangle”. With the 3rd party tools it’s about 90% as good.
  2. I feel MacOS is better at handling changes between audio devices. It’s often automatic, and even if it’s not it’s two clicks to change your output device.
  3. Yes, but I would also suggest going with the flow of how MacOS works, rather than just trying to do things the same way you would on Windows. If you notice MacOS trying to nudge you to work in a particular way, just go with it and try to learn a new trick. I alt-tab all the time on Windows. On the Mac I will use “mission control”. Command-tab becomes overwhelming quickly when you have more than two or three things open. Also, MacOS seems to discourage you from closing or minimizing windows pretty much always. Just leave it all open. It feels messy at first. On Windows I maximize windows a lot, and minimize them when I don’t need them for a minute. Restoring a window on MacOS is a lot more cumbersome, especially if you have multiple windows for the same app open. Just use mission control, and embrace the mess.

Finder sucks compared to windows explorer. It’s so much slower to copy/move files around. Working with files in general is very different. A big part of this is still me figuring out all the shortcuts, but I’m trying to just embrace the slow deliberate way that MacOS wants you to work. It’s hard to explain, but it’s kinda zen-like. I can fly through explorer, but with MacOS simply saving a file in a folder feels like a task completed.

I’ve been thinking on this a lot lately. Even though I’m slower, I feel like I accomplish more meaningful work on my Mac. I’ve created more artistic things on a Mac in the last 5 years than I ever have in 30 years on a PC, and I’ve had the same tools on both. For whatever reason Photoshop (and every Adobe product) on a PC feels like a technology tool, and on the Mac it feels like an art tool. Same with music production software. All of it really. There’s some secret sauce in there. I’m no Apple fanboy, but here we are.

I have owned and loved iPhones and iPads since 2008, so I’m pretty familiar with Apple, but I’m surprised that I’m making this change. I’ve tried to leave Windows behind multiple times over the years (to Linux which I know very well also), but I’ve always gone back. I think I’m done for good this time.

Tuesday 26/11: Unusually humid; cozy tech; self-hosting not easy; online joy; guestbook delurking

Another unpleasantly damp, humid, overcast day – but the sun broke through the heavy fog-cloud this afternoon. “A combination of factors were to blame for the fog: northerly winds brought tropical air from the Northern Territory and Queensland down to Victoria, and there was a lack of wind to blow the moisture away, Efron said. ‘The moisture is just sitting over the state, and that’s allowed all of this really-low cloud and fog to develop.’” (The Age).

“The Fantasy of Cozy Tech,” New Yorker, 20/11. “Social media in its original form reflected an urge to connect with other people living their lives somewhere else in the real world. The coziness trend suggests that the Internet and artificial intelligence can lead us ever inward. In the cozy era, our screens and the related accoutrements of digital life fulfill all of our emotional and sensory needs.” An article that seems to be mildly disapproving of such escapism, as if the messy and uncomfortable real world is preferable. Humans seek comfort and escape for good reasons! It’s why technological advances have been a general force for good, despite the naysayers. Few would seek to return to more primitive and difficult living conditions, despite the tendency to romanticize a simpler lifestyle. The reality of the latter involves a lot of endless hard work, and as one ages this becomes increasingly difficult to sustain. The end paragraph does note: “Beyond the walls of the house, her parents run a farm with real chickens and ducks and fields of wheat. Eleanor knows that the cozy aesthetic is a fantasy, just as role-playing games and neighborhoods of anthropomorphized creatures are fantasies. It is ultimately an expression of alienation, an indulgence in the kinds of unreality that technology excels at providing. She said, of the agricultural life, with all its physicality and mess, ‘The reality, for people who play farming Sims, would not appeal quite so much.’”

“‘Self-host it’ is not the answer,” Neil’s blog, 15/7/2022. A sharp reply to the technologically-adept types who advocate self-hosting one’s website, remote storage and so on. It requires much time, expertise and specialized devices. (The Cheapskate’s Guide is one of these advocates.)

From the same blog, “10 things I find joyful about computers and the Internet in 2024.” I particularly liked this reason: “I still get a child-like delight about being able pretty much anywhere, open a computer, and travel virtually into this amazing online environment. Perhaps it is the nerd in me, but something really appeals too about the notion that, here I am, sitting at home, and I am connected to computers, and people using them, wherever they might be in the world.” But, regarding another of his things, I am not one who enjoys tinkering with old computers; I do not have the time or mental and physical energy (managing aging parents saps most of this). I am tired of hand-me-downs and I unashamedly like shiny new things (MacBook Air!). Neil is also a Linux user, and I have an aversion to that particular toxic community (see Kev Quirk’s “Linux Elitism … Again” and “A Sombre Goodbye To Linux”).

Regarding Kev Quirk, I took a nervous step out of delurking and made a comment in his guestbook. I have really wanted to contact many of the online people whose sites I visit daily (in part a need to talk to normally-functioning people close to my age!), but basic shyness precludes this, as well as embarrassment at my almost-unreadable old-fashioned Journal.

Wednesday 27/11: Tropical weather again; menacing Microsoft; new items nervousness; SuperDrive bought

And more humid, rainy, unsettled weather – just yuck. A heavy tropical rain dump this morning, which increases my anxiety due to the leaks that it causes in our old house (18/10 entry). Last night I had a recurring dream scene where my bedroom starts leaking rainwater from the ceiling! Really streaming down – an obvious expression of my real-life concern there.

Storms built up this afternoon and, sure enough, another heavy rain dump resulting in water seeping through the top kitchen window frame, as well as over the back door porch, and through the roof of the porch, puddling on the floor. Much worse this time. Very stressful and messy, and again wishing for a new and modern house instead of this deteriorating old one.

“Relevance! Relevance! Relevance! Microsoft at 50 Is an AI Giant – and Still Hellbent on Domination,” Wired, 21/11. In contrast to my perception of Apple, I still have no affection for MS and feel distrust of the tech giant’s ulterior motives (4/10 entry). Another article about the darker side of MS: “The Cult of Microsoft,” Edward Zitron, 1/11, on the corporation’s more sinister cult-like work conditions. “At the core of Microsoft, a three-trillion-dollar hardware and software company, lies a kind of social poison – an ill-defined, cult-like pseudo-scientific concept called ‘The Growth Mindset’ that drives company decision-making in everything from how products are sold, to how your on-the-job performance is judged.”

”The stress of using something brand new,” Nicolas Magand, 15/11/2023. Expresses how I feel using my MacBook Air!

As with most modern laptops (and desktops), the MacBook Air does not have an internal CD/DVD drive. The Apple version was the SuperDrive, which was discontinued this year. I found one on an Australian site, Macfixit Australia, ordered it, delivered yesterday and it does work! Tested a DVD movie (had to set the drive to Region 4) and it played normally. I rarely use CDs or DVDs now so the drive was a bit of an indulgence, but I prefer to use Apple-made products.

Thursday 28/11: More monsoonal weather to come; wandering wisteria

More heavy rain and storms forecast for Saturday after yesterday’s deluge (27/11 entry). The tropical weather is afflicting most of eastern Australia.

The blocked gutters are likely due to the wisteria that has been entwined around the back door pergola since 1976 – planting it has turned out to be not one of Dad’s better ideas, as the climbing plant has become an invasive weed, with roots all over the backyard and dropping huge amounts of leaves and purple blossom every year. (The wooden pergola struts are rotten and about to collapse, like the rest of the house.) As noted in the linked Wikipedia article, “Whatever the case, the support must be very sturdy, because mature wisteria can become immensely strong with heavy wrist-thick trunks and stems. These can collapse latticework, crush thin wooden posts, and even strangle large trees. Wisteria allowed to grow on houses can cause damage to gutters, downspouts, and similar structures.” It desperately needs to be removed completely, but that alone would be a big and expensive job.

Dad had a go at clearing some of the wisteria this afternoon (standing on a ladder!); he trimmed off the branches mass over the kitchen window and cleared out the gutter, which was full of moss and muck; a buildup over years. Saturday will be a test of how effective this clearing is so far.

Friday 29/11: Social media ban passed; Loren Stephens’ blog

Moderately hot and a bit humid. Took the bus to Chadstone SC this morning. Driving there was fine, but the bus was around 20 minutes late for the return journey, for some reason.

The stupidly patronizing legislation for a social media ban for children under 16 has been passed in Parliament, and was noted in world media. The “nanny state” at work, and it is censorship by stealth using the “think of the children!” hysterical assertion (14/10 entry).

Loren Stephens is another online person whose blog I visit; he uses Apple products and is 79, surprisingly! (Older Internet-literate people are still not that common, as far as I can ascertain.)

Saturday 30/11: Black Friday madness; where to sell PC?

The predicted tropical rain apocalypse day today. A light rain began in the morning, with a large cloud mass streaming from the northeast.

Very busy at Southland SC this morning, with the so-called “Black Friday” sales (an American import). Bought a Magic Keyboard with Touch ID to pair with my laptop (save wear-and-tear on the laptop’s keys); unfortunately the gift card offer was not for that particular item. Oh, well. (Yes, I’m spending money I really can’t afford, but I am miserable and Apple products make me feel good; they are an indulgence.)

Someone at the Whirlpool forum linked to a company that might buy computers, CeX. But the computer or component has to be mailed in first for assessment – and how does one manage that with a heavy and bulky desktop tower? It is not certain whether this would be eligible. The only other options are online sites such as Facebook Marketplace or Gumtree, but they are infested with scammers. And then, assuming anyone would wish to buy it, there is the possible peril of dealing with some random buyer coming to one’s house. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

December

Sunday 1/12: Toilet troubles again; more on moribund Apple; minimalist computing

We were spared another tropical downpour yesterday; still some rain most of the day but no inside water leaks, thankfully. Today, surprisingly, turned out to be fine and sunny with a strong northwesterly wind. Humidity seems to have abated. Rain due late afternoon.

And now I just discovered that the toilet is leaking above the black seal at the S-bend base. Another plumbing job. (Dad seemed to think the cistern was leaking again – previously: 15/9/2023 entry.) Need a new toilet (and a new house!). All these maintenance tasks keep accumulating. Dad could have kept up with them a decade or more ago, but he is too old and fatigued now.

Update: Dad tightened the screws around the base of the S-bend seal – they had come loose – so that seems to have fixed the issue (hopefully! X=).

A short post on the Numeric Citizen Blog, 17/9, on Apple losing its focus (24/10 entry): “As a long-time Apple fan, I find it sad to see the downward trends surrounding Apple. It’s no longer anecdotal. Something is really going on. Apple is no longer the same under Tim Cook and since the Steve Jobs death. How could this be otherwise? Well, yeah. That’s life. Anger, ennui, boredom are just a few things that I’m noticing more and more. This super megacorp is printing money, investors are happy, but meanwhile, something is slowly rotting that will eventually trigger Apple to transform itself. Eventually.”

”You only need these 2 devices,” Cole Blankenship, 24/11. An iPhone and (Apple) laptop for minimalistic computing. I would add an iPad to those as I use mine for reading ebooks, web browsing, writing in Apple Notes, etc..

From the same blog: ”Why I bought a new M4 MacBook Pro.” A laptop feels more personal and cozy, in contrast to a desktop.

Monday 2/12: A rough bus ride; a day with my MacBook; reluctant spies; nanny state overreach

Took the bus to Chadstone SC again this morning. The ride returning home is painful due to the very rough road surface in some places – the bus’s suspension must take a beating! Preventative roadwork has been neglected, and it makes travel dangerous.

Yesterday I used my MacBook Air for the whole day, leaving my desktop PC off. I paired it with my Magic Mouse and Keyboard, and the setup functioned well. The main concern was watching the battery charge dwindle; I turned the laptop on around 6 a.m. and by the mid-afternoon it was down to around 50%. So still a good performance compared to a Windows laptop.

“Britain and Australia have a spy shortage and recruiting the next generation is proving difficult,” ABC News, 1/12. No surprises there – young people are much more cynical about anything to do with the government, and rightly so.

Couple of comments from r/AskAnAmerican regarding the asinine ban on under-16s accessing social media by the Australian government (29/11 entry):

[…] It is a nanny state that has run amok. If you happen to be okay with living by the government edicts because YOU are not a smoker or some other vice the government has priced to destruction then you have no problem with it. […]

And then there is the other reason I did not want permanent residency down under, it is a huge spread out nation similar to the US in many ways, including lack of good public transport options, in urban areas it is better than the US but it is almost as automobile-centric as we are. You have to have a car unless you live in an urban core and then rents are as insane as any city in the US. (New_Breadfruit8692

I don’t get how the rest of this comment section seems to be so positive on it, apart from the fact that a lot of you seem uninformed.

Let me just make this very clear. The last time both major parties agreed to rush through a law is how we ended up with Australian police able to force you to open your phone at airports with your biometric scanners. Unless you force your phone to need your written password, you cannot refuse them. They legally have the right to copy everything on it as well.

“A document is considered to include information stored on mobile phones, SIM cards, laptops, personal electronic recording apparatus and computers. There is no requirement for a person to be present when a document, such as one on your phone, is being copied.”

When both parties introduce and pass a bill UNANIMOUSLY IN UNDER 3 HOURS it has always screamed trouble.

Suicide Prevention Australia who actually does work to prevent teens being bullied on social media said it was idiotic and that “parliament have ran head first into a brick wall.” I don’t think there’s a more qualified institution.

What you are spreading to these gullible people, and the thing you don’t seem to get at all, is that our Politicians have S A I D. They have S A I D. That they will amend the bill in future. Just like they S A I D. That they will amend and make changes to the ATF being able to check and download your phone on a whim. But when you check everything that they could have the “suspicion” to check you for, it quite literally falls on anything, Including fucking “biosecurity and health” as two separate reasons? So they can take my phone and download it on the suspicion I might have a heart attack? Bring back a Durian fruit through customs?

Also I read one of your comments below that really pissed me off but I’ll just leave it here. Stop spreading bullshit that “they don’t know how to regulate or register yet” Yes they’re doing a 6 month trial, a waste of taxpayer money when they inevitably scrap the findings and DO THE THING THEY WANTED TO ANYWAY like they’ve done for so many other studies. Especially when the “solution” is something they’ve been thinking of for years, far before this whole under 16 ban. And that whole plan was ….

Just to enforce a National ID registration to make anyone and everyone far more identifiable, something that has been floating around in Parliament FAR LONGER than this whole “B-B-But the CHILDREN” bullshit they’re pushing now.

This same “B-B-But the CHILDREN!” approach they used when they banned Vapes and kept Cigarettes around $35. Now we have Black Market Dealers that sell $15 20 packs and milk bars selling single smokes for $2 to people definitely under 18. AND OUR GOVERNMENT STILL BLAMES THEM INSTEAD OF TAKING ACCOUNTABILITY. Thinking people are going to shell out $35 on 20 cigarettes instead of $15 and then when these dealers throw Molotovs through their competitions window it’s somehow not the governments fault, even though half the Liberal Party is just bitching because they make money from shares in Tabacco companies, and are mad people aren’t pushovers and paying that price. And it literally all started because they tried to Tax ciggies too hard and they didn’t know what to do with Vapes within the timespan of 5-10 years. Because that’s how useless both parties are.

Should I BRING UP THE TIME BOTH PARTIES BUNGLED OUR FOUNDATIONAL NBN NETWORK MEANING WE GET SLOWER INTERNET SPEEDS THAN ROMANIA BECAUSE THEY TRIED TO SKIM MONEY? HMM

Anytime they try to pearl clutch and team up on something, you know shits about to go down. I don’t know why you’d be celebrating a parliament when every expert and even the main Suicide prevention organization for Australian Citizens basically calls them stupid for doing this. Our government is run by tools who attempt to screw their patrons on both sides and are far more colluding than other 2 party systems. *And that isn’t a good thing* (Shitposternumber1337)

Tuesday 3/12: A short selfie video; leave MacBook plugged in or not? How to force-eject an external drive via the macOS Terminal

Back to humid, stormy, unsettled tropical weather.

I just made a very short video when trying out my MacBook Air camera! Uploaded it to my YouTube channel (which has almost no content). Very amateurish, but you can hear my Aussie accent (which sounds really weird!).

Another MacBook Air-only day! Turned it on at 6:10 a.m., battery 100%. It had dropped to 85% at 1:30 p.m. (nearly 7 hours). I have the battery set to Energy Mode: Low Power. Safari browser seems to use the most battery percentage. There seems to be conflicting opinions over whether one should leave the MacBook plugged in all the time, or recharge when necessary (a r/Mac post on the issue). Leaving it plugged in makes it vulnerable to power surges though, so I will for now just recharge when necessary.

Had an external SSD that refused to eject due to some process using it (happens with Windows too!), so I found out how to eject it via Stack Exchange:

lsof is indeed your best bet. The fastest and easiest way would be this: sudo lsof /Volumes/myDrive

(Be sure to run with sudo otherwise it probably won’t work as intended)

It can take a couple minutes to run, but once it‘s complete, it gives you a list of open files on the disk. The output will look something like this:

COMMAND    PID  USER   FD   TYPE DEVICE SIZE/OFF  NODE NAME
mds         89  root   19r   DIR   52,3      432     2 /Volumes/Photos
mds         89  root   23r   DIR   52,3      432     2 /Volumes/Photos
Finder     681 alans   14r   DIR   52,3      432     2 /Volumes/Photos
QuickLook 2158 alans    9r   REG   52,3  1141591 78651 /Volumes/Photos/_tmp_iphone_10_backup/APC_1546.JPG

In this case, it’s the QuickLook application that has a file open. Closing the application directly is the best way to fix the issue. However, that’s not always possible. For example, QuickLook doesn’t show up as an application you can get to in the Dock.

If you can’t close the application manually, you can use the kill command to terminate it from the command line. To do that, use the PID from the second column as the ID to kill. From the above example, it would be: kill 2158

Note that sometimes that doesn’t work and a more aggressive form of kill must be used. Here's a series of escalating aggressiveness (using the example PID of 2158):

kill 2158
sudo kill 2158
sudo kill -INT 2158
sudo kill -KILL 2158

You should be able to eject the disk once the process/application has been killed.

One final note, lsof can take a minute or two. It can also hang, but you should give it at least a few minutes before you decide that’s what happened.

Also, sometimes the base command sudo lsof /Volumes/myDrive won’t find anything. If that happens, try adding the +D argument (i.e. sudo lsof +D /Volumes/myDrive). That will do a top down scan of the disk. It’ll take longer, but it should pick up anything that’s causing the disk to be un-ejectable.

(Hat tip to Alec Jacobson’s post for extra details.)

Suzy body check

Body check at around 39 kg/6 stone (previously: 25/9 entry)

Wednesday 4/12: Sister and husband visiting Saturday; trying to sell my PC

A nice sunny day, but two hot days forecast for tomorrow and Friday; into the mid-30s. I felt better on awakening this morning; yesterday I felt laggy and fatigued.

My sister and her husband are driving down from Wagga Wagga; they will prepare an early Christmas lunch on Saturday for my parents (I will not eat it due to my restrictive diet).

I sent off an enquiry email to CeX regarding selling my desktop PC (30/11 entry). I am not optimistic of it being accepted; even if it is, how the heck do I mail a heavy (10+ kg?) PC at the post office, assuming I could transport it there? I will never again buy a big PC tower; they are too cumbersome to find space for and transport, and are not desirable to prospective buyers (unlike Apple devices).

Thursday 5/12: Dad taken to hospital

2-3 days of hot weather now, so it will be hard for me to function.

Family emergency: Dad had some sort of fit this afternoon (I was not in the loungeroom, but in my bedroom), and Mum called an ambulance; they came promptly. The three medics assessed him and ascertained he might have had a stroke (he was bleeding from his right nostril and was disorientated; could not get up from his chair to walk). They have taken him to Monash Hospital in Clayton. I messaged my sister; she and her husband will drive down here tonight. The hot weather does not help. Again, I can’t drive and Mum certainly can’t, so what will happen I don’t know. (Dad was previously taken to hospital when he contracted Covid on 1/12/2022.)

An update, 5:06 PM: the hospital called earlier and Dad was able to speak to Mum and myself briefly, so he is still alive, at least. He will stay overnight for observation, blood tests and a brain scan of some sort.

Friday 6/12: Dad updates; Tim Cook Wired interview; laptops vs. desktops; USA will not collapse

Dad is still in Monash Medical Centre in Clayton, undergoing blood tests and an MRI scan. My sister, her husband and Mum visited him this morning; I went with them when they returned for an afternoon visit. It was distressing to see him so debilitated; he was slurring out the left side of his mouth. He will remain for an as-yet indeterminate time for various tests. Again, the precariousness of my situation has been emphasized: I am long-term unemployed (does Apple have any places – I will do anything there), have no income, and I can’t drive (Dad is/was the sole driver). The house is old, deteriorating and cluttered with stuff (and currently infested with hatching clothes moths). Got an electricity bill today in the mail as an unwelcome reminder that the utility bills won’t pause (Dad is the one who usually pays them). Things are falling apart. I need HELP but I don’t know where to go. My sister can only do so much; it is a burden on her. I feel utterly useless.

A social worker there did talk to us, and gave us some options for help from various relevant organizations, but as yet nothing is in place and all is up in the air. I am overwhelmed and lost and confused and lost.

Some Apple-related articles for a distraction. “Tim Cook Wants Apple to Literally Save Your Life,” Wired, 4/12. A recent interview by Steven Levy (via MacRumors).

“Why I’m done with desktop Macs,” Jason Snell, MacWorld, 4/12. “[…] it’s also never been a better time to just give the desktop up and learn to love a Mac laptop.” MacBooks are now an adequate replacement for traditional desktops.

And, “Even Under Trump, California (Yes, That Hellscape) Will Keep Moving the World Forward,” Wired, 31/10. A positive counter-argument against the doomsayers (who have been out in force since the recent Presidential election). “As a Californian who has spent most of his life in other parts of the United States, and as an American who has lived for more than a dozen years in other parts of the world, I’ve often been struck by the ways declinist alarmism about my home state can feel like a displaced version of declinist alarmism about my home country as a whole. I’ve been around long enough, and reported on enough of America’s recurring crises, to be familiar with this pattern. The United States, it seems, is always about to collapse or tear itself apart – because of war and turmoil in the 1960s, oil shock and stagflation in the 1970s, the Reagan recession and the Japanese menace in the 1980s, and on through all the other decades’ predicaments, right up to its political divisions today. But just as each wave of declinist certainty sets in, the US somehow wriggles, or struggles, or innovates, or immigrates its way to a quicker rebound than any other country – as it has most recently in its economic growth since the pandemic.”

Saturday 7/12: Dad still in hospital; PC CeX sale not on; brown Color of the Year

Visited Dad in hospital this afternoon with Mum, my sister and her husband. Dad will not be going home anytime soon; he has had episodes of confusion and is very unsteady on his feet (but a walking stick given to him helps). He did make a curious observation that when he had the seizure he had the sensation of being inside himself and the feeling of a branch breaking from a tree.

Rear view of parents walking along a hospital corridor of Monash Medical Centre

During the visit it occurred to me to look up my aunt’s phone number and ring her (I did not have it in my contacts but found it online via the White Pages website) and I was able to contact her on my iPhone so she could speak to Dad, so that was a nice surprise for her.

Got a response from CeX regarding selling my PC (4/12 entry): not worth the effort; the cash offer is a measley $138! And, even more so now, I am unable to transport a heavy desktop PC anywhere. So that option is crossed off.

A lighter topic: I love colors! (1/11, 17/11 entries.) Pantone’s Color of the Year is Mocha Mousse, a pleasant shade of brown (a color I have recently learned to like).

Sunday 8/12: A bad day

Clean-up incident after Mum yesterday evening, which soured my mood. I hate and resent having to do all this and am dreading Dad’s (presumed) return home as he will not be fully functional (and likely not ever). I cannot cope with two ailing parents; I am barely functioning even without them. Mum has been agitated and upset today, and I just can’t cope with her now.

Next-door neighbors in the house on our north side kindly offered to help, but I feel reluctant to impose. I feel so bleak and hopeless. I can’t get any enjoyment out of anything, only dread what might happen each day.

I did manage to get through to Dad this afternoon on my iPhone to the bedside landline phone. He and Mum were able to speak to each other, which helped a bit. They are both so interdependent after decades of marriage that any separation is immensely distressing for them.

Monday 9/12: Dad due home tomorrow!

Another tiring and difficult day, spent in limbo. Paid the electricity bill at a combined local newsagent and post office (I can also deposit and withdraw bank account money there). An Occupational Therapist visited to assess Mum (would also have included Dad if he were not hospitalized). We are both going stir-crazy with Dad’s absence and not being able to go anywhere due to inability to drive.

Update: I rang Dad this afternoon and he said he is being discharged tomorrow! A taxi will bring him home in the morning. So Mum will be very happy; as I will be, but also apprehensive as I don’t know how I will cope.

Tuesday 10/12: Dad returned home yesterday; another difficult day; sparks joy

Dad was unexpectedly discharged yesterday, arriving home by taxi after 5 p.m., making Mum very happy. He seems reasonably well but is very unsteady on his feet and needs a walking stick, as well as anti-seizure medication. I was relieved to see him … but am also feeling utter despair as to how I will manage without easy access to a car. I still have to get groceries and some sort of meals for them, and I am resentful at having to do all this as I get little enough enjoyment out of life already. I am exhausted and burnt-out.

A very difficult and stressful day; we all have been snapping and snarling at each other. Our routine has been badly disrupted and Mum especially is not coping. I ended up walking to East Bentleigh this morning, then Bentleigh this afternoon (nearly 7 km total according to my iPhone’s fitness app) just to get away for a while; as I have fallen out of the habit of daily walks I am rather fatigued.

My sister is travelling down here again (by train this time) to stay overnight for a brief stay, to be there when the aged care assessment people visit tomorrow.

I have been using my MacBook Air since Dad’s seizure last Thursday (5/12 entry); have not turned on my desktop PC at all. Apple products “spark joy” for me in a way that Windows computers do not. But I have been so distressed from trying to cope with my aging parents that I have had little time to fully enjoy my Apple devices.

Wednesday 11/12: Sister briefly here; Aged Care Assessment visit

Michele arrived here yesterday evening after 8 p.m.. Her train from Wagga Wagga was delayed nearly ½ an hour. It is a relief to have her here, but she can’t stay for long. I dread each day more than ever now.

A lady visited today for the Aged Care Assessment (Andrea, an immigrant from South Africa as she mentioned; came here due to experiencing violence in her homeland). She was very nice and helpful; quite a long session with a lot of questions and help options. It is a bit overwhelming but my sister is helping a lot too. Parents will have to accept help, but Dad in particular is very resistant, and his recent seizure and stay in hospital has made him even worse. It is difficult for me as I am already exhausted and overwhelmed and would be at a complete loss if Michele were not doing all this. Dad not being able to drive is extremely stressful and means we are even more isolated. Only option are taxis, but these are expensive (there is a taxi voucher but this needs to be applied for and takes time to get).

I took the 822 bus to Southland SC this afternoon for a haircut; it is now only just below my chin, though still one length. Did not stay long. Felt envious of the carefree teenagers wandering around. I have not experienced such joy for I don’t know how long.

Next Monday is forecast to get up to 40°C, which I am dreading even more than usual, with two ailing parents in an old, effectively uninsulated weatherboard house.

Thursday 12/12: Not coping with parents; 8050-problem; taxi troubles; regressive repressive Russia; Apple lost its magic?

Dad feeling unwell this morning; seems to be a cold. Very lethargic. My sister departs on the train this evening; the living situation here is going to be unbearable now. In tears of despair again. I feel I am heading towards a total mental and physical breakdown. I want someone, or some people, to come and take over managing my parents. I badly want to rest and sleep.

“How Japan is tackling ‘hikikomori’ – a syndrome that created a generation of recluses,” The Telegraph, 31/7/2023. Again I think of the “8050-problem”; it is very similar to my situation now. (Previously: 17/9 entry.)

Via r/Melbourne, “$200 taxi fares for a 5km trip: how illegal overcharging is surging – even as Victorian police are forced to crack down,” The Guardian, 11/12. Reports like this inspire no confidence in being able to get my parents around by taxi (they can barely walk now and public transport is not an option for them).

“Russia Tests Cutting Off Access to Global Web, and VPNs Can’t Get Around It,” PC Mag, 10/12. Russia is unfortunately regressing into an isolated regime, and is pretty much irrelevant now. I still loathe that blue-and-yellow flag place, and am no longer interested in the conflict there. (Previously: 21/8 entry.)

A great forum thread at MacRumors: “Is the Magic of Apple Fading or Are We Just Chasing Nostalgia?”

Friday 13/12: Dad taken to hospital again yesterday; things fall apart

I had to call an ambulance for Dad around 5 p.m. yesterday — not long after my sister departed to catch a train back to Wagga Wagga — as he was taking a long time in the bathroom, was disoriented and confused, and unable to get dressed. Two medics arrived on the ambulance and decided to take Dad to Monash Medical Centre again — the emergency department. So the situation here is in chaos; Mum is fretting and upset, and I do not know what will happen today. The neighbors next door, in the house to the north of us, kindly offered to transport us to the hospital if needed (previously: 8/12 entry) as I went to their front gate, rang the buzzer and updated them as to what had happened.

Did not sleep last night for obvious reasons. Various gloomy scenarios racing through my head (homelessness, suicide, etc.). And there will be a huge bill for another ambulance ride. Money and transport are the main pragmatic concerns. Will update when able to.

I have been thinking of Karl Leffler/“The Jeffersonian” (17/3 entry) and the lonely ending of his life by suicide on 26 May 2022. No one came to save him, or to offer him hope.

An utterly exhausting day, with Mum fretting and going mad with worry, me snapping at her, and trying to make phone calls to some relevant organizations. A social worker at Monash Medical Centre was kind and helpful. I called Carer Gateway in hopes of getting emergency respite care for Mum, but they will only take her if she is willing to go, which she would not be. Dad was still in Emergency when I called the hospital, but was to be moved to a ward from 3 p.m.. Will not try to visit today.

Saturday 14/12: Dad updates; cars are necessary; still want to sell PC

A female doctor called yesterday afternoon to ask some questions about Dad’s mental and physical condition before he had been admitted; I answered as best I could. This morning around 6:30 a.m. Dad actually rang home on the landline (using his iPhone SE2), which was a surprise for me! He seemed reasonably lucid. I didn’t tell Mum (she was still asleep). No real updates yet as to what had afflicted him after my sister departed Thursday. He is (according to what he said) in Ward 34, Room 30. I don’t think he will be discharged today; hopefully not for a few days (there is still an MRI scan appointment this Wednesday at 2:30 for him and transport is not certain).

The next-door neighbor (13/12 entry) drove Mum and I to Monash Medical Centre in Clayton this morning, and collected us later. Visited Dad; not a happy visit as he was back to his combative behavior with me. He clearly was not well enough to return home – on leaving, he came with us to the ward main door and wanted to go out with Mum and I, and got quite angry when I told him he could not (a nurse came to help). He is being transferred to Moorabbin Hospital today as it is smaller and closer. I hope he can be kept in as long as possible as he is now very difficult to manage and interact with.

The doctor whom I spoke to on my iPhone when waiting for a ride home said that Dad had experienced delirium and also caught a rhinovirus. He had complained of a headache in the early morning, as well as sneezing and coughing, so that hit him extra hard given his recent ordeal with the seizure (5/12) entry. Perhaps he caught the virus in hospital.

The couple next door moved in around 30 years ago, after buying and demolishing the previous 1950s brick house and building a more modern one-storey one. The lady took us inside for a quick look-around and to meet her two cats (well, one – the black one was shy and kept himself hidden; the blue Burmese female had no such inhibitions!).

I crave solitude like a drug; I just want to retreat and be left alone. Every day is a joyless begrudging trudge through a lot of unwelcome interactions and obligations; my routine of years has been disrupted and probably will not resume.

This ordeal – the sudden loss of available car transport – has deepened my hatred of stupidly idealistic anti-car activists; public transport (train, bus) is simply not convenient for some activities such as grocery shopping; PT is scheduled at fixed infrequent times; bus stops and train stations can be a lengthy walk to reach (and inclement weather makes getting there a torturous ordeal). The elderly and infirm face even more barriers with PT given their frail condition. Bicycles I will not consider; these are only for the fit and able-bodied, and again any inclement weather turns a ride into physical torture. Taxis and rideshares are expensive and dependent upon not-always-honest drivers. Autonomous cars in these scenarios would be a godsend, enabling those unable to drive to maintain independence and travel at times convenient to them. Self-driving cars are still difficult to develop though, so in the meantime traditional cars and the infrastructure to support them are of paramount importance.

I have not turned on my desktop PC in two weeks! Been using my MacBook Air and am getting accustomed to the Apple way of operating. I still would like to sell it, but am at a loss as to how or where to (7/12 entry).

Sunday 15/12: Dad updates; waiting and fretting

Spoke to Dad on my iPhone yesterday evening; another combatitive conversation. He complained about the “drafty” room and is determined to come home today, which I don’t want. He got very angry when I said he should stay longer (after Monday at least). I was going to visit him this morning but won’t now (my sister advised me not to) – he is still he is too querulous and argumentative. His seizure and hospital stays seem to have exacerbated these symptoms.

I spoke to him via landline this morning, with the usual ending in acrimony, but he still wants to come home – though he said a psychiatrist there recommended he stay a couple more days.

Mum has been fretting all day but I cannot comfort her; we end up yelling at each other. I am badly wanting to be and live by myself more than ever.

I am well and truly burned out. And the usual suggestions to counter this are just undoable or impossible for me (no friends, no transport – unable to drive –; no finances), or just annoying. Book a doctor’s appointment? Difficult to access (transport again) and just feels like too much effort. Ring the suggested hotlines? They will just give canned solutions (which I know of already) with no real practical help. I also hate ringing strangers and trying to explain my situation in a coherent way.

Monday 16/12: Hellish heat day; to Southland SC

41°C predicted today. Oddly, a solitary line of light rainclouds passed over around 8 a.m this morning. But the day has heated up now.

Took the 627 bus to Moorabbin Station, then the train to Southland Station; a reasonably quick journey. Completed one of two tasks, then back home on the 822 bus. I really miss the convenience of a car; I was exhausted when arriving home. I am limited in what I can carry to what will fit in a backpack.

Tuesday 17/12: The ordeal continues; adult hikikomori documentary

A cool change blew through in the late evening after a 40°C or so day. A little rain.

I am dreading the day ahead, as I always do now. Mum has a heavy cold (perhaps caught from Dad), which doesn’t help. Lack of car transport – not being able to drive – is a major issue for me.

A lady from Carer Gateway (13/12 entry) rang me yesterday afternoon (which was a surprise). Had a long conversation; she offered a lot of options, including funding for 2 weeks of respite care for parents, and an option for volunteer transport for appointments. I could not make any decisions as I am too exhausted now, so I was a bit incoherent.

Still thinking of the hikikomori and the 8050-problem (12/12 entry). I just want others to take over managing my parents, and for myself to withdraw and be left alone. Mum creeps around, moaning and weeping like a lost ghost, and I cannot cope with her; she just aggravates me.

At its worst, it’s macabre: corpses thrust into closets, as when a parent dies and the “child,” helpless outside the house and not knowing what to do about funeral arrangements, simply does nothing. Abandoning a corpse is a criminal offense, and Toyo Keizai says arrests have been made – in Nagasaki and in Fukutsu. In Sapporo, a daughter in her 50s, having lost her mother, seems to have simply wasted away. The two bodies were found together. In the house was some 90,000 yen in cash. Whatever the immediate cause may have been, it was not, apparently, poverty.

A national law that went into effect in 2015 provides for supplementary welfare payments to families in extreme distress – but, says Toyo Keizai, the application process can be so intimidating that eligible people brusquely turned away by unsympathetic officials meekly accept their dismissal and don’t press their claim. At the local level, some prefectures and municipalities do better than others, the magazine finds, but even programs with the best intentions can misfire. One such focuses on finding work for hikikomori people. That’s seen as an ideal solution, and can be – but all too often the job turns out to involve part-time work at low pay under harsh, cost-cutting conditions, subjecting highly vulnerable individuals to power harassment, sexual harassment and other forms of bullying, which can drive victims even deeper and more hopelessly into withdrawal. (“The ‘8050 problem’ - ‘hikikomori’ people entering 50s as parents on whom they rely enter their 80s,” Japan Today, 14/11/2018)

During a web search for the topic, I came across this NHS Japan documentary, Dying Out of Sight: Hikikomori in an Aging Japan, 17/1/2021. My immediate reaction, watching the fate of some of the adult hikis depicted, That is me, or will be me. I can relate to them totally. There is a certain sense of liberation in the knowledge that one can give up on life.

Wednesday 18/12: At each others’ throats; Dad back home

Another stressful morning, featuring a screaming match with Mum. We are seriously aggravating each other. I recall watching a wildlife documentary about tigers in a reserve in India; what I found surprising was how the relationship between a female tiger and her female cub turned extremely hostile once the latter reached adulthood and left to find her own territory.

I am utterly exhausted from walking first to Patterson Shopping Centre and back, then to Bentleigh in the afternoon and carrying a heavy backpack.

Dad had a MRI scan done at Moorabbin Hospital; nothing of notable concern stood out. There were typical aging-related changes. He was discharged this afternoon and brought home by taxi ($20 for a 10-minute ride!). Mum was very pleased to see him. He seems more alert and generally better than this time last week (13/12 entry), though he still has a lingering cough from the rhinovirus he contracted.

That’s enough for today.

Thursday 19/12: Bank frustrations; community nurse visit

Another day of wearisome tasks and wishing for car transport. Less than a week till Christmas, and that will be dismal this year.

A bewildering, exhausting and initially frustrating day. I took the bus then train to Southland. Tried again to withdraw some money on behalf of Mum from her pension account (had tried on Monday but I am not a signatory to her passbook – she is incapable of using an ATM, and is technologically-illiterate – so I was unable to, but the teller gave me an old-fashioned red withdrawal slip which Mum had to sign. Tried again with this today, but the teller mistakenly identified me as Mum’s sister when phoning our home number to confirm permission for the withdrawal. Dad, not surprisingly, said Mum did not have a sister and the teller then refused me permission and confiscated the passbook! I understand this is security to guard against identity fraud, but frustrating nonetheless (not to mention humiliating as they probably have me profiled as suspicious). I was upset to the point of tears. Parents will have to pay for a taxi to Southland and back to sort out the issue and get Mum’s passbook back.

A community nurse came to see my parents and I today also, and she explained various forms and procedures that will need to be undertaken to access the Home Care Package and services provided for these. For myself, she will help me apply for the Carer’s Payment and Allowance, as well as the NDIS, as my parents will not be around for much longer and my fate will then be dismal. Access to these services is strict, though, and there are no guarantees I will qualify. (I have a virtual meeting set up via phone/MS teams for Wednesday 15/1/2025; not sure how that will pan out). My parents and I are quite stressed and overwhelmed by all these appointments, obligations and strangers coming in. We can’t return to how we were before Dad’s seizure, though (5/12 entry).

I badly want to retreat back into solitude and be left alone; I could live minimally as long as I had Internet access and some sort of basic income. Only a dream, sadly.

Friday 20/12: Problematic parents again; my own spicy pillow; a new diet

Another stressful morning of altercations with parents. Dad mentally vague and irritable again; Mum moaning and getting upset – had a big argument with both of them. They sat in the lounge room all morning. Dad was convinced he had no money (but apparently forgets he has a debit card in his wallet?). I am not coping with them AT ALL. Am at the stage where I would be happy if I never saw them again. I really want that emergency respite care for them — best Xmas present for me would be the day by myself. They can’t live by themselves at all. I will make as little effort as possible with them; I just can’t deal with them.

Too many strangers coming at me with demands and obligations. I just want to abandon all this and retreat until our situation implodes.

I took the bus to Chadstone SC. Bought a lovely Soft Cushion – Mini from Muji; not the green color I wanted, and the pink one was literally the last on the shelf. (Frustratingly, there was a green one in a basket on a high shelf, but it was apparently stained and the sales assistant I asked would not sell it to me despite my pleading.) I call it my “spicy pillow” (24/11 entry)! A silly thing, but I desperately need some comfort.

My new diet from 17/12 (a minimalist diet. Fresh produce is expensive, cut some of this out):

Saturday 21/12: Appointments; a unique city

My sister (who has flown to Brisbane with her husband to be with their children for Christmas) spoke to a post-acute care nurse who organised a care worker to take me shopping once a week (up to 1.5 hours) for 4 weeks (on behalf of Dad). It can be within a 10 km area so Southland is easily included. Dad can also go if he wants to but not Mum as this is too much to manage for the care worker in terms of their mobility issues. I will likely go alone as parents won’t want to be separated. It will be some help at least for heavy items.

The community nurse who visited yesterday arranged for a GP appointment for me on 8 January with a clinic in Hampton, which I am dreading (she will drive me there).

Walked to Bentleigh and back this morning. Parents have ”cabin fever” as they are unable to go out anywhere; our routine of years has been severely disrupted. I cannot have a coherent conversation with them at all; it is exhausting and frustrating trying to make them understand anything now. Dad has been very tired since his hospital stays; the seizure and the cold he picked up in hospital (doctors called it a rhinovirus) and his age means he will take weeks to recover, and probably will never be like his previous self.

I managed to have a lie-down for nearly an hour this afternoon, and arising again was very difficult. Would love to spend the day like that.

Via Hacker News, “Kowloon Walled City: Heterotopia in a Space of Disappearance,” Matthew Hung, 9/9/2013. On a unique and now-demolished structure that holds an ongoing fascination on what living in such a place was like. It has an enclosed coziness; the feeling of a secret hidden maze.

I wish for my own little flat, where I can huddle safe from the world outside. In my 18/6/2017 entry I mentioned the “100 × 100” project by photographer Michael Wolf, portraying residents in their 100 square feet apartments surrounded by their possessions. Cluttered but cozy. (Also the Japanese version I linked to in my 19/10 entry.)

Sunday 22/12: Do not want to recover

Feeling extremely fatigued this morning. Utterly fed up with parents. I am not coping and just want out of this.

Skimmed through a book called Sick Enough: A Guide To The Medical Complications Of Eating Disorders by Dr. Jennifer Gaudiani. I have copied some extracts from Chapter 22, “Caring for the Patient Who Declines Treatment,” which seem relevant to me and my situation. I don‘t want “help” or “recovery.” I went through all that during my first eating disorder in my late teens to early 20s, and I cannot and do not want to trudge through all that again. I just want to be left alone, to not have to clean up after others or interact with them. I just want my own little flat to myself, to live minimally until whenever I die. (My only request is for Internet access, which provides a lifeline and sanity for me.) I care nothing for life, have no ambitions, have essentially given up and am just existing.

If a Universal Basic Income were accepted and a reality, I could live minimally on that without the social stigma.

I would like to live in the area I have resided in since birth; the Bayside region in general. Perhaps the area where my maternal grandmother lived, in Gardenvale; it is an old and familiar landscape for me.

Still thinking of that hikikomori video I linked to in my 17/12 entry; from the first couple of minutes: “… on this visit the property’s occupant was still alive. A recluse, he’s isolated himself for over three decades. A concerned city official has been making frequent house calls. The man has been living here all alone ever since his parents died. Water and gas have long been cut off and he looks emaciated, but the man still refuses any help. Ten days after the official’s last visit, the 56-year-old man was found dead. Cause of death was presumed to be malnutrition.”

Monday 23/12: A dismal outing

Another dreary day trapped at home. Cold and rainy today, but temperature to spike up to near-40°C on Thursday.

A care worker called in this morning to take me shopping (21/12 entry. My impression of him was not good. He seemed to be of Indian or Sri Lankan descent (not sure; did not ask); his accent was so strong that I had difficulty understanding him. I also had the impression – given by his rather hesitant driving – that he had only recently learned to drive (his car was a small Nissan Micra, barely adequate for carrying bags of groceries – placed on the back seat, as they ended up). I felt awkward and uncomfortable the whole time, rushed through my shopping at Coles in Southland and got out and home as soon as possible (it being two days before Christmas and school holidays, the shopping centre was very crowded and busy). So another dismal morning passed, reinforcing the wish that if only I could drive it would make each day a lot easier (go shopping, take parents out).

Tuesday 24/12: Christmas Eve ennui

Felt extremely dull and depressed this morning. Decades ago, Christmas Eve was something to anticipate; this year it is utterly desolate and joyless.

Took the bus then train to Southland SC. Got there and back with no trouble; very predictably crowded, and I had to rush around to ensure I caught the bus home that I wanted, but still better than yesterday (23/12 entry).

Wednesday 25/12: A dismal Christmas Day

Another dreary day; fed up with parents as is usual now. The best Christmas present for me would be a day to myself. Weather heating up: 30°C or so today, close to 40°C tomorrow.

Nearly 3 weeks since this awful “new normal” started (5/12 entry). Dad will never be the same; I doubt he will fully recover and may not be able to drive again (his driving was already erratic and unsafe). We (parents and I) are living together 24/7 without even having the temporary distraction of being able to drive somewhere to get away for a litte time (usually to Southland SC), and are going stir-crazy and have cabin fever. L’enfer, c’est les autres.

I have known for a long time that my approach to life is extremely passive – I wait for things to happen to me, or for others to take the initiative for me – rather than motivate myself. I simply do not have the mental and physical energy.

Thursday 26/12: Hot

Hell Day today, in regards to the extremely hot weather forecast. An ordeal for elderly parents in this old, poorly-insulated weatherboard house. Have had a mild headache all night and into this morning, no doubt heat-related.

Next-door neighbor kindly drove me to a local McDonald’s to get a takeaway for my parents (which they like to have once a week or so). I did download the MyMacca’s app to use for deliveries if needed, but these obviously cost more.

Three weeks ago today since Dad’s seizure (5/12 entry). It is a struggle to get through each day. Parents can do little but sit and stay inside.

I have not turned on my desktop PC since then; have been using my MacBook Air exclusively. Would still like to sell my PC, but am stuck as to how to (7/12 entry).

Friday 27/12: Anti-car cretin

Cool change arrived overnight, so temperature much more bearable today. Took the bus then train to Southland SC. The usual altercations with parents. Feeling fatigued again.

A r/Melbourne comment demonstrating the typical anti-car nonsense endemic amongst younger users of the site: “Trams could run faster if the traffic lights were programmed to give them right-of-way and there were more and longer stretches of tram-only lanes. They also need more accessible stops which can only be done by getting rid of parking along roads with tram lines, and this is a deeply unpopular move with retailers and the general public (due to entrenched car dependency). The cycle of car dependency will only be broken when planners and elected representatives make the difficult decision to deprioritise cars.” (zoqaeski) Public transport is not always an adequate substitute for a car, as has been reinforced for me in the last few weeks (14/12 entry).

Saturday 28/12: To Bentleigh and back

Walked up to Bentleigh and back; only around 20 minutes each way, but I slowly wandered around and in various shops, so was nearly 2 hours there. Backpack was heavy as usual on the return, with only a few purchased items, so am utterly exhausted now. I walk at a very slow pace due to my chronic fatigue. The weather was thankfully pleasant – fine but with a cool breeze.

Sunday 29/12: Another day in limbo; a mess of bills

Weather again quite calm and pleasant, with a light cool breeze. Walked up to East Bentleigh to get groceries at the IGA supermarket there. Such is the mundanity of my life. Interestingly, there is a shop there, IT-Tech Online, that specializes in repairing and upgrading Apple Mac computers (more for older ones that can be upgraded).

Spent a tiring half-hour or so trying to sort through some of Dad’s awful mess of bills, bank statements and other important documents (all still delivered by post on paper), attempting to bring some order to his chaos, but barely made any headway. He just reads such items and dumps them in ever-growing piles.

Monday 30/12: A real annus horribilus; caregiver PTSD

To Southland SC this morning by bus and train. Paid a gas bill; withdrew money for Dad (from his account). A care worker came again this afternoon to take me shopping; a young woman this time. A better experience than last week (23/12 entry). Again this emphasizes how essential a car is for carrying heavy grocery products.

Second-last day of this year. An awful year it has been generally for me; the few bright spots were being gifted a new iPhone (30/7 entry) and my first Apple macOS device, the MacBook Air M3 (14/10 entry). Also cancelling and selling (17/8 entry) that timeshare scam that was a yearly financial drain for my parents. Nothing else positive to add, given the unpleasant “new normal” that has replaced our previous routines since Dad’s seizure on 5/12, and finding out how difficult getting around is without the convenient use of a car (Dad was the only driver, and is not to drive for 6 months; it is uncertain as to whether this might become permanent).

The only times when I feel some inner peace is when I am by myself. These are all-too-rare and brief. Being around other people for too long is increadibly stressful now.

An r/AgingParents post I can relate to: “Thinking about the effects of caregiving on caregivers.” “I’ve been looking after my mother for 10 years now with the last 4½ becoming increasingly difficult. Prior to COVID, I was mostly looking after her house, but then it became more about taking care of her, too. I used to think that when my mother finally passed away, I would just return to my life, which has become more and more consumed by responsibilities, but I’m now realizing that the whole experience has changed me. I’m not the same person that I was. It’s hard even to describe exactly what those changes are, but last week, I had dinner with friends for the first time in a LONG time and realized that I’d forgotten what it was like to have an extended conversation with people who could respond to the things I said. I've been isolated for so long. And I think I’m traumatized by the experience, also in ways I can’t clearly define. I’ve heard some people say that it took their spouses a long time to recover from caregiving, years in some cases.” To say I will have a form of PTSD is not, in my view, an exaggeration.

Tuesday 31/12: A difficult year; green spicy pillow; passbook retrieved

The last day of this year. A difficult and dismal one for me, aside from a few bright spots (30/12 entry). Took the bus to Chadstone SC this morning. Found that Muji had new stock of the pillow I bought last week (20/12 entry), so I now have a mint-green “spicy pillow” also!

Parents managed to go to Southland via taxi and Mum was able to retrieve her confiscated bank passbook (19/12 entry). Another altercation with them when they returned, though. Just interacting with them is an ordeal now.