Suzy McHale’s Diary: 2003

Events of note: Saw Jupiter and its Gallilean moons through a telescope for the first time in March – Dad had bought a fairly large and bulky one. I started using a contraceptive pill (Dianne-35) for the first time, for hormonal reasons (not relationship ones!)

January

Wednesday 1/1

First day of another year, my 33rd. Was kept awake by the usual idiots in the neighborhood letting off illegal firecrackers and party poppers.

Yesterday I went to see the second instalment of The Lord of the Rings trilogy: The Two Towers at Southland Village cinemas. I also visited the dentist for the first time in a few years! The dentist appointment was at 9 a.m., with Dr. Greg Bainbridge at the Southland Dentist Group. He was quite good. There was an encrusted build-up of tartar on my lower teeth that had built up over a few years (particularly in the last few months), so he cleaned this off. My teeth feel like new! There was an unpleasant smell coming from the tartar, so that’s gone, too. Fortunately I had no holes or other problems, though my upper gums have receded a bit from overbrushing.

The movie was excellent, though very long – just under 3 hours! Plus 20 minutes of ads before it started. I felt very tired when I came out. I didn’t see the first last year when it came out in the cinema – but on the DVD which Dad bought. It really does look better on the big screen. The trilogy was shot in New Zealand, and the immense sweeping landscapes are magnificent. One of my favorite scenes was the Black Gate, the entrance to Sauron’s dark realm of Mordor. The huge gates and walls towered hundreds of meters high – as imposing a sight as you could imagine. Everything black and grey, with the smoldering Mt. Doom volcano lurking menacingly in the distance. A troop of soldiers from the southern lands was shown entering the gates, in preparation for the big war. Unfortunately, we’ll have to wait until the end of next year to see it!

Chris has to get all 4 of his wisdom teeth out next week under a general anesthetic; he’s driving down here to a hospital to have it done. He has to leave after the anesthetic has worn off, though, so Mum said he could stay the night here in Michele’s old bedroom.

I spent most of today in bed, feeling rather depressed as usual. I’ve nothing to look forward to, so no New Year’s resolutions – what in the world can I do? I’ve no money, no skills and am essentially unemployable, except in menial lowly work, which I’ve already wasted 12 years of my life in. I’ve become a real recluse in the last year since I left That Awful Place. The only people I see are my parents and I feel as though I’m going mad sometimes – I fear that I am turning into them, adopting their habits and attitudes, and that is the last way I want to be.

World events. The USA, under President George W. Bush, seems determined to go ahead with war in Iraq in February or March, despite whatever the U.N. weapons inspectors there find. North Korea has revealed that it is restarting its nuclear weapons program, to the dismay of other nations, though they are still seeking diplomatic solutions.

Russia is still buggering about in Chechnya – a suicide car bomb was detonated last week, as described in this article:

Russia desperate to repair failings in Grozny

By Robyn Dixon, Moscow The Age, 30 December 2002

As the death toll from a double suicide blast in Chechnya grew to at least 55, Russian officials on Saturday were desperately seeking to explain how the attackers got through several military checkpoints to bomb the pro-Moscow government headquarters – the most heavily protected building in Grozny.

Friday’s attack, which injured more than 120, raised new doubts about Moscow’s Chechnya policy, but officials vowed to press ahead with a referendum on the republic’s future, due in March.

Critics, however, questioned official claims that the Chechen conflict was over and that the republic was stable enough for a meaningful referendum.

After Russia’s unsuccessful 1994-96 Chechen war and three more years of conflict since 1999, the pressure is on Russian President Vladimir Putin to demonstrate a victory. Determined to show Russians that life in Chechnya is normal, he has dismissed the idea of peace talks with the separatist rebels who oppose Russian rule.

US officials privately concede how difficult it would be for Russia to accept peace talks after Chechen rebels took hundreds of hostages in a Moscow theatre in October. But some analysts doubted that the referendum was the right tool to resolve the crisis.

“The referendum is unlikely to bring about peace in Chechnya, simply because the main reasons of the war have not been removed,” said Alexander Zhilin, a Moscow-based military analyst. “There are still forces, both inside and outside Chechnya, that are financially and politically interested in the continuation of hostilities.”

Suicide bombers driving a truck and a military jeep charged the headquarters of the pro-Moscow Chechen administration in the capital, Grozny, on Friday, detonating two enormous blasts and reducing the building to a ruined shell. Some reports put the number of dead at 57. Rescuers worked until dark on Saturday but had found no survivors since Friday.

Russia’s foreign ministry said that Chechen rebels were international terrorists, and warned that the only way to fight terrorism was to “give up political stereotypes and double standards” – referring to Russia’s view that Chechen rebels should be hunted as vigorously as al Qaeda militants are pursued.

Mr. Zhilin said the attack “testifies to the fact that the (Russian forces) do not control anything in Chechnya, not even their own HQ. If a couple of suicide drivers can stage a successful attack on a government complex, it means only one thing: There is utter disorder there.”

Victor Kazantsev, Mr. Putin’s representative in the Caucasus, placed the blame on authorities in Chechnya. “Those in charge of the security of the government compound did exceptionally badly. Carelessness was shown by many, from a rank-and-file soldier to high-ranking people,” he said, suggesting, without naming names, that a Chechen minister had been negligent.

Mr. Kazantsev insisted that if well established security procedures had been followed, the attack would never have succeeded.

– Los Angeles Times

There was a U.S. documentary on Chechnya screened on SBS a couple of weeks ago, from various participants’ points of view. The Muslim Chechen rebels/terrorists are getting help from Al-Qaeda. Lots of Russian aircraft and helicopters have been shot down since the second war restarted, and hundreds killed. The documentary showed Russian armored vehicle patrols going out – they are essentially moving targets for the rebels, who stage ambushes (one video shot by the terrorists showed them executing Russian soldiers after an ambush, one Chechen holding a pistol to each man’s head and firing). Why don’t they secretly send in small groups of special forces into the enemy’s territory to seek out their base camps and exterminate them? Perhaps single snipers could also infiltrate, and pick off various rebels at random, spreading terror amongst the rebels, in the way that sniper in Washington, D.C. effectively terrorized the civilian population for a few weeks last year by shooting people at random, before finally being caught.

The rebels are fighting a guerrilla war, and conventional forces aren’t going to be effective, as was shown in Afghanistan in the 1980s. Once again, a lot of young men are having their lives thrown away for no good reason – it’s hardly surprising that there is so much desertion and bullying in the army.

~ Ended 7:03 p.m.

Friday 10/1

Little of interest. Chris stayed over 2 nights ago after having his wisdom teeth extracted. I didn’t see him or Michele.

The Expedition 6 crew continues to be the dullest to date. The sole Russian on board, Budarin, won’t even get an EVA now because of a heart irregularity – he didn’t qualify for one of the U.S. pre-EVA medical tests (despite his having the same irregularity on previous Mir flights and doing EVAs anyway – perhaps a NASA conspiracy to do an all-American EVA?). They’re also one of the ugliest crews to come up (I was just looking at their photo).

I tried installing Internet Explorer 6 on my computer a couple of weeks ago (on top of IE-5), but it kept screwing up the computer – kept coming up with error messages and I had to keep shutting down and restarting. Gave up after a week and uninstalled it (I’m back to IE-5.5). I don’t think this computer has enough memory to cope with the updated version, though I’ve only used up a quarter of the hard drive space (about 1 GB of a total of 4 GB – a tiny capacity these days. Some computers have up to 80 GB!)

~ Ended 8:02 a.m.

Borrowed a library book called The Shooting Gallery by Gaz Hunter, “the story of one man’s life as a soldier in the SAS” – the British special forces. Much the usual stuff, but there is a segment where he went to help out the Mujahideen rebels in the Afghanistan War – he brought in the first U.S. Stinger missiles and trained the rebels to use them. I only mention this because it features one of the most brutal torture scenes I’ve ever read (I’ve read a lot of gruesome stuff, but this is something else). Around 1985, Gaz Hunter is with a group of Afghan rebels who conduct a raid on a Russian motorized patrol. Most of the patrol are killed – only two Russians (both 18- or 19-year-old conscripts) are taken prisoner. “They were terrified” – and for good reason, as things go. The Mujahideen proceed to torture the hapless boys in the most brutal fashion imaginable, like something out of medieval times. One who tries to escape has an Achilles tendon cut. The other – who was burned in the raid – is spread across a rock and disemboweled with a knife, still alive, and left for wild animals to devour. The surviving one, still conscious, has an eyeball removed with a knife, then he is dragged off and has his stomach cut open, and tongue cut out – also left for the wild dogs and mountain foxes to devour. All this time Gaz Hunter is looking on. He doesn’t do anything to try to stop them.

I was going to type out extracts to put in here – Gaz’s description is quite graphic – but maybe not. You have to wonder at the mentality of a people who do things like that. There were brutalities on both sides, but some cultures seem to excel at such atrocities. I can’t feel any sympathy for the country in its state now. Presumably the remains of the two boys – scattered bones by now – are still out there somewhere.

~ Ended 7:37 p.m.

Thursday 16/1

Nothing of interest. Two very hot days last Sunday and Monday – mid-30s. I am going mad with frustration. The two Americans on the Expedition 6 crew completed an EVA yesterday – big yawn.

Watched an SBS documentary on Tuesday about a massacre of nearly 3000 Taliban prisoners (out of 8000) who were allegedly executed by the Northern Alliance in late 2002 while U.S. Special Forces soldiers looked on. The makers of this documentary, not surprisingly, received death threats from various people. If it’s true, the American government will never allow its soldiers to be extradited for war crimes trials. It does go to show that the Americans have no more claim to the moral high ground than any other nation. The prisoners were a scraggly, sorry-looking lot (though, bearing in mind what I wrote last entry, sympathy is muted). Some of the prisoners who were Chechens fighting with the Taliban were sent back to Russia to be interrogated by Russia’s security services (their fate is unknown, the documentary makers noted). Again I feel no sympathy for them. These religious fanatics are a real menace to society, and when they partake in such activities they forego all their so-called “rights”.

A thought for the day: If only fanatics from all religions could be exiled to another planet. There they could slaughter each other to their hearts’ content, and leave the rest of us in peace.

One person whom I seem to be reading a lot about lately is Helen Darville – formerly know as Helen Demidenko – who in 1994 had a book published called The Hand That Signed The Paper which won a few Australian literature prizes. She posed as the daughter of a Ukrainian migrant, similar to the characters in the novel. But it turned out she was faking the whole thing, and there was a big controversy. The novel was also controversial because of its subject matter – and it’s a bleak and unpleasant read, though curiously compelling. It’s certainly a remarkable piece of writing for someone in her early 20s, and doing her first novel – I could never have written something like that at her age. Her parents were perfectly ordinary English migrants, and Helen was a decidedly eccentric figure. She disappeared after that.

Reason she interested me was because she’s of my generation (born in 1971) and, from what I’ve read of her in various books about the controversy, she shares some of my personality traits – though she is more extroverted. She also had the nerve to pull off a convincing con job which had the media hoodwinked for several months. She was apparently somewhat embarrassed about her ordinary background, so she concocted a more exotic past. Those with migrant backgrounds seem more exotic than those of the mainstream Anglo-Saxon culture. I’ve certainly felt that way – I’ve wished at times over the years that there was someone more “exotic” in my family tree – someone of another nationality. But we’re all, as far as I can trace, from England and Scotland.

Helen has her own small website – she’s still at university. Her Ukrainian obsession seems to have passed, and she’s been into ancient Romans for the last few years, judging by the various articles she has on her site (she describes them as “my favorite people” – so what happened to the Ukrainians?). She seems to be making a living as a freelance writer.

[Her website no longer exists, but can be found at Web.archive.org – http://www.uq.net.au/~enhdemid/

I am thinking, if I ever get my life going again, that I might have to change my name and/or identity – my lack of achievement to date is embarrassingly non-existent. I’ve pissed off many people over the years (particularly some at the Job From Hell) and they would probably jump at the chance to character-assassinate me, given the opportunity. I have a name in mind – not dissimilar from my own name, and using the surname of a deceased relative. But I don’t think I’d have the audacity to convincingly fake a background – I’m not much good at lying.

I’ve had the strong feeling, over the years, that I was born in the wrong family, wrong life, wrong country. I don’t want to be me.

One good book I bought a couple of months ago is Inside the Soviet Army by Carey Schofield, a female British journalist. This was completed in 1991, just before the coup. It is a large-format book with lots of photos, and is an excellent read. She was given unprecedented access to various sections of the Soviet military as it was then, and goes into much detail about their training and general attitudes and problems. It is very different to the usual sorts of military books which are mostly mind-numbing statistics of weapons and military tactics. It concentrates on the human side of the military, and is a book I wish I’d had long ago! She writes with sardonic humor in places. She also wrote another book a couple of years later called The Russian Elite: Inside Spetsnaz and the Airborne Forces which I’m in the process of getting (mail-order). Perhaps women have a different perspective on such subjects. I would love to write something like that – unfortunately, given my problems and the bad impression I make on people, I’m unlikely to.

~ Ended 7:17 p.m.

Saturday 18/1

The STS-107 shuttle mission launched on Friday – Columbia is reserved for stand-alone (non-ISS docking) missions. It’s received a bit more attention in the Australian media than usual because it’s carrying a payload of spiders as part of an Australian school students’ experiment to see how they can spin webs in microgravity. Ugh! They can keep the spiders – preferably chuck them out the airlock. An Israeli astronaut is also on board – the mission is, in part, no doubt intended to strengthen the alliance between the USA and Israel.

James Oberg continues his obsessive quest to expose those sneaky secretive Russians – here’s a notice of a seminar he was to hold:

Calendar of Events: “Sleuthing Russian Space Secrets”
James Oberg, Consultant, author, lecturer

From a lifelong interest in “Sleuthing Soviet (and now Russian) Space Secrets,” author and space program veteran James Oberg will discuss time-tested workable principles in obtaining reliable insights into the Russian space program as a basis for successful and mutually satisfactory international cooperation – governmental, commercial, academic, news media, and more – with the Russian space industry. This richly-illustrated talk will describe successful sleuthing strategies as applied to past, current, and future aspects of the Russian space program.

Noon-1:00 p.m.
In the Hess Room
**Note: Bring your bag lunch (no refreshments provided).
Theme
Date: Wednesday, January 15, 2003
Location: Houston, TX, US
Web Address: http://www.jamesoberg.com
Copyright © 2003 SpaceRef Interactive Inc.

One thing the Russians could do to combat this pesky person is to have him classified as a spy and refuse to issue him a visa next time he applies to enter Russia! He used to work for NASA, so he certainly doesn’t have the Russian space program’s interests in mind.

Found another website – this is a Dutch one by a long-time space observer and amateur radio operator, Chris van den Berg. He’s been monitoring Russian space radio communications for decades. It’s at Mir news. This is his last Mir observation report:

But nevertheless I experienced a strong feeling of sadness. I thought about the hundreds of space flight experts in Russia, who had been involved in the Mir exploitation. For instance TsUP, the flight control near Moscow. The room for the control of Mir-operations was always a house full of specialists and scientists, who liked their job. With scanty wages, sometimes not fully paid they fulfilled for 100% of their responsibilities and in their specialities they showed enormous achievements.

In September 2000 I visited TsUP while a pass of the unmanned Mir complex was going on. It was sad to see the almost empty room with only a few operators and specialists, who, depressed by the knowledge of an unsure future, took their seats behind the monitors and keyboards. For them and their colleagues there is nothing to monitor anymore. What will be their alternative? Now thinking about them I felt like crying.

I myself can continue to enjoy my hobby with the monitoring of the International Space Station and other space objects, for instance radio amateur satellites. This will be not so intensive and less aimed at the distribution of information, but last but not least there will be something. For the duty crews and experts at TsUP, but also at a lot of tracking and calculation facilities, there will be nothing at all.

I also visited the so called Buran-hall during the ISS EVA with Malenchenko (STS-106). The operations fully stood under control of MCC Houston. No Russian controllers were involved. That what I saw and heard was for me no reason to be optimistic about the future role of the skilled and experienced flight control staff of the Russian side.

Gradually the control of the ISS has been shifted from Moscow to Houston and the attitude control of the complex has been transferred from the Russian Zvezda to the American Destiny.

So more and more the role of the Russian flight controllers will be decreased to a reserve one. Only the incidental operations with Soyuz ships and Progress freighters will remain a Russian task. All they can do now is to wait for Russian science operations on board ISS some time in the future.

Note that the control room that was used to monitor the Buran flight is now “fully under control of MCC Houston”. You can’t get more pointed symbolism than that.

I was having a few rather nefarious thoughts this morning about ways to combat NASA’s dominance – including sabotage. I won’t go into them here. Unfortunately, such methods are beyond my ability in my current life. Another related method of combat is to form a secret “resistance movement” amongst cosmonauts and related personnel who feel the same way!

I can pinpoint the moment when I began feeling this way: around the time of Mir’s de-orbiting in March 2001. I also read an article in The Age’s Good Weekend magazine, Feburary 10, 2001: “The Murder of Mir” by Gregory Klerkx. This really turned me against NASA, though I had been feeling increasingly hostile towards them (and America in general) in the previous year. Before that I was just interested in the American space program, and not at all in the Russian one. Now I am quite disillusioned with the whole space program in general. I really wish there was someone I could talk to about all this!

It was mentioned in the newspaper that China’s first manned spaceflight is set to take place this October. An idea I had is for China to fund a module for the ISS Russian segment, which would be built in Russia. Australia could also do the same with another module! I’m not sure how much a module would cost – $400 million? But it would give both countries a gateway into the space program, inject more funding and enable Chinese, Australian and Russian science programs to be carried out – and counter NASA’s dominance.

Here’s an extract from one of my stories – it’s a short imaginary newspaper article featuring an interview with one of my Russian “Expedition Clueless” characters by a rather besotted female reporter – and sums up some of my gripes and frustrations. Funnily enough, he feels the same way I do … ;-)

ISS partnership: “Deal with the Devil”

By Nadia Milaya for The Moscow Times

STAR TOWN, MOSCOW – “We should never have let the Americans take over our space program.” Strong words from Sergei A. Konstantinov, soon to go up into space again as part of an Expedition crew. “We are subservient to them now, and they are getting all our knowledge and experience virtually for free.”

I talked with the dashing young black-haired cosmonaut one lunch time in the Star Town cafeteria, during a break in his training. He and crewmate Yurii Zolotyov stayed on Mir during the station’s last year. He believes Mir could have been kept going for a few more years. “It needed some maintenance, but was still basically in good shape. But NASA did not want Mir to compete with their ISS, so they conspired to get Mir deorbited,” he said, his bitterness evident. He cites the plans the private space company MirCorp had for the old station. “They wanted to experiment with a tether which boosted Mir’s orbit, but the American government delayed the export license until after the decision to de-orbit Mir. The Americans also bad-mouthed Mir every chance they could get, like they did in that movie, Armageddon. I guess they’re happy, now.”

He remarks that the controversy over space tourist Dennis Tito’s flight was another attempt by NASA at exerting dominance. “It was a fuss over nothing. Mr. Tito was well-trained and did not get in the way. I am glad we stood up to them, there.”

He describes the co-operation agreement signed in 1994 by the Russian and American space agencies as a “deal with the Devil. It saved our space program, but we lost our independence. We became dependent upon them for funding.” He does not oppose “limited” co-operation, but feels the integration of both countries’ space programs has gone too far. “Once NASA has got all they want from us, they will discard us.”

He notes that China’s developing space program – they have plans to put their first man in space soon – echoes that of the Soviet Union’s several decades ago. “They have now what we seem to have lost. Space is irrelevant to many people in Russia, now,” he says sadly. As a teenager he hoped to fly the Buran space shuttle, which made its first and only unmanned flight in November of 1988, soon after he turned 18. Despite the many years and billions of roubles spent on its development, the program was canceled in 1993 due to lack of funds, and is unlikely to be revived. Sergei must instead be resigned to flying the Soyuz spacecraft, and rides on the American shuttle. “I am looking forward to my Shuttle flight, but I will only be a passenger.” He and his crewmates will be launched on Atlantis for their flight to the ISS where they will stay for up to six months.

He says he and Yurii are lucky to be going into space again at all. “There are a lot of cosmonauts and only limited seats available. Some younger ones like us could wait years until they make their first space flight.” He smiles charmingly when I mention the stories I’ve heard around Star Town about the pair’s notoriety. “We like to have a little fun. We could be dead tomorrow, so we enjoy life while we can.” He is coy about his personal life. “I have had girlfriends, but there is no one presently. I am very busy training.”

As well as space travel, Sergei enjoys parachuting and flying. He is a first-class military fighter pilot and parachute training instructor, with over 200 jumps to his credit. “I am working up to 300. Maybe 1000!” He enjoys sports such as athletics, swimming and diving – the latter freediving, going to great depths on a single breath. “I really miss doing all that when I am in space,” he says. “We are confined in the small modules for many months, and it can get very frustrating.” Spacewalks are, for him, a highlight. “I love going outside, and seeing all the Universe around me.” He and Yurii have been assigned three EVAs for their stay, using Orlan spacesuits. They completed three previous spacewalks during their Mir stay.

The lunch hour is almost over. I ask Sergei for some final thoughts on the Russian space program’s future. His shoulders slump and he looks pensive. “I don’t know how things will turn out. People have lost interest in space. Politicians have sold us out. I think our space program will continue in some form, but it won’t be like in earlier times.” He adds, wistfully, “I would like to go to Mars. To be first ….”

I’m still fussing about with my two “completed” stories – have to make major changes which I can’t be bothered doing yet. I’ve been working a year on the damn things! I’ve started a couple of others, but I don’t think I’ll ever finish them – probably lose interest. It’s not like I can ever go into space.

I rarely read science fiction any more. It’s mostly American (aside from the occasional Australian or British author, who mostly write about the American space program anyway), so it’s the same tedious world-view and voices over and over again. There’s nothing from other countries in mainstream or even specialist bookstores (except for Omon Ra – see 9/8/2002 entry).

~ Ended 3:10 p.m.

Monday 20/1

Huge bushfires around Canberra devastated some suburbs there yesterday, and destroyed 368 homes; 4 people were killed. Fires also in the northeast Alps of Victoria. With a warm NE wind, a smoky haze has covered Melbourne; the Moon (just past full) was orange early this morning, and the rising sun blood-red. Can smell smoke and ashes in the air. It’s going to be in the high 30s today, though the haze might keep this down. Brings back memories of the bushfires in the early 1980s. There hasn’t been any good rain in ages. Bushfires and drought are part of the climate here – but people build houses near forests, so they will get destroyed in fires like this. Wonder if smoke from the fires are visible from orbit?

~ Ended 9:34 a.m.

It’s warmed up considerably, but there is still a smoky haze.

There was an alarming NASA proposal in yesterday’s The Age:

NASA plans two-month manned dash to Mars

By Duncan Campbell
January 19, 2003, Los Angeles

Mars looms large in Project Prometheus’s vision of slashing travel time with nuclear-powered engines.

The United States was hoping to send an astronaut to Mars in a nuclear-powered rocket within eight years, said a senior NASA official. Under the space agency’s ambitious plan, the project would involve a two-month journey to Mars in a spaceship traveling at three times the present speed of space travel.

President George Bush may announce the plan, termed Project Prometheus, in his State of the Union address on January 28, the Los Angeles Times reported.

The plan would commit the US to the exploration of Mars as a priority, and herald the development of a nuclear-powered propulsion system. The first voyage could be as early as 2010.

The plan brings to mind the words of President John Kennedy, who, on May 25, 1961, said: “I believe that this nation should commit itself to achieving the goal, before this decade is out, of landing a man on the moon and returning him safely to the earth.”

On July 20, 1969, Apollo XI landed on the area known as the Sea of Tranquillity.

A NASA administrator, Sean O’Keefe, said: “We’re talking about doing something, on a very aggressive schedule, to not only develop the capabilities for nuclear propulsion and power generation, but to have a mission using the new technology within this decade.”

NASA would be expected to ask Boeing to assist in the design of the new rocket.

Spacecraft at present travel at 28,000 km/h.

The goal is to build a vehicle that uses small nuclear reactors to give the engines greater thrust and circumvent problems of fuel supply. This would mean that the craft could reach Mars within two months as opposed to six to seven months.

“We’ve been restricted to the same speed for 40 years,” Mr. O’Keefe said. “With the new technology, where we go next will be limited only by our imagination.”

There may, however, be limitations of a different kind. With the US entering a recession and facing the potential costs of attacking Iraq, Congress may not be willing to sign a blank cheque for a multi-billion-dollar project with no guarantee of success.

Part of the attraction now for the project would be the stimulus it could provide for scientists and engineers.

Many pioneers of space travel have retired, or are about to retire, and they are not being replaced.

And the numbers of students enrolling in tertiary science and engineering courses have declined.

Some observers say a Mars project could improve the industry’s image.

The project throws up many questions about the effects of such travel on humans. Already astronauts are returning to Earth with a decrease of up to 30 per cent in their muscle mass and 10 per cent in bone mass. The more arduous flight to Mars would increase such problems.

And there would be medical concerns about nuclear radiation.

– agencies

Americans first on Mars also! A nightmare thought. It would totally demoralize the Russian space program – it was bad enough for them that America won the Moon race. NASA would become insufferably smug and triumphant. I really hope some other country – Russia – gets there first.

Perhaps, if the mission became reality, they would take along a token cosmonaut or two. But he wouldn’t be permitted to step out of the lander first. NASA would utilize what it has learned/bought from the Russians concerning long-term spaceflight.

I hope their nuclear rocket blows up and irradiates them all! Perhaps the coming invasion of Iraq – which at the moment seems inevitable – will blow out the American budget.

Here’s another alarming letter from an The Age reader:

Age letter writers who seek to remind the U.S. of how finite its global world power may be by reference to the demise of the Roman Empire might also care to recall that the latter spanned some 500 years. If the U.S. “empire” is dated from 1945, that could still leave some 450 years to go, with its only foreseeable rival appearing to be China as a regional rather than a global power.

– T. Hogg, East Melbourne

ANOTHER 450 years of U.S. dominance? It hardly bears contemplating! They’ll probably have conquered the Universe by then. Here’s hoping for an asteroid strike!

~ Ended 2:40 p.m.

Saturday 25/1

A really hot day today – 40°C at least. Yesterday was 39°C, with a smoky haze over the sky all day and a red sun at dawn. Could smell smoke and ashes in the air. The bushfires in Victoria’s northeast are still burning – they’ve been going for a couple of weeks at least. There’s a strong northerly wind which makes things worse.

350 soldiers and sailors were deployed to the Gulf yesterday in preparation for what is looking to be a war. Australia and Great Britain are the only nations supporting America’s relentless build-up, while other nations, including China and Russia, oppose any action until the U.N. inspectors have finished in a month or so. Mr. Howard and Mr. Blair seem slavishly eager to follow George Bush’s lead. I am really becoming embarrassed to live in this country. Can’t Australia stand on its own two feet? Why do we have to be so closely allied with the USA? It’s not like we’re vital or important to them.

Perhaps an Iraq war mightn’t be such a bad thing if it overextends America’s capabilities and budget. Unfortunately it might prove expensive for Australia, too! It will certainly make us a more relevant target for terrorists.

~ Ended 11:57 a.m.

Tuesday 28/1

Saturday got to 44°C. Overnight it was in the low 30s, then a mild cool change (no rain) came early Sunday morning. Yesterday and today have been warm but bearable; tomorrow it may reach 40 again. Bushfires are still raging in various parts.

The U.N. weapons inspectors presented their report at the U.N. in New York today, saying Saddam Hussein hadn’t been very co-operative. President Bush has, of course, jumped at this chance to push even harder for war, and it looks imminent.

The Space Shuttle Columbia has been orbiting overhead at much the same time every night, just before 9:30 p.m. It is at a lower altitude than the ISS, around 275 km, and at a different inclination (not sure how many degrees). All the astronauts are busy with various experiments, much-hyped on NASA’s websites.

Looking at the Russian Energiya’s website, it seems rather poor in comparison with NASA’s. They really need an image makeover; they come across as a bit stodgy. Information on the site is a bit limited, especially concerning the ISS. There’s no “Ask the Expert” like on NASA’s site, no on-orbit photo gallery, no training photos of ISS crews, no technical details and diagrams of Russian modules or of the Orlan spacesuits. It is frustrating, as there is little information about the Russian segment on NASA’s site. I still haven’t worked up the courage to send them an e-mail. Tried sending one to a NASA person about the orbital tracker, but no reply after a week. I have no one to talk to and don’t know what to do.

~ Ended 6:51 p.m.

February

Sunday 2/2

THE SHUTTLE BLEW UP!!!!

Unbelievably, the Shuttle – STS-107, Columbia – has been destroyed. It appeared to break up upon re-entry, scattering fragments over Texas, and all seven crew were lost – killed. Mum told me this morning. No one knows the exact cause yet, but you can guess at how shocked everyone is. The immediate thought of a terrorist bomb has so far been discounted. I was just watching the TV news, and it was mentioned that a small fragment of wing broke off during a previous Shuttle ascent (don’t know which mission). So perhaps it was some sort of fuselage fatigue – the Shuttles undergo tremendous stresses during launch and re-entry, and Columbia was the oldest of the Shuttle fleet, having made its first flight in 1981. It was only a quarter-way through its projected lifespan, though.

Amateur videos show the Shuttle as a bright streak over Texas that disintegrates into fiery fragments. The crew would have had no chance to scramble out the hatch and jump to safety using their parachutes – the g-forces would have been too great. I wonder what’s happened to their bodies – did anything survive re-entry?

This, of course, will affect all Space Shuttle launches; the next one was due to take home Expedition 6 in March. They can evacuate in the Russian Soyuz spaceship attached, if necessary – and they have plenty of food supplies for the moment.

There were no Russian cosmonauts on board. I wonder if any will be flying on the Shuttle after this! Unfortunately, the Shuttle is the only other manned spaceship in operation, aside from the Soyuz.

28 January last week marked 17 years since the Challenger disaster – this was noted in that day’s ISS On-Orbit Report. Now there is another date (1st February in America – they’re a day behind us).

I will of course keep watching the news for more information in the next few days, and look on the Internet.

~ Ended 9:34 a.m.

Went on the Internet for a short while. Couldn’t get to the NASA Shuttle site – obviously very busy – but I got onto a few other sites for news. Here’s a couple of articles from The Age:

Seven dead in space shuttle disaster

February 2 2003

The US Space Shuttle Columbia broke apart in a fireball as it returned to Earth today, killing all seven crew members and scattering debris over a wide area, NASA said. Columbia disappeared from radar screens at 9 a.m. (0100 AEDT Sunday), 16 minutes before it was due to land as it was travelling 61,000 metres over eastern Texas around moving at about 20,000kph. Several white trails of smoke were seen coming from bits of the shuttle over Texas.

The first indication of trouble on the shuttle Columbia was a loss of temperature sensors in hydraulic system of left wing. The crew of Columbia pointed out technical difficulties in the seconds before the space shuttle disintegrated over Texas today as it re-entered the Earth’s atmosphere, NASA said. At that point the mission controller in Houston, Texas communicating with the shuttle team, addressed Columbia commander Rick Husband. “To Columbia, here is Houston; we see your tyre pressure messages and we did not copy your last” message. After a moment, Husband replied: “Roger but ….” After a brief crackling noise, contact was lost.

National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) chief administrator Sean O’Keefe said President George W. Bush had spoken with the families of the crew “to express deepest national regrets”. “This is indeed a tragic day for the NASA family, for the families of the astronauts who flew on Flight STS-107 and, likewise, tragic for the nation,” O’Keefe told a news conference at the Kennedy Space Centre.

A NASA spokesman said hundreds of reports had been received of debris landing on the ground. The agency warned people not to touch anything they found, as the shuttle engines used highly toxic chemicals. “The debris field is within the area of eastern Texas: Austin, Dallas, Forth Worth areas,” said Beth Nischik, a spokeswoman for NASA at the Johnson Space Centre in Houston, Texas. “At this time we don’t know how big the recovery area is. We have received numerous calls regarding debris, people finding it, seeing it, people having debris in their yards.”

The US president cut short a stay at the Camp David presidential retreat, where he was preparing the next stages in the showdown with Iraq, and returned to the White House to monitor events after the latest US space disaster.

The loss of Columbia, the oldest of the four US shuttles, brought back memories of the explosion of the Challenger shuttle as it took off from Cape Canaveral on January 28, 1986, killing all seven people on board. But there was no immediate suspicion that terrorism was involved in today’s disaster, Federal Bureau of Investigation spokeswoman Angela Bell told AFP. Columbia was commissioned in 1988 and was on its 28th mission. It had just returned from a major refit. Columbia and the three other remaining shuttles were grounded for several months last year after tiny cracks were found in the hydrogen flow liners of their propulsion systems.

The shuttle was flying at 61,900 metres at about 20,100 kph when NASA declared what it called “a space shuttle contingency”. Bob Molter from Palestine, Texas, about 160km south of Dallas, told National Public Radio (NPR) how he saw the shuttle break up in the sky. “There was a big boom that shook the house for more than a minute, and I went outside because I thought there had been a train accident on the nearby line. “But there was nothing, and then I looked up and saw the trails of smoke zig-zagging, going across the sky.” NASA spokeswoman Catherine Watson told NPR: “All of the flight controllers are just looking at all the data trying to figure out what happened.” Watson broke down in tears when asked whether it was possible that the crew had survived.

Columbia was launched on January 16 under extremely tight security, amid heightened concerns since the September 11 attacks in the United States and due to the presence of Israeli astronaut Ilan Ramon. Ramon was a 48-year-old air force colonel and former fighter pilot who in 1981 took part in Israel’s bombing of Iraq’s nuclear reactor at Osirak, which set back Baghdad’s quest for nuclear weapons by years. Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon said: “The state of Israel and its citizens stand at this difficult hour alongside the families of the astronauts, the family of Ilan Ramon and the American people and government.”

Columbia’s commander was Rick Husband, and his co-pilot was William McCool. The payload commander was Michael Anderson and the mission specialists were David Brown, Kalpana Chawla, who was born in India, Laurel Clark and Ramon, a payload specialist. Hundreds of people poured onto the streets in Karnal, the town in the northern Indian state of Haryana where 41-year-old Chawla was born, after the tragedy was announced. Chawla studied at the Punjab Engineering College before emigrating to the United States.

Columbia took off on January 16 for the 16-day mission to carry out more than 80 experiments on the effects of weightlessness on human physiology, on the growth of crystals and proteins and on combustion. The other remaining shuttles in the US fleet are Discovery, launched in 1983, Atlantis (1985) and Endeavour (1991), which replaced Challenger.

Australian astronomer could be key witness

February 2 2003

An Australian astronomer in California could be a key eyewitness to solving the mystery of today’s space shuttle disaster. Anthony Beasley, an Australian working at an observatory north of Los Angeles, said he saw what could be tiles falling off the Columbia as it flew over California and on its way to the scheduled landing in Florida. Most video footage and eyewitness reports of the shuttle breaking up came from witnesses in the central US state of Texas. If Beasley is correct, it indicates the shuttle began to disintegrate on the west coast above California.

Beasley telephoned US television network ABC to tell of his sighting. “After the first few flashes I thought to myself that I knew the shuttle lost tiles as it re-entered and quite possibly that was what was going on,” Beasley, speaking live, told ABC news anchor Peter Jennings. The Australian told how he saw “a couple of flashes” and “things clearly trailing” the shuttle. “I think that after the particularly bright event I started to wonder whether or not things were happening how they should,” Beasley said.

Two US space experts who were listening to Beasley’s description said the information was highly valuable. They said tiles falling off the shuttle would be too small to be picked up by NASA radar. “This says that something was coming off the shuttle far earlier than what happened over Texas would suggest,” former space shuttle astronaut, Norm Thagard, told ABC. “It leads in the direction that tile loss or some type of structural loss like that was likely to be a cause. But it still doesn’t rule out other possibilities.”

Former NASA engineer, Jim Oberg, described Beasley’s eyewitness report as “an extraordinary account”. “If the left wing is losing tiles you then not only have over-heating in that wing but you have extra drag and it’s like flying along and having your wing run into something,” Oberg said. “It could violently turn, twist the nose of the ship to the left and that would be it. That would be the point where it would be torn apart.”

– AAP

I initially thought the Orbiter had exploded – that one of the OMS pods had exploded and blown up the Orbiter when doing a deorbit burn. But it now looks like the Orbiter disintegrated when tiles came off the wing and it overheated. The resultant extra drag caused the Orbiter to go into a tumble and break up.

Don’t know how long the Shuttle fleet – only 3 left now – will be grounded. It means the Expedition Crews will have to go up and back using the Soyuz – which means no separate Soyuz flights with space tourists for a long time. The Russian manned space program is now entirely tied to the ISS – they don’t have any other spacecraft. The Shuttle can do stand-alone missions (as STS-107 was doing); the Soyuz only goes up to the ISS and back. So it’s a setback for Russia, too. A new Progress supply ship was due to launch this morning; hope that doesn’t blow up!

On a more trivial note, the disaster affects my stories – how on Earth do I tie them in to it? I have set them around the present time or last year; I don’t know whether to incorporate this disaster or not.

The crew’s only escape route upon reentry involved blowing open the side access hatch, fixing a lanyard to an extendible telescopic pole, sliding along it one at a time to the end and off into freefall, after which their parachutes would open. But this assumes the Orbiter would remain level and relatively steady – and that they would have time to struggle out of their seats and to the escape hatch! They had no chance at all in the STS-107 catastrophic break-up – it happened almost as quick as the Challenger explosion, from what I saw of the amateur video footage. Looked like Mir did when that space station re-entered – breaking up into fragments as it hit the atmosphere. I guess the crew’s bodies would have burned up also.

I wonder if this will affect President Bush’s planned invasion of Iraq. Surely all the billions of dollars to be spent on that would be better directed to funding a new and safer spaceship! But I doubt it will stop the plans. He did look very shaken in the speech he gave, though.

This would be an ideal time to resurrect Russia’s Buran shuttle! There are only 3 U.S. Shuttles left now – Endeavour, Atlantis and Discovery. Revive a couple of Russian shuttles plus the Energiya rocket and you could get the space program back on track.

That now makes 14 astronauts who have died in the Shuttle program – as well as the 3 Apollo 1 astronauts who died in a fire during a ground test of the craft. Russia has so far lost 4 cosmonauts on 2 early Soyuz missions decades ago.

~ Ended 11:59 a.m.

A bit more information on tonight’s news. The crew’s remains were recovered – there was a brief shot showing investigators carrying away a body-shaped bag from a field. Also a shot of a charred helmet (no head inside) and a mission patch which was lying in the grass. On launch, a piece of thermal insulation from the External Tank broke off and hit the leading edge of the port (left) wing. This must have caused damage to the black thermal tiles there. No one on this crew was qualified to do an EVA, so no one could go out for a closer inspection. Mission Control lost data from sensors in the wing during descent, then the Orbiter broke up.

I have to wonder if a disaster involving the Russian Soyuz would receive as much coverage. America’s disasters are reported all over the world, but other countries’ aren’t.

A few irritating errors in the reports – the Expedition Crew referred to as 3 astronauts (in fact, 2 American astronauts and 1 Russian cosmonauts), and no one seems to know about the Russian Soyuz! A vague reference to the astronauts having an “escape pod,” or them occasionally going up in it.

~ Ended 6:54 p.m.

Tuesday 4/2

Mum’s 65th birthday today, and Uncle Brian’s 76th. Parents are driving up to Rochester to see Michele and Co. and stay the night. Weather is hot again (mid-30s), with a bushfire smoke haze covering the sky.

The damaged heat-resistant tiles are still looking the likely cause for Columbia’s break-up. On last night’s news, it was mentioned that more body parts – a leg, a heart and fingers (one wearing a ring) were found; others include a skull and a charred torso. The Orbiter would have broken up around the crew, exposing them to the full fury of the 1400°C plasma inferno. Their pressure suits, made of a fire-retardant material, would have provided some initial resistance, but not for long. They were traveling at 21,240 km/h or Mach 18.3 – the effect would have been like a blowtorch. The charred bodies then plummeted through the atmosphere to impact the ground 63 km below, breaking up on the way down.

Some more articles from various places, first from The Moscow Times:

Progress Moscow-47 reaches orbit

Interfax. Sunday, Feb. 2, 2003, 5:24 p.m. Moscow Time

A Soyuz-U rocket-booster has placed the Progress M-47 cargo spaceship into its predesignated orbit, the press service of Russia’s Space Forces told Interfax on Sunday.

This is the first Progress cargo launch this year. The spacecraft totals 7290 kilogram in weight, its payload measured 2568 kilograms it was boosted by a mid-class Soyuz-U rocket.

The purpose of this launch is to deliver cargo to the International Space Station (ISS). The shipment includes: fuel components, expendable equipment for scientific experiments, containers with food and parcels for the crew, sets of onboard documentation and scientific instruments for experiments at the ISS

April flight to ISS may be cancelled - Rosaviakosmos

Interfax. Sunday, Feb. 2, 2003, 2:14 PM Moscow Time

MOSCOW. Feb 2 (Interfax) - Russian Aviation and Space Agency spokesman Sergei Gorbunov told Interfax that a visiting expedition will probably not fly to the International Space Station in April.

“A Russian Soyuz TMA rescue ship is currently docked to the ISS. The next spacecraft is to fly to the ISS in April. But it may go without a crew,” he said.

Normally, visiting expeditions fly to the ISS twice a year. “This time the flight of a visiting crew may be cancelled. But this is an undecided option,” Gorbunov said.

“The main crew has its own food reserve that is brought to them by Russian Progress supply ships and space shuttles. If a three-member visiting crew flies to the ISS, its food reserve will start shrinking, but there will not be any possibility of replenishing it,” he said.

“All of these issues must be carefully weighed-out” said Gorbunov.

ISS crew informed about space shuttle tragedy

Interfax. Sunday, Feb. 2, 2003, 12:04 PM Moscow Time

MOSCOW. Feb 2 (Interfax) - The crew of the sixth main mission of the International Space Station has been informed about the Columbia space shuttle accident and the death of its crew, Vsevolod Latyshev, spokesman for the Russian mission control center in Korolyov, told Interfax.

“The ISS crew were informed of the tragedy yesterday,” he said.

He also said that on Saturday, the Russian mission control center had problems getting in touch with mission control in Houston, as communications channels were closed for some time

From Russian Space Web:

Russia to resupply the station, while NASA copes with Shuttle tragedy

Posted: 2003 Feb. 1, updated Feb. 2

As NASA mourns the fallen crew of the Space Shuttle Columbia, tragically lost on Feb. 1, 2003, Russia launched a cargo ship to resupply the crew of the International Space Station, ISS. The Progress M-47 cargo ship blasted off from Baikonur Cosmodrome’s Site 1 on February 2 at 15:59:40 Moscow Time. The cargo ship is scheduled to dock with the ISS on February 4, 17:50 Moscow Time. (The Progress M-47 mission was previously planned for launch on Oct. 6, 2002 and Jan. 30, 2003)

The previous, Progress M1-9 cargo ship, undocked from the ISS and was deorbited on February 1.

Editor’s note:

The exact impact of the Columbia tragedy on the station program is yet to be determined; however, every possible recovery plan would require Russia to play an active role in the project in the foreseeable future.

In the wake of the Columbia accident, the Shuttle fleet could be grounded from several months to several years, in which case the Russian Soyuz spacecraft would be used either to return the current crew of the International Space Station to Earth, or to replace it with a fresh shift of astronauts and cosmonauts. In addition, the Russian Progress cargo ships might play an increased role in delivering supplies to the station. During a press conference on February 1, NASA officials said that the station crew had enough supplies onboard until June 2003. According to top Russian space officials, the station has capability to fly unmanned for prolonged periods of time.

Until recently, a number of US officials and “analysts” of all sorts criticized NASA for letting Russia into “the critical path” in the ISS project. The Columbia tragedy underscores how shortsighted this criticism has been, as the Russian participation becomes the only factor, which can now prevent the station from plunging back to Earth. Moreover, the international nature of the ISS program is likely to be a major driving force behind the effort to resume Shuttle missions.

Those “analysts” would include James Oberg. There was also an opinion piece in today’s The Age from David Rennie of The Daily Telegraph which contained some rather disparaging comments about Russia’s and China’s space programs:

To the disgust of veteran NASA hands, the media became more interested in the Russians and their brainwave of renting out seats to space tourists. The biggest “space” story for some time was the saga of Lance Bass, a pop singer whit the boy band N’Sync, whose dreams of going into orbit fell apart in a seedy mess of money wrangles as Russian officials and sponsors squabbled over cash down payments.

… Space exploration is no longer a question of make-or-break national pride for countries such as America and Russia. They have proved they can do it. As Beijing’s first heroic pioneers circle the Earth, they will have achieved what? Bringing China to the same point of technological achievement that Yurii Gagarin reached in 1961.

It’s as if many people consider NASA’s to be the only “legitimate” space program, and the others just pretenders. A stupidly arrogant and patronizing attitude.

I am really finding it difficult to feel any sympathy for NASA. As I have noted in various entries over the course of this journal, they consider themselves to be the leaders in space whom everyone else should follow – just as America considers itself to be the world’s leading nation to which others should pay homage. An attitude I, for one, have a big problem with!

Russia will need more funding to play this “more active” role, and there’ll be a lot of carping from Mr. Oberg and other space critics about that. Russia should take advantage of this accident which has set back NASA’s program for a while.

If this had happened maybe 12 years ago it wouldn’t have been such a problem for either agency as they were still independent – Russia had Mir, and NASA had its Shuttles which then had no station to dock with. Now both are lumbered with the ISS, which needs the Shuttles to bring up construction parts, supplies and experiments – as well as reboost the ISS periodically. The Progress can also bring up supplies and do reboosts, but it has much smaller capacity. So they’ll need to get the remaining 3 Shuttles flying again within months. The cause of the accident seems to have been an external factor, not internal mechanical failure.

12:00 p.m.: A letter in The Age this morning from a Chris Armstrong:

The failure of only two out of 113 shuttle missions is a remarkable record. The loss rate of the only comparable space nation, Russia, is incomparably worse.

He is obviously referring to spaceships and rockets blowing up at launch. But Russia has lost 4 cosmonauts to date; NASA now has lost 17 astronauts (Apollo 1, Challenger, Columbia). Do the maths! I know which space agency I’d rather fly with.

A few other letters were of the opinion that the media is paying a disproportionate amount of attention to the deaths of 7 astronauts – who, after all, knew of the risk and went up anyway (though they obviously didn’t think their luck would run out). 7 people died in a train accident in Sydney last Friday when a train ran off the rails around a corner. Are their deaths any less tragic?

Progress Ship Sent to Space Station

By Steve Gutterman, the Associated Press

Russia launched an unmanned cargo ship on a flight to the International Space Station Sunday, a day after the loss of the shuttle Columbia threw future missions to the orbiting complex in doubt.

The Progress M-47 lifted off atop a Soyuz-U rocket from the Baikonur Cosmodrome in Kazakhstan at 3:59 p.m. Moscow time and successfully entered orbit a few minutes later, said Nikolai Kryuchkov, a spokesman at Mission Control outside Moscow.

The craft is scheduled to dock with the station Tuesday, delivering fuel, equipment and food and mail for the crew.

The long-planned launch came as stunned Russian space officials offered condolences to their American colleagues and said the disaster may put Moscow’s cash-strapped space program under more pressure to deliver crews and supplies to the station.

“This is a big tragedy for us,” said Vladimir Solovyov, head of Russia’s mission control center. “We knew every member of the Columbia crew personally except for the Israeli astronaut.”

Cosmonaut Yury Usachev, who commanded the space station’s second crew in 2001, said he and his colleagues were feeling the tragedy as a “personal loss.”

“I believe yesterday’s tragedy will have a big influence on the future of the International Space Station,” he told TVS television. “Probably for a certain amount of time the accent will shift to Russian systems of delivery of cargo and crews.”

NASA plans had called for expanding the International Space Station during five shuttle flights this year, but space shuttle program manager Ron Dittemore said Saturday that flights would be put on hold until officials determine what caused the Columbia to break up.

The shuttles are used to deliver components of the space station to be installed. Shuttles can carry payloads of 100 metric tons, while Progress supply ships like the one launched Sunday can carry no more than 5 metric tons, Interfax said.

Russian space officials have said they are ready to pick up some of the slack in the meantime with their own spacecraft, including manned Soyuz TMA capsules, but that more would need to be built and funds are scarce. “Of course we are all counting on space shuttles being used for both ferrying the crews to the ISS and delivery of fuel and other supplies to the station,” said Valery Ryumin, a former cosmonaut and deputy director of the Energiya space engineering firm.

“The way things stand now, these tasks can be handled by our Soyuz and Progress spacecrafts, but we would need money” to build new ones, he said.

Russia builds two of the spacecraft per year, said Sergei Gorbunov, spokesman for the Russian Aviation and Space Agency, Interfax reported.

Russia now has two Soyuz craft – which, unlike the shuttles, cannot be used more than once, news reports said. Russia normally sends a Soyuz up to the station twice a year as a fresh escape capsule, with its Russian-led crew making a short visit and returning to Earth in the old craft.

James Newman, a former astronaut and head of NASA’s coordinating office in Russia, said the Soyuz has a good track record.

“It is extremely safe. The Soyuz has a long and proud record of successful crew return,” Newman said, adding that the current ISS crew of two U.S. astronauts and one Russian cosmonaut can use the Soyuz currently attached to the station as an escape capsule.

“They are always ready should there be a technical problem, any sort of emergency on the space station to use the Soyuz as a lifeboat,” Newman said.

Gorbunov said Sunday that the next such Soyuz mission, planned for April, might be sent up unmanned to avoid depleting the food supply for the station’s permanent crew, Interfax reported.

After dumping its Mir space station in 2001, the Russian space program has concentrated its meager resources on the 16-nation International Space Station. Russia has earned money by taking paying “space tourists” to the station.

Foreign Minster Igor Ivanov called U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell and Israeli Foreign Minister Benjamin Netanyahu on Saturday to express condolences, the Foreign Ministry said Sunday.

Outside the U.S. Embassy in Moscow, a few Russians placed brightly colored flowers on a snowbank Sunday morning.

Unfortunately, this will derail the space tourist program, too, as the Soyuz ships will be needed to ferry Expedition Crews up and back – though in the previous article they are thinking of sending up an unmanned one.

As I noted yesterday, this derails my stories also! My characters were going up to the ISS the usual way by Shuttle and back, but now I don’t know what I’ll do with them.

Saw on the news that the U.S. budget this year is 4.4 trillion dollars – an unimaginable amount! The military budget is to be greatly increased to 30 billion – more than those of the next 20 nations combined. It doesn’t include the cost of the seemingly-inevitable Iraq war. NASA’s budget is also increased.

~ Ended 8:05 a.m.

Thursday 6/2

The STS-107 disaster has dropped out of the headlines already. A new theory has emerged – that the damage to the tiles was caused on orbit by a piece of space debris or meteorite. NASA is insisting that the piece of foam wasn’t large enough to cause significant damage.

Spaceref has several pages of condolence messages for the crew. A lot of the predictable messages about how the American space program must go on, how the astronauts “inspired” the world, a lot of references to God (a cynic would wonder why God didn’t enable the Orbiter to land, or at least the crew to bail out and survive). “They were explorers that contribute to the advancement of mankind” – crap! They were up there on an American mission, to further American interests. NASA’s space program does not benefit all mankind, just as the Apollo Moon landings didn’t – they are and were primarily to extend the USA’s dominance in the world.

Again, I wonder if there would be so much fuss and mourning if a Russian Soyuz taxi crew perished, or if disaster befalls those Chinese “taikonauts” due to launch in October. One would hope so – but as likely, such a tragedy might only rate a couple of lines on the World News page somewhere inside the newspaper! NASA gets a disproportionate amount of attention in the media.

World focus is back on the Iraq weapons inspections. Today, at the United Nations, American officials presented their evidence about Saddam Hussein’s concealment of weapons of mass destruction – mainly transcripts of intercepted conversations between Iraqi military officials and so forth. Others on the Security Council – Russia, China, France and Germany – are still doubtful. Britain and Australia are slavishly supporting the USA.

The Age columnist Kenneth Davidson had an opinion piece in today’s paper concerning America’s real motive for invading Iraq – to gain control of its vast oil reserves. Companies from other countries, including Russia and China, also have interests in the region. So if America controls the oil supplies there it gets leverage over these other nations. If I can, I’ll insert the article here from the website. “Unless … Russia can keep its concession in Iraq, which it has negotiated with Saddam Hussein, Russia is likely to plunge into deep recession, given its dependence on oil for tax revenue and foreign exchange earnings.” If America succeeds in ousting Hussein, it will install a proxy government of Iraqi exiles trained by the Americans – and no guesses as to whom the new Iraq government will give first preference.

It’s about oil, and profits for US companies

The Age, 6 February 2003

It is one thing for soldiers to die for freedom, quite another for them to die for profit, writes Kenneth Davidson.

I agree with Nelson Mandela. George Bush is a malevolent fool who is going to create unnecessary misery for the whole world.

But having said that, he is the representative of the dominant forces within the United States polity who are highly intelligent, have a clear view of what they want and how to get it and, I assume, genuinely believe what they are doing is in America's long-term interests.

In a nutshell, what they want is control of (not access to) Middle East oil in order to exert maximum leverage over Europe and Japan; and the destruction of OPEC as an effective cartel by replacing Saudi Arabia with Iraq as the swing producer to control world oil supply and prices.

This will allow the US to continue its profligate consumption of low-cost oil while giving it the freedom to deal with the seat of September 11 terrorism – which is in Saudi Arabia, not Iraq – without causing a global oil supply crisis.

At the same time, it will give the US access to oil reserves whose value is beyond the dreams of avarice for the mainly US-owned oil multinationals, who will once again vertically integrate the oil industry by retaking control of upstream activities from producer governments. At least that's the theory.

The US National Security Strategy released last September said that under the Bush Administration the military doctrine of “deterrence” would be replaced by the doctrine of “pre-emption,” which means, in the case of Iraq, the policy of “containment” under United Nations authority is to be replaced by “proactive counter-proliferation”.

At this stage the only constraint on this plan is US public opinion which, like public opinion in the rest of the Western world, is extremely reluctant to support a US or US-led invasion of Iraq without UN backing. Worldwide, public opinion is concerned that the war is about oil, not liberation. It is one thing for allied soldiers to die for freedom, it is quite another for soldiers and civilians to die to underwrite the profits of multinational oil companies.

Apologists for invasion or the threat of invasion have been at pains to argue that if the US wanted, there would be no problem about access to Iraqi oil, almost certainly at a price below the world price for most of the past decade. Precisely. This would mean equal access for all. It would have also meant that French, German, Russian, Japanese and Chinese oil producers would have had direct access to the development of the massive Iraqi deposits and, at the very least, this would have given these countries a strategic economic independence from US.

The US interest in the Middle East is to tighten its grip on the region's oil, which gives it a veto over the industrial development of Europe, Russia and Japan.

Russia has oil, but it costs a lot to produce. Exploration and production costs are about $US10-$12 a barrel in most areas outside the Middle East, compared to about $US1 a barrel in the Middle East. Unless OPEC can keep prices around $US18-$20 a barrel or Russia can keep its concession in Iraq, which it has negotiated with Saddam Hussein, Russia is likely to plunge into deep recession, given its dependence on oil for tax revenue and foreign exchange earnings.

According to a report published last week by the Worldwatch Institute, Iraq has failed in its gamble to get the UN to drop sanctions against Iraqi oil exports by offering concessions to France, Russia and China due to determined US and British opposition.

According to Worldwatch: “In the preface to the passage of the Security Council resolution 1441, there were thinly veiled threats that French, Russian and Chinese firms would be excluded from any future oil concessions in Iraq unless Paris, Moscow and Beijing supported the Bush policy of regime change.”

Ahmed Chalabi, leader of the exiled opposition Iraqi National Congress, which is financed in part by US oil companies, has said he would not feel bound by contracts signed by Saddam and that “American companies will have a big shot at Iraqi oil” under a new regime.

The stakes are beyond imagination. According to a report for the Global Policy Forum, a think tank with consultative status at the UN, based on conservative assumptions of oil prices of $US25 a barrel and reserves of 250 billion barrels and a 50-50 profit split, yearly profits for the oil companies would run to $US29 billion a year – which is two-thirds of the $44 billion profits earned by the world's five major oil companies combined in 2001.

The costs are also beyond comprehension, but trivial compared to the prize, which is control of prospective oil fields capable of producing more than $US3000 billion of oil.

The last Gulf war cost America $US80 billion. George Bush senior was able to charge $62 billion of the cost to Saudi Arabia, Kuwait and Japan. The National Economic Council calculates Gulf War II could cost $US100-$200 billion depending on whether it lasts a few days or a few more days.

A study for the American Academy of Arts and Science agrees, but has developed a worst-case scenario in which the war spreads throughout the Middle East, which puts the cost at up to $US1900 billion.

It is a fair bet that whether best or worst-case scenarios eventuate, the real costs will not be paid by the US and European oil and armaments industries, which stand to gain most from an invasion of Iraq.

Kenneth Davidson is a staff columnist. Email: dissentmagazine@ozemail.com.au

I really wish the other countries – and the United Nations – would stand up to the USA and bring it into line. America is an international bully. I also wish I’d someone, or some people, to discuss these and other issues with!

I might add, though, that I do support the war against Al Qaeda and Osama bin Laden – these terrorists are a real menace to many countries and must be eliminated. This war seems to have dropped off the radar, though, as “Ossie” has so far managed to elude capture, and Al Qaeda is regrouping.

North Korea has also reactivated a nuclear reactor, ostensibly to supply electrical power, but it could be for more sinister purposes – to build nuclear weapons. The upcoming Iraq conflict is overshadowing this, though, for the moment.

~ Ended 6:58 p.m.

Friday 7/2

Here’s another article, from Anatoly Zak of Russian Space Web:

Can Russia Fill NASA’s shoes?

By Anatoly Zak, 5 February 2003

In the wake of the Columbia tragedy, Russia braces for the increased role in the International Space Station program.

In the wake of the Columbia space shuttle tragedy on 1 February, Russia is bracing to play an even bigger role in the space station's future. Late last year, as reported in the February issue of IEEE Spectrum, the Russian parliament boosted funding for the International Space Station (ISS), ensuring the nation’s role in the project and guaranteeing the station’s maintenance during 2003. But with NASA’s fleet of space shuttles indefinitely grounded, Russia is the only nation capable of performing critical functions such as resupply, crew transport, and even helping keep the ISS aloft.

“The entire responsibility for maintaining the space station in the next couple of years will lay solely on the shoulders of the Russian space program,” Sergei Gorbunov, spokesman at Rosaviacosmos told IEEE Spectrum in a telephone interview.

Top officials at the Russian Aviation and Space Agency (Rosaviacosmos) and RKK Energiya, a leading Russian contractor in the ISS project, met on Monday, 3 February, to discuss the impact of the Columbia tragedy on the ISS operations and on the Russian space program. According to Gorbunov,

Rosaviacosmos Director General Yurii Koptev asked RKK Energiya management to evaluate all possible options for keeping the station occupied, though one Energiya official noted that leaving the station unmanned for a period of time was also on the table. Even as they met, a Progress 10 resupply ship was on its way to dock with the ISS. [See timeline below for the pre-disaster schedule of Russian missions to the ISS]

Status of taxi flights

In the current situation, Soyuz spacecraft will likely be used to rotate the permanent crews of the ISS, a task previously performed by the Space Shuttle.

At the same time, Russia will try to fulfill its increased obligations to the European Space Agency, (ESA), Gorbunov said. In the spring 2001, ESA, and Rosaviacosmos, agreed to fly European astronauts up to the ISS with the so-called taxi crews. The goal of the taxi flights is to swap the current Soyuz lifeboat – affixed to the stations in case of emergency – with a fresh vehicle. Since the agreement with ESA, three astronauts, representing France, Italy, and Belgium have completed week-long missions to the ISS. Two paying tourists also participated in the taxi flights.

If Soyuz is used to rotate long-term crews of the International Space Station, there will be no seats available either for European crew members or for paying passengers. Indeed, Russian officials said that all potential tourist flights to the station onboard Soyuz, are suspended for the time being.

But to satisfy its obligations to ESA, Russia may propose including a European astronaut in the long-term crews of the station, Gorbunov said. In addition, Rosaviacosomos is considering partial exchange of the crews, while extending the stay for some crewmembers onboard the station for as long as one year. For example, one Russian crewmember could stay onboard the ISS two six-month shifts, allowing a guest cosmonaut to visit the station during the exchange of the Soyuz rescue ships.

A similar scheme was used several times during missions to Mir. In 1991, Russian veteran cosmonaut Sergei Krikalyov stayed an extra term onboard the station, allowing an additional crewmember to visit the outpost during the exchange of the rescue vehicles. In the mid-1990s, Russian physician Valery Polyakov stayed onboard Mir for a year and half, witnessing several crews replace each other onboard the station.

Yurii Grigoriev, Deputy Designer General at RKK Energiya, confirmed for IEEE Spectrum that preparation for the launch of the next taxi mission, Soyuz TMA-2 at the end of April 2003, is continuing as scheduled. However, the composition of its crew would likely change in light of the Columbia disaster.

Cargo missions

The loss of the shuttle also places an additional burden on Russia to maintain, supply, and keep the station in orbit. Rosaviacosmos is studying the launch of additional Progress cargo ships to resupply the station.

But keeping the station in orbit is an equally pressing matter. Friction from the sparse atmosphere in the station’s orbit causes it to slowly descend throughout the year. Ordinarily, the shuttle pushes the station back into position during visits.

NASA officials confirmed that the ISS will not require a reboost in 2003, but Russia might have to take this task over in 2004. Energiya’s Grigoriev, said that as many as six Russian cargo ships per year might be required, beginning in 2004, to keep the station in a stable orbit and deliver supplies for the crews in the absence of the shuttle.

Grigoriev said that no engineering issues exist that could prevent Russia from maintaining the ISS in 2003 or 2004. Additional funding might be required, however, to afford an increased number of Russian launches to the outpost during 2004. The production of a single Progress spacecraft (the craft are not reusable) costs around 170 million rubles (US$6 million) not including the expendable launch vehicle. The Soyuz price tag is 230 million rubles (US$ $8 million). In comparison, a shuttle launch weighs in at about $500 million.

Consultations with NASA

As of 3 February, Russian space officials had yet to consult with their U.S. colleagues on the possible course of action. According to Grigoriev, no high-level consultations would take place until Wednesday, 5 February, after the conclusion of memorial ceremonies in Houston.

Grigoriev said he learned about the Columbia disaster from TV reports; however, Vladimir Soloviev, the ISS flight director at Russian mission control in Korolev, knew about the accident almost immediately from communications with his colleagues in Houston.

According to Gorbunov several contacts between Rosaviacosmos and NASA officials did take place during the weekend. The upcoming consultations between the partners in the ISS project will evaluate all options and draft a plan for future work onboard the outpost.

Whatever plan they settle on, Russia will have much more responsibility. “We operated Mir and can operate the ISS (alone) if necessary,” Grigoriev said.

Timeline

Pre-Columbia-accident schedule for Russian ISS launches during 2003:

April 28: Soyuz TMA-2 (#212, Mission 6S)

June: Progress M1-10 (#259, Mission 11P)

July 30: Progress M-48 (#248, Mission 12P)

Nov. 2: Soyuz TMA-3 (#213, Mission 7S)

Nov. 11: Progress M1-11 (#260, Mission 13P)

So perhaps Russia will find itself – for a time at least – in the position of continuing the ISS program (much to the chagrin of many NASA officials, no doubt!). I can’t help thinking that it is some sort of divine retribution for the forced de-orbiting of Mir. If crew swaps are done by the Soyuz as proposed, it might see the long-term stays of cosmonauts begun again (Russians don’t consider any stay under 6 months to be long-term). The main problem is the lack of government funding! President Putin should use this opportunity to boost his country’s presence in space.

There was also a small article in The Age saying that the astronauts “are likely to have known they were going to die for between 60 and 90 seconds before the craft broke apart”.

~ Ended 3:36 p.m.

Tuesday 11/2

President Bush has described Australia as being part of the “Coalition of the Willing” (which sounds like a phrase from The Lord of the Rings – the “Fellowship of the Ring”!) to PM Howard, who is over there on a visit. It is highly embarrassing to see our leader fawning all over the American President like his lap-dog. I didn’t vote for him!

The more I re-read that article, “Veni, Vidi, Vici” (see my 23/9/2002 entry) comparing the USA to the ancient Roman Empire, the more accurate it seems. Australia is one of the countries America “colonized” after World War 2 – there are a couple of American bases which are part of its worldwide surveillance network (Pine Gap at Alice Springs, and the Northwest Cape naval base at Exmouth in Western Australia). These are not full-fledged military bases, but have tight security nonetheless (and have been the target of anti-war protesters for decades). Much of Australia’s culture has been swamped by that of America’s (or what passes for it) – on TV, the movies, in books, etc.

Russia, France and Germany have presented an alternative to the USA’s war plans – involving sending in U.N. peacekeeping troops to Iraq, and sending Saddam Hussein into exile. America, of course, finds this unacceptable – President Bush is dead-set on going to war, no matter what. Britain and Australia back him, as well as Turkey, Spain, Italy, and a few other NATO countries. So there is a split in the NATO alliance (divide and conquer?).

It feels so frustrating to be powerless. Ordinary people have no say or influence in all these machinations – they can debate in the media all they want, but the world’s leaders continue on regardless.

The Columbia disaster only rates a brief mention in the world news now – outside of the space community, it seems trivial compared to the September 11 terrorist attack. Inside it, the inane blatherings about “heroic pioneers” continue. I just can’t feel sorry for NASA at all.

To other thoughts … One thing I’d wish I had done when young is gymnastics. I look at photos of gymnasts and admire their flexibility, strength and grace. Unfortunately, I just wasn’t interested when I was young – I went through a horse-mad phase from around 9 to 12 years old, and did do horse-riding for about a year (1980-81), but quit because I was nervous of one of the instructors (a female drill-sergeant type), and I wasn’t confident with horses. I was no good at sports at school – sport there were mostly team ones (looking at my old Kilvonian magazines, netball, swimming, softball, athletics, tennis and hockey are listed) – so I was clumsy and unathletic, and thus have no awards, medals or ribbons of any description. I have NOTHING! Absolutely nothing – a total loser, underachiever and failure. I’m no good at anything.

One of my nieces, Dior (eldest daughter of my cousin Heather) did gymnastics training for about a year some time ago but had to give it up as the training load was too demanding. (She is now 14.) I’ve read an extract from a book about the intensive training girls have to endure if they wish to reach Olympic-standard – and it is brutal. 40 hours or so of training a week, almost no life outside of this, and they are at risk of serious injuries from the spectacular and risky maneuvers they perform – stress fractures, broken bones (including necks), snapped tendons and so on – not to mention eating disorders. All this when they are not even teenagers yet! Their elite careers last from about age 12 to 18 – after that most retire. Men mature later and thus can compete for a bit longer – up to late 20s or early 30s, I think.

Still, I wish I could have done it – wish I had been interested! Australia, though, did not have such training in the 1970s, when I was a child (not that I know of). I wonder how I would have done, had I been interested and motivated, and given the training. Have to wait till my next life, now …

~ Ended 7:14 p.m.

Thursday 13/2

There was a (American) TV sitcom on last night called Do Over, about a 34-year-old man who is somehow transported back to 1981, when he is a young teenager, after being zapped with electricity. The notion of “doing over” has obvious appeal for me – if only I could be transported back to childhood – 1970s – but forearmed with the knowledge I have now! Perhaps I would then be able to alter my future (and even that of the world’s). I had a vivid dream – my last this morning – in which I found myself back in childhood (about 5 years or so) at home, but I was aware that I had been transported back. I was happy that I now had a chance to re-make my life. My parents and Michele were there – much younger, of course. I was also at a sports oval with some school classmates, and I was thinking that I could make more of an effort to join in, and do some sports. The dream was obviously derived from the sitcom, but it is a wish I have increasingly had for many years. Unfortunately, such magic events only seem to happen in dreams.

~ Ended 7:45 a.m.

Friday 21/2

A most unusual event today … RAIN. A steady light rain all day, coming from the tropical north. It’s that uncomfortable humid time of year again, the sort of weather I hate most.

~ Ended 7:48 p.m.

Friday 28/2

Last day of February, already. Some cooler, damp weather today after a humid week. Autumn begins tomorrow, at last! The horrible hot, humid weather will be gone in a couple of weeks or so.

Wish I could put my journal (with some modifications) on-line, on the Internet, as many others do. There is something called “blogging” (a word combining “web log”), and sites where you can start your own, but I am reluctant to go that way. The alternative is to start your own website and put a journal, photos, etc. on there, but I am also reluctant to do that. I can’t imagine anyone finding my grumblings interesting. The HTML format is also unattractive and unsuitable for my journals, as there is no page numbers as in a Word document. I just wish I had others to talk to about various issues.

The U.N.-Iraq machinations continue. I get the impression that Saddam Hussein is enjoying the squabbling between the various countries over Iraq’s disarmament and possible invasion of. He stalls and procrastinates, President Bush issues threats of invasion and sets deadlines, then Saddam relents at the last moment (the latest issue is over the destruction of long-range missiles which he isn’t supposed to have). Of course, the hapless Iraqi citizens aren’t having much fun – after suffering under sanctions since the last Gulf War, they’ve now another imminent invasion to endure.

Mum and Dad went to see The Two Towers on Monday, which they enjoyed, though it was a long haul to sit through. The final of the trilogy is apparently even longer (not released until Boxing Day this year). They really should have an interval for movies longer than 2 hours.

I noticed that Stephen Coonts, an American military thriller writer similar to Dale Brown, has a new novel out called Liberty. It features a corrupt Russian general who flogs off some nukes to Arab terrorists who, naturally, wish to use them against America. The novel’s American hero-types (characters who have appeared in his previous novels) must try to defeat these dastardly foes. Ho-hum – more of the same. Russians as bad guys again …

~ Ended 7:52 p.m.

March

Sunday 2/3

Third month of the year, and into autumn. A cold, wintry day, in contrast to last week!

Some news of the crew arrangements on the ISS:

International Space Station Status Report #03-9

4 p.m. CST, Friday, Feb. 28, 2003
Expedition Six Crew

Approaching their 100th day in orbit, the International Space Station’s Expedition 6 crewmembers completed an important test of on-orbit spacewalk preparation this week, while program managers cleared the way for a crew rotation scenario that will bring the three-man crew back to Earth in Kazakhstan in May. Monday Commander Ken Bowersox and Flight Engineer Don Pettit conducted a successful test of the ability of two crewmembers to safely get into American spacesuits without the assistance of a third crewmember; that ability is a prerequisite to sending smaller crews to ISS while the space shuttle fleet remains grounded during the investigation of the Columbia accident. As Flight Engineer Nikolai Budarin videotaped the activity and offered his advice, Bowersox and Pettit helped each other into their Extravehicular Mobility Units, donned jet backpacks called SAFERs, set up the necessary equipment for a pre-breathe of oxygen to purge nitrogen from their bloodstreams, and then got out of the spacesuits.

Through a series of meetings, ISS partners announced that near-term station crew rotations will involve two-person crews flying to the International Space Station in Russian Soyuz spacecraft, beginning with the previously scheduled launch in late April or early May. Expedition 6 will return to Kazakhstan in early May in the Soyuz currently docked to the station. Smaller crews will mean a reduced demand for on-board supplies, which can be delivered only on Russian Progress ships until the shuttles are cleared for flight. One Progress arrived at the station early this month, and the next is due to launch in June.

U.S. astronauts Mike Foale and Ed Lu, and Russian cosmonauts Yurii Malenchenko and Alexander Kaleri, all of whom were previously named to various ISS expedition crews and who have many months of preparation for ISS missions under their belts, are training at the Gagarin Cosmonaut Training Center in Star City, Russia.

So, only two people onboard for the near future! They don’t seem to be using/considering the Russian Orlan spacesuits, which can also be donned without assistance. Expedition 6 will get about 6 months in orbit, worse luck.

~ Ended 6:43 p.m.

Wednesday 5/3

I’ve read a few romance novels of late, mainly because I can’t find any books I like and am desperate! The ones I borrowed from the library are supernatural and sci-fi romance genres. I can’t say I like the style of writing – it’s not a genre that appeals. I recall borrowing a romance novel from the school library as a teenager, but it did nothing for me! Romance novels certainly are popular – selling in the millions, and mostly published in America – but I have never found them appealing. Some are more explicit than others. They are very female fantasies, with the women being young and impossibly beautiful, and the men impossibly sensitive, handsome and kind. I just can’t relate to them at all. The detailed sex scenes also get rather tiring after the third repetition or so! The relevant body organs aren’t mentioned by their medical names, but by euphemisms. They are certainly not intellectual novels!

One series I read as a teenager was the Sweet Valley High books by Francine Pascal; the first in the series, Double Love, was published in 1983. I bought quite a lot until I grew out of them. The main characters were impossibly beautiful, identical twins Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield: “both have the same sun-streaked, shoulder-length blonde hair, green-blue eyes, cameo skin, and radiant smiles.” They lived in the Southern Californian small town of Sweet Valley, and got up to various adventures with their friends. They made me – brown-haired, acne-spotted, bespectacled, overweight – feel quite inadequate, but I read the books nonetheless. The original books are to be found in second-hand bookshops, but the characters are still going – they’re in university or somewhere – along with many offshoots and different series. Looking through the old books now is quite nostalgia-inducing! If only I could be a teenager or child again, with the knowledge I have now, but with most of my life still ahead of me.

I’m down to $500 or so. Getting desperate!

~ Ended 7:42 p.m.

Thursday 6/3

I was looking earlier at some photos Uncle Brian gave Mum on a CD-ROM; ones of Heather and her family on holiday in Bali and up at Bonnie Doon last year. My cousins have a totally different and separate existence to mine. I haven’t seen them since Gran’s funeral in October 2000. Heather will be 39 this year on 5th December, and 40 next year! She is the youngest (preceded by Warren then Colin – Colin born in 1958). Everyone is getting old – my generation is now in the middle, and my parents are the oldies. It is an inexorable process, and I hate it.

I am shy of children, so have never spoken to my nieces and nephews (including Dior, mentioned earlier). Colin’s only son, Declan (they’re all into unusual names!), will be 10 on the 15th of March. Dior is the oldest; she’ll be 15 on 1st December this year! It hardly seems any time at all since I was 15. They’ll all be coming into their teens this decade, as Michele, myself and our cousins were in the late 1970s/1980s. If I were a normal person, I would be seeing them and talking to them; sharing a little of their lives. But I am unable to, and know nothing of them. I wonder what they have been told about me – their weird reclusive aunt who is heard of but never seen?

I have missed out on so much that is normal for others my age. A career, boyfriends, independence, travel and so on. In some ways I have not mentally aged past 18, when I first got an eating disorder – and I did not have a normal life even then (no boyfriends, etc.). I am utterly unsocialized, and have no friends my age (no friends at all). I am a lonely and weird semi-recluse, and I can’t see much hope for my future. If I could have foreseen as a teenager how I would end up, would I have made more of an effort to change my behavior?

~ Ended 6:59 p.m.

Saturday 8/3

I found a photo of China’s first spaceman-to-be at www.astronautix.com. He is called Chen Long, training with his unnamed back-up (Chinese names are in the order of last name first). Both are Air Force pilots. I think the Chinese are using the term “Yuhangyan” for their spacemen; it’s the word used in the astronautix description of them. They are part of the 1999 Group 1 Yuhangyans, selected 19 November 1996. Chen Long will be the only crew aboard Shenzhou-5, due for launch in October.

Yahoo! News – China Trains 14 Astronauts for Fall Launch – Sun Feb 16, 3:58 a.m. ET

Beijing (Reuters) – China has been training 14 fighter pilots to be astronauts and this autumn will become the world’s third nation to blast people into space, state media reported Sunday.

The pilots, training in a northern Beijing suburb, are all under 30 years old, around 5 feet 7 inches tall, weigh about 143 pounds on average and have completed more than 1000 flying hours, the Beijing Evening News quoted aerospace sources as saying.

Officials would choose one or two candidates for the mission on the Shenzhou V spacecraft, expected to take off in the fall, the Beijing Star Daily said.

The mission would be another feather in China’s cap after the successful flight of the unmanned Shenzhou IV craft, which landed safely in early January after orbiting Earth for about a week.

Following that flight, officials said China would put a person in space in the second half of 2003.

China is being very secretive about its space program, like Russia used to be. The pressure suits the pair are wearing in the photo are Russian Sokol suits! Russia sold some of its technology to China, as described in this extract from an article on the Chinese program at the Astronautix website:

Project 921 was altered yet again in 1994. Cash-hungry Russia was now willing to sell some of its advanced aviation and space technology. In September, 1994 Chinese President Jiang Zemin visited the Russian Flight Control Centre in Kaliningrad, and noted that there were broad prospects for co-operation between the two countries in space. In March, 1995 a deal was signed to transfer manned spacecraft technology to China. Included in the agreement were training of cosmonauts, provision Soyuz spacecraft capsules and life support systems, androgynous docking systems, and space suits. In 1996 two Chinese astronauts, Wu Jie and Li Qinglong, began training at the Yurii Gagarin Cosmonaut Training Centre in Russia. After training these men returned to China and to in turn train a cadre of Chinese astronauts.

They are all quite young, in their 20s. China has ambitious plans for its space program, including establishing a space station and going to the Moon (around or on it). The first space stations will be the Shenzhou modules docked together; fairly small – similar to Russia’s series of Salyut stations.

Manned projects remained unfunded. In 1984 President Reagan offered to fly a Chinese cosmonaut on the U.S. shuttle, but the Chinese were not interested. Subsequent efforts to involve them in the International Space Station were also unsuccessful. The Chinese press reported that astronauts were still in training in September, 1986, but also that manned spaceflight was still considered unaffordable. In contrast to its lack of desire to collaborate with the United States, in 1983-1988 China signed the various UN treaties on space and began participating in international conferences. In April 1998 China began export of its satellite technology with the signature of a memorandum of understanding with Iran, the Republic of Korea, Mongolia, Pakistan and Thailand for development of a “Small Multi-Mission Satellite”.

As noted in that extract, America at one time invited China to participate in the ISS, but given the Station’s problems in recent years, perhaps they were wise not to join! The whole ISS program seems to be an excuse for NASA to take over the other partners’ manned space programs. Russia seems to be doing little more now than building supply ships and lifeboats for the ISS – these paid for by NASA. Russia does not have an independent space program anymore. I think the idea of co-operation is a dud – competition is healthier and more motivating. [Changed my mind about that two years later If the Chinese launch is successful, there’ll be many newspaper articles and editorials fretting about this “threat” to America’s dominance in space.

I read a book called The Clash of Fundamentalisms by Tariq Ali, a left-wing/Socialist Pakistani author, who is opposed to both American imperialism and religious fundamentalism. In the introduction he describes American society as a “parochial culture that celebrates the virtues of ignorance, promotes a cult of stupidity and extols the present as a process without an alternative, implying that we all live in a consumerist paradise”. In it, a short section mentioned Russia’s buggered-up transition to a capitalist economy, comparing this to China’s much smoother transition. I don’t have the book (it was a library book), so I’ve forgotten the exact words. But these were to the effect that Russia had followed the rules of the World Bank or one of those organizations, and seen its living standards drop to those of a Third-World country. China had not tried to emulate the West, so it was more shielded from such traumas (though it still does have problems).

(Later) I photocopied a portion of a chapter. Here’s the relevant extract:

… Gorbachev harboured fatal illusions about Ronald Reagan and Margaret Thatcher. They let him down. The predators took over. What happened? In a recent essay the historian Georgi Derlugian, a former Soviet citizen now resident in Chicago, who had witnessed the process, reflected on this question:

The Soviet Union was not brought down from without – the West stood watching in amazement. Nor was it undermined either from above or below. Rather it imploded from the middle, fragmenting along the institutional lines of different bureaucratic turfs. The collapse occurred when mid-ranking bosses felt threatened by Gorbachev’s flakiness as head of the system, and pressured by newly-assertive subordinates beneath them. The eruptions of 1989 in Eastern Europe provided the demonstration prod. In the process of disintegration, it was the particularly cynical apparatchiks of an already-decomposed Young Communist League who led the way. In their wake followed the governors of national republics and Russian provinces, senior bureaucrats of economic ministries, and section chiefs all the way down to supermarket managers. As in many declining empires of the past, the basest servants – emboldened by the incapacitation of emperors and frightened by impending chaos – rushed to grab the assets that lay nearest to hand. Mingling with them were nimble interlopers, ranging from the would-be yuppies to former black marketers and outright gangsters. The luckiest few in this motley galère would become the celebrity post-communist tycoons.

China avoided the same fate. The Politburo in Beijing proved cleverer than the Russians … The Soviet leadership, eager to please its new patrons and desperate to Americanise itself, accepted the “shock-therapy” being recommended by the witch-doctors from Harvard. A decade later, in 2000, the statistics told the whole story: income inequality had trebled, a third of the population was living below the poverty line, crime and corruption were out of control, and in some parts of the country barter had replaced money as the means of exchange. For the postwar generation this experience had become the most harrowing ordeal of their entire life. And to add to the physical misery their leader, Boris Yeltsin, had turned out to be a fake diamond: an amoral and debauched clown lacking in competence and greedy to boot. The West, fearful of the alternatives, decided to back him. An obedient Western media followed suit.

Crime and corruption were rife in China too … but there was an important difference. Chaos on the Russian model had been avoided. The economy had registered important successes. Chinese capitalism functioned relatively well.

… Unlike their former Soviet and Eastern European counterparts, the Chinese had been partially insulated by their culture and civilization. They were not desperate to mimic the West …

– Tariq Ali, The Clash of Fundamentalisms, p. 268-270

It’s so depressing and frustrating to read that. Russia had (and still has) so much potential – abundant resources, an educated population – yet corrupt and greedy bastards have completely buggered up their country. It seems that the only way to change things now would be another Revolution, but it isn’t long since the last one … Perhaps the only small comfort for them is that bad times don’t last forever, and Russia has survived all sorts of upheavals for the last 2000 years or so.

A thought I had is that perhaps the best gift a leader can give his or her country is hope for the future.

War with Iraq looks inevitable; President George W. Bush said in a media address this week that America would go it alone if necessary – with or without the U.N.’s backing. Britain and Australia are America’s only supporters in this. Oh, it is so embarrassing. I want to send e-mails to other opposing countries saying that not all Australians agree with Mr. Howard’s stance. He is just a lackey of the U.S. President.

It’s the Melbourne Grand Prix this weekend. Two F/A-18 Hornets did a circuit over the city yesterday, and one did this afternoon. Our taxes at work! The jets were flying well below Mach 1 (if they weren’t, they’d leave a trail of shattered windows), but were still LOUD! I do enjoy seeing them – a very rare sight! The Grand Prix, though, is an obscene waste of money – the only interesting thing about it is the car crashes (and deaths!). I hate the whole car culture.

~ Ended 7:07 p.m.

Monday 10/3

Labor Day holiday today – though the meaning of the holiday (8 hours’ work, rest and recreation and a 40-hour workweek) has long been lost.

We were woken up last night at 11:45 p.m. by the most awful screeching and clattering as a car drove past – thought it was an accident at first, but it appears to have been a drunk driver who hit something and his headlight came off. Found the headlight on the road outside our house!

I was just attempting to measure my height. Using a tape measure, I am approximately 63 inches and 6 16ths, or two 16ths under five feet four inches (5 feet 3.14/16 inches) – 161 centimeters. Mum is about 5 feet 2 inches, Dad a bit taller than me (haven’t measured him – about 5 feet 6 inches), and Michele is between Mum and me (5 feet 2 inches or thereabouts – I’ve not measured her properly). Her husband Chris is shorter, about Mum’s height – he and his parents are both small (parents around 5 feet or so). So none of us is particularly tall! I find it easier to visualize heights in feet and inches.

I was looking at the heights of some male gymnasts on a website – one about Russian gymnasts (these are ones currently competing, in their 20s):

Aleksei Bondarenko: 162 cm/5 feet 4¼ inches, 55 kilograms
Aleksei Nemov: 174 cm/5 feet 9 inches, 75 kg
Evgeni Podgorny: 164 cm/5 feet 5.9/16 inches, 60 kg
Georgi Grebyenkov: 166 cm/5 feet 5.14/16 inches, 58 kg
Nikolai Kryukov: 164 cm/5 feet 5.9/16 inches, 56 kg

Most aren’t much taller than me (with the exception of Nemov)! I don’t know what my weight is – haven’t weighed myself for years – but I am a little overweight. Perhaps 60 kg? The men’s weight would be mostly muscle mass (in comparison to me). I guess being short and compact is an advantage when doing routines – when doing flips or somersaults, your extremities are closer to your center of gravity, unlike taller people’s, and you can maneuver easier.

David Coulthard of McLaren won yesterday’s Grand Prix (which we ended up watching on TV). Because of the new rules, the race was a bit more interesting than those of previous years. Michael Schumacher of Ferrari came fourth, for once.

~ Ended 6:53 p.m.

Thursday 13/3

Mum and Dad’s 35th wedding anniversary today. They drove up to Wonthaggi to stay in a motel for the night, so I am home alone (with the dog, Sasha) and the house is rather creepily quiet.

The political machinations in the United Nations and Security Council continue. America is still trying to get a resolution through. It set a date for war on 17 March, but has now postponed this for a few days. Britain is wavering – PM Tony Blair is facing rebellion from many in his Labour Party, not to mention a lot of England’s population. PM John Howard gave an address to the nation on TV and radio today stating his case for supporting America and its invasion of Iraq. I only half-listened; but I still wasn’t much impressed with his reasoning.

A few smaller nations are still undecided, and America and its opponents are doing their best to beg, bribe and bully them into agreeing with one or the other option. A small article in today’s The Age noted that “the chairman of the International Institute for Strategic Studies, Francois Heisbourg, said yesterday the world was undergoing a change in alliances and structures built up since World War 2 … with dangerous implications for Australia”. President Bush’s election (itself a dubious affair) is proving to be the worst event for the world since I-don’t-know-what. It may be that only Mr. Howard – out of all other nations’ leaders – may end up supporting him. The thought makes me cringe. Australia will become a pariah, despised by other countries.

US has changed the world order: strategist

Date: March 13 2003, The Age
By Mark Forbes, Foreign Affairs Correspondent

The United States’ pursuit of Iraq has effectively destroyed the NATO alliance and negated the authority of the United Nations Security Council, according to one of the world’s leading strategic analysts.

International Institute for Strategic Studies chairman Francois Heisbourg said yesterday the world was undergoing a sea change in alliances and structures built up since World War II, regardless of the outcome of any conflict.

In Canberra for talks with Foreign Minister Alexander Downer and senior officials, Professor Heisbourg said the world order was changing at breakneck pace, with unity destroyed between America and Western Europe. The US was now demanding total allegiance and this approach could see Australia placed under intense pressure in the future. “The sheriff composes his posse and if you don’t want to be part of the posse you will be punished.”

Professor Heisbourg said conservatives in the Bush Administration were determined to attack Iraq on a set timetable, regardless of others’ views and whether there was collateral damage to leaders like Tony Blair.

Defending France’s stance, Professor Heisbourg – an adviser to the French Foreign Ministry – said the US had closed off its options, leading to Jacques Chirac’s commitment to reject a new resolution.

To other things … I bought a science fiction novel called Belarus by Lee Hogan, a female American author. I rarely buy sci-fi or fantasy books anymore (in fact I’ve not bought any for a long time); I just don’t find other people’s worlds of much interest now, preferring my own. This novel, however, was quite a good read. It got mixed reviews on the Amazon book website and one nitpicking Belarussian was particularly critical. But it’s still a good read, and the cover art is nice! Perhaps the only thing I didn’t like was the resurrection of the Imperial/Tsarist past – a brutal system which saw tyrants oppress much of the population for centuries. One of the main problems with that system is that the people’s welfare depends upon the personality of the tsar or ruler: if you get a benevolent ruler things aren’t too bad, but get a bad one and everyone suffers. The Russian Revolution was intended to dump that bunch of despots … unfortunately, another lot of despots took over under the Communist system. The original ideals got corrupted – the philosophy perhaps was a little too idealistic for the real world.

There are still royal families, of course, in Europe and Britain, but I’ve come around to thinking that they are an outdated institution. They live at taxpayers’ expense and don’t do anything particularly useful! The last Tsar, Nicholas II, and his family were shot by Bolshevik revolutionaries – and I can’t help feeling, good riddance! I seem to remember reading some years ago that there was some Russian movement to reinstate their Royal Family. Not on your bloody life! Countries are better off without that lot of freeloaders.

I might note that when a referendum was held a few years ago on whether Australia should become a republic, I voted “No” – but would vote “Yes” now. My attitudes have changed greatly.

It’s interesting to note that nearly all fantasy novels – from The Lord of the Rings onwards – feature royal families ruling various feudal systems in whatever fantasy world the authors have invented. Perhaps that is a remnant from our evolutionary past: desiring a strong tribal leader.

Another theme I didn’t like in Belarus was the continuation of religion – in the form of the Russian Orthodox Church there. Another anachronism that has regrettably appeared since the fall of Communism, along with a host of other religions and wacky cults (see my 23/9/2002 entry). One hopes that humans would have evolved beyond the need for religion 20,000 years into the future.

~ Ended 8:27 p.m.

Monday 17/3

4:28 p.m.: A hot day – a late warm spell of weather for Autumn.

Last week a reclusive elderly woman was found dead in her shopfront home in McKinnon. She had been lying on the couch, covered with a blanket, for up to 2 years:

Shut away and forgotten, Elsie Brown died alone

March 15 2003, The Age
By Heather Gallagher, Susan Murdoch

The elderly woman at 203 McKinnon Road shut the world out so tightly that nobody noticed she was gone. Over the years her circle contracted as she became distant from family and friends and finally pushed away her well-meaning neighbours, retreating into a few dim rooms at the back of the old dry-cleaning store.

Those neighbours yesterday described Elsie Maude Brown as a “very private person” who was estranged from her husband and, to their knowledge, never had any relatives or friends visit.

Last Wednesday, police found Mrs. Brown’s remains draped in a blanket on her couch. They believe her body may possibly have been there for 23 months. Newspapers and mail found inside her house dated back to May 2001. Mrs. Brown owned two adjacent properties in Bentleigh – both with shopfronts and rear residences – in south suburban Bentleigh for at least 30 years.

When Tina Murcia and her husband Jamie bought one of the properties from Mrs. Brown four years ago, the property was blanketed in darkness. There were three layers of curtains inside and shade cloth was nailed across the windows outside.

On two occasions previously authorities feared for Mrs. Brown. The second time, about two years ago, the Murcias had raised the alarm when broken glass remained on the pavement outside the home of their usually tidy neighbour and mail was visible at the front door. Mrs. Brown only called out that she was OK when the police broke her door down.

This time, Ms. Murcia notified authorities after receiving a phone call from Melbourne Water about Mrs. Brown’s outstanding bills. The discovery of her neighbour’s corpse confirmed her worst fears.

“My husband and I always thought it would be this way … but it’s still very sad,” she said. “She didn’t want to be noticed. She didn’t want anyone to know she was even in there. She didn’t have lights on at night – never. It was like she wasn’t there.”

The local council said Mrs. Brown had never been on its books as someone needing care. “Unless someone contacts us with some concerns, we have no idea who needs help,” a spokesman said.

Neighbour Maurice Hadley said he had not seen Mrs. Brown, whom he knew as Betty, for about four years. “When I was a kid we knew everyone in the street by name. Now you can live in a place for 27 years and you only know your neighbours on either side. I reckon it’s an indictment on society,” he said.

McKinnon is a somewhat neglected suburb north of Bentleigh proper, not south (as the article states). But when I read that, I thought that’s how I could end up, the way I am going now. I can easily envision myself as a sad, lonely old recluse in another 30 or 40 years, who has spent her life hiding from the world, who has no friends or boyfriends. It’s a horribly depressing thought. But I have been over a decade as a semi-recluse already, and have become worse in the last few years. I have been in a rut for so long that it’s almost impossible to break out. I feel frustrated and trapped, and don’t know what to do – how to break out. Where do I start?

America looks set to go to war in a few hours. There is a final meeting of the Security Council at 1 a.m. tomorrow (Australian time), but things look unlikely to change. PM Howard is determined to go to war no matter how much opposition he gets here.

The Iraqi Air Force flies mostly Russian-made jets like the MiG-25 and MiG-29, but does not have the models with the latest technology, so they won’t stand much of a chance against the Allied forces (F-15s, F-16s, F/A-18 Hornets), unfortunately. Can’t help feeling sorry for the Iraqi fighter pilots – they’re going to get slaughtered (unless they get lucky and shoot down 1 or 2 Allied jets).

~ Ended 6:55 p.m.

Saturday 22/3

To no one’s surprise, America began the bombardment of Baghdad after their 48-hour deadline expired on Thursday, Australian time (President Bush gave an address to the nation at 12 PM Tuesday, giving Saddam 48 hours to get out of Baghdad). Initially, a few cruise missiles were fired into the city to “decapitate” the leadership – there had been intelligence reports that Saddam, his sons and other high-ranking people were bunkered down there. It’s not clear if Saddam was there, and if he was killed or injured. The full-scale invasion is now underway, with the Allies “sweeping across the desert” in tanks and armored vehicles, up towards Baghdad from the south. Lots of Iraqi soldiers, mostly conscripts, have surrendered to the advancing forces. There has been saturation coverage on some news channels in the first couple of days of the invasion. The Americans are pretty much unstoppable – and, after winning this war, they will be unbearably smug and superior, determined to force their will upon any other countries who dare oppose them. They will regard the United Nations and Security Council as irrelevant.

There’s been no reports of the Iraqi Air Force – perhaps their aircraft were destroyed on the ground?

This is an article fromThe Moscow Times (an English-language Moscow paper) giving the Russian perspective:

Wednesday, March 19, 2003

Putin Says He Regrets Ultimatum

By Simon Saradzhyan Staff Writer

President Vladimir Putin told U.S. President George W. Bush on Tuesday that he regretted the decision to issue an ultimatum to Saddam Hussein, while the Foreign Ministry warned that an attack on Iraq without UN approval could lead to “a confrontation of civilizations.”

“utin expressed regret in connection with Washington’s decision on an ultimatum and also in connection with the failure of diplomatic efforts to achieve a mutually acceptable compromise,” the Kremlin press service said of the telephone conversation, which was initiated by Bush. Putin also stressed that “in any situation, the United Nations and its Security Council must play a central role in securing the international peace and stability,” the Kremlin said in a statement. While differing over Iraq, however, the two leaders agreed that they should maintain bilateral contacts during any crisis, the statement said.

Putin also discussed the Iraqi crisis by telephone Tuesday with China’s new president, Hu Jintao, and they underlined “the commonality of their positions,” the Kremlin said. The phone conversations came as Putin’s chief diplomat, Foreign Minister Igor Ivanov, warned that a U.S.-led war in Iraq would undermine the international anti-terrorism coalition and might escalate into a global conflict. “It is important not to cross the line in which the war against terrorism might escalate into a confrontation of entire peoples, religions and civilizations,” Ivanov told a security conference in Moscow. “Unfortunately today, in connection with the looming threat of war against Iraq, the unity of the international anti-terrorism coalition is under threat,” said Ivanov, who has emerged as the harshest critic of war in the Russian government. In language reminiscent of the Yeltsin administration’s opposition to U.S. global dominance, Ivanov said Russia stood for a “multi-polar” world in which the UN coordinates efforts to build up global security. Ivanov’s remarks were the strongest salvo that has Russia fired to date in a war of words over Iraq.

Putin said Monday that a war would be mistake imperiling international security, but he was careful not make any blunt warning to the United States and its allies. Ivanov reiterated that only the UN Security Council has the right to decide whether force can be used against Iraq. He also said the Iraq issue should return to the council’s jurisdiction even if a military operation is started in Iraq. Ivanov left late in the day for New York to attend a Security Council meeting Wednesday. Chief UN weapons inspector Hans Blix is to spell out what Iraq must do to prove it has disarmed. While pressing ahead for peace, Ivanov and other Russian officials acknowledged that war appeared to be inevitable and expressed concern about Russia’s economic interests in a post-Hussein Iraq. “There is little hope left,” Ivanov said. He said that Russia faces a fight convincing any new Iraqi regime to honor the contracts awarded by Hussein’s government to Russian oil companies.

His remarks were echoed by the Kremlin’s Security Council secretary, Vladimir Rushailo, who said Russia would challenge any decision by a new regime to cancel the contracts in “international institutes,” Interfax reported. Rushailo’s deputy Oleg Chernov – who was to fly with Ivanov to New York – said Tuesday that Russia would have to do its best to restore peace in Iraq if war breaks out. “The world, including Russia and other interested countries, must do everything necessary to seek a path that brings peace to Iraq,” Chernov was quoted by Interfax as saying.

In the State Duma, deputies postponed a vote to ratify a U.S.-Russian nuclear arms treaty, and Duma Speaker Gennady Seleznyov warned that if war starts it might never be ratified. “In the event of an American strike on Iraq, the fate of the entire treaty will be in question,” Seleznyov said during a visit to the Czech capital, Prague, Interfax reported. “The Americans are striking at international law,” he said. Duma deputies decided that the Moscow Treaty, which was to have been considered Friday, will not be placed on the agenda until April – and then they will only set a date for the vote.

Putin and Bush signed the Moscow Treaty in May, and it was ratified by U.S. Congress earlier this month. It requires Russia and the United States to cut their strategic nuclear arsenals by about two-thirds, to 1700 to 2200 deployed warheads each, by 2012. Sergei Shishkaryov, the deputy chairman of the Duma’s foreign affairs committee, directly linked the postponement of the treaty to Bush’s ultimatum. “We consider ratification very important, but this step is not justified,” he told Reuters. “We are standing on the verge of World War 3, and the consequences of the beginning of military action in Iraq are to a large extent unpredictable,” he said. Igor Sergeyev, Putin’s adviser on global security, also warned that a war in Iraq could “lead to unpredictable consequences for international security.”

(I didn’t mention that China has a new president, and Serbia’s reformist president was assassinated by gangsters a couple of weeks ago.) Russian oil companies have interests in Iraq, as pointed out in the article, and these may well be nulled in the event of an American-backed Iraq government – American oil companies will be eager to get a hold in the region. Here’s an editorial:

Wednesday, March 19, 2003

No Checks And Balances, Just Big Sticks

Editorial To Our Readers

In the weeks preceding the U.S.-British-Spanish war council in Azores, Washington exerted strong pressure on Moscow to abstain from, if not support, a UN Security Council resolution paving the way for war in Iraq. Alternating on- and off-the-record statements, U.S. diplomats outlined a complete set of sticks that would be applied if Russia continued to resist the will of the hawkish coalition. Russia was bluntly warned that its WTO bid would be jeopardized and that the humiliating Jackson-Vanick amendment would remain in place indefinitely. The United States also hinted that Russian oil companies might be locked out of a post-Saddam Hussein Iraq altogether, while a newly installed regime would be unable to honor the country’s $8 billion debt to Russia.

Russia did not bow to what sometimes resembled economic blackmail, and sided with France and Germany in opposition to war. Foreign Minister Igor Ivanov and his deputies took turns promising that Russia would veto the automatic use of force against Iraq. Finally, after more than two weeks of silence, President Vladimir Putin weighed in Monday and said war would be a mistake. On Tuesday, he expressed his regret over U.S. President George W. Bush’s ultimatum.

It may prove impossible to discern how much Russia’s stance factored in the decision by the U.S.-led alliance to bypass the UN Security Council altogether. It already is clear, however, that the decision has allowed Russia to avoid a showdown over a vote in the Security Council. Russia had risked antagonizing the United States by vetoing the resolution or alienating France and Germany by abstaining. While this allows Moscow to save face in the Washington’s seemingly unstoppable drive for war, it throws into question the last global checks on the might of the United States. Russia and the rest of the world now have to ask themselves what was all the diplomatic wrangling for if the United States is going to be able to go ahead regardless of world opinion.

The U.S. sidestep of the UN means that Russia and other countries should really be concerned about the accelerating erosion of the post-World War 2 system of international law that required at least some sort of authorization from the international community before a superpower and its allies-for-the-hour could attack another country. Foreign Minister Igor Ivanov on Tuesday warned that the global anti-terrorism coalition is at risk of falling apart over the bid for war. He called on the Security Council to bring the Iraq crisis back into the framework of international law. He also warned that a war could mushroom into “a confrontation of civilizations.” Russia has to keep up the pressure. Let’s hope that the United States starts listening instead of merely threatening to use its economic might against those that dare to defy its wishes.

To the ISS … an article in today’s The Age noted that “NASA is studying the Russian commercialization program, an effort it once ridiculed, for ideas about what it is – and is not – comfortable doing. ‘What Russia has done is open up the market so that now this is a real market, whereas before it was still a thing of the distant future,’ said Marco Caceres, an analyst with the Teal Group, an aerospace research company.” So as if taking over the Russian manned space program isn’t enough, NASA apparently plans to steal their ideas – and, thus, their market – too.

Selling space travel

Date: March 22, 2003
By Ariana Eunjung Cha, Washington

NASA is studying the Russian commercialisation program, an effort it once ridiculed, for ideas about what it is – and is not – comfortable doing. “What Russia has done is open up the market so that now this is a real market, whereas before it was still a thing of the distant future,” said Marco Caceres, an analyst with the Teal Group, an aerospace research company. While NASA approached its relationships with industry cautiously, the cash-strapped Russian space agency embraced commercialisation with such gusto that its space program became known as “rockets for roubles”.

In 2001, the Russians ferried American tycoon Dennis Tito to the space station for $20 million. Next came South African tycoon Mark Shuttleworth. They’ve allowed Pizza Hut crispy-crust pies, RadioShack talking photo frames and Popular Mechanics magazines to be delivered to the station.

They also signed an agreement with Mark Burnett, creator of the TV show Survivor, to create a new reality show. Contestants on what was tentatively called “Destination Space” were to train at Star City, Russia’s equivalent of the Houston training centre. Former astronauts and military and space officials would vote off one person each week. The winner was to get a trip to the space station.

But within a few days of Columbia’s explosion, Russia announced it would halt plans to ship tourists into space; with the United States space shuttle fleet grounded, the Russian capsules are now the only regular link to the space station. It’s unclear when or even if the space tourist program will resume. In Houston investigators of the space shuttle disaster said yesterday the tape in a data recorder recovered from debris of the Columbia could probably be read, but it would yield no information for a few days.

A spokesman for the Columbia Accident Investigation Board said yesterday that investigators had yet to decide how to go about reading it.

– Washington Post, New York Times

The question I sent off to NASA’s “Ask the Expert” segment still hasn’t been answered – I think that has disappeared into the ether like the others I sent last year. It was a similar question to my previous ones – about the Orlan spacesuit – but sent under a different name. No answer as of yet, so I guess it didn’t meet their approval. I give up with them. :-(

Something I extracted from someone’s website:

Lastly, join the First Free Commune of Mars! Yes, now you too can join the ever-swelling ranks of individuals who have abandoned the American Dream to live in comfort and splendor on Mars. Write letters to me declaring your willingness to join us, and we’ll all write letters to NASA declaring that through “Advanced Stealth Technology” we have made several hidden rocket launches during Hurricane Andrew, and our “Advanced Stealth Technology” allows us to maintain a hidden satellite in asynchronous orbit over Fairfax, Virginia. I hate NASA. They’re a bunch of self-righteous little wanks who have nothing better to do than shoot phallic symbols into space and not invite me. I want Mars for Martians. I want to request aid from the US. I want a seat on the UN. I think it would be cool. Send MacIntosh source code flyers and hate mail to be forwarded to NASA to: Vladimir Dracovitch, King of Mars c/o Andrew Boyd 102-F SE Fort Evans Road Leesburg, VA 22075

(The rest of that web page was rather funny, but the site had rather rude photos of leather-clad ladies in its borders – it was called “Black Leather Times”. Still, I like his attitude.)

~ Ended 2:22 p.m.

Monday 24/3

A lovely sunny autumn day – the worst of the hot weather is behind us – on this fifth day of the war. An update on the war from The Age website:

Key developments

March 25 2003

Today’s key developments in the war against Iraq:

Iraqi television aired footage of what it said were dead Americans and interviews with five US prisoners answering questions. US officials confirmed that 12 soldiers and perhaps one aircraft were missing in southern Iraq

some possibly lured into a trap by Iraqi soldiers pretending to surrender.

US Marines defeated Iraqi forces near the southern city of Nasiriyah in the sharpest engagement of the war so far, US Central Command said in Qatar.

In Washington, President Bush demanded that American troops held captive in Iraq be treated humanely and said he was pleased with the progress of the war. “Saddam Hussein is losing control of his country,” Bush said.

A US Patriot missile battery mistakenly shot down a British Royal Air Force fighter aircraft near the Iraqi border with Kuwait, killing both fliers on board.

A US soldier was detained on suspicion of throwing grenades into three tents at a 101st Airborne command centre in Kuwait, killing one fellow serviceman and wounding 15, at least three of them seriously. The motive in the attack “most likely was resentment,” a US Army spokesman said.

A British television news reporter who disappeared in southern Iraq was believed dead. ITN television news said its reporter Terry Lloyd and two colleagues apparently were caught in a barrage of “friendly fire” yesterday.

Hundreds of police and security agents in Baghdad searched for a possibly downed coalition pilot, shooting into the reeds and shallow water alongside the capital’s Tigris River. The US military said there were no reports of coalition aircraft being shot down or a missing pilot.

The US military’s northern front against Iraq appears to be building, with American planes landing in the Kurdish north and more airstrikes pounding positions of a militant Islamic group with alleged al-Qaeda and Baghdad ties.

US military leaders said they expect fighting in Iraq to intensify as coalition forces advance toward Baghdad, facing increased resistance from Saddam’s troops and their possible use of chemical or biological weapons.

– AP

The British are having a bad time of it: three of their Marine helicopters have been lost in accidents, one RAF jet shot down by “friendly fire,” and a couple of soldiers missing (not sure of the details). An Australian ABC reporter was also killed in a suicide bombing. The 101st Airborne grenade attack by one of its soldiers was because he was being harassed for being a Muslim, I read somewhere (the soldier was black/African-American).

It’s Dad’s 70th birthday on Sunday 30. 70! He is officially old, with most of his life behind him. Everyone is getting old.

~ Ended 3:14 p.m.

Tuesday 25/3

Dad got out his big telescope yesterday (it’s been serving as a coat stand in the shed for the last few months) and we had a look at Jupiter through it. Could see the planet quite clearly, with its four nearest and largest moons – the Gallilean moons – strung out in a row, two to either side. Two of Jupiter’s banded cloud layers were just visible, a very pale pastel orange. The Great Red Spot wasn’t, so it must have been around the other side. Also looked at the Orion Nebula – the constellation Orion is high at that time of evening – and this appeared as a fuzzy bluish-white patch with some bright stars in front of it. There is so much light pollution that it is frustratingly difficult to see anything – the Milky Way is a pallid imitation of its original self. I’ve not seen a dark sky in years as I’ve not traveled anywhere.

The reflected light from Jupiter is just under 2 hours old – the planet is 628,760,000 km at its nearest to Earth, and the speed of light is 1,079,251,200 km an hour or 299,792 km/sec. Gives you an idea of the immense distances involved, the speed of light being the fastest in the Universe.

~ Ended 2:27 p.m.

Wednesday 26/3

The Iraq war continues, and it’s getting bloody. It could cost the U.S. up to $200 billion!

The inkjet printer that Dad gave me a couple of years ago went bust around two of weeks ago – I had been using cheaper inks in it instead of Epson inks. So he lent me another Epson that he had put in storage. But this had a worn-out yellow ink printer head which would have cost around $200 to repair, so he ended up buying me another Epson printer (C41UX) today for $120! Hopefully this nice new one will go okay – I will just use the Epson inks in it this time, though they are more expensive (nearly $30 for black ink, around $37 for color).

~ Ended 5:23 p.m.

Monday 31/3

Mum and Dad are away up at Rochester visiting Michele and Co.; be back tomorrow. Daylight Savings ended yesterday, so we are getting up at a more civilized time again.

The Iraq war continues, but I won’t bore you with details. It’s proving more of a challenge than the Allies initially expected, with Iraqis putting up fierce resistance. Around 60 or so Allied soldiers have been killed to date – but contrast this with hundreds of Iraqi soldiers killed, whose lives presumably do not matter so much in the Western media’s view.

The mouse pointer/cursor on my computer’s screen is malfunctioning now – can’t move it around with any accuracy at all the last couple of days. Got a new mousemat – no difference. It isn’t dirty inside the mouse, as far as I can see. It is driving me nuts – makes it very difficult to navigate around computer programs and the Internet (another “Ask Dad” problem).

Found a couple of essays on a website about Asperger’s Syndrome which were of some relevance to me:

Eye contact

By Jean-Paul Bovee

Eye contact is a form of communication. However, there is supposed to be a shared language between two people when eye contact is made. A person should be able to read what the other person is thinking and feeling. That is the way nonautistic eye contact works. On the spectrum, that is usually not the case.

First, eye contact is not something, that is natural or even desirable to us. We have a problem with the interpretation of this language. There are many reasons why we cannot share the language. First, looking at someone’s eyes is very uncomfortable. As a friend of mine on the spectrum says, it is like looking into the headlights of a train. Eyes flicker and move, which is uncomfortable for people on the spectrum. Even if we do make eye contact, we don’t know the unspoken language. We have to learn each thing that the eyes tell us, from very obvious to very subtle.

The next problem is in what we send. I have no idea about what messages I am sending with my eyes. That causes confusion for the person who is trying to read me, because I do not send obvious messages. With that confusion on both sides, communication using this medium does not work very well. The big deal about this whole eye contact thing is that our society has built in a lot of meaning into the use of eye contact. We have interpreted this as a sign of honesty and not hiding something, being comfortable, and the art of listening. These are the expectations that are put on everybody in this society, whether we can make eye contact or not. If you do not use it, you are accused of lying, not being comfortable, having something to hide, not listening, etc. This does not make sense when one is on the spectrum. I have yet to meet people on the spectrum who are natural liars. Some of us have had to learn to be devious when we have to be and tell the little white lies, so that we do not hurt the feelings of nona utistic people. Bluntness has never killed anybody. We lie only when we must and it is not very natural to us. Therefore, thinking that we lie because of not having eye contact makes no sense.

Eye contact has nothing to do with listening. The eyes and the ears are not connected on the same band. I can hear and learn without having to really look at someone. There is also peripheral vision, which is looking but of the sides of the eyes. Nonautistic people think that if the eye contact is not full in the face, it is not eye contact. I can be comfortable and not give eye contact. In fact, I am less comfortable if I have to give it all of the time. It is stressful and takes away from my self-ease. In fact, if I meet someone that I do not know, I do not give eye contact. I cannot stress myself to give eye contact and have a conversation at the same time.

This is not possible for me if I am using all of my energy to make eye contact. I am not very happy about the emphasis put on making children on the spectrum do eye contact against their will. It is a very stressful thing and almost like torture (for reasons that I have given earlier) for children and adults. To me, eye contact is for the benefit of nonautistic people and not much of a benefit for us on the spectrum. We cannot do it very well, nor communicate it very well. It also stresses us and makes us uncomfortable. There is no need to put those kinds of stressors on us.

Why we can’t just marry them all off?

By Jerry Newport

In 1996, Mary Meinel (my wife then, we have since divorced and remarried) and I were featured on “Sixty Minutes,” ironically while our marriage was in real trouble. The other irony was that we apparently led some people to believe that the possible solution to adult autistic isolation is to marry us all off to each other.

There are several flaws to that strategy and the statistical one, the observed 4/1 male to female ratio is not the biggest hurdle. After all, we could have reverse polygamy and allow each autistic female to have four husbands! The main barrier is this: Even if there was a one-to-one ratio, most men and women with autism are too similarly challenged to do each other much good as partners. Friends, absolutely – but marriage? Rarely.

Why is this? I can only offer the collective experience of my support group, AGUA, aka “Adult Gathering, United and Autistic,” now in its ninth year. For one thing, AGUA women have had much more social experience. Most, by the time they risk an AGUA meeting, (and the “pleasure” of being stampeded by a roomful of clueless autistic men), all but one so far has had a boyfriend, most have been married and more than half have had children. Two of AGUA’s women are grandmothers.

On the male side, the reverse, in the extreme. Many AGUA men, even in their thirties and older, haven’t had a date or it has been years since the last one. Girlfriends? Maybe ten percent have had one. Marriage? Two out of 80 so far, and one was totally suckered into an arranged marriage by a South American “mail-order bride” scheme, with a woman who hit the road as soon as her American citizenship was safe, keeping the ring of course.

Why this difference in experience? Several reasons bear more research. My crude guess, from what I’ve heard, is that the inherent social naiveté of autistic females leads them into liaisons. They aren’t often good ones and the low self-image they share with males keeps them in bad relationships and marriages for far too long. But the bottom line is that good or bad, autistic females do get social experience. Socially, they are light-years ahead of their male peers. Other autistic traits may work out differently, according to gender. A passive woman is attractive to many men. A passive male attracts few women. A shy woman or little girl? No worry. A shy male? What’s wrong with him? Men are still the designated hunters and women are the prize and that hasn’t changed in eons. What if a woman just wants to talk all night? Your little girl has no eye contact? Good. She won’t flirt her way into a shotgun wedding, at least.

I have never believed the four to one ratio. Autism is seen more in men because basic autistic traits rub more against accepted male behavior than they do against accepted female behavior. If a girl is upset with a lack of order, add to the dollhouse. She can grow up, marry an Orthodox person and stim on cooking rituals. I mean, who’d have known? If a guy blows his cool for a similar reason, he is noticed, big time.

But the ratio, whatever it is, is not the point. What you have is a social arena where our men, supposed to be leading the dance, are so scared of trying a step that the women, more experienced besides, aren’t going to put up with that basic difference. If they want male company, they will find a man who is focused, sincere, tactilely patient, orderly, and maybe has some oddities that parallel autism, but who does the expected social things: initiation, follow-up, attention, mating etc. that scare and baffle my male peers. Here’s my script of a date between an autistic male and female adult, randomly paired:

She: (thinking to herself: Is he going to try to touch me? Does he know how and when?)

He: So what do you want to do now?

She: You don’t seem to know what you want to do, so I guess I should go home.

He: (with a sigh of relief) Okay. Or, autistic man, on phone, asking any woman out:

He: Hello, is Peggy there?

She: Speaking.

He: Uh, uh, uh. . .you wouldn’t want to see Men in Black with me, would you?

She: I guess not.

He: Oh. I’ll talk to you later. Goodbye.

You may think I am a real creep for posing these examples, but if we are to change the current reality, we have to face it. And the present social truth is that grim, if not worse. Most peers I know won’t even get to trying what I described. It’s not a lack of interest in our males. It is just utter cluelessness; too much or too little. In addition, many get in trouble for staring and other “stalking” behavior; getting fired, arrested or both.

On New Year’s Eve, Mary and I invited AGUA to a party. Her youngest son visited, en route to another party, with two lady friends. I never saw a room get sexually excited before. On New Year’s Day, Mary asked the girls what they thought of AGUA. They smiled, rolled their eyes and said, “No foreplay!”

Mary and I were a definite exception. She showed up at a Halloween party, very stressed, on the rebound from some Hollywood lowlife, talking so loud that AGUA members cowered in the kitchen of the host home, begging me to quiet Mary down. I talked to her for a while, noticed she at least knew how to dress like a woman, but so what? I was 45 and, unlike most peers, never looked at AGUA meetings as a pickup joint. I thought she was too interested in herself and tried to talk another member into asking her out, but of course, he would rather agonize about calling for a year.

You have to appreciate that many of the present adults, like that 38-year-old friend of mine, were “beneficiaries” of intervention, sixties and seventies style. Not electric shock therapy, they will never get to AGUA. But about everything else; pepper spray, slaps, shouts and in general, while they have learned some drills, they are too scared to initiate. They have learned, all too well, that it is a terrible, terrible thing to be wrong.

I used to compare some of these people to trained seals, but most seals have better luck dating.

A month went by. Mary showed up again. This time, she impressed me, going out of the way to help other people come out of their shell. That was nice to see. The next day, she called me up and apologized for not spending more time with me. That’s right, she basically asked me out and the rest is history. Why me? Not for the money. I was a delivery man and lacked even a car. Looks? Other males looked and dressed better. It was this: Mary knew that I called the shots in my life. That means more to a woman than anything else and it is one of the things that my peers rarely have.

It should not be so extreme with the next generation. I think there are other reasons. Little boys with autism get teased more. They have more humiliating experiences. Finally, when it is obvious that none of the “cures” will work, many are dumped into group homes, where they sit around, unemployed, pick fights with staff and roommates, destroy property and learn to hate anyone with autism, including themselves. If that is your self image, you are socially hopeless.

I feel sorry for a majority of my AGUA male peers. Somehow, thanks to segregated educational environments, abusive “therapy,” being male and behind the eight ball to start, many have less social skill than an average junior high school boy, and much lower self esteem. They drown in insecurity, indecision and inexperience. Some of the taller ones find older women to mother-love them but for most, it is just too late in life to play social catchup and with every day, it gets later.

So I try to help the upcoming generation and my advice is this: man or woman, autistic people will be social late bloomers. Most of us lack superficial stuff that makes people popular in high school or even college. But as time goes by, our true qualities, honesty, reliability, sincerity and focus, get more attractive. That goes a long way to explaining why it took forty-six years before my first marriage, even with social experience more normal than most peers, an above average 10, and an inclusional education with no aversives.

Things should be better for the next generation, though the odds are still stacked in favor of relationships at later ages. With earlier, more positive interventions, more inclusive settings, appropriate inclusion in interest groups, adult support systems and mentors, it can’t get any worse. But this much is true: we will never marry off our autistic people.

If they get married at all and if it is to be a good marriage, it will only happen after they learn to love themselves first and seek a complimentary, compatible partner, probably close to but not in, the Autism Spectrum.

The first essay about eye contact explains why I have found it so distressing over the years, and in particular one reason the “Job From Hell” was so stressful – hordes of people coming at me and staring at me. My worst nightmare! I would get some baffled or strange looks from customers when I did not make eye contact (I could see their faces out the corners of my eyes). It’s hard to put into words the unease that eye contact gives me – I feel as though a person whose eyes I meet can see into my soul; that they can see every blemish on my skin. It’s an intimacy of contact that I can’t handle.

The second essay is about the incompatibility of men and women with Asperger’s. I know that I would never want to go out with a guy who had the same problems as me, but rather someone who was relatively normal – intelligent, kind, patient, strong (good-looking, hopefully!) – not messed up in the head like I am. (He would also need to be strong-willed to cope with and stand up to me!) I find it hard enough to cope with my own life and problems – I could not handle another person’s problems as well! It’s perhaps notable that the male story characters I create are similarly normal. I’ve always had a real adverse, even aggressive reaction to other people I encounter who seem strange or different.

I would seem to be an exception to the Asperger’s women mentioned in the essay, though. The author says that most still manage to have a social life (boyfriends, etc.) of some sort – but I have not! I am, in fact, more like the sad and sorry males described. I have an intense and frustrated craving for closeness to others (i.e. a boyfriend) – a major component of my daydreams – but I don’t know if that will ever be realized in reality. The guys I dream of are not to be found in the environment around me – if they exist at all.

I also noticed a lump of some sort in my right breast just before my period last week. It seems to have receded somewhat now my periods have finished. After looking at a website I figure it’s either due to hormonal changes or it’s a fibroadenoma, a lump of fibrous and glandular tissue (though I hope it’s not the latter). I don’t think it’s cancer because there is no history of breast cancer in my family (though Mum did get ovarian cancer). I really don’t want to go to the GP as I hate anyone seeing my ugly body, and being poked and prodded at. If it proved to be nothing, the visit would be a waste of money!

~ Ended 7:12 p.m. (UTC +10)

April

Wednesday 2/4

Mum and Dad returned home yesterday afternoon OK from Rochester. My mouse is working OK again, too – Dad opened it up and cleaned some gunk out of it.

This article was in today’s Herald-Sun. Boys will be boys …!

Sexy playmates bring cheer

2 April 2003

GIRLIE magazine Playboy is joining the war in Iraq with plans to use its Playmate centrefolds to boost troop morale. Playboy is launching Operation Playmate to help perk up troops by allowing them to e-mail the centrefolds who will send back autographed photos of themselves.

But Operation Playmate, the brainchild of Playboy’s colourful founder Hugh Hefner, won’t be sending the boys any nude pictures, spokesman Bill Farley said. “The boys will be able to send an e-mail to their favourite playmate and she’ll send them a head shot of themselves or of them wearing shirts and T-shirts,” he said. “We don’t want to send any nude images that would be offensive to our Arab allies in the Middle East, but we wanted to give the guys something else to think about, to get the imagination going.”

Playboy’s bunny foray into the conflict in Iraq is not its first wartime role. For one year starting in November 2001, the magazine conducted an Operation Playmate to help pep up US troops fighting the US war against terrorism in Afghanistan. During the first Gulf War, top US General Norman Schwarzkopf called Playboy’s first Operation Playmate a major morale boost for the troops, Playboy said. And in the Vietnam War in the 1960s, many Playboy magazine subscriptions were diverted from US addresses to soldiers fighting in South-east Asia, Mr. Farley said. In 1966, Hefner even despatched Playmate of the Year Jo Collins to the combat zone where she flew aboard a helicopter gunship. Under the latest scheme, soldiers or members of their family can e-mail the magazine and can request signed pictures of their favourite model free.

– AFP

One would have to wonder if they have something similar for those poor guys on the ISS … ;-) Couldn’t imagine stuffy old NASA condoning something like that, though …!

Made an appointment with the GP for tomorrow at 2:15 p.m., but I am not looking forward to it.

~ Ended 12:59 p.m.

Friday 4/4

The appointment with Dr. C. Brown yesterday went okay. She couldn’t detect any abnormalities and suggested the lump I’d felt was due to hormonal changes just before my period. She said to come back in the week before my next period if the lump returned. I really hate being female sometimes – being so controlled by hormones.

The Iraq War continues … around 77 Allied troops killed to date (no Australian soldiers yet) contrasting with hundreds of Iraqi soldiers dead (no figures given by their government), many civilian casualties and thousands more soldiers taken prisoner. Hardly an even fight! I have read nothing of the Iraqi Air Force – no aerial fights or anything. Did their jets even get off the ground, or were they destroyed in bombing raids?

~ Ended 6:40 p.m.

Tuesday 8/4

The Coalition forces are in Baghdad now; the Iraqi Republican Guard do not seem to be putting up much of a fight.

From NASA Watch:

5 April 2003: Russia Says Spending On Space Will Rise, Washington Post

Last month, senior Russian space agency officials threatened to mothball the space station – which is expected to cost close to $100 billion when completed later this decade – unless it received additional funds from the United States, Japan, Canada or the European partners in the venture.

Editor’s note: there is nothing new about this tactic. Russia threatens to do one thing or another at least once a year and evokes dramatic consequences if funds cannot be found. This is their public way of saying “we need money”. A lot of the public hysterics are usually designed to play well in local media. Besides, closing the ISS down would deal a devastating blow to Russia’s space infrastructure - something they want to avoid at all costs. This is just another instance of the “two steps forward, one step back” approach Russia often takes to get everyone’s attention.

4 April 2003: Russian Finance Ministry to Redistribute Funds to Launch Russian Space Ships to International Space Station, RIA Novosti

The Russian Finance Ministry has agreed to redistribute money to ensure the launching of Russian carrier spaceships to the International Space Station, Head of the Russian Aviation and Space Agency, Rosaviakosmos, has reported.

Some rather cynical comments from that website. But how is NASA’s begging for funding any different? An extract from a novel called Missing Man by Michael Cassutt:

… aviation experts thought of the space agency [NASA] as a collection of “crybabies” (presumably for their self-pitying annual lobbying efforts) or “Shi’ites” (because their every act was justified because they and they alone were working for the Human Future).

Another article from The Moscow Times:

Friday, April 04, 2003 Cabinet Pledges Extra ISS Funding

By Vladimir Isachenkov
The Associated Press

In a sharp reversal of previous policy, the Cabinet on Thursday pledged extra money for building spacecraft intended to service the International Space Station during the break in U.S. space shuttle flights caused by the Columbia disaster.

“We will undoubtedly have to carry the main workload, having to perform additional launches and flights to the station,” Prime Minister Mikhail Kasyanov said at the start of the Cabinet session. “We can’t postpone this decision.”

Russian Aviation and Space Agency head Yury Koptev told reporters later that the Cabinet had approved the early release of 1.2 billion rubles ($38 million) originally set for the second half of the year to speed up construction of extra ships.

Koptev said the government had also tentatively promised to bolster the space station’s budget from some 4 billion rubles (about $130 million) this year to some 7.5 billion rubles (about $240 million) next year.

Up to now, Russian officials had contended that it could not build extra ships for the International Space Station without a U.S. financial contribution.

U.S. space agency NASA has said that any potential American funding is constrained by U.S. legislation barring additional payments to Russia’s space agency unless Washington confirms Russia has not transferred missile technology or nuclear, chemical or biological weapons to Iran in the previous year.

With U.S.-Russian ties cooled over the war in Iraq, a congressional waiver of the bill appears all but excluded. U.S. officials also emphasized that Russia was failing on its obligations to service the station.

Koptev reaffirmed Thursday that Moscow would continue seeking U.S. financial assistance for the construction of ships, but acknowledged that U.S. space shuttles had performed some of the functions on the station that the Russian program failed to accomplish.

“Now it’s coming back to us, and it’s hard to complain about that,” he said.

The alternative is to leave the station temporarily unoccupied, a prospect that could jeopardize its safety, Koptev said.

Since discarding its own Mir space station in March 2001, Russia’s manned space program has hinged entirely on the international outpost.

Soyuz crew capsules and Progress cargo ships remain the only link to the 16-nation station as the U.S. shuttle fleet remains grounded pending an investigation into the Columbia catastrophe. Soyuz ships serve as lifeboats for the crew and must be changed every six months, while Progress ships ferry fuel, water and other supplies.

In the past, U.S. space shuttles performed rotation of the station’s long-term crew, while Russia used Soyuz capsules to earn extra cash by bringing space tourists on weeklong missions to the station.

Because of the break in shuttle flights, U.S. astronaut Edward Lu and cosmonaut Yury Malenchenko are to ride a Soyuz to the station on April 26 for a six-month mission.

The station’s current residents, Americans Kenneth Bowersox and Donald Pettit and Russian Nikolai Budarin, will return to Earth in early May in another Soyuz capsule presently docked at the station.

Koptev said Russia hopes to earn an additional $22 million to $25 million by flying a European Space Agency astronaut to the station in October during the next changeover of the station’s crew.

Russia has developed increasingly close space cooperation with China, helping it prepare its first manned mission to space later this year, Koptev said Thursday.

“We are working together with them,” he said. “The Chinese believe they are well prepared for a manned space flight they have set for October.”

Koptev said his agency’s contacts with China had intensified last year and the two nations may sign an agreement in May to formalize their cooperation. He said that he could not elaborate because China had requested to keep all the details confidential.

The last part about co-operation with China is interesting! If there could be a separate Russia-China partnership, it might help counter NASA’s dominance. Russia is ensnared in the ISS program – the article points out that the Station is now the sole focus of its manned space program. If NASA objected to this Chinese help, perhaps a separate Russian space agency could be formed – one without ties to NASA and thus not answerable to them.

~ Ended 6:53 p.m.

Sunday 13/4

Left my computer off for a few days. Since I last wrote, the Allies took Baghdad and other cities, and ousted Saddam Hussein’s regime. Chaos and anarchy have broken out in these cities as the locals vent years of repression and frustration, and go on looting rampages. Fighting still continues in other regions and cities. No confirmation of Saddam’s death yet. The Americans are determined to control the rebuilding of Iraq, and have little time for the United Nations, saying the latter will be limited to humanitarian aid. Thousands of Iraqi soldiers and civilians killed. Many are happy to be liberated, but many more, and those in other Arab nations, feel humiliated and threatened by the American intervention. America will now have another foothold in the Middle East (along with its influence in Saudi Arabia and Israel). “‘America has not come to the region to rid Iraq of Saddam,’ said [Iran] Foreign Minister Kamal Karazi. ‘There are other goals beyond this attack – gaining dominance in the region and ensuring that its interests are met are among U.S. goals.’ ” And, of course, there is the oil … America is no different than any other powerful nation/empire before it in history – it wants power, dominance and control. That’s what it’s all about.

My parents are becoming increasingly narrow-minded and bigoted as they get older. They always were conservative – came of age in the 1950s when England still had some influence over Australia, and the Anglo-Saxon white supremacy viewpoint was still a dominant part of both cultures, so they grew up with that mindset. They are not overtly racist, but still make derogatory and condescending remarks about anyone who isn’t a white Anglo-Saxon. They think my views on the American invasion are misguided – they don’t know where I got my ideas from. Well, they are my OWN opinions – I have read various articles and viewpoints, and have felt increasing anger towards American policies (derived from my anger over Mir’s de-orbiting). I don’t share their worldview – I am of a different generation. Unfortunately, I have no-one else to discuss these issues with – I am isolated and reclusive. I might come across as naïve sometimes, but I am not stupid!

If there is one thing I absolutely loathe, it’s religion – particularly the sort of conservative Christianity as practised by my parents, Michele and her husband. All that’s in my parents’ lives now is the Church – and I am utterly, utterly sick of hearing about it. It’s all they talk about – I don’t participate, of course, but can’t help overhearing. All the mind-numbingly tedious politics and infighting (enough to make the Security Council look harmonious). As much as I can gather (though I’m not really interested) there are two conflicting movements of (Baptist) Christianity: the Progressives, who want to adapt the religion for the 21st century, and the Conservatives, who find this abhorrent and want to remain strictly traditional. My relatives belong to the latter, and very much disapprove of all that “new-fangled” faddish religion (which is inclusive of feminism, enviromentalism, gay rights, etc.). Dad has a huge collection of obscure and dull texts from the 19th century and back by various bearded religious fanatic types. These same schisms are to be found in both Protestant and Catholic sects (and I won’t get started on Islam …). It’s all enough to make one want to be atheist!

President George W. Bush is a conservative Christian, too, but even more fanatical in the way that only American right-wing Christians can be. He recently repealed a law that allowed women access to late-term abortions, and will abolish the right to abortion altogether if he gets his way. I hate “pro-life” activists as intensely as religious fanatics (the two are often one and the same), and would love to see them all shot for their beliefs (they are prepared to murder abortion doctors, bomb clinics, etc.). These morons would drag society – and women in particular – back to the Dark Ages if they could. They should be classified as terrorists.

~ Ended 10:25 a.m.

Addendum: Yesterday was also Cosmonautics Day – the first launch of Yurii Gagarin – in Russia (and the first launch of the Columbia shuttle 20 years later). Yurii’s birthday was on 9 March (born 1934), so he would be 69 if still alive today. Wonder if the Russian space program would be any different if he were.

Putin stresses need to maintain International Space Station

Interfax. Saturday, Apr. 12, 2003, 3:44 p.m. Moscow Time

ST. PETERSBURG. April 12 (Interfax-Northwest) – Russian President Vladimir Putin has reaffirmed the need to maintain the International Space Station in functioning condition.

“Now that shuttle flights have been suspended, it is important to preserve the ISS in operational condition,” Putin said during a radio-link session with the ISS crew.

The current crew is spending extra time in orbit. “You had to ensure non-stop manned operation of the station in the sad weeks following the Columbia tragedy. You’ve coped with the task brilliantly,” he said.

Russians sincerely regret “the death of your colleagues and comrades, this tragedy was felt by everyone on Earth,” he said.

The Russian government is re-channeling financing to build additional ships to be launched into orbit, he said. “Should it become necessary, consideration will be given to widening Russia’s involvement in ISS efforts,” he said. Furthermore, Putin extended his best wishes to Russian cosmonaut Nikolai Budarin and U.S. astronauts Ken Bowersox and Donald Petitt on Space Day.

“Work in orbit will never become routine. People who do this work must not only be real professionals but also brave and strong people like you,” he said.

Moreover, Putin congratulated Budarin on the birth of his granddaughter.

Putin wished Budarin and Petitt joyful birthday celebrations at the station.

Bowersox thanked Putin for wishing them well and reiterated the need for Russian-U.S. partnership.

Russians mark Space Day

Interfax. Saturday, Apr. 12, 2003, 11:49 a.m. Moscow Time MOSCOW. April 12 (Interfax)
Space Day is being marked in Russia on Saturday in honor of the first manned space flight, conducted on April 12, 1961.

St. Lt. Yurii Gagarin, a military pilot, blasted off in the Vostok spaceship from the Baikonur cosmodrome on this day 42 years ago. Gagarin’s ship flew around the planet once during its 108 minutes in space and then returned to Earth.

Ceremonial events will be held throughout Russia to mark the anniversary of the historic flight.

Presidential administration staff, Duma deputies and space agency executives will lay flowers to Gagarin’s and chief designer Sergei Korolyov’s tombs at the Kremlin wall. A mass rally will be held outside the Space Hall at the Russian Exhibition Center.

Gagarin was accepted into the cosmonaut unit in 1960. He was promoted to unit leader after the historic flight. Gagarin was training for a second flight. However, he was killed in an air crash on March 27, 1968. Gagarin was testing a warplane and the cause of the crash has remained unclear.

The ground control center told Interfax that the sixth crew of the International Space Station is marking Space Day in its regular working schedule.

Russian cosmonaut Nikolai Budarin congratulated his fellow countrymen on Space Day. U.S. astronaut Ken Bowersox noted that Space Day is not celebrated in the United States.

Tuesday 15/4

Found another Asperger’s personal website – www.angelfire.com/amiga/aut/ – this a British one by a guy called Kevin Phillips. He is about 6 years younger than me. He explains his condition quite clearly. One notable thing he says is his difficulty in relating to normal people (called NTs, neuro-typicals) and women in particular, like the guy I quoted from another website in my 31st March entry. “If I do get a girlfriend it will have to be someone who has Asperger’s Syndrome … The average NT woman would find me difficult to live with and weird.” But as pointed out in those other extracts, women are unlikely to find men with Asperger’s attractive – especially if they are not wealthy and successful. Although he comes across as intelligent in his writings, I certainly wouldn’t be attracted to him, to be brutally honest! It is bad enough myself having all sorts of problems – I could not cope with another person’s.

He also has obsessions – his is keeping weather records. He had a miserable time at school, although he seems to have managed to graduate (unlike me). He notes that some with the condition have managed to make a success of their lives despite themselves:

However, it is not all doom and gloom having Asperger’s Syndrome. Careers can be obtained by using some aspects of the condition properly. The condition can be useful in areas like Computing, Science, Research and Mathematics. There are a few who have led successful lives with the condition and have obtained well paid jobs, got married and have had children. Much is made the above groups though. Those who have struck lucky are held up as an example to the majority of others with the condition. The majority are told “Look at these people with exactly the same condition as yourself. They are coping fine. You don’t need any guidance, support or welfare benefits. You are taking up resources that other people who need them are entitled to,” or “These people have the same condition as you have. They work, have had children and got married. About time you did the same now isn’t it? If they can do it why can’t you? Instead of being a burden on the state, claiming benefits which you aren’t entitled to”.

It is time the government donated money to the NAS and to Autistic groups, some of which could also go on giving Asperger’s Syndrome children mentors in secondary schools, and finding them suitable employment, because in the right employment, and with the right guidance, they can do well in the world of work and employment. Many of those with AS who are employed are underemployed. People who are Mentally Handicapped and have Down’s Syndrome are well served. They have their day centres, they have day trips and have Mencap. People with mental illness have MIND and MACA. MIND receives a fifth of it’s funding from the Government.

Instead of getting diagnosed, many people with Asperger’s have been left to muddle through life, isolated, alone, being hassled by the welfare to find a job, having no career aspirations, being sent to Job clubs, and having no money. It is not surprising we hear of people of Asperger’s Syndrome suffering from mental health problems, depression, having nervous breakdowns and even committing suicide because of this and wrongly being misdiagnosed having a mental disorder due to these problems. This something we all have to prevent and Education is one of the keys to do so.

It is no longer acceptable for Disability Employment Advisers to not know what Asperger’s Syndrome is. It is no longer acceptable for Claimants Advisers at the Welfare Offices to send people who suspect they have an Autistic Spectrum Condition to apply for jobs such as Train Conducting or Factory work with loads of people round them, whilst they are awaiting a diagnosis. If those people employed in these positions think it is acceptable to carry on as they are, then I suggest they should either move with the times or seek alternative employment. Children with Autistic Spectrum Conditions deserve a life, not a life sentence.

I put in a few other excerpts (there is too much to include everything here). Note his comments on the difficulties Asperger’s have with welfare agencies – it is one reason why I am so fearful of applying for unemployment benefits. The Government has become so punitive towards welfare recipients, and someone like me – who is in relatively good physical health, if not mental – would receive little sympathy. I would be forced to look for more menial work like the job I quit due to my lack of qualifications. And I would be resentful and unable to cope. If those are the sorts of jobs I am doomed to, my life is not worth living. I know that I had (and have?) potential and that I would be wasted in such work. If that makes me sound like a “job snob,” so be it.

I would, perhaps, like to try learning a language: Russian. I have managed to learn the alphabet in the last year or so, but have stalled there! It is hard to motivate myself, and I can’t seem to retain any information. The grammar is a real challenge. There is a Melbourne University course, which involves learning various cultural aspects as well, but it goes for 3 years and I doubt I would qualify, even in the unlikely event of my getting in. I could not afford the fees in any case, and there is an awful-sounding thing called a “thesis”. I think that I would have done well at Uni, though, in such a course, and others like world affairs and history. I still have some brain cells left! I would also need some medication – perhaps Ritalin to aid my concentration, and an anti-depressant (one which didn’t make me gain weight). I could not do anything the way I am now.

~ Ended 3:07 p.m.

Tuesday 22/4

Had a vivid dream this morning (woke at 3:30 a.m.) in which the ISS was destroyed! In the dream, I was at home with Mum and Dad, watching the evening news. It was announced that the ISS had been destroyed during some sort of test when the Space Shuttle was docked. There was a detailed description of some sort about the Shuttle – pictures of its tiled surface – but no pictures of the ISS were available. The three on board – Expedition 6 – had also died upon landing in the Soyuz escape capsule. There was a film of it landing in Kazakhstan, and looking very dented and battered on one side. I watched as they were extracted – but the dream changed so I was looking at a small model of the Soyuz on the lounge room carpet in Gran’s home, though events carried on as though they were real (sort of both at the same time). Someone next to me opened the capsule to find the 3 inside dead (they were at once both small models and the real people). I asked if the heat coming off the capsule had killed the 3 (it was still hot and smoking), but he said it hadn’t. I thought that the ISS program was really jinxed.

I wonder if that is prophetic?!

America is to set up four permanent military bases in Iraq, so they have colonized the country quite nicely. The Iraqis will find that once the Americans have arrived, they’ll never get rid of them. Iraq’s air force apparently remained grounded during the war because U.S. commanders broke into their communications and persuaded them it wouldn’t be a good idea to try to fight. So that’s that mystery solved.

~ Ended 7:43 a.m.

Friday 25/4

ANZAAC Day. With Easter last week (which takes place the weekend closest to the full Moon), it’s been an extended holiday for many. A lot quieter on the roads – not a bad thing!

The next Expedition Crew, #7, is due to be launched on a Soyuz rocket tomorrow, if all goes well. From the 17 April On-Orbit Report:

Moscow today confirmed the following Dates/Times for the upcoming Crew Rotation:

Soyuz TMA-2 fuelled: yesterday;

Soyuz TMA-2 roll-out to launch pad: 4/24;

Test of Soyuz attitude control system (with particular focus on a linear accelerometer which was an issue at the recent GDR): 4/24;

First on-board training session of Expedition 6 crew for 5S return: 4/25;

Soyuz TMA-2/6S launch (Exp. 7): 4/25 – 11:54 p.m. EDT (4/26 – 6:54 a.m. DMT (Decreed Moscow Time); 9:54 a.m. Kazakhstan); Soyuz TMA-2/6S docking: 4/28 – 1:56 a.m. EDT (8:56 a.m. DMT); Integrated training of 5S/6S crews: 5/2;

Soyuz TMA-1/5S undocking (Exp. 6): 5/3 – 6:40 p.m. EDT (5/4 – 2:40 a.m. Moscow, 1:40 a.m. DMT);

Soyuz TMA-1/5S landing: 5/3 – 10:03 p.m. EDT (5/4 – 5:03 a.m. DMT; 8:03 a.m. Kazakhstan).

Note on Times: Moscow is on summertime (GMT+4 h), but MCC-M/TsUP always remains on standard time, called DMT (GMT+3 h, EDT+7 h). Thus, Baikonur time is DMT+3 h, Moscow time+2 h, GMT+6 h, and EDT+10 h.

That last bit about TsUP always remaining on Standard Time is another tidbit I didn’t know before! There are so many little details like this I don’t know about the space/ISS program. I also posted a question on the http://k26.com/buran/ forum:

Suzy (New Member Posts: 8 From: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia Registered: May 2002 posted 01 April 2003 19:36 )

Has anyone tried sending off questions to the NASA website’s “Ask the Expert” and got an reply? I tried sending several about the Russian ISS program over the last year and no one ever answered. I’m getting frustrated! Is it worth e-mailing Energiya?

cosmotruck (New Member Posts: 5 From: Russian Federation Registered: Mar 2003 posted 16 April 2003 06:18)

They were too busy to answer. Would you point some american address instead of your australian one and you could get reply from NASA … [This message has been edited by cosmotruck (edited 17 April 2003).]

spiral (New Member Posts: 7 From: Kingston, Ontario, Canada Registered: Feb 2003 posted 16 April 2003 11:31)

Hi Suzy, The folks at Energiya (www.energia.ru/english) are very responsive in general. I have had a few rounds of correspondence with them, and they are very nice indeed. I’d definitely suggest to email them if you have questions.

cosmotruck (New Member Posts: 5 From: Russian Federation Registered: Mar 2003 posted 17 April 2003 06:42)

… or email direct to rkapress@rosaviacosmos.ru and guys who work at russian space projects will reply your questions . [This message has been edited by cosmotruck (edited 17 April 2003).]

Suzy (New Member Posts: 8 From: Melbourne, Victoria, Australia Registered: May 2002 posted 21 April 2003 21:32)

Thanks! I may try it (when I work up the courage to!). I also wish the cosmonauts and astronauts could have their OWN websites and that you could e-mail them directly. I guess their employers wouldn’t allow that, though.

I’ve got a whole list of questions for them, but don’t know how to word it so I don’t come across as some sort of obsessive wierdo. I still am shy of contacting anyone on the Internet – it was hard enough just to post that question! I have been turned inwards, inside my head, for so long that actually talking to real people (or typing to them) is very disconcerting.

The E-7 crew – Russian commander Yurii Malenchenko and U.S. Science Officer/Flight Engineer Edward Lu – will have only 6 days for the crew handover. Yurii has black hair and dark eyes, and Edward appears to be of Chinese-American descent. The Americans carry on about their science programs to a tedious extent – I personally find most of it irrelevant, obscure and dull. The medical studies have some interest, as do Earth Observations and astronomy (at least, what can be done from the Station’s limited view of the sky). The rest of it I could leave. Don Pettit, the current SO, has dozens of photos of water droplets, plants and so on in their E-6 Gallery. If you find fluid mechanics in microgravity interesting, then you’ll like them – if not, it’s just dull! I’m more fascinated by all the little details of life in microgravity – how you go about bathing, preparing food, daily routines and schedules, spacewalks and the Orlan spacesuits, and so on. Also, the mechanical stuff – how all the ma chines and computers work, what their purpose is. I’m mainly interested in the Russian segment – couldn’t care less about the U.S. part.

My “Expedition Clueless” stories (still “works-in-progress”) thus contain as much detail about these elements which interest me. They don’t have a plot as such – they’re more about daily life and procedures as best as I can imagine them, given my lack of technical knowledge and information. (There’s almost no mention of “science stuff”.) Others may find all this detail tedious! I guess that’s an Asperger’s trait – being obsessed with detail.

If something went wrong with the Soyuz launch or landing, the ISS program would really be screwed. It would set back the Russian program drastically. There’d no doubt be some “I told you so” gloating from segments in the American media. In earlier variants of the spaceship there were two fatal descents and a near-miss. It’s been fairly reliable since then. Though derided by said media as primitive, it serves its purpose well – ferrying people up into Low-Earth Orbit and back – and could carry on for decades yet, probably. Its main limitations are its small payload capacity and crew size (3). If only the Buran shuttle could be resurrected!

~ Ended 10:42 a.m.

Sunday 27/4

Soyuz-TMA-2 lifted off yesterday afternoon (in Australia) at Baikonur with no problems. The crew is now in orbit and will dock tomorrow. The launch got a brief mention on the evening news, along with the usual gloomy pronouncements about Russia’s funding woes. NASA gets most of the attention. :-(

The Iraq war is all but over, but there is still much Iraqi resentment at the U.S. presence, and the Islamic fundamentalist idiots are seizing the chance to grab power and influence. They want to establish a strict Islamic state (Iraq was previously secular), which will do the Iraqis no favors.

A deadly virus called SARS – Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome – has been spreading to various countries in the last few weeks. It originated in China, and is a mutation of the common cold. It’s claimed around 200 victims already, mostly in Hong Kong, China and Toronto in Canada. There is a mounting hysteria and panic. There’s been a handful of cases here in Australia, but these have been contained so far. Gran caught the ’flu during the worldwide 1918 influenza epidemic which killed 20 million. Gran was sent to the Alfred Hospital where ’flu patients were isolated in outside sheds. She somehow survived – I would not be here otherwise (sometimes I think that would not be a bad thing).

Mum and Dad are going away for a week like they did last year, leaving next Friday and coming back a week later. I’ll have a lonely week on my own.

~ Ended 6:12 p.m.

Tuesday 29/4

Went to see Dr. Brown again today, mainly to get a prescription for a contraceptive, Diane-35, that is supposed to be effective against acne. I won’t be able to start it until my next period in a couple of weeks. It is not, unfortunately, on the PBS scheme, so I (or Mum!) has to pay full price for it (around $50 for 3 months’ supply). I think it’s a good idea to be on a contraceptive anyway, just in case …! I will try it and see how I go. The doctor also gave me a prescription for Zoloft, an anti-depressant, after I told her a little of my problems (being depressed, a recluse, unemployed, etc.), which I begin tomorrow. Seeing a psychologist would cost a lot of money as they aren’t covered under Medicare, unfortunately. She suggested going to a community health center, but I don’t know … I am a really hard case and I think I would need more specialized help – someone familiar with Asperger’s. I have been like this for a decade or more, and I can’t just snap out of it overnight. I still don? ??t know what I want to do with my life, though I have plenty of (frustrated) daydreams.

The Soyuz TMA -2 launched and docked successfully with the ISS at 9:56 a.m. Moscow time yesterday, much to everyone’s relief. Now Expedition 6 has to get home without incident!

I was looking up cosmonauts’ salaries (mentioned in an article or two). It seems to be around $250 U.S. dollars per month, which (depending upon the exchange rate) comes out at under 8000 roubles (7777.5 RUR when using the currency exchange converter at http://xe.com/ucc/ yesterday). That works out to $403 Australian dollars per month, or $100.75 per week – less than what I was earning in my menial job! I am not sure what NASA astronauts get – the standard government employee rates (whatever they are), but certainly a fortune in comparison. Considering the skills required and dangers of the job, it is pathetic … unfortunately, the Russian government just can’t afford to compensate them adequately. Cosmonauts and the space program aren’t a high priority anymore, though President Putin has emphasized that he intends to keep the partnership going (see my 13/4 entry).

I worked up the courage to send an e-mail to Energiya. Quite a long list of questions! Now I will wait and hope … If no reply in 2 or 3 weeks, I will try the RKA address … after that I give up. I hope I don’t come across as some kind of wierdo to them (assuming they get the e-mail), but I found it hard to find the right words.

~ Ended 4:24 p.m.